I’m a person with a high tolerance for being alone but I’m so sick of my own company right now I’d like to scream. The snow was keeping me trapped in a cycle of shoveling and more shoveling broken up with periods of sleep and playing on the computer. I’m bored! And I’m seeing Don more frequently in my dreams again. Last night I was back in high school cuddling with a guy while watching a football game and Don was off selling peanuts to the other people in the bleachers. I hate football and I haven’t thought of the kid I was cuddling with in fifty plus years. He was nothing special to me back in those days, not a boyfriend or crush or even close. He was just a kid who grew up sitting behind me all though grade school and he got in trouble more than once for dipping the ends of my pigtails in his ink well. I suppose the dream has something to do with an essay I’d been working on about widows falling in love again. But I’ve been working on my taxes, too, so why wasn’t I dreaming about dating my accountant? Now there’s a macho guy worth having an imaginary cuddle-fest with while the whole world is watching. The widow is out on a date with a handsome, young guy! Bets are flying back in forth in the bleachers as people try to decide if he’s a grandson or a paid escort.
One of my sister-in-laws asked me if I’d like to fall in
love again which is why I was trying to write about the concept. She was
widowed a few years before me and she thinks it would be nice to have to a man
to go out to restaurants with and I told her guys in our age bracket are only
looking for good cooks and caregivers. “Someone would have to take us both as a
matched set,” I told her, “to get both of those qualities.” It was a toss-away
comment but if I was going to be truthful, I’d say the whole idea of dating
again makes me sick to my stomach. And I hate the taste of Pepto-Bismol. Call
it a selfish attitude but after years of being a caregiver I’m still worn out
from the responsibilities that come with love, and I feel like a bear coming out of hibernation in the
spring, still sleepy and looking around for what to do next. Love again? I'd rather have a bar of dark chocolate, but thanks for asking.
Besides, senior citizen dating sucks! During the years after
we took my dad’s car keys away, I had to chauffeur him and his girlfriend of
ten years around on dates. Their dating destinations were dictated by which
fast food joints had the best coupons in the Sunday paper or which town near-by
was having a VFW or lodge dinner or a sale on all-bran cereal. And who wants to
go dancing at 10:00 in the morning?
Apparently a lot of people do because that’s when they hold senior dances at a
near-by fire department. When Don was still alive I couldn’t get us up and out
of the house early enough to check those dances out. Now that I don’t have that
excuse, I’m still thinking it’s too freaky early in the morning to polka or
line dance or whatever it is they do down there. The band is made up of firemen
and if they get a call, they’re out the door and you’re left dancing to a
jukebox…or so I’m told. I suppose I should go see for myself for no other
reason than I’d get a few images of hunky firemen stuck in my brain. Who knows,
that might make for some sweet dreams at night. Jeez, I’m starting to sound
like a cougar and I’m not even a cat person!
Before anyone else says it first, I know that not everyone
in the septuagenarian and octogenarian sets go on dull dates like my dad and
his friend did. I guess it means something that I don’t want to acknowledge my
older brother and his lady friend would need tracking devices implanted if we
wanted to keep up with their love life. They are literally all over the U.S. and Canada.
It probably means I’m not bored or lonely enough yet---Yet? Gag me with a
spoon!---I'm not going to roll the dice and gamble on another human being changing my life as
I know it. It probably also means I’ve said everything I’ve got to say on the
subject of falling in love again and it’s time to shovel some more of that
relentless snow! Spring, where are you? ©
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for taking the time to comment. If you are using ANONYMOUS please identify yourself by your first name as you might not be the only one. Comments containing links from spammers will not be published. All comments are moderated which means I might not see yours right away to publish through for public viewing as I don't sit at my computer 24/7.