Sexual Attraction and Second Chances at Love

Sex. Sexual attraction. Yes, I just said those words out loud. Since the weekend I’ve been trying to come up with another word that describes a feeling that coursed through my body when I saw a young man in his early thirties pass by, a man young enough to be my great-grandson. A word that doesn’t make me sound like a cougar which I most definitely am not and don’t aspire to be.  Cougars---women with lust in their whole demeanor who paw all over guys half their age---are not high on my chart of woman whose conduct I respect. Sorry if I just offended someone. Now that I think about, I’m uncomfortable around women of any age who paw all over guys in their own age bracket IF the guy is not into to them in equal measure. Yes, young lust shared is a beautiful thing, but one-side lust reminds me of Hee Haw, hillbilly land. At least I think it was on that 1970 TV show where a reappearing, old grandpa character would lust all over a shapely young lady in pig tails and short-shorts. If the show came back on air in this century, it would no doubt give equal time to cougars. We make fun of men who collect sugar babies but don’t cougars have the exact, same mindset?

Anyway, back to sexual attraction and the young man who walked by me in the grocery store who started this whole train of thought. There was something about him that reminded me of what it was like to be young and in lust. He had a confident swagger, broad shoulders and sparklingly eyes that made contact with every person he passed by---young, old, male or female---very much like my husband used to do. There was no such thing as a stranger in Don’s world. He never lost that trait, even after his stroke and he could no longer talk which got him into big trouble a few times, but that’s another story for another time. Grocery store guy shocked me because I wondered if that’s how cougars get started. Do older women enjoy the memory of youthful lust so much that they forget their age and think they are on an equal footing with guys half their age? Do they over-doze on their hormone replacement drugs? I do know one thing for sure. As I age my ideal of male perfection isn’t aging as fast as I am. Few men in my own age bracket can prompt me to think, what an attractive man he is! I guess I’ve bought into the media propaganda that says only people under “a certain age” can have sex appeal. Even Richard Gere has lost his appeal lately and if someone would have told me I’d be saying this in my seventies I’d have labeled it crazy talk. He left his height of coolness back on the set of An Officer and a Gentlemen. Egad, he was 33 years old when he made that movie!

I know a couple of widows my age who are almost desperate to meet another man. I don’t doubt their sincerity and I am trying to understand where those longings come from and why I don’t have them. Are they less independent than me? Maybe. Are they lonelier than me? Possibly---I have Levi the Schnauzer in my life---but maybe I just manage my loneliness in a world where I don’t believe it’s possible to replace or substitute what I had with Don. Ya, ya, I know a second “significant other” doesn’t have to be the same to still be good. Many couples who have lost spouses are able to find companions to do things together with, but they don't feel the need to get re-married and live together as if they didn’t have histories to honor. My dad, for example, found a wonderful widow and they dated for 10 years before he died. My older brother is in the same kind of second-chance-at-love kind of relationship. They’ll never marry, they say, but they travel together, go to parties in both families together and see and call each other often. Relationships between senior citizens come with a whole different set of values, complications and solutions but I’ve never seen my brother happier in his life and he deserves it. His wife died after a long wind-down of suffering from Early Onset Alzheimer’s and he is grabbing whatever happiness he can find in his later years. What’s not to admire about that?

Still, for me it’s much more tempting to get another dog than another man. With dogs you can get kisses whenever you want them, no “Hey, I’m watching football and you're blocking the screen!” Dogs are low maintenance, men are not. They never complain that you’re feeding them the same kibble day after day. And with dogs you can put them in a cage when they get annoying. If I tried that with a man I could go to prison and I’m too old to start committing crimes----heinous or otherwise. ©

This made me laugh out loud.