Schnauzer Land Birthdays

Levi my Mighty Schnauzer is officially a senior citizen. He’s turning twelve years old on the 21th. Miniature schnauzers have an average life span of 12 – 15 years and while he doesn’t have any health issues I do see subtle changes in his looks and health. For one thing, he up-chucks more often than he used to which wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t purposely run to the nearest carpet to do it. I learned the hard way not to try to catch him when the tell-tale retching sounds begins because he’ll vomit on the fly instead of in a neat, easier-to-clean-up pile. And he’s also developed a fast growing mole so one of his birthday presents will be a trip to the vets office to remove it (if his groomer doesn’t accidentally do it first) and I suppose they’ll want to biopsy it which seems like a waste of money because anyone with eyes can see it’s not your garden variety growth…unless you’re trying to grow mutant raspberries. Just take it off!

I did buy him two gifts already, one he doesn’t like and I didn’t expect him to and the other I knew he’d pout about giving up his old version of his new gift. Let’s be honest here. I bought the gifts for myself but his January birthday reminded me it was time to do something about a couple of dog related problems here in the Land of Levi With the Annoying Bark and the Worn Out Security Blanket.

Ever since last fall when both of my across-the-street neighbors put fences up and both adopted fast-growing litter mates, Levi has spent four times a day barking at the dogs as they run back and forth at the property line---two on one side and another one on the other side of the fence. Levi barks. He begs. He whines. He pretends he’s got urine up to his eyeballs and MUST get outside, Right this minute, Mom! He’d like nothing better than to join the action as the two dogs who live together tumble and tease the third dog as she tries to dig her way under the fence.

I’m been threatening to buy Levi an anti-barking collar, I even have one researched and saved on my Amazon Wish List. Then I got another idea. Years ago I had a window in a door that looked right into my kitchen and living room so I covered it with frosted contact paper that let the light in but you couldn’t see anything but shadows on the other side. Sure enough, they sell a modern version—static cling stuff---with dozens of choices in patterns and designs. It took me over an hour to decide what to order, then I camped out by the door for Amazon’s two day delivery. I couldn’t get that stuff applied fast enough. I’d had enough of trying to distract Levi with offers of treats and hearing myself yell “ENOUGH!” and other dog-mama commands that didn’t work for more than a few minutes. Praise the overlords for static cling decorative film! It works. Sneaky me, I put it on the glass panels alongside the front door when Levi was out of sight and I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s getting cataracts or developing a strange kind of old-man’s blindness that only effects his views to the north but not the south.

The other birthday gift I bought was a set of baby receiving blankets. Every dog I’ve ever had has had his or her own set of receiving blankets that I use to line dog beds, put on car seats or in chairs or even on the ground---any place that is an Approved-by-the-Management place for a canine to lay. I’ve also let them drag their blankets around and pick their own ‘safe place’ to park them and claim some temporary turf. And all of my four-legged babies have been wrapped in a receiving blanket when he or she was buried. Levi got his set of four blankets at twelve weeks old and he was down to his last one which recently acquired a dozen shred lines. Enter the new set and it only took him two days to put a couple of holes in one of the blankets when he tried to dig it out of his bed. I don’t blame him, I blame the cheap ass baby blankets.

The pet store always sends Levi a $5.00 coupon for his birthday and I will take him over there after his next haircut on Monday and let him pick out something so long as it’s not a cow or pig bone bigger than he is---actually, any size. When he was younger he usually picked out new stuffies but in recent years he’s been more interested in treats and, of course, they put the most disguising, gravy (and bacteria) laced cow and pig parts on the lower shelves like they do with sugary cereal at the grocery stores for little kids to grab. Afterward we’ll go to Starbucks where they’ll give him a free pupappuccino otherwise known as a cup of cream. Levi gets better birthdays than I do! No one buys me a day at the spa and while Starbucks does give me a free drink on my birthday, Levi just has to present his smiling face at Starbuck’s takeout window to get a free pupappuccino any time he wants one. ©

This is what Levi sees now. I left the top panel open so I can still see out.

Poor boy, his life changed dramatically and it only cost me $10 and a half hour.

The company's photo of their product. At night from the outside it looks like colored stained glass.