Sweet Words

“If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you.”

Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh

Being that I’m on a half-hearted campaign to indoctrinate myself back into normal society after so many years of identifying myself as a caregiver/wife, I signed up to go out to lunch with a bunch of strangers from the local senior citizen hall. How hard could it be? If I get stuck for conversation, I told myself, I can pretend an inordinate interest in the way the carrots in my salad are cut like little eight sided stars, assuming the destination restaurant is still doing them the same way they did back in the dark ages when I was there last. If not, I’m screwed. Or I could talk about the weather that is setting records for high temperatures in March---anything but Don. I must remember that my life and all conversations no long revolves around answering questions like, “How is Don doing?” No one ever asks caregivers how they’re doing, but that’s old news and I have a new life to explore.

What I didn’t count on is being seated next to the director of the program and having the very first question out of her mouth being, “How are you doing? It’s good to see you’re getting out.”

“I have my good days and my bad days,” I answered back, trying not to pucker up and cry all over the fancy-do menu.

As it turned out, with the exception of the director, all twelve of the other women at the table were widows, like me, and they had a lively conservation about all the events and travel they’d been doing since their last meet-up a month ago. Could this be me a year from now? I’m not sure but I am sure I’ve got to up date my wardrobe if I’m going to start hang out with these ladies. Quite a few of them were teachers or office workers in their pre-retirement days and not a one of them was wearing pants with stretchable waistbands and easy-care tops---the typical “caregiver uniform” And colors! Between caring for Don and the dog I’ve gotten away from wearing anything lighter than black pants with jewel colored knit tops and these ladies looked like fashion plates----well, fashion plates from the year 1998, but colorful fashion plates if not a bit out of style. It’s a look that old ladies can get away with wearing with pizzazz. “By God, I paid good money for this outfit and I’m going to wear it out if it takes me thirty years!” Shoulders back, head high, walk in like you own the place and no one will care if the label you’re wearing went out of business the during the Clinton administration. Remind me tomorrow to check the back of my closet for old ‘date night’ clothes.

Near the end of the luncheon a vivacious lady across the table said to me, “Well, does anything of this stuff sound interesting to you? If I can do anything to help you get started, just give me a call.” They were sweet words from a sweet lady designed to show me a path for moving forward. Now all I have to do is remember what Christopher Robin said to Winnie-the-Pooh: I am braver than I believe, stronger than I feel and smarter than I think….I can do this. Maybe not this month or the one after but in time I can do this. ©