I thought I’d hit on a topic I could get into when I found the following quote supposedly said by Mark Twain: “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Since it’s long been my worry that I’d die without figuring out why I was born or what I’ve contributed to the advancement of civilized society that quote spoke to me. But it only took one more google search to find out the phrase wasn’t Twain’s at all. It’s what a website called The Center for Mark Twain Studies calls an Apocryphal Twain quote. I guess there are a lot of them. If you want to know if Twain said this or that, just ask at this website and they’ll do a forensic search and figure it out. In this case, the phrase, “The two most important days in your life...” was first mis-attributed in 2011 when a stand-up comedian and radio personality, Steve Harvey, sent it out in a tweet.
Apparently a lot life coaches and people in cottage industries who make those cute little signs, memes, coffee cups, refrigerator magnets, and message pillows and other for-profit enterprises love to slap Twain quotes on their goods and they do so without first making sure they are attributing them to the right author. The Center for Mark Twain Studies says as a general rule: “If the aphorism in question indicates a sentimental, nostalgic, or otherwise optimistic attitude towards humanity, it probably didn’t come from Twain. As Louis Budd put is, Twain indulged a ‘lifelong suspicion that the mass of mankind is venal, doltish, feckless, and tyrannical, that the damn fools make up a majority anywhere.'”
So I found the meme with the mis-attributed quote on it first---and trust me they are all over the internet---and I got excited about using it for the kind of theme post I occasionally wrote back in my caregiver days that I called (tongue-in-cheek) my Sunday Sermon Series. But the internet being what the internet is I just had to cross-check the source of the quote which blew the topic off my writing table. Boo-hoo! Or did it? No matter who said that about the two most important days of our lives the message is still just as valid. Is it not? I had that revelation while watching a montage of Olympic athletics at the winter games. At some point in their early lives they must have had that Ah, Ha Moment that I’ve never experienced in my almost eighty years---that moment that told them, “This is my passion and gift to the world.” (I’ll bet I just broke The Word Olympic record for using nine ‘thats’ in this short paragraph. Using too many of that word has always been a writing tic I can’t seem to break. If I wasn’t in a lazy mood I’d go back and edit a few of them out.)
What does it feel like to have that Ah, Ha Moment? And maybe my search for the answer is why I’ve always loved movies and books about sports figures at the same time, hating to watch or follow sports. That dichotomy never made sense to me. What comes first? Being good at something and then dedicating your life to it or dedicating your life to something and then becoming good at it? In some cases like Tiger Woods, for example, parents push and bully a kid at a very early age in a direction they may or may not have gone if the choice had been entirely their own.
When my dad was under Hospice care in the last seven months of his life I read every Tiger Woods article and book I could get my hands on to my dad. That was before his fall from grace and my dad was so proud of that guy for essentially being the Jackie Robinson of the golf world. Since my dad passed I kept on reading books by and about Tiger. While fame gave him a place in sports history it also robbed him on the other end of the human existence. From all indications he’s finally made peace with himself and is living his best life and it all gets down to the second half of Twain’s mis-quote of knowing why we’re all here. The important take-away in Tiger's story? We have to find that purpose on our own, no matter how much we’ve been pushed or pulled in one direction or another we have to know the goals we set are our own. And once we know that, we'll find our purpose whether we ultimately make it to the top of the mountain or we just enjoy the journey through the foothills of life. ©
I love your descriptions of people, but I think you are wise to be careful. I wrestled with my purpose in life years ago and decided I wanted to understand how people could be happy. I learned a lot but just because something works for me doesn't mean it works for other people. So now I just stick to my motto: "Be curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love and find a way to share it with others." That's enough to keep me busy.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you keep telling us how you like your new life. What works for you and what doesn't?
I have the "be curious and open to life" down pat. I love learning how things (and people) work. At the same time I admire and often wish I could be that person who finds a single purpose and sticks to it. I will continue to write about what is going on around me but every so often I will probably throw in a piece like this that makes me think on a deeper level and/or send me down that wonderful Google Rabbit hole of finding something I wasn't looking for like the whole fake Mark Twain cottage industry of misquotes.
DeleteThought provoking post, Jean. It made me think about the people who shaped me the most. My parents and grandparents probably affected my perspective more than anyone else. After my parents died, I thought about how they had lived. Both of them were hard workers. That's important, but it didn't top my list. They were committed to their faith and our family. That's important to me, too. Mom, especially, had the ability to laugh easily, especially at herself, and that has inspired me to try to find humor, even when things are rough. What I value most in my parents' lives, was the way they handled pain and loss. They knew how to grieve, sometimes they'd get mad for awhile, then they'd focus on how to figure things out. They took whatever the day gave them, and tried to do their best. They were kind to one another and us, but they were kind, in general. I don't know if I've had an Aha moment, but now that I'm older than dirt, I think I know what matters most. Embracing whatever life gives me, laughing often, and being kind whenever possible.
ReplyDeleteSound like you have great role models growing up. You may not have had a BIG Aha Moment but you recognize what is good in your life and where that came from so I'd call that a series of little Aha Moments. They led you to be at peace with your place in the world and that's huge to those of us who are still searching.
DeleteNever been a parent but from what I've read about parents of people who made it to the top of their field in sports there a difference between being a role model and wanting your kid to achieve what you couldn't and pushing them too hard...happens more in sports than academics but happens there too. Tiger's father, for example, had him practicing golf for hours at three years old, didn't have a normal childhood by any stretch of the imagination.
My father was fascinated by Tiger Woods also. He started following his career early on and was really rooting for him. I'm glad he wasn't around for the self-destructive downward slide of it.
ReplyDeleteI knew the moment I read that quote that it was in no way attributable to Twain. Twain was the kind of guy who wrote nasty letters to the electric company with his bill. He'd have some very acidic and pointed things to say about a quote like that.
Over the years I've learned to double check anything I quote in my posts and sometimes that leads to some interesting sidebar topics like it did with Mark Twain.
DeleteMy dad was from an era when he actually saw a Klan hanging and remembered grown black men stepping off the sidewalk when he and other white kids went by. He was so proud that Tiger was breaking the color barrier in golf. I think he'd have been more heart broken over the recent rise in hate crimes and groups like the Proud Boys than he would have been heart broken over Tiger's personal fall from grace. My dad would have tried to under how that happened with Tiger and have been forgiving. But he would have been ashamed of the human race for seemingly taking such giant steps backward in accepting people of color as equals.
This is indeed a thought-provoking post. I remember the day I realized what I was here for -- and that was to bring Rick and his boys together after all the stress of the divorce. In a way, it came to bringing a whole family back together because now he and his ex wife can be together in a positive way with far less anger and rancor than when we first met. For whatever reason, I seem to attract people who are somewhat damaged by life's circumstances or hurts and have been for a long while. How does that happen? I have no idea. But for whatever reason, it made me better at being a grief counselor/facilitator and also as a supervisor at work. And for that, I'm grateful.
ReplyDeleteI loved the story about your dad and Tiger Woods. You were there. And you can always hold onto that.
Your caring and training and positive attitude shows through in all your posts. I can seek how you were able to help Rick and his boys at such a stressful time in the lives. Some families never lose that post-divorce nastiness and that is so hard on the kids.
DeleteI guess the goal is to have our own Aha moment and not being forced to live
ReplyDeletesomeone else's Aha moment. Don't think I have ever had one of those big moments but maybe a lot of little ones. Decisions made at the time that gave me pleasure or pride while directing my life. I'm content with those.
I write a lot about searching for contentment but maybe I need to take a page from your book and and look for the small Aha Moments I've had in my live that re-directed my life. I feel a future post topic brewing in the back of my mind. Thanks.
DeleteI agree with your conclusion. If/when you find your true purpose in life, you have to make of it what you will. You may climb a mountain, you may hike around a lake, but as long as you are you, it's all good.
ReplyDeleteI like Mark Twain because of his "the damn fools make up a majority anywhere" point of view. Got me smiling with that.
Twain made a lot of people smile, didn't he.
DeleteBasically, it all gets down to that cliché about it's the journey that counts not the designation. Got to keep reminding myself of that. Then there's the other saying about how if you don't aim for the top you'll never get to the middle which can be a pretty darn good place to be.
During the last 10 years (or so) of working, I changed jobs a few times. Usually it was because of major frustration - often because of private equity and what they were doing to our industry. I thought about changing jobs and I read a lot about finding your purpose in life. But over time I realized that I couldn't come up with one big purpose statement (or a job in a new field that paid much) and I gave up the pressure to do so. Like others above, I have come to peace with smaller Ahas as I age and look back at my life. And being happy right now has a lot to do with it, I guess.
ReplyDeleteAs for Tiger, I see him playing with his uber competitive son and hope he's not doing the same thing to that kid. But being the son of Tiger Woods has to hold its own pressures. I think that car crash probably created another Come to Jesus moment for him. Or it should have...
Being happy right now is a super nice thing to be able to say.
DeleteI hope the same about Tiger and his son.
Do you know the site called The Quote Investigator? It's one of the best places to double-check quotations. He does fabulous research, and has saved me more than a few times from passing on wrongly attributed quotations.
ReplyDeleteAs for those over-arching goals, they've never been my style. I've just followed my interests, and they've landed me in a wide variety of circumstances. It's been my experience that curiosity, a willingness to push boundaries, and engagement with people leads to almost daily 'ah ha!' moments -- I never know when the next one will appear, and that's great fun, indeed.
Thanks for the link!
DeleteYou and my husband would have traveled well together. He had the same willingness to engage with people from all walks of life. I'm curiosity but more guarded with strangers and new places.
I understand your Caution about writing Posts about your new Community, yet I find it to be enjoyable reading and not at all like Gossip or trying to tear anyone down. You're not being mean spirited, I find you're just painting a picture with Words of each person and personality, vividly. That's Helpful to me for when you're telling us what you're doing and with Whom. Anyway, hope you don't stop writing about CCC Life and all the Adventures? My Family knows I Blog about them all and they are disinterested mostly, knowing this is my Social outlet and so they respect my Privacy with my 'Friends' and whatever we might 'talk' about. As for Purpose... it can be Specific or multi-faceted what Purposes we've fulfilled... and which we perhaps haven't... yet.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started blogging I actually put a link in one of my Christmas letters and to the best of knowledge only two people out of the 30 who got the letter actually checked out blog and they still occasionally stop by to see what I'm up to. I also have a friend from my old senior hall who does the same. I really like having the ones I do have because just knowing they might see something I've written acts like a fact checker in my mind.
DeleteI will not stop writing about the CCC life because it is my life now and personal blogs are supposed to be bout our lives, an inside look on what goes on around us and inside our heads. But I will probably branch out to other topics a couple of times a month when I feel in the mood to dig deeper.
You put so much time and research into your blogs. Deep thinking. Your writing makes it sound like WE are having a conversation. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThat's the goal of personal blogs, I think. Conversation beyond the people we see every day. I know I spill things in my blog I would never reveal to those around me.
DeleteMy Ah Ha! moment came when I broke my back. I recovered to the point where I could be trained to volunteer with Hospice--that training served me when I cared for my parents when they died. It also made me realize that I had something of value that I could share with the world and that I did make a difference to others. I've had a number of synchronistic events in my life where people I know can be connected to one another through me and what I've accomplished in life. THAT is my Ah Hah! reason for being here. Life is a circle -- enjoy it so that when it comes at you again, you're prepared for it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a special purpose you've found! Hospice volunteers are truly wonderful assets to lean on when a family is in that situation. I went to a lecture once by a guy who ran a local hospice for years and wrote a book about his experiences. Like funeral directors, hospice workers truly can make a difference at a very difficult time in people's lives.
DeleteI don't know that there should be an answer for why we were born, but we humans seem to think we need to ask that question. Also, I don't necessarily think there is just one passion we need to pursue throughout our lives to experience a rewarding and meaningful worthwhile life in this world. Why would we think we need to have one major passion? Individuals are singled out for a variety of reasons as examples of people who have lived life with a single passion but is that better than how others may explore a changing variety of "little passions". All make significant contributions to mankind. I think there are a multitude of people whose names are never known by all, or may be known by only a few, whose lives have made meaningful contributions all of which combined are what make what goodness there is in this world possible. If we must ask why are we here -- perhaps it's simply to do our part contributing to humanity, hopefully positively in how we live our lives and with one another.
ReplyDeleteI like how you think. I especially love your last sentence and believe whole heartedly that we can and should all contribute to humanity in a positive way.
DeleteHere's a link to one of my artist trading cards on this topic which I thought was a funny quote. More Kardashian than Twain, I guess. :)
ReplyDeletehttps://youcallthatart.wordpress.com/atc-gallery/#jp-carousel-1425
Made me laugh! I think I've known a few people who think that way.
DeleteI'm with Joared on this one. A sense of purpose is vital to happiness, so it will be addressed one way or another by each of us. Our main purpose as a species is to keep the race going and try not to gum it up too much, which humans have a propensity toward.
ReplyDeleteMany parents continue to teach behavior and ethics with platitudes rather than direct involved conversation - or by example. And children learn early on to read more into actions than words.
You've fulfilled your purpose by loving and being there for others, then choosing to keep us enlightened and constructively entertained. I've often wondered how many widows (and widowers) you've moored with your heartfelt words and exceptional humor. I bet it's a lot!
So very true about how kids learn from their parents' actions more than by the words they say.
DeleteThank you for thinking I might have had an impact on a few widows. I know I did with caregivers when I was a mentor and I need to remind myself of that from time to time.
I wouldn't call myself a gossip person but that said we all do like a bit of a gossip now and again, this post makes one think which is good unless it gives one a headache.
ReplyDeleteThis is a headache free zone!
DeleteI have had different callings throughout my life - not just one purpose that I can think of...
ReplyDeleteAnd that's a good thing, I think. For me, I always called my I-can't-decide-what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up syndrome. I needed to reframe that.
DeleteI never thought of your posts as "gossip", but I understand you wanting to change your focus. I'd never want to inadvertently hurt someone I care(d) about by them reading something I wrote in a potentially unflattering light (ex and late husband and other ne'er do wells excluded...sometimes a girl's gotta vent).
ReplyDeleteDeb
I'm not going to totally change my blogging focus but just throw in a little variety now and then. My live is here now and so to write about my life I have to write about those around me.
DeleteWith an ex-husband like you had venting was the most sane and normal thing in the world to do.