Judging People by their Appearance

My Red Hat Society chapter had our Christmas party last weekend at a restaurant out in the boondocks that looks like it would be right at home in the Alps next to a ski run. There’s a giant, fieldstone fireplace in the middle of the dining room that effectively divides the space into two semiprivate areas and the twenty-two of us took up one side with a horse-shoe shape of tables and chairs. The log walls and vaulted ceiling went high, chalet style and on one wall was a huge TV screen that was showing a slide show of winter mountain scenes. I had a good time despite the fact that I was woefully underdressed in black sweatpants, a red sweater, purple L.L. Bean vest and a red hat while everyone else was wearing purple and red party garb with spangles, bangles and beads. The night before the event I realized I’d either need to loss 5-6 pounds over the next ten hours or shop at midnight and my good sense ruled out those two things. I hate wearing things that are too tight and I’d eaten myself out of my party clothes. I feel a New Year’s Resolution forming.

I’m also not good at buying $10 gifts for these parties where you don’t know who will get the gift via the pass-it-right-left game we play. I only had this one real gift to buy for Christmas so you’d think I could get it right. While everyone else brought things like ceramic cookie jars (two ladies did), jewelry, scarves, candles, tree ornaments, bird houses and elves, I brought skin care products and breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t have to lug home a Christmas themed cookie jar. In my defense, we’re all old! We should have the same rule they have at the senior hall where only consumable gifts are allowed. If not that, I wish my Red Hat sisters would switch games and do the one where you get to pick a gift from the pile under the tree or steal one that someone else is holding. I’ll admit that I’ve taken home the gift I brought playing that game, knowing it won’t end up in a donation box. Is that cynical or pragmatic, I can’t decide. Either way, can you guess the second New Year’s Resolution forming in my head? I’m starting to obsess about my skin again. Recently I found the switch that fell off my “complexion machine” last summer (think mini sander for your face) so I can use it again. I found it in a drawer with hair clips I rarely use. 

So many people judge others by their appearances, I actually felt ashamed of my under dressed party attire though I’m sure my Red Hat sisters were not the ones judging. But going back and forth to the bathroom made me feel conspicuous in my easy wash-and-dry caregiver fashions (and I don’t know how much longer I can use that excuse for not putting more effort into updating my wardrobe. It will be five years come January when my caregiving days died with my husband). Walking through the restaurant with eyes following in my wake reminded me of the summer when my husband had contracted to asphalt-patch holes in parking lots across the city. Dirty, terribly hot work and at the end of the day you’d end up stripping naked in the garage and you’d still manage to track tar into the house. But the thing I remember the most is how people walking by our work crew seemed to be judging our characters by our appearance not unlike how Julie Roberts in Pretty Woman was looked down upon by store clerks when she was wearing her hooker clothes. Thankfully, for my self-esteem it was in the same time frame when I was going back to college in my 40s and I’d have to drive my husband’s Corvette back and forth. Talk about people judging you by the car you drive, I experienced that first hand on campus and I also discovered early on that if I wore a skirt to college the other students treated me like I was a professor---greeting me with smiles and opening doors but when I wore jeans and a t-shirt like they did I didn’t get a second glance.

If asked most of us would say, “Oh, no! It’s not right to judge others by the clothes they wear” but most of us would also agree that we all do it in varying degrees. But here’s the thing: Making snap judgements about our environment and other humans in it is actually a primal act inherent to our very survival, a skill honed by Early Man when staying alive meant being good at reading the sensory messages coming into their brains. Although modern man no longer needs the same level of sensory messages coming in to be safe judging each other by appearances remains a strong, primal instinct. It’s in our DNA. Since I’m as guilty as the next guy of making snap judgements about others I feel an urge to attempt the Tarzon yell as I swing away from writing this blog entry to go search for a website besides L.L. Bean to shop for a new outfit.  “Ooo-wa-ooo-aaooaaooaa-ooo!" ©