The Cost of Summer Fun, Laughter and I Feel Pretty

Monday I set my alarm so I could have my coffee and bathroom time for me and the dog before the Running of the Bulls which is my nickname for the opening bell---so to speak---for when members of the senior hall can register for events that are coming up this summer. The place has gotten so popular that if you don’t get your RSVP email in with a time-stamp of 9:00 AM your chances of going on a waiting list are 95% for the popular activities. In the first hour of the Running of the Bulls they will receive between 1,500 to 1,700 reservations. This time I didn’t sign up for popular things like the annual Brown Bag Mystery Tour (they’ll take 3 to 5 buses to a place no one but the driver will know until they reach the destination, $95) or on a day trip to an herb farm which includes lunch and making your own rustic wreath for a grand total of $99. I also passed on going to Chicago to see Hamilton (price yet to be determined) or to Amish Acres in Indiana, $117. I’ve discovered those long bus rides and my old bones don’t get along very well. It takes me several days to recover and for the Levi to forgive me for putting him in a kennel.

I also didn’t sign up for the annual Cemetery Stroll which is popular with people into genealogy and local history, a bargain at $10. Or for any of the five plays and musicals ($22 to $62) because I’d have to drive home after dark and my old eyes said, “Don’t even think about doing that to me!” I did sign up for several free lectures that cover scams, schemes, swindles and managing money. And I nabbed a seat on the bus going to a wild animal park ($23) and a reservation for a free ice cream social and for a $1 potluck. It hurt my heart not to sign up for the kayak trip ($32) but my bladder habits nixed that idea. Can you believe it, there are a couple of women who always sign up for all twenty-five special events offered in the senior newsletters. 

After watching the countdown to 9 AM and clicking ‘send’ on my RSVP email I took a shower and got dressed for the day. I had places to go and people to see starting with a First Mondays Brunch with my Gathering Girls pals. We got to talking about what makes us feel safe, living alone. Several of us sleep with the TV on or use nightlights all over the place. Several need the house quiet at night so they can hear the bogyman if he sneaks in. One woman described hearing a noise in the house recently and she grabbed the nail file she keeps under her pillow and tippy-toed around the house. That cracked us up as we discussed exactly where a nail file stab would have to land to put a would-be rapist out of commission. We barely recovered from laughing over that when the topic of locking doors came up and one of the ladies shared how a child was stolen out of her bed in the middle of the night and the guy got into through an unlocked door between the house and the garage. “Can you imagine someone taking your child like that?” she asked and I piped up, “or taking your snow blower.” We all laughed over the absurd comparison between stealing a child and a snow blower. We went on like that for nearly three hours and when another diner walked by on her way out she said, “Now you ladies try to have some fun this afternoon.”

After leaving the Guy Land Cafeteria two us went up to a small movie theater that only charges $4.75 before 5:00 and we saw Amy Schumer’s new movie, I Feel Pretty. IMDd.com describes the plot like this: “A woman who struggles with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy on a daily basis wakes from a fall believing she is suddenly the most beautiful and capable woman on the planet. With this newfound confidence, she is empowered to live her life fearlessly and flawlessly, but what will happen when she realizes her appearance never changed?” After I got home I looked for reviews of the film and was shocked at how low they were. Apparently there was an alt-right men’s group telling its members to sabotage the film’s ratings like they did with Schumer’s book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo. Even Bill Maher got into the act and devoted an entire show defending the movie. One thing he said was, “The professionally offended have decided that even though it’s a movie by women filmmakers, presenting a pro-woman message, it does it the wrong way. Schumer remade ‘The Nutty Professor,’ where someone not thin, and not cool, magically sees themselves as better looking and gains confidence. Except, when Eddie Murphy did it, he didn’t have the Purity Police up his ass.” 

What did I think about the movie? It wasn’t War and Peace and I didn’t expect it to be. Its agenda was simply to make us laugh and to think about the value of having self-confidence. Everyone in the theater including me, laughed often and we left the theater smiling. But Levi sure was mad when I walked in the door because he didn’t get his Milk-Bonz Brushing Chew at 3:00. I swear there is something addictive in them! I could be having a heart attack at 3:00 and he’d insist I grab his box of chews before calling 911 or falling on the floor. ©