Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

It’s Not Over but Close Enough



This is the fifth sentence I’ve written to start my post-election blog….well, almost post-election. I’m writing this in the wee hours of the morning after election day night and all the votes haven’t been counted yet but reportedly Clinton has conceded. I would have liked to have typed out row after row of happy face icons because my chosen candidate won but it looks like she didn’t and we’re going to have a loose cannon named Mr. Trump living within feet of The Football aka nuclear codes in a briefcase. Russia’s Vladimir Putin must be very pleased with the presumed outcome of our election. He was rooting for a Trump presidency because that will undermine the NATO alliance which is acting as a deterrent to keep Russia from annexing the Baltic nations. The Donald had vowed that he won’t automatically defend our treaty allies. How long do you think it will take before Russia tests The Donald’s vow not to get involved by driving a couple of tanks over a few borders where they're not welcome?

I’ve been so depressed over this election but on Monday I went to see Michael Moore in Trumpland and I came out of the movie theater with my sides hurting from laughing so much and proud of my vote for Hillary. Probably my favorite funny part of the movie was a fake, anti-Clinton campaign commercial and I don’t care who you voted for women, especially, would find it funny. I was lucky enough to find a written transcript so picture in your head a series of Hillary photos as a voice-over says: “The diseases, she’s had them all—pneumonia, hypo-thyroidism, allergies, yeast infection, urinary tract discomfort, pregnancy, child birth, time of month disorder, bleeding from wherever disease and menopause. Do you want a commander-in-chief whose lady parts are out of control? Or do you want a fit, buff leader, who will be the healthiest president ever. Ever! Even healthier than Teddy Roosevelt, and he was shot in the chest. Yes, there’s only one candidate this year healthy enough to spawn an entire new breed of humans. Vote Trump. He never gets sick.”

A woman coming out of the theater shared the fact that she had driven an hour and a half to see the film and she lied to her husband about where she was going. “I will proudly cancel out his vote tomorrow!” she announced. And here I thought I had it bad not having anyone to share the drama of this election cycle with when it would have been far worse to share a house with a man who wouldn’t approve of you going to a political-themed movie and you felt you had to lie to get out of the house to do it. I hope she was proud of her rebellious streak even if our candidate didn’t win. 

After the movie, B.L. and I had lunch at Barnes and Noble Bookstore. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in one because three-four years ago they closed the one and only bookstore on my end of town and Amazon.com then became my go-to book place. For years Don and I spent many Sunday mornings at the bookstore---drinking Starbucks and buying too many magazines and books---but that was then and this now and I enjoyed the company I was with. B.L. likes to shop more than I do---she has a dozen or so grandchildren to buy for---and she was probably disappointed that we didn’t venture into the adjoining mall but I’d been away from home for five hours and I needed to head back to our end of town for Levi the Might Schnauzer’s sake. Neither one of us likes wintertime driving so I’m not sure how much we’ll be able to get together over the coming months but I now feel comfortable enough to call or email her to chat if the spirit moves me. We also discovered that we both like to paint and we’re talking about taking our easels and paints to a park next summer. Next Monday I’ll have to pull the senior hall director aside and tell her that her pilot program (The Gathering) to help people find friends is working. 

Election night: What can I say? It was a terrible, nail biting ordeal watching the returns. I ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Americone Dream ice cream. The election was way too close for the next president---I even can't put the words "president" and "Trump" together yet---to have an easy time pulling the country together even though as I write this he's on stage claiming he will do exactly that. Minutes earlier people in his crowd were chanting "Lock her up" and "Hang Obama!" No, his supporters won't be singing a rowdy round of Kumbaya with Democrats any time soon. And I don’t even want to think about what will happen to the world's financial markets in the morning. What still remains to be seen is who will win the popular vote. TV pundits are saying it could very well be Clinton after the votes come in from the east coast and wouldn't that be ironic. ©

37 comments:

  1. I sat up and watched the whole thing. I am so glad that is over, now if the mud slinging will just stop, we can try to heal. Glad you had a good time with your new friend!

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    1. I'm glad it's over, too, but I believe the mud slinging has just begun...if he tries to make good on his promises and if he doesn't his supporters will be none to happy.

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  2. If it can't be better, it can be worse - that's what came to mind on reading about the woman who had to lie to see the film, and vote unknown from her husband. Similarly, DT better than Pence, so hope DT stays for his term. Glad you enjoyed your film outing.

    Interesting times ahead for all. ~ Libby

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    1. Isn't it sad that a woman would have to lie to her husband about going to a movie as if was porn and she was a leader in her church!

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    2. To clarify: I meant I'd rather suffer loneliness (I am, as a widow, which is awful) than be in a house where I had to lie, like you describe above, which is even worse.

      My heart goes out to all the minority groups. I look/listen to Barack Obama with the greatest respect. Now I will just change the channel. I am feeling physically sick since yesterday so can only imagine how the liberals are feeling there. ~ Libby

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    3. ... and so, what could be worse than USA's current situation? I don't know.

      I am skimming the headlines today (not interested in the analyses). My opinion is that its not HRC fault. Voters wanted to throw a brick at the Establishment, full stop. Its part of a world wide phenomenon. ~ Libby

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    4. Addendum: Thank you for keeping to your bi-weekly post schedule. I couldn't have done that. Salute! Please do continue the blog - it provides a shining light in an increasingly dark world.

      I greatly respect a few political commentators who have maintained a consistent line, such as Maddow and O'Donnell. NOT the others who've now started hailing the new POTUS, while criticising him before. Just read of P. Ryan's genuflecting to DT - I'd thought Ryan was a weasel before and nothing changes that opinion. ~ Libby

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    5. Oddly, the system here won't let me reply to your three posts above but with this one reply box. I will miss the Obama's and their grace under fire.

      A lot of people did want to vote their middle finger to the establishment. In my opinion they will come to regret it but it is what it is.

      What Paul Ryan and others are doing in their speeches is trying to show a peaceful transfer of power will happen. They're have been a few demonstrations in college towns that may not have made the international news for you to see. So now the "honeymoon" begins where we Americans are expected to give the incoming president a chance without criticism. Most will honor that, I think.

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  3. I'm glad your new friendship seems to be working out. I can't imagine trying to live in a politically divided household. I have nothing good to say about the election so I'll say nothing.

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    1. I can't either. That exchange with the woman really struck me. To live with someone who disrespected my right to think independently is something I'm am so grateful that I avoided in my life.

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  4. Calm down! He will have so many adviser's around him, he won't be able to push any buttons. Michigan went Red for the first time since Reagan and I can't even believe that. This election wasn't about abortion or immigration, or guns or any of that. In my opinion, the majority of the people are just sick and tired of the way our government has worked for the last decade. Sick of both sides of the aisle not representing them and sick of the President forcing things into their lives via Executive Orders. Any mud slinging and cruel words I have seen on my face book page are from my liberal friends. They preach tolerance to me, but I don't see them practicing it in their own words. I decided not to comment on anything today on Face Book. So--Que Sara Sara--it is as it is and.........God help us all.

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    1. They say the way a candidate runs his campaign is the way he will run the White House. If that holds true then D.T. won't take advice from the people around him. But I hope you are right.

      Our government is broken but I have never understood the Executive Order criticism of Obama who did it 33 times which was less than the previous 22 presidents used. Roosevelt did it 290 times and Reagan 47, for example. Find the chart here: the http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/every-presidents-executive-actions-in-one-chart/

      What is really sad is the Face Book "wars" between family and friends that has gone on with this election. I have kept out of them but I sure lost a lot of respect for a few people who haven't. How do we get back to civility? I do hope that is possible.

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  5. Jean R. - system won't let me respond above.

    I understand, and agree, with a peaceful transfer of power. BUT not with the genuflection, politic as it may be.

    I am reminded of the scorpion tale... the scorpion bit... and said 'you knew who I was'.

    But, life continues, and the sun rose this morning as always. Thank God for this, and other blog writers, who have kept me sane and balanced. ~ Libby

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    1. I guess as long as the sun keeps coming up each morning we'll be okay.

      I honestly can't see Ryan staying in the speaker's job. D.T. will find a way to get him to resign...too much bad blood under that bridge. I've never liked him so it's hard for me to be open minded about him. LOL

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  6. Jean R. - my last vent, so please bear with me.

    I agree with your comment above. Obama had.no choice but EOs to break the gridlock.

    1. I know what is worse for America - Pence having to step in. He's much worse than DT.
    2. USA in two, and four years' time, has an option to change its course should it wish to do so.
    3. I now have a greater appreciation of our political system.
    4. I now appreciate goodness and decency of character more than before.

    Finally, I couldn't keep down my apprehensions about DT's popularity at the rallies vs the polls, but kept being told about Romney and his rallies. ALL the respected polls said the same thing. So much so that on Election Day, I thought I won't get on to the internet, its a done deal, and will just check in at the end for DT's concession speech (which I was looking forward to), and HRC's acceptance speech (fingers crossed that she wouldn't be too smug, although she 1000% deserved the job). My admiration for HRC soared seeing her debate performances - she was alone on that stage, and boy! did she excel in resilience, and sheer grit. It was then I thought she could handle the job and hugely deserved it. (The waffle about first woman .... left me cold as for me, it was about merit. In between I got, and get it, against the backdrop of the suffragette history.) I've been slacking off the housework for weeks and it was piling up. Then opened the computer to surf with my cuppa and ..... I had four internet news channels, and the local TV on. (Interesting the time delay in announcing results between channels.) Its when the commentators looked drawn and worried that I thought there's trouble. Then saw the NYT meter had changed from HRC to strongly DT, although the internet remained hopeful. Watched till the grim end, when the live streaming stopped.

    Its stupid, but have lost the desire to visit America.

    That saying about wear the shoe and it pinches - so this is what the GOP-admirers and the extreme right felt when Barack Obama won.

    Musings about diplomacy - which I've more than once commented you have. So very important. But I find it difficult. As I said, I don't like DT. Silver lining: I will spend less time web surfing since I see his name and move on. No more from me. ~ Libby

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    1. You and a Canadian in the blog community have taught me to appreciate how widely our U.S.A. news is followed around the world. Both of you, in my opinion, have a deeper understanding of a lot of our issues than many people who live here.

      I don't think it's stupid that you've lost your desire to visit America. We haven't been showing our best side to the world during our very LONG election cycle.

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    2. The local press (and in Canada also I am positive, as in many other politics) complaint is that we are more involved in USA politics than in our own. Well, with the danger of seeing/hearing DT, I will not be visiting the USA news sites as much. ~ Libby

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    3. Don't blame you. I've sworn off going to the site where I used to debate politics. Haven't been there for a week and hopefully, won't get pulled back in again for a long time.

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  7. At least the commercials are over.

    I hope Mr Prez reads "Team of Rivals" about Abe Lincoln choosing a difficult cabinet ... former opposing running mates with polar views. I think I will re-read it also.

    If only winners wouldn't gloat and losers wouldn't be hysterical about the doom and gloom. NOW is the time to work to get rid of electoral college! And focus on what YOU want to change about the government. It's time for a bit of updating for sure ....

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    1. Considering D.T. would have lost the election if we got rid of the electoral college, I don't think he or the Republicans will want to do away with it anytime soon. LOL Ditto on getting rid of Citizen's United.

      By next week the "gloating" and "hysterics" will be long forgotten and life will go on.

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  8. Found a great article for liberals to read written by Garrison Keillor---yes, THAT Garrison of radio fame. Basically he says, we liberals are off the hook now. We "...can spend four years raising heirloom tomatoes, meditating, reading Jane Austen, traveling around the country, tasting artisan beers, and let the Republicans build the wall and carry on the trade war with China and deport the undocumented and deal with opioids, and we Democrats can go for a long , brisk walk and smell the roses."

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trump-voters-will-not-like-what-happens-next/2016/11/09/e346ffc2-a67f-11e6-8fc0-7be8f848c492_story.html?postshare=9811478727571200&tid=ss_fb

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  9. You know how I feel. I am broken over this for so many reasons. Will hunker down for awhile. Grateful for those on this path with me.

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    1. Reading that Garrison Keillor article (linked above) calmed me down a lot. As liberals we no longer have to listen to the bitching about anything that is wrong in the country. The Republicans have total control. In two years a lot of those gloating today will be voting out a lot of their own because of D.T's broken promises and missteps. Hang in there!

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  10. I'm realizing we Americans are more different than alike, and it's interesting how the one who vilifies is the one elected to represent us all. "When they go low, we go lower." Hello. Lesson in all this is...? Yes, I'll be ducking out for a while.

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    1. Isn't that the truth! But that difference is going to change in the next decades, in my opinion, because the 18 to 35 year olds are coming into their own as the drivers of our society and they are less racists, less against gays and more inclined to view women and men as equals---and these are all the things dividing us now.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Silver! Loved your blog post on the election.

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  12. Glad you made a connection with someone whose company you enjoy. Interesting to hear about Moore's movie as I had read his effort to pteview it in an Ohio theater was rejected, too political.

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    1. We only had two theaters in all of Michigan who ran his movie. That's why the woman had to drive so far to see it. I'm not sure how that compares to his other films which are political of another nature.

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  13. It was a very sad night and I, too, found some comfort in Garrison Keillors post. I have had to stay off line...I no longer want to read, hear about this. It is simply horrible. Last night was the end of democracy and I am not being dramatic: the country is now going to be run by a group of rich white men who have no checks and balances. If you are not with them, you are against them and you will suffer. I will avoid the news for awhile for sanity.
    Regards,
    Leze

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    1. Yes, it will be interesting who he surrounds himself with. Old white establishment men like Rudi Giuliani I suspect. He's on TV right now talking about investigating Hillary. A lot of us will be in news free zones off and on over the coming year. I know I will go back to blogging the silly details of my life.

      I do hope the protesters will back off soon! Those young people have to find a more productive way to get involved to influence change. I expected protesters if DT won but I didn't it with a Hillary lose! Someone last night on TV compare them to the protesters during the Vietnam war. I guess the unrest in our country is at a boiling point, hasn't it.

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  14. Among the many things that make me despair is the thought of the awful choices he will make for the Supreme Court. The court will affect us for decades.

    I protested for civil and gay rights, and against the Vietnam and Iraq wars. I get why people are in the streets now. They want to make it clear they will do what they can to oppose his views/actions.

    Peggy

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    1. I heard a Democratic law maker on TV yesterday say that if Obama's Supreme Court judge doesn't get an up or down vote then they are going to block any nomination put forwards by Trump. I hate obstructionism but that idea actually makes sense. They had no legal right to deny that to our current president. I'm worried about the court more than anything.

      Many of the protesters are so young they barely don't remember any other president than Obama. And they see that Hillary won the popular vote but not the presidency. It's hard to understand how Hillary could get the popular vote but not win the presidency. What gets me gloating I've seen on Facebook and lack of sympathy for the protesters. I've wanted to post to a few of my relatives that if Hillary won we'd see the same thing but I've held my tongue this long, I'll keep doing it.... Trump isn't helping. He tweeted last night that the protesters were paid! Now is the time for him to show he'll be the president of everyone, like he said he wanted to do on election night.

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  15. I'm sad about the results of the election. I don't see the electoral college going away anytime soon. I only wish.

    I'm so happy about your budding friendship with B.L.

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    1. It can't go away without out opening up the constitution and that would be fool-hearted in this day and age. But they can do something about gerrymandering.

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  16. WOw! I read all of the above comments and I'm not sure what believe anymore. Being a Canadian who also has problems in our government, I often wonder really is my choice. I vote but it seems that my vote makes little choice. The last time I wasn't going to vote but I did and my vote did little good. I really think that we both vote from our hearts not our brains but even then it doesn't make any difference. We have to deal what ever is there. President ( gulp ) Trump will do what he wants to do and both you & I will have no choice, American or Canadian. Rest, smile, and live your life I guess. God only knows what will happen but each day I wake up and smile looking forward for another day. Smile Jean my friend. Christmas is coming.Decorate a little and it will help. Our home looks festive and I'm smiling. Have a great day Jean.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. Good advice, Paul. We have to give the incoming president his honeymoon in the office, respect the office if we can't respect the man. (I will never respect him.)

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