The One-Handed Widow on Halloween

This will be my forth time living with my arm in a sling, the second time as a widow. It’s doable, especially after living for twelve years with a spouse who had zero use of his right arm and me helping him adjust to living disabled. I had a how-to book on doing things one-handed and I would practice learning a one-handed task before teaching Don the technique. My reasoning was twofold: 1) I knew if he saw me do something he’d try harder to learn the task himself, and 2) I’m a pretty determined and patient person when it comes to problem solving and I figured if learning a one-handed task was hard enough to frustrate me then I’d cut him some slack if he found it be too complicated or too time consuming to be practical, especially when he had a spouse standing near-by. Putting socks on when Levi was a puppy and he was trying to take them off at the same time Don was trying to put them on was one of those times. 

Eventually I was able to teach the dog to take Don’s socks off when he wanted them off and not to do it at other times which was helpful to a right-side paralyzed man. There’s a secret to teaching a dog tricks. You start out by giving a name to something a dog does naturally and you say it whenever he does it---sock off,  in this case---then after he’s learned the word you teach him not to do the action if you haven’t said the command. Easier than it sounds, at least it was with Levi. He learned several “service dog” functions and I think dogs can sense when they are truly needed for that.    

The memories of those years are coming back strong with my arm in a sling and Halloween was my first big challenge. I thought about not handing out candy to the 100+ kids I usually get but I had an ulterior motive for wanted to do it. I wanted to give the neighbors on my street a chance to see the sling and maybe that would score me some help-the-old-widow acts of random kindness this coming winter. I might not be a diva expecting the world to jump to service my needs but I sure am learning how to advertise my vulnerabilities, aren’t I. Am I the only old person with devious thoughts like this?

Since his stroke my husband was in charge of handing out Halloween candy and he loved it. I’d bundle him up in warm clothing, put him and his wheelchair out on the front patio with a table and a basket of goodies and he was radiantly happy, his eyes dancing with joy. I had attached a wireless doorbell to his chair and if he needed anything he could push the button and I’d come running. Sure, a few times little kids would be fearful of his wheelchair but what better time for their parents to start teaching them not to be afraid of people with disabilities? With me just coming out of surgery and still needing to keep my bandaged area packed with ice I couldn’t see me sitting outside in the cold. But opening the door over and over, then picking up a heavy basket and telling kids to take a bag of candy proved harder than I thought. Half the kids struggled with opening their bags and didn’t have a third hand to grab from my basket. I had to set the basket down on the sidewalk and get one out for them. It was very cold and I got 72 trick-or-treaters and one, “If you need any help give us a shout," before I had to quit. I was tired and I only lasted an hour!

When I was growing up a childless couple around the corner always gave out boxes of Cracker Jack on Halloween and it just occurred to me that they started me on collecting Cracker Jack toys which I took to a serious level when Don and I started dating. We went antiquing every chance we got and he had expensive tastes. As a joke I decided to add to my childhood C.J. toys and wooden nickel collections which at the time I could pick up for well under a buck a piece.  As my knowledge grew and the years went by, of course, so did my willingness to pay more. In the meantime I had a lot fun teasing Don that I could spend two hours at a flea market, spend $1.00-$2.00 and have as much fun as his $100-$200 hunt.

Remember those six or seven baby showers I went to this past year? All those new parents are posting Facebook with their baby’s first Halloween costumes now. Clearly they are having fun and the digital/social media age is aiding and abetting the process. The circle of life goes on, doesn’t it, and most noticeably through our holiday traditions when toddlers are dressed up in costumes or are wide-eyed on Christmas morning or are getting to know their cousins at summer picnics. Wouldn’t it be fun to do it all again, be those children just learning about the world? And in a way that’s what grandparents get to do with their ringside seats as they watch their adult children pass on what they were taught. ©