Christmas in October

There’s a town on the other side of Michigan that is known for having the largest, year-around Christmas store in the world. The footprint of the building covers over seven acres and the landscaped grounds adds another 27 acres of holiday charm. They can park over 1,000 cars and fifty buses. In other words Bronner’s is a big deal. I’ve been there once, in the ‘70s, and driven through Frankenmuth, MI, a couple of times on the way to other places. Going there isn’t something that fires up my shopping genes but many people from this side of the state make a yearly pilgrimage to Bronner’s with a side trip to another area favorite, an all-you-can-eat, family style chicken place. The first year after Don died I signed up for a bus trip to Frankenmuth but I didn’t set foot inside the famous store, opting instead to window shop the streets nearby. What was I thinking? No newly minted widow shouldn’t punish herself in a glorified ornament store before she’s got her first holiday season under her belt. 

Why am I thinking about Christmas before Halloween has even past? It’s that stupid Hallmark cable channel’s fault. Their count down to the holidays starts October 31th and their countdown to October 31th is underway. I get it, I really do…why they start with the Christmas movies and specials so early. It’s all about the sponsors who want you buying stuff. The earlier we shop, the more we buy. It’s a rule of life like wearing clean underwear every day. No one forces me to watch the Christmas movies, or wear clean underwear for that matter, but I do both anyway. What I don’t understand is why isn’t there a 365/24/7 all Christmas all the time cable channel. The retails would jump on that idea like Oxpecker birds riding Rhinos. 

I’m making my last trip to the auction house next Monday and I’m trying to decide if I want to downsize my Christmas stuff there or take it all to the Goodwill. I’ve got some nice things, bought in the 1960s when I could get ornaments wholesale. It will sting to see my Christmas things go as cheaply as holiday stuff does at the auction house. At least with Goodwill I could always go buy them back if I have day-after regrets. Whatever I do, I’ve given myself one week to downsize my three boxes of Christmas to one and in the process I might just join Hallmark’s countdown to Christmas by decorating my house before Halloween. If I do and people start talking about the poor, mixed up widow I’m keeping a copy of this blog to prove I actually do have a plausible reason for rushing the season. And that reason is---drum roll, please---why haul three boxes upstairs to my sorting table in the garage just to turn around and haul the keepers back down the evil steps when it won’t be long before they’d have to come back up again? Every time I make a trip up or down I have visions of someone finding my petrified bones at the bottom of the steps. Even the dog is afraid to go to the basement so at least I don’t worry about him getting hungry enough to eat my flesh, should I fall and not get up. Ohmygod, I need to sign up for the service my cell phone company offers for three bucks a month. It’s a daily call and if you don’t answer they send the Canadian Mounties or someone equally as virile to check on you. Did I mention that a good share of Hallmark Christmas movies involve widows who “get saved” by knights in shining armor types?

New topic: The fall luncheon at the senior hall. You know the one where they have orange napkins, black tablecloths and miniature coffins on the tables. I haven’t taken a survey but I can’t help but wonder if I’m the only one who thinks coffins at a senior hall was a bad choice in décor.  But what do I know. I spent a good many years designing table decorations for weddings so maybe I have a warped sense of “happy-happy” when it comes to what should go on banquet tables. So far, I’ve kept the fact that I had a lot of experience in the bridal/floral industry a secret down at the hall. Why? Out of fear that they’ll want to put me in charge of the “decorations closet” where they keep out of seasonal coffins, candy canes, and tulips. 

The luncheon was fun, though. For entertainment they had a couple who did an unusual act. He drew a large landscape with pastels while she told jokes and read inspirational stories. She was a good  storyteller and laughter reigned supreme in the room. He wasn’t what I’d call a real artist and if you’ve seen the Bob Ross technique you’ll know what I mean. Very formula orientated. But I gave him an A+ for working in public like he did. I could never do that with artwork (or cooking). At the end he turned on a black light which revealed images in the sky that he’d done with special chalk that looked like clouds under normal lighting.  It was a great showmanship ending. The audience was amazed and I enjoyed talking with him afterward to learn the ‘secret’ of how to do the secret images. ©