tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post2556835885550723296..comments2024-03-28T20:40:18.960-04:00Comments on The Misadventures of Widowhood: Forgiveness in Fiction and Real Life Misadventures of Widowhoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-60630633248241575042017-01-19T09:10:49.129-05:002017-01-19T09:10:49.129-05:00I won't even hire a driveway plower with only ...I won't even hire a driveway plower with only one plow. Even the best maintained equipment breaks down in the elements. I won't hire the lowest bid either because they usually come people who are green at the business and don't understand that. Hard to believe a town could make that mistake. :) <br /><br />Morally obtuse---I love that term for the guy I wrote about. Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-65446230749728728992017-01-18T23:18:19.724-05:002017-01-18T23:18:19.724-05:00Taking advantage of friends in a time of need stri...Taking advantage of friends in a time of need strikes me as exceptionally nasty; but you're right to let go of it. Hanging on to anger only ends up hurting you, not the morally obtuse former friend. BTW, a small town in Maine recently learned the lesson about certifying the plow contractor's equipment the hard way. They took bids on a plowing contract for the town and awarded the contractAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-65921202687039275892017-01-17T08:38:54.545-05:002017-01-17T08:38:54.545-05:00Forgiveness is far from easy and I'm not sure ...Forgiveness is far from easy and I'm not sure that I've even used the right word to describe my change of attitude. Maybe tolerate and letting go of the raw anger and hate might have been a better way to describe it. I think of people who say they have forgiven someone who murdered a love one and think, How is that even possible? I guess there are degrees of forgiveness.<br /><br />Soap Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-56165918383857689952017-01-17T01:51:25.829-05:002017-01-17T01:51:25.829-05:00Beautiful post. Raw. I could just picture you try...Beautiful post. Raw. I could just picture you trying to sell Don's business, thinking you were doing a good thing, being ripped off....I cannot stand the innocent and well-intentions being jerked around like that. And then to torment Don with religion! As others have stated, I have a hard time with forgiveness too and I hate admitting that. I think of myself as more emotionally and donnajurenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10799559087972759233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-39807827979279215142017-01-15T23:01:09.582-05:002017-01-15T23:01:09.582-05:00I was just poking around your blog. Wow, you'v...I was just poking around your blog. Wow, you've got quite lot of experience in writing and research. Love your photos.<br /><br />You just reminded me of a cousin of mine who, when my mother died, demanded that I hand over a cookbook that that had been with my mother for over 60 years. (It originally belonged to our grandmother.) It was all really tense and she didn't have an answer for Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-35899809457578941322017-01-15T21:18:27.557-05:002017-01-15T21:18:27.557-05:00Gosh. As I read this i think of my cousins who wer...Gosh. As I read this i think of my cousins who were horrid to me around the time of my mother's death. FAMILY. I wrote a book about it all, but left out all those awful parts. It still made me feel better. Good on you.Jenn Jilkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05259681360456905055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-54511138854341598602017-01-14T15:55:07.654-05:002017-01-14T15:55:07.654-05:00Lessons learned sure are important! I'm surpri...Lessons learned sure are important! I'm surprised at all the emotions just writing about this topic churned up in me. I never really talked it out with anyone after it happened. My brother-in-law knew about it from day one of the deal because he was there, and was just as outraged as I was but we never talked about it after the stuff went off to the auction site.<br /><br />We're suppose Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-46826823105628047052017-01-14T15:46:21.608-05:002017-01-14T15:46:21.608-05:00It seems like the times when we most need honest a...It seems like the times when we most need honest and good people around us that is the very time when some dishonest and/or bad person is there to take advantage of us or hurt you like your brother did. I've been over this episode so many times in my mind and know I wouldn't have allowed myself to be taken advantage of if I hadn't been under so much stress. I'm smarter than that! Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-69399331412215832392017-01-14T14:55:48.062-05:002017-01-14T14:55:48.062-05:00I feel comfort with your commenters because I, too...I feel comfort with your commenters because I, too, have trouble shaking off someone who has wronged me. I do hold a grudge. But I think, because we all seem to feel similarly, that it is human nature to not forget. Yes, you can forgive. You can blame it on ignorance or misguidedness bit it seems important to not forget. That's where the lessons get taught...that's where you rememberAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-3816945486809902062017-01-14T14:42:49.488-05:002017-01-14T14:42:49.488-05:00I look at Portland's weather and feel for you ...I look at Portland's weather and feel for you guys! Ice is so dangerous.<br /><br />I can be civil and polite to the guy BUT I'd never socialize with him again or go out of my way to see him. I don't respect him and don't like being around people I don't respect.<br /><br />Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-37100014361741877782017-01-14T14:41:36.567-05:002017-01-14T14:41:36.567-05:00You know Jean, I'm seething right now after re...You know Jean, I'm seething right now after reading your blog. I don't know what to say about the situation you were in and your husband. I am a stroke survivor and I'm angry just reading what you wrote. I'd like to stand right in front of that so called friend and kick him in his ass and few other places. <br />You know Jean,Forgiveness is just a word to me. A few people tell me Paul Pietrangelohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15997368569947980343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-75189106927650190562017-01-14T14:37:39.228-05:002017-01-14T14:37:39.228-05:00I think if we had not been able to recover financi...I think if we had not been able to recover financial wise and was in a good place by the time of the party, I wouldn't have been able to forgive. But like you, that doesn't mean I ever forget.<br /><br />Caregivers who have our loves ones lives in their hands...THAT truly is a hard one. A Hospice worker gave my dad a laxative as a "joke" to the person coming on the next shift Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-21989976546508525522017-01-14T12:53:19.044-05:002017-01-14T12:53:19.044-05:00I cannot even comprehend a "friend" doin...I cannot even comprehend a "friend" doing such a thing. Especially knowing what you were going through at the time. While you shouldn't let it eat at you (or live rent free), it is hard for me. I can forgive, but I cannot forget. This experience would change forever how I would respond to the man.<br /><br />Book clubs are just not for me. My time and focus is limited and I The Awkward Widowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03729456066739275695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-58998584938562708072017-01-14T10:03:16.330-05:002017-01-14T10:03:16.330-05:00I am impressed that you were able to forgive such ...I am impressed that you were able to forgive such a betrayal. I'm not sure I could. Having said that, we had some awful issues with H's brother after their mother died. It was bad, and I thought I'd never forgive him, but once it was all over, I truly dropped it. It no longer bothered me. I think it helped that we lived in a different state, and I didn't have to see him often. ButBella Rumhttp://bellarum.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-43233450391292341182017-01-14T08:56:09.985-05:002017-01-14T08:56:09.985-05:00For years I sat behind a one way mirror watching s...For years I sat behind a one way mirror watching student speech pathologists work with my husband while a professor was in the room with me and other students. I learned a LOT. In group classes, too, and knew people like you described who'd never swore in their lives, but did it after their strokes. It didn't bother me, but what got me is there were a few people who thought my husband wasMisadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-78856268633794510812017-01-14T07:43:24.652-05:002017-01-14T07:43:24.652-05:00Not much gets through to the come-to-Jesus types w...Not much gets through to the come-to-Jesus types when they're on a roll, in my experience. I did what I could to protect my husband.<br /><br />In my mind, forgiveness is something apart from trust. I wouldn't loan this guy a dollar if he ever asked. Fortunately, I rarely see him anymore since we no longer live in the same neighborhood.Misadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-14239497203427506982017-01-14T07:32:24.024-05:002017-01-14T07:32:24.024-05:00As I wrote this blog, I found I did/do have some l...As I wrote this blog, I found I did/do have some left over resentment.It actually helped to write about it. I can't feel bad for him that he gave up on the snow removal business after a couple of years, opened a sandwich shop and lost it a year later. Then lost his house. Karma got him. His Facebook page is still full of come-to-Jesus stuff. There are a lot of good Christians in the world butMisadventures of Widowhoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17262709452281226620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-37908951717792731462017-01-14T04:59:05.539-05:002017-01-14T04:59:05.539-05:00Having worked with so many stroke patients with co...Having worked with so many stroke patients with communication deficits, I can appreciate the situation you describe with the faux friend and also, some religious types who know not what they do, to put it kindly. As I exited a facility one day, I saw the young wife of a patient of mine placing her hand on the forehead of a wheelchair bound patient as she flamboyantly and emotionally uttered her Joaredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03155775053108104385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-44253191255773569322017-01-14T01:46:47.831-05:002017-01-14T01:46:47.831-05:00I find it difficult, indeed impossible, to forgive...I find it difficult, indeed impossible, to forgive wrong done to me, or others. In your shoes, I could not and would not have forgiven that man. Especially if he had become a born-again Christian.<br /><br />I understand the theory of "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone live rent-free in your head." But for me, there's a huge gulf between theory, and practise.<br /><br />I Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5990351249805345004.post-56023853891106872172017-01-14T00:56:36.800-05:002017-01-14T00:56:36.800-05:00I have a real problem forgiving other people, usua...I have a real problem forgiving other people, usually I go by - once burned, twice shy. In your case I think I would have physically hauled said 'friend' out the door with a few well chosen words, myself.Sharonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02743921972328074980noreply@blogger.com