I’m so sick of life right now! I mean it! I’ve reached my
limit of tolerance. My give-a-damn is broken in half. Yup, I’m sick of everything
to do with anything especially the cold and snow that's finding its way to parts of the country where it doesn't belong rubbing our noses in the fact that it's still winter. If we didn’t have a world pandemic still taking
people out like balls rolling near the gutters at bowling alleys take out the seven and ten pins I’d say I need a vacation. A nice trip to any place, even to the local sculpture
park would brighten my mood. When are the butterflies coming to their tropical conservatory?
March? April? Oh, ya, they’re be there for both months but will it be safe for
humans to attend the normally shoulder-to-shoulder exhibit? Will school kids be
bused in one load after another, day after day? I have gone most years, often
meeting my youngest niece there with her grandkids. After not seeing her for a
whole year, I’ll bet she wouldn’t even recognize me with my pandemic hair
style. Make that two years! The pandemic closed the butterflies down last year, and I'm sorry World but emails, text messages, phone calls and Facebook postings aren't slicing and dicing my loneliness enough to make a tablespoon of cure.
I suppose the state of my mind was inevitable after weeks and months of being
invested in things I have no control over like the pandemic, the state of our
political climate and now with Republican Senator Ted F'ing Cruz making his "excuses tour" on the media for flying to Cancun while the people of his state were/still are suffering during a nearly state-wide power outrage due to a harsh weather event. In the meantime, Democrats and private citizen Beto O'Rourke and Senator A.O. Cortez stepped up to do what Cruz shoulda'/coulda' have done---care about people, help them! Beta organized a massive phone bank to check on seniors and AOC raised 2 million dollars to fly food and water to Texas food banks.
Is it possible for an entire nation to have a collective mental health breakdown? If so, call me the Indian scout who goes out to test the route the tribe behind is about to travel. You all, turn around, find a kitten to pet and calm down! Meditate. That's what scouts did, they'd find trouble up ahead and warn the tribe to change course. Yes, I’m of that generation who grew up watching Western movies, double features on Saturday afternoons which begs the question: What were our mothers doing with their time when we sat in the movie theaters for four hours? I don’t remember ever going to the grocery store with my mom as a kid. Did mothers in the 40s do their shopping after dropping us off to see the latest shoot-em-up or Lone Ranger film? It was the only day my mom had access to the family car. Did they also have ‘private time’ with our dads? Yuck! Parents shouldn’t have sex! Gouge that image out of my head! My dad was perfect, my mom had her faults but I don’t want to think about them playing kissy-face even though I know they did it at least three times. (They miscarried a baby in between me and my brother.)
I’ve often wondered how much different my life would have been if I’d had a second sibling, a brother closer to my own age. Would we have shared friends, done more things together than my older brother and I did? As kids we did our share of ice skating, sledding, playing board games and hanging out in the woods behind our cottage growing up but by the time he was a teenager with a large posse of friends we grew apart. Then he got married right out of high school, moved a good distance away and they spent the next few years popping three babies into the world while I finished up high school and started college. I don’t think my brother understood me at all during the entire 1960s when I dated a lot but didn’t get married. I’m pretty sure he thought I was freakish for not having the same goals that most of the girls he graduated with did---the big wedding, babies and a nice house. He even told me once that I was too picky. It’s not that I didn’t want those things and a white picket fence I just had other goals as well.
Boy, has this post gotten derailed from the original topic I started
writing about. Oh, well, that’s probably a good thing because my little I’m-sick-of-life
temper tantrum wasn’t getting me anywhere…and they never did. As a kid my mom
had little sympathy for my tears and she discouraged my dad from showing empathy when I cried. And clearly empathy was his first reaction to any sign of discomfort anyone around Dad was experiencing. Hardened by life, I never saw her cry. Around her ninth birthday her own mother had died and my mom got
separated from her siblings to earn her keep working in a boarding house. She was a product of her times---a child during the last world pandemic, a young woman living on her own during the Great Depression, a mother during WWII and, boy, did she come out the other side of all that societal stress a strong woman.
Looking back, people all tend to put on rose
colored glasses and think past generations had it easier than we do in real
time. We romanticize. We generalize. We gloss over. And some day in the far
future people will look back at 2020/21 and do the same thing. They will
romanticize our pandemic driven stay-at home orders and generalize it to the point they'll only
remember the closeness many families were able to achieve during this time---the TicTok videos, the zoom choirs---like the fun stuff they portrayed in all the USO movies of WWII. Pain always lessens with the passing of time. People in the future will gloss over the political unrest, too, that we are living through and only remember
those among us who get through it stronger and more principled than
before---the political heroes yet to rise to the top. Until then I’m taking two aspirin and living in a house of silence for a week which has always proven to be cure for what ails me right now. Sensory overload. My media block out will be akin to my mom sending me to my room until I quit feeling sorry for myself. ©
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| The snow now piled at the top of my driveway |
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| Snow along the sidewalk to my front door. I just shoveled what I could reach off my shrub. |
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| The path I shoveled on my deck for the dog to get to his pen. |
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| Snow in the dog's pen. That fence if 3 foot tall. |
I love the idea of taking pictures to remind yourself of what you're not missing next winter.
ReplyDeleteSome of my favorite memories are of going to the grocery store with my mom. My sister is 15 months older than me and we played together when we were younger, but she hated me when she became a teen. She had a lot of rage and my folks didn't know how to handle her.
I sympathize with your isolation and all the work you've been doing to downsize. I hope things look a lot brighter once spring comes. ❤️
If nothing else the pandemic is teaching us all where our tolerance levels are. Spring will help when I can at least get out of the house more often.
DeleteWhere is it written that we have to be happy and content every single day of our lives? We Americans think we are entitled to happiness. It's written in to our constitution, isn't it? But in reality, life sucks. It really, really does. Other than the 8 Clinton years, when everyone was rolling in dough, we've technically had life to be very, very difficult. The recession of the 1970s, when the elderly were reported on because they were eating dog food, the stock market crash of 1987, the dot com disaster of 2001, The Great Recession of 2008 where most everyone lost their homes, the Viet Nam war, the homelessness increase, the hunger, the decline of the middle classes.......I can go on and on and on and on. Seems to me there have been more downs than ups for the past 100 years. Why of why do any of us think we are entitled to be happy and solvent throughout our lives? Look at all the other countries in the world? Do they seem to be profiting or living the life of Reiley? You got a lot of snow? That means you won't have a drought this upcoming year. You're moving soon? Do yo realize how fortunate you are to have a roof over your head. Betcha you have money in the bank? Again, you are blessed.
ReplyDeleteLife is hard. Always was and will always be. Texas has no one to blame but themselves for their calamity. They didn't winterize their equipment because they think they are higher than God. Nor do they want to pay the expense. Not winterizing meant lower monthly bills. How's that working out for them?
Tired of the pandemic? At least you are still alive. Know how many families lost their loved ones to the pandemic? Would you prefer the alternative? Death? Didn't think so.
Stop thinking about what you don't have and start thinking about what you do have. You'll quickly find out you are most blessed.
Life is hard on this planet right now. And it's going to get much harder. Best to prepare, become a bit like a prepper and forget about finding happiness and contentment right now. Hold on to your hat. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Don't like that Ted Cruz went to Cancun? That's what the elites, our politicians, the rich will be doing more and more of. America is becoming the land of the haves and the have nots or never will gets. We elect these politicians to govern and keep us safe and we get neither. It's our fault. Not theirs.
Stiff upper lip, m'ame. Stiff upper lip.
Ya, ya, ya, I know all that stuff. It's my blog and if I want to let off steam from time to time I'm not going to hold back. I can walk and chew gum at the same time meaning I can know I'm blessed with many things others don't have (which I worked hard for by the way and don't take for granted)and at the same time want to push back against the stress-points of life.
DeleteAs for Texas ya the powers that be in that state made the mistake of not winterizing their power grid like feds wanted them to do to ten years ago but that doesn't mean we get to turn a cold shoulder or a blind eye to the massive of people who are suffering right now.
P.S. I'm one of the4 few blogs that still accepts anonymous comments because I know it's hard to leave them sometimes if you don't have a Google account. BUT I have a rule that if you're going to leave anonymous comments at least sign your first name, state or whatever at the end.
DeleteLife is a mix of ups and downs with some having more of one or the other. Anyone with thoughtful brain knows that they are fortunate in some ways and perhaps not others. Any one with a thoughtful brain also knows that we are all in this together and empathy will go a long way at giving you , if not happiness, contentment.
DeleteAnonymous, it seems like you’ve had more of the bad or you chose to key in on that and a thoughtful kind brain can also give you a positive attitude which goes a long way towards contement within.
Nicely said, Mary. Our country has suffered with the lack of empathy that was modeled by our x-president and that has trickled down to give cover for those who somehow think it makes themselves look smarter/stronger if they kick those already down.
DeleteI'm one of the ones impacted here in Texas, and that's why I'm just now getting to this post. We woke Sunday night to a flooded bedroom. At 71 and 73, we were dismantling the bed, moving dressers and pulling up carpet. While we were doing that, we lost power and soon discovered a water spot in ceiling of our laundry room. Across the house, hot water started pouring out of the main bathroom shower. We shut off the water, and that was the last water we had for four days, other than the drinking water we had stocked up on and the snow we shoveled into our bathtub to flush the toilets on our newly instituted flushing routine. (You know what I mean.) We did get power in 9-20 minute intervals, and we were lucky. Some kept power, but some were out the entire time. I worried about my husband, weakened after a recent hospitalization, as he would get so tired that he couldn't think and couldn't get warm. In Texas, we usually get sleety rain a day or so before we get the every six-year-or-so snow, so we had a layer of ice coating the roads and yards. Then one day, temps got up just above freezing, and the snow began melting before the dropped again and we had a thicker layer of ice underlaying the new snow that fell. No vehicles moved in or out of our subdivision. Yet neighbors made it across each other's yards and checked on each other. We shared food, cooking equipment, space heaters to be used in nine-minute intervals. I discovered that a hair dryer makes a fantastic personal space heater when you have only minutes to warm yourself. I haven't been able to make contact with a disabled friend in Houston to find out how she got through this. Her daughter lives with her, but travels and may have been out of town when this hit. I can't reach her daughter, either. Our houses are not built for this but rather to withstand our brutal summers. I am proud of our resourcefulness but worried about those who had less reserves, either in health or material things. I have described myself variously as "the only Democrat" in my county and so "left-leaning that my left shoulder drags the ground," and we and people like me have been importuning Cruz, Cornyn, McCaul, and Abbott for years. We should all allow ourselves moments of dismay, and express it so that others can stand with us, but I try to channel anger into positive actions. Cruz goes to Cancun, and I make a donation to the local food pantry as my way of dealing with feelings of impotence. With cancer and brain surgeries behind me and still dealing with auto-immune illnesses, it's necessary to choose where I expend my energy, and that's not in convincing those who love Cruz to change their minds. That's useless.
DeleteAnd by the way, if that came across as if I thought you should be bucking up, that's not at all what I meant. I meant what I said about all being allowed to have down times and to tell people, so they could stand with us. No one should be chastised for feeling down these days.
DeleteLinda, You didn't come across in a negative way at all. You were describing YOUR experiences, not chastising me for mine dismissing my mini vent. It's going to take a long time for everyone in your state to recover. You guys went through a lot.
DeleteYou donations to food banks as a way to channel anger was exactly the same principle my husband used when he'd get fed up certain people's attitudes. Choose your battles with those where you can make a difference makes a lot of sense.
Thank you for this post. I could put ditto marks under most paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteYou aren’t alone in your feelings for sure and down days are to be expected. Btw, that is a lot of snow piled up!
ReplyDeleteIt's not the most snow we've ever had piled up but the fact that I wouldn't ever have to be responsible for dealing with it makes it mean more somehow.
DeleteOh yes, you'll be so happy to get settled in your new place. No more snow worries and the work of shoveling. I'm with you there:) Sometimes it's hard to believe that I used to LOVE winter and all the cold and snow. ha!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way. I used to do winter sports and enjoyed being outside to ski and snowmobile. Up until this year I even like shoveling snow and did a lot of just for the exercise.
DeleteAll I can say is I'm glad I'm not that "anonymous" commenter, and I'm glad I've learned not to invest emotional energy in what I can't control. Life is filled with "facts of life" and "problems to be solved.' Being able to distinguish between them is the beginning of wisdom.
ReplyDelete"Facts of Life vs problems to be solved." I love that! You are a wise woman.
DeleteToo much snow, if you ask me. [Did you?] I'm tired of everything now, too. I agree that in this last year it seems like the nation is having mental breakdown, one mess after another and no clear way to deal with any of it. Or maybe no easy way to deal with it. That might be the real problem, it's time to be grown-up.
ReplyDeleteJust writing this made me feel better. We do have too much coming at us with no easy or quick way to deal with of them.
DeleteI find it hard to write Polly Annish 24/7/365 even though I know even personal blogs should have a 'brand' so to speak.
You are a good scout and I feel so warned. Our snow wasn't quite as deep as yours but I have been house bound by it just the same. Actually the pandemic lockdown is looking pretty good when compared to this weather lockdown. Sometimes a swift kick in the shins is what is needed to forget the headache.
ReplyDeleteMy poor pine tress and shrubs are taking a beating this winter due to the heavy snow.
DeleteI don't know what it is about being house bound due to snow that feel so creepy. It's not that I'd go anywhere anyway. LOL
What a totally relatable post! I am in the exact same mood. I live alone and have done well for most of the pandemic, but I feel like I am out of steam. It is 17 degrees here for the millionth day in a row, and I cannot wait for a little warmup. Spring cannot come too soon, and then (sigh) continuing through the pandemic should be a little easier. Nina
ReplyDeleteI am counting the days until we get a spring thaw! Lots of people around here are getting their vaccines so our state numbers are looking better. I predict things are going to be looking up soon.
DeleteI hear you and echo your despair. Good for you, feeling your feelings and not being afraid to say so. Of course there are always people worse off than you. That doesn't mean you don't get to feel bad about your own situation.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your situation because I'm in it, too. Last winter really spoiled me: very little snow, mild temperatures, frequent walks, and the pandemic not yet upon us. This winter is Just Plain Mean.
Thank you for that what you said in that first paragraph. I'm generally a person with an empathic and compassionate heart, a glass half full kind of person and felt completely miss-read by anonymous.
DeleteHere you go! Here's a glimpse into our way of coping with chaos.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting that link to your blog. You sure have a mess of snow! Now I'm hoping it doesn't melt off all in one or two days so that you have to worry about flooding. Here in MI we will get some warm temperatures for a couple of days melting some but not all our snow, then we go cold again which helps slow down the problem of more water than our sump pumps and roads can handle.
DeleteI love the title of this post. My friends and I have been texting the same comment back and forth for months now. Are we blessed, lucky, fortunate? Yes, yes & yes and btw, blessed is a way overused word these days! While anonymous above makes a few good points, I'm personally sick of people who feel the need to tell others how good and wonderful their life is and how no one who is so lucky should be a negative Nellie. Well guess what? This pandemic and brutal weather (and last summer's heat was terrible too!) has had serious mental health effects on all of us even if we haven't suffered the worst aspects of what life has been inflicting. I'm tired of being told to be thankful and hopeful all the time. While I do try to concentrate on the positive things, we've all lost so much over the last few years and what none of us need is a lecture on how to appreciate our own lives. We must all learn to cope as best we can and I urge those who feel the need to judge someone else's way of coping to just stop and mind your own damn business! (That means you, anonymous.)
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying what I couldn't and really wanted to say. Yes, I was at a loss for words after reading the criticism from anonymous.
DeleteIt is good to vent sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI have a plaque that says: Courage doesn't always roar; sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." So we get mad or sad but then we keep going... and do what we can.
Stay safe!
Those are great words to live by. Words like that on coffee cups is why when we moved 20 years ago my husband had dozens and dozens of cups that had get downsized out of our lives. Yesterday I dropped off stuff to Goodwill and sent 7-8 coffee cups and by the end of the day I was buying another on Wayfair so I could round my order up to get free shipping. LOL The cup had the song, 'You are my Sunshine' which never fails to remind me of my dad.
DeleteFrequent reader here�� never commented though.
ReplyDeleteThe sun is out , the electric and water are on and the snow has just about melted thank goodness. I think you have been working super hard and all this stuff is just getting us all down. Like the anonymous commenter, of course all those things have happened, but there has been joy and pleasure in between the pain. I'm pragmatic but that doesn't mean I don't understand people's frustration and fear.
I really enjoy reading about your adventures in downsizing and getting ready for the next phase. Keep up your good work!!
Thank you for the nice words, for reading here and for giving me some good news out of Texas.
DeleteThankfully some people like you enjoy my downsizing war stories because it's all I've really got to write about during our stay-home pandemic. LOL
I feel just like you do being tired of so much...politics, hate, lies, religious extremism, the super wealthy and their greed and feeling so entitled and threats of violence. And it’s every single day....something. I’ve taken a break from a lot of the news.
ReplyDeleteBut ignorance, unwillingness to research reputable sources of news and events and just plain stupidity is what I’m tired of most. This can sometimes just boil down to being tired of stupid people. That’s why I like animals and nature.
I also can relate about your family. My two brothers were much older than me and it was like growing up as an only child. Plus my parents were older than my friends parents and there were no aunts, uncles, cousins etc. around. This made for a lonely childhood even though my parents were good and kind, but from that era of not showing much affection.
Childhood has a strong lasting effect on all of us and controls much of our decisions in life...good or bad.
Spring will be here soon...and I won’t say that I’m sitting outside in the sun right now in sunny Florida. 😜 . Just remember when you get spring, I’ll already be hot.
Yes, to your first paragraph. Hell yes to your second paragraph. And I pretty much agree with everything you've written accept I wish you could have sent some of that sun up here in the frozen north. LOL
DeleteIt feels so good to have a big ole hissy fit, take two aspirin and send yourself to your room! We are there with you in spirit!
ReplyDeleteIt does and you're welcome in my timeout room anything.
DeleteRant away, Jean! And Anonymous can go piss up a rope. There's always someone who has to chime in that someone somewhere in the world has got it worse than you therefore you have no right to complain. You don't have to justify or defend your feelings to anyone. They are valid. It's your blog. Anonymous can start their own blog and rant away about all the people who are hurting and how they have no right to feel that way, and then Anonymous can invalidate other peoples' thoughts, feelings and emotions till the cows come home. On their own blog. That hopefully no one ever reads.
ReplyDeleteDeb
You go, girl! You're one Canadian who knows how to defend their virtual friends.
DeleteSeriously, though, I obviously hit a raw nerve with Anonymous and it would be interesting to know her/his story. If they he/she would have left a blog link I would have checked it out.
Me too, me effing too. You’ve had snow, we have rain. You have pandemic, we have pandemic. I spoke to the mailman this morning. He said ‘are you Mrs. W?’ I said ‘yes’. the sum total of my human to human interaction today.
ReplyDeleteAt least you realise that it’s not for ever. Thanks for reminding me. And feeling sorry for myself is not really useful; But I’d like to scream, is that ok with you?
I'm not a screamer but I'd join you in solidity if we were neighbors. We could be like those Italians did last year where they all went out on their balconies at a certain time of the day to sing.
DeleteOh my gosh, I think we are all going to be fighting to get a word in edgewise when we are all free to get out among our friends again!
I'm not sure which is worse, too much rain or too much snow. At least snow is pretty.
I read the title of your blog and thought YES! ME TOO!!! We know we will get winter here, but for some reason, I have had it. I have just hit the wall. And having some happy clappy (Anonymous) person tell you to count your blessings is just annoying. Yes, I know I have it a lot better than others. But honestly, sometimes you just can't pull yourself out of it. This time of year is a particular challenge to me, and I usually deal with it by going somewhere where it's warm and the sun is shining. This is two years running we haven't been able to do that and I'm tired. I feel your pain and the exhaustion of being indoors too long combined with all the snow we've gotten recently. And it's your move year. ARGH.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow I'll get up and keep going but it is really feeling like Groundhog Day lately. The movie not the date. Thanks for letting it all out...some of us need to know we're not alone.
Groundhog Day the movie is a great way to describe the sameness of it all.
DeleteJust about the time we all started thinking this wasn't going to be such a bad winter and spring couldn't be far off, winter just dumped on us bid time where you and I live. Very depressing. But we have a few days next week when some of our snow pack should melt so I'm hoping that helps our moods. I'm so happy I invested in a new sump pump last fall so unless we get a power outrage, at least I won't have to worry about melting snow ending up in my basement.
I'm with you too Jean. I'm sick of the cold and snow and politics. Hang in there, we'll make it through. We all deserve to be heard and understood sometimes. We, as humans have emotions---happy and sad---that's how we're made. And I'm not sorry about releasing a tear or two once in awhile. I'm just guessing but I think most of us do that at times.
ReplyDeleteThanks, B.L. I like what you said about "we all deserve to be heard and understood sometimes" and I admit to being overly sensitive about being misunderstood when I write something like this vent. I'll bet most of us have a way of releasing our stresses and frustrations be it tears or talking to friends or writing them out which is what I've done most of my life.
DeleteYes, sometimes I do all three....at the same time. I'm a multi-tasker. ha ha
DeleteCovid-19 and this winter have really made living difficult. Not impossible, but very difficult. I know that humans are generally resilient. Most of us are survivors when push comes to shove, but sometimes it feels like life as we knew it, will never resume. That's scary and frustrating. A big dose of honesty is good for us and I appreciate your straightforward post. I hope warmer weather is headed your way soon. We might actually get above freezing next week. That sure brings me hope!!
ReplyDeleteWe're supposed to have a few days of above freezing temperatures next week as well. That is going to feel SO good! If nothing else it will lower our snow piles.
DeleteI do think it helps bloggers and blog readers when we are honest about the ups and downs on our lives, not pigeonhole or brand ourselves. We need to write our authentic selves selves and let the chips fall where they may.
I am an optimist. Insufferable so, some say.But not this past month.I also am in a covid rut. This time last year we were busy cancelling a year’s worth of travel plans and concert tickets.Trying for refunds. This year, we are busy NOT planning any travel or concerts..cause..well.. it’s not time yet. I am pretty weary of this. I feel ya.I cannot complain about my weather here in Arizona.. so I hope yours clears up soon.Hang in there. Small daily things that soothes me are not doing a great job right now. I take more naps.Hopefully this too shall pass. I think many of us are in the slump...
ReplyDeleteNow that you mention "this time last year" I'm wondering if the fact that we're all closing in on the one year anniversary of dealing with Covid is factoring into the slump many of us are feeling. When other unpleasant anniversaries are approaching they have a negative effect on moods.
DeleteWOW that is a lot of snow. I do believe the country is depressed. All of us. We are weary, sad and depressed. But I have heat, I don't have covid and I am hangin' in there...barely. Hang in there, we need you Jean. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks! We all need each other if nothing more than to remind each other that we're not in the Misery Zone alone.
DeleteI hear you. Your snow -- wow. I mean, when they say "snowed in," that's what they mean. At least I can get out and drive in the car or get take-out (even if I did get stuck in the driveway doing it.) I've started to see ads for mental health counseling on TV. Even those of us who can happily self-contain are getting a bit tired of it all.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, my friend. The snow will melt. You will see butterflies. Eventually.
Funny how a few miles between our cities can make a difference, isn't it. Knock on wood at least this winter MI hasn't had an massive car pile ups big enough to make the national news.
ReplyDeleteMarch is not far away!
I remember my younger days in snow country — the distinct seasons had more significance to me than where I live now. Autumn was my favorite but I always looked forward to winter though it did reach a point at which I tired of it and could get stir crazy. I couldn't wait for spring. Summer was nice, but heat and humidity didn’t appeal to me. Hang in there, spring will come.
ReplyDeleteGeneralized descriptions about most generations I’ve read, such as the ‘’20’s, 30’s & ‘40’s aren’t too realistic about what my Mom described. Same has been true when i think of how they characterize the ‘50’s, much of which isn't how I remember and viewed it at all. I think analyzing writers watched too many over the top TV portrayals of our lives then and put their erroneous spin on it.
I like the clear changing of the seasons, can't imagine living where it's nearly the same all the time.
DeleteGeneralizations of any time frame or events doesn't tell the whole story, does it. 1950s especially get idealized to the point some people want to go back to those times as if there wasn't crime, or child and spousal abuse and all mothers worn pearls and high heels when they cooked and cleaned. I don't don't think that idealized versions of past generations will ever stop because man, by nature, are just built that way...to now play the bad and elevate the good.
Jean, I think perhaps the Reality of a big life change is hitting you, I enjoyed seeing so many pixs in Today's Post, especially of your Home you're leaving behind. It's a lovely one and I can tell when you describe it, that you Love it very much and it's going to be hard and you'll miss it terribly every so often no matter how much you J'Adore the new Home. I get melancholy still when I think upon the Historic Home, sometimes even the McManse {just the house not the neighborhood} and this Forever Home is fabulous in every way. I think Life changing significantly makes us Nostalgic and we do Romanticize the past and only the great things about it. The Photo Album Purge has been Fun, brought us all as a Family on trips down memory lane, but it's also been bittersweet since so many of the people are no longer with us, the places we haven't seen or lived in for a long time now... the Memories are left and during Pandemic it makes us long for NORMAL of how it used to be. Even tho' our lives have never been Normal in the Typical sense *winks*, a return to how our Routines were is important to us, we don't like this Pandemic shit and I doubt anyone does, it's always a constant Death Threat hanging over us all, especially us older folks... and makes us confront our Mortality daily, and who digs THAT?!
ReplyDeleteI really will be sad to leave this house behind, even though it's too much for me to take care of all by myself. So much of myself is in this place. I designed it from scratch, watched it being built, picked out every single element inside and curated every single item, collectible and piece of furniture we ended up with because, my husband, at that point in his post-stroke life couldn't make decisions or help which I know you fully understand.
DeleteI've also never been particularly interested in being buddy-buddy with neighbors who often rob you of creative time, but I'm hopeful I can adapt, that the trade-off will be worth it.
I didn't know you'd designed that beautiful Home, that is then a Dream come True Home and will be difficult to let go of completely. When I think of everywhere I've ever lived, there were things about each property that were Special and I do miss. This Home is more practical for me too, the McManse was too much house and I knew if we grew older, the move might become nearly impossible to pull off. Not to mention the HOA demands were getting very expensive to be forced into the outlay of. The new owners already had to Paint the exterior, it didn't need it, but I knew they'd force them to, they were dogging us to, I just resisted since that was about Eight to Ten Grand and it didn't need it, the paint job was less than 5 years old, so it was ridiculous to force people to repaint enormous Homes every Five Years! I do fully understand that post-catastrophic illness or injury, people can't do so much that they can't be the helpmate you need and doing everything alone is rough.
DeleteOh, yes, I wanted to be an architect from 10-12 when my dad taught me how to draw blueprints. I was the first girl in my high school to be allowed to take mechanic drawing classes but my dream was smashed by a college counselor who wouldn't let me sign up for any classes that wouldn't turn me into a teacher or a nurse. And I was too young and naive to fight for myself so I ended up dropping out in my at the need of my 3rd year. I went back to college 25 years later and finished my degree and looked into architecture again but the field was getting computerized and less need for architects was being predicted plus I would have been in my mid-40s by the time I took all the classes required. So I changed goals and taking whatever got me my degree the quickest. The second happiest day in my life when I walked across that stage to get it.
DeleteBut I've always love designing houses and dreaming over floor plans. But my husband and I were a lot like you and yours in that we wanted to rehab an old Victorian and looked for one for years.