Humpbacks, Cold Fingers and Roller Coasters

You might say that I’m in Health Care Central this week. Saturday I went to a free screening for PAD (peripheral artery disease) and Monday I went to a lecture on old people with humped backs (technically known as Hyperkyphosis) and later this week I have a dentist appointment. I like to get the lion’s share of my medical junk out of the way in April so any follow-up stuff can happen before summer gets into full swing…like my upcoming appointment in early May to get my breasts pressed out flat like pancakes and don’t we all know how much fun that is.

I passed the test for PAD with flying colors. (I’ve used the phrase all my life and I’m just now getting around to googling its origin. It comes from nautical history and has to do with ships flying their colored flags as they neared their home ports to communicate if they’d been victorious in battle or with their trading endeavors. And as soon as I read that nugget of history I realized that once upon a time I knew that. I hate when that happens! But I suppose our brains can only hold so much so why should it surprise me when things fall out?)

Back on topic: The vascular doctor at the screening gave me some interesting---at least to me---information regarding why my fingers are always icy cold and often turn white, even in warm weather. Can you believe it, it’s a condition with a name: Raynaud’s Phenomenon. Who knew? It’s caused by blood vessels in smaller arteries in the skin narrowing which reduces the oxygen to fingers, toes and/or earlobes. In my case it’s probably connected to my hypothyroidism and it’s not a sign of a serious vascular disease about to rear its ugly head in the future. The “prescription”---and this cracks me up---is to carry chemical hand warmers. He also said if I’m going to be outside in the winter for extended periods I can take a niacin (vitamin B3) an hour beforehand. I love it when the quirks and weird stuff going on in our bodies is explained.

Humpbacks---and not the whales. Our senior hall doesn’t offer a lot of lectures on health topics--the director puts the accent on Life Enrichment instead---and the upper body alignment lecture is the first health related one I’ve attended. I’m starting to develop a humpback and I wanted to know if it’s common to get electrical shock-like pain with them, which I often get across the top of my shoulders at the base of my neck. The doctor who gave the lecture was a young blonde in a short neon-orange dress who looked more like a Sport’s Illustrated model than a doctor. She talked about good and bad upper body alignment so wearing a dress that looked like it was spray-painted on actually did help her illustrate those alignments. (We need to keep our ears over our shoulders, ladies!) I did learn a few interesting things like a lifetime of habitual bad posture is just as likely as osteoporosis to be the cause of the humpback so common in my peer age bracket and it’s more than just about body aesthetics. The rounded shoulders puts pressure on all our organs causing a bunch organs related health issues that I didn’t bother to write down and can’t remember now.

We learned how to ‘knead’ the lymph nodes in our armpits, our carotid arteries and the thyroid gland. We were told to spend 15 to 20 minutes a day lying face up on a pillow placed lengthwise from the base of neck to small of the back. (I tried it last night and it felt good!) We were told if we already have the early stage of a humpback to not do sit-ups, crunches or bend over to touch our toes. Reading in bed and sleeping in a fetal position also contributes to humpback development. The doctor also stressed the importance of doing certain stretching exercises that opens up our chest area and retrains the muscles, and to get enough of the minerals boron and magnesium in addition to the vitamins most us already know about that help keep our bones healthy. Probably the most pragmatic thing I learned, though, was that there’s a place near-by where I live that does therapeutic massages to deal with humpbacks. In May when my schedule isn’t so full I’m going to give it a try. Hand-ons manipulation and transcutanous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) can help.

I did do something in recent days that was more fun than listening to doctors who were young enough to be my grandchildren. (I still can’t believe that bleached-blonde was a doctor and the vascular doctor was hot enough to play one on TV.) I went to a senior hall lecture on a now defunct amusement park that was in town when I was young---a HUGE park on a lake with a roller coaster, dance pavilion and a roller rink. I like history even if I don’t always remember it with flying colors. As I sat there I realized I'd been to the same lecture three-four years ago at the Historical Society. It didn't matter because the speaker has a dry sense of humor and she had us all laughing frequently. Combined with lunch at the Guy-Land Cafeteria afterward, I had a great afternoon. ©