Shame, Gratitude, and the Gods of Irony

 

Every morning begins with a ritual, whether we choose it or not. In Jean’s world, the clock strikes eight and the silence breaks—sometimes by footsteps, sometimes by birds, sometimes by memory itself. What follows is not just a recounting of routine, but a meditation on gratitude, irony, and the curious cast of characters who share her continuum care community. This essay invites us to laugh, to wince, and to recognize the strange ways history and personality collide in daily life.  AI…

Every morning at precisely eight o’clock I roll out of bed. Not because I want to, or need to, but because the world around me finds a need to break the silence born in the night. It might be a daughter or son collecting a parent for breakfast or an early morning appointment. It might be my 95-year-old, upstairs neighbor who stomps around like an elephant and who lives with military precision. Sometimes it’s the birds outside—or simply the clock inside my head. Whatever the cause, I’m never surprised: the clock always reads the same, morning after morning, for as long as I’ve lived in this continuing care community.

As I slip on my slippers, my second thought is also usually the same: another long, boring day ahead. Nothing new, nothing exciting to look forward to—just more of the same. Then humanity kicks in, and that second thought is quickly chased by a third: shame. Shame that I don’t give thanks for the day ahead, that I often fail to see it from another perspective. After all, I could be waking up in war‑torn Ukraine, the Gaza Strip, or an inner city, where the first sounds would be rush‑hour traffic rumbling over the bridge above my cardboard shelter.

Do you ever feel ashamed that you don’t give thanks often enough—to appease the gods of fortune, or God if you’re religious? On Thanksgiving, I had dinner here at my CCC with six other residents. As families often do on this day, we went around the table sharing what we were thankful for, and I had to go first. I said I was thankful for the opportunity to be with friends for the holiday meal, and for living in a great facility. I meant it—but I could have said so much more. 

I could have said I’m thankful that, if I’m careful, my money should outlast my time on earth. But that seemed too personal to share with neighbors. Admitting that could have also brought me down, because my financial situation might have gone the other way if not for the 2008–09 TARP package that saved the auto industry under President Obama. For the two years it took to iron out the restructuring of the Big Three we lived in constant fear of losing Don’s pension and our health care insurance. And we watched several of Don’s co-workers die from the stress. 

The government, by the way, got all its loans back with interest, and GM funded a retiree health‑care trust—a bone of contention right up to the very end of negotiations. Try as I might, I can’t forget those years—the most stressful of my life. Irony has me living in a facility with one of the negotiators who worked for the Big Three automakers—against the UAW union negotiators. If she had gotten her way, I might literally have ended up living under a bridge. The evil side of me is secretly delighted that she doesn't like living here. One of the few I've run across that doesn't. It seems to happen to those whose children strong-armed them into moving to a CCC. In her case she moved across the state to be closer to her kids and grandkids.

To this day, Ms. Negotiator insists it was wrong to make the Big Three continue paying pensions to pre‑2008 retirees and to fund our health‑care trust. We should have been collateral damage for "the UAW's greed in fighting for worker benefits." Having spent her whole career as a management negotiator, she carries that mindset into her life here. She’s known for her stubbornness, her refusal to admit that she’s ever wrong, and for her lavish wardrobe. She seems to like me though. I think because we can bicker over trivia things like jigsaw puzzles protocols which probably gets her adrenaline going. I don’t cut her any slack. I love to wind her up like an old fashioned clock, only I do it with humor. Outsiders probably see us as two old ladies with banter fit for a Saturday Night Live skit. She knows nothing about my connection with the Big Three. She never asks questions. She has her opinions, and by God, nothing will change them.

Have you ever noticed how many people don’t ask questions? You can talk to some people for two hours, and know their entire life story but they’ve learned absolutely nothing about you. Asking questions is the key to having great conversations—especially if people give each other equal time to answer and ask them. 

We have an ex‑kindergarten teacher here who asks so many questions that I sometimes inwardly growl. “What’s your favorite color?” “Your favorite Thanksgiving memory?” “Your favorite day of the week?” “March or October—pick one?” But she’s a sweetheart, a Cheerleader around here and you know when she’s at a table there will be conversation. It will be frivolous, nonsensical conversation—but there will be laughs.  She’s a multi‑millionaire—judging by the sales of her ocean-view Florida home, her Lake Michigan cottage and her local home—yet she takes penny‑pinching to a whole new level. 

Yes, we certainly have some interesting characters living here. Married three times—divorced one husband, buried two—when Ms Cheerleader moved here she sold her big bed and replaced it with a twin. "I'm through with men," she says, but she's the only widow resident here who has gone on a few dates. We have a guy who started dating his realtor after he moved in here and his wife died. It might not be fair to say that the ink was barely dry on the death certificate before the 'love birds' started up but that's what I'm thinking. 

So back to square one: every morning at eight, when the silence breaks and my older-than-dirt slippers go on, I remind myself that even the noise, the irony, and the stubborn neighbors are proof of life continuing. Gratitude doesn’t erase the boredom, but it re-frames it. And maybe that’s the real gift—the gods of irony nudging me to laugh, to argue, and to keep listening for the questions that make conversation worth having.  

Until next Wednesday.  ©