On my first trip to my future I joked that I was afraid to go for fear they’d let me in the coded gate and not let me back out. On this second trip it actually happened that I had to hunt down the gatekeeper so I could return to the path by the lake that took me back to my own independent living building. But in between coming and going I spent my time people watching. There was one old guy in particular who looked like a Tim Conway character from the old Carol Burnett Show. White hair standing out in all directions like Albert Einstein, a shawl-collared sweater with only the top button buttoned and his old man belly and belt on full display as he shuffled along. Then there was a woman who at first glanced looked like she was carrying a new born baby but it turned out to be one of those expensive, custom-made dolls. And I’d hated to be the aid who had to take it from her arms to help the woman get dressed or undressed. But the most delightful, laugh-out-loud thing I was saw was an 80 pound dog dressed in a large pair of purple wings and wearing a tutu and she was squatting to pee with her back to everyone. I’m sure she thought if she couldn’t see us, we couldn’t see her. It would have been a prize winning photo if I’d had a camera with me. The tutu fanned out in a perfect, pink tulle circle.
Aside from the twenty some residents sitting in the park I saw something else. Something somehow sweet and comforting. The staff who was attending the residents were respectful and kind and cheerful but not patronizing the way I’ve seen in some nursing homes I’ve visited in my past. Another visitor was there with a dog and both her mother and a father lived in Memory Care and one of the staff thanked her for always supporting their Life Enrichment events. She had found some luggage tags that you could paint on and she offered to make name tags out of them for other residents with walkers because, those buggers all look that same. She had a ten-ish year old boy with her and what a wonderful mother she was---modeling kindness the way she did. And what a wonderful daughter, caring enough to want to make the staff’s lives easier by making walker name tags for everyone.
As I sat there taking it all in I thought about a comment one of the guys from my part of the campus said when we went down to the park to try to dunk the CEO and other staff members into a dunking tank. He said, “If I ever get moved down here, just shoot me” and this time I thought about how if you were judging by looks alone, he’d fit right in. He might have more sparkle in his eyes and he might be a fuss-budget about changing his shirt if he gets a stain on it---stains are the mark of an old person who is loosing it, according to him---but really he’s fooling himself if he thinks he’d be out of place. The line between them and us seemed very thin to me. Granted, there were probably others inside the buildings who couldn’t come outside, who couldn’t enjoy a cup of lemon-aide and some Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. But we’re all only a TIA away from our brains saying we’ve had enough of taking care of business. Rather than be put off by one of these co-mingle events I’m at peace knowing I’ll be in a safe and pretty place to stay when I can no longer find my way back from the bathroom when I get up in the middle of the night.
Walking home it dawned on me why the two times I’ve visited my future they served those fish-shaped crackers out of the biggest bags I’ve never seen in the stores.They practically melt in your mouth and are safe for little kids who can’t possibility chock on them…and neither could senior citizens with swallowing issues.
But there's so much to do before I have to worry about memory care including I'm excited about the creative writing group I'm spearheading on campus. Our first meeting is coming up soon. The mission statement is written, the agenda is set and my first assignment is ready to go. ©
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| Not a good photo but is shows the fence around the park from the road |
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| The coded gate with the park beyond the fence, also take from the road |
That's so encouraging! And exciting about your writing group. ❤️
ReplyDeleteMy co-sponsor and I are working well together and we both have similar histories with being life long diaries keepers. Although being a guy he calls this a journey. LoL
Delete"The line between them and us seemed very thin..." Now that is the absolute truth, Jean! Whether we're talking about the residents at the CCC, those who are impoverished, the misunderstood, or any of those in our society who are different from us. Two weeks ago I had a scare and ended up at the ER with very high blood pressure. It was so high that I didn't even have to wait at the ER, which was lovely, but my reason for being there was scary. They brought it down, sent me home, and I'm on medication that is controlling it now. All good. But I have thought, repeatedly, about how quickly our lives can change. You get up one morning, feeling fine, and before lunch, you could have a life-changing event. It's good to have a wake-up call every once in awhile...and it's even better when you're able to wake up every morning. Life is precious.
ReplyDeleteNow that dog in the pink wings and tutu. Seeing her would be worth the walk over to the other building. My kinda girl! It sounds as though the residents in that area are very well cared for. Thank God for good staff!!! Those folks who continually care for the rest of us are worth their weight in gold.
So glad your ER trip resulted in bringing down your blood pressure before you had a stroke or heart attack from it. That thin line i real and it's great to celebrity being on the side of it.
DeleteSome people living in independent living are afraid to visit the Memory Care building's park. But this summer they've had a few music and singing shows that have drawn some over and those who went had the same reaction that I did to the place. The music and singing shows came from a grant of some kind that is study involving using music as therapy. I haven't gone yet but I've heard nothing but good reports.
I love your blog! I've been reading it for a long time, but this is my first time commenting. Your descriptive writing and sense of humor are delightful. I was author to "One of Life's Little Surprises" blog, but stopped writing after my husband passed.
ReplyDeleteSeeing our future before us; that takes bravery. Looks like you have landed in a lovely spot, with good folks to support you as needs change.
Carole
Thank you. Maybe one day you'll start another blog. It gets in your blood. This place isn't perfect but it's a whole lot better than others I've had reason to visit. But they do need to build another assisted living building because some people have had to be sent off campus until an opening comes up here. Plans are in the works but I want it complete before I need one. As if I had any control over their time table.
DeleteIt is nice to know that should you ever need it, the next step can be almost painless. Love that the staff is so caring. Have fun with your writing group. Can't wait to hear how it goes.
ReplyDeleteOne of the points in our mission statement is "What other may share in their writings stays in Creative Writing Group." So I won't be able to give you a blow by blow description of what we do. I'm just hoping at this point to get enough people signed up to make it fun.
Delete"But we’re all only a TIA away from our brains saying we’ve had enough of taking care of business."
ReplyDeleteThis says it all in one small sentence….
A scary thought but we do need to remind ourselves of that once in a while so we quit wasting time.
DeleteMy parents were in a nursing home before they died and we were so thankful for the care they got there. I am glad you go to events there but please don't describe the people that are living in there. My Dad could have been the person you described and he had Alzheimer's so wasn't aware of how he looked.
ReplyDeleteI apologize for being defensive and I usually enjoy your posts but it just brought back some sad memories for me.
Oh, I'm so sorry for bringing back that memory for you. What struck me the most about going to Memory Care was how well treated the residents seemed to be. They were all clean and wearing clothing that matched and that sure wasn't true in Hospice home where my dad was at and he came out wearing purple sweat pants that didn't belong to him. In his entire live he wouldn't wear anything but muted browns, greens and tan. I was so upset. Join activities between the two parts of the complex will end soon when it gets too cold for the park.
DeleteWe're only a TIA away...as I found out in 2016, that led to my retiring early in 2019. Wise words, Jean. Loved this post. Best of luck with the writing group, not that I think you'll need it...sounds like you've got everything under control!
ReplyDeleteDeb
We just have to find a few more members and hopefully ones who don't think we're going to teach how-to lessons or punctuation classes.
DeleteI agree that there is a thinking between us and them on almost every area of humanity. I just do my best to exercise, keep active and est something close to the right way while living now. Its all I can do.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about the 'thinking between us and them' and sometimes it drives me crazy. A conversation on immigration recently comes to mind where someone said we should put armed soldiers at all the borders and shoot to kill. This from a guy whose grandparents were immigrants.
DeleteI'm with you on appreciating, not dreading or denigrating, memory care. It is a comfort to know there are safe places and kind caring people who work with memory impaired people with patience and compassion. I certainly would hope to find (or my family would find) a place like that for me. My mother had dementia and I found a beautiful Adult Family Home for her and they cared for her so lovingly. That was over a decade ago and I'm still grateful every time I think of it.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many variations on care facilities and the good ones don't get enough credit.
DeleteYour comment about the woman carrying the baby doll brought back a memory of when I was in a service club when I was a junior in high school. We visited a local nursing home and I was "assigned" to go into the room of a woman who, at that time, was 100 years old. That meant she was born in 1864, near the end of the Civil War. She was in bed, as I recall, and was holding a rag type doll. I sat next to her and didn't know what to say, but she smiled and turned the doll over and gave her a good spanking. We both thought that was pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteThat is funny! One time we had our dog for a visit at my husband's mother's nursing home and most of the residents loved seeing him come. We'd sit in the lounge and let the people who wanted to love on him. Then one time a woman with a stuffed dog came into the room and pitched a fit because she said our dog was upsetting her dog.
DeleteI love those goldfish crackers -- enough that I try not to keep them in the house because I can't leave them alone. So I'll be great in the nursing home. :-) Seriously though, it's encouraging that you are comfortable with that area of your CCC. You are so right about all of us being one "event" away from needing it.
ReplyDeleteThe CCC has a little problem though that they don't have enough rooms in assisted living on this campus and a few people who needed short term care had to go to the other campus. They are going to build a new AL building here but we don't know when. Hopefully, before I need it.
DeleteThis CCC sounds like heaven on earth to me. I'm very impressed. Luckily living with the family is still perfect. Getting me into a dementia home or nursing home will be up to them, I think.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are pleasantly surprised by good attendance at the Writers Club!
Me, too. I've been talking it up but there are a few people who have no clue what a creative writing group does even though the description clearly say 'exchanging thoughtful feedback and encouragement' yadda, yadda, yadda. One woman said, "I don't remember how to use punctuation." Ah, we're not an English class. Should be interesting what we get.
DeleteThe writing group sounds interesting
ReplyDeleteHopefully, we'll get enough sign up to make it work.
DeleteIt's nice to know what it's like -- and I hope you won't have to go there! I love goldfish.
ReplyDeleteMe too!
DeleteVisiting our Future can be terrifying for some and comforting for others. I recall taking my Dad to visit a Lifelong Friend in the Alzheimer Unit of her Nursing Home, I could see the Angst being there brought him, since this was during the time his own Health was clearly failing him and he didn't want her Fate to be his Future. When he could no longer take care of himself of business as usual, he simply told me, just days in to being Hospitalized for the Terminally Ill, it was a good day to Die... and he went out, just like that. As for Mom, she transitioned hard, but better. At first fighting her Future and then reveling in her Nursing Home and Hospice Experience where she was surrounded by people and activities, good Care and the Security of not having to Care for herself or burden us with trying to. There is a certain Peace that comes from having a sense of appropriate Placement and Care. I know I will never be able to afford Long Term Care at all, so I will have to go out of this Life and into the next one quickly... one way or another.
ReplyDeleteI felt the why your dad did when I visited my sister-in-law in an Alzheimer's lock down place. We should be able to go as peacefully as your dad did. Hopefully we'll both find the sense of peace you spoke of at the end. ....but not too soon. We both have a lot of living to do yet.
DeleteI don't know why -- or maybe I do -- but your comment about your writing group not being a place to teach punctuation reminded me of a quotation I find so hilarious I kept it, and look at it from time to time. It's from Fernando Pessoa: "To have touched the feet of Christ is no excuse for mistakes in punctuation."
ReplyDeleteIn the writing group I was in in the past we did have an English teacher/member who was good at correcting punctuation in pieces we shared in a low key kind of way that we all appreciated and I hope someone will show up who dooes that, if needed. But the woman who I mentioned above talked about joining has a misconception about what creative writing is. She thought we'd be reviewing high school English class stuff like diagraming sentences and using proper grammar.
DeleteAh. Well. I did enjoy diagramming sentences, but that belongs in 8th grade, not in a writing group.
DeleteI'm have some trouble describing what we'll do in a writing group to those who don't write even though our notice says---among other things----its inspire, enocurage and support one another in our individual writing goals through receiving and giving thoughtful feedback.
DeleteOh, that quote that shoreacres shared is Priceless! It's exactly how I feel ALL THE TIME. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI think you'll have "cat herding/nailing Jell-O to the wall" type problems with your creative writing group at first. Many will be thinking or hoping it is more like a class in which you'll be teaching them how to write creatively or be giving them assignments of stories or poems. Perhaps you might want to talk about things they might want to start writing themselves, like memoirs or collections of poems around a theme.
Be strong about setting parameters of your role. And your availability. (Trust me on that last one; if they see you as an authority, they'll hound you at all hours, shoving papers in your face or asking you to listen to them read something, even at meals.)
Now you're scaring me. The guy I drafted as my co-sponsor and I are 'selling' this group as a group effort with a rotating facilitator. He had the idea for the first meeting for us each to bring a passage written in a style we like that was written by someone other than ourselves and we'll share them. After that, we'll find out what each person want to work on. Three of us who signed up want to write poetry, another who might join wants to work on a memoir. Also on our first meeting agenda we'll talk about the mission statement which, given that we live so closely, includes a line about what others may write about in group stays in group.
DeleteThanks for the advice! The part about they'll "see you as an authority" I hope doesn't happen but I suspect what you're saying will be true because that darn little poem I wrote. I can't believe people can read a poem with less than 100 words and label me as some great writer without knowing anything else about me or my writing history. How does that translate into you'll make a great person to start our newsletter? I wouldn't assume that if you can string 100 words together in a poem that you can do a dozen pages in a different genre of writing.
You are admirable, your whole attitude to life in the past and life now is admirable. I wish I could see the good in both people and situations as you do and accept whatever comes. Although, to judge by your posts, which I have read for some considerable time now, we share aspects of life and circumstances , I find it hard to look on the bright side, being a rather curmudgeonly kind of person.
ReplyDeleteI love that you can joke about the possible future - not really very likely for you though? - which fills me with dread and that you can be so warm-hearted towards the unfortunate souls who have to remain locked away.
You stay as positive and humorous as you are now; at least I get to laugh at your posts, even if the rest of life looks to be on the miserable side.
I got a positive attitude from my dad who never had an unkind thing to say about anyone and always looked for the good and a good lesson learned in everything that crossed his path. But from my mom I got a healthy dose of level-headedness. It works for me to try to see the humor in situations especially if they might not be so fun when we're going through them.
DeleteOh, yes, me ending up in Memory Care is something I fear because I can sense changes in my brain and or in assisted living because of changes in my physical health. My older brother is experiencing dementia so that he can't live alone anymore. My dad, too, at the end of his life.
A very sensitive observation comparing those in the memory care unit with those at the independent level where you are. For some it can be a very slight difference that can result in some resident's resisting a move to a lower level of independence determined by others to be necessary. However, none of us knows if we'll ever need to make such a transition, but there can be comfort in knowing exactly where you'll be should the need arise. Visiting there now can create a familiarity should a move there ever occur, ideally making it easier. One nice thing about friendships formed now is should any move to a different level those on site could easily visit if they're comfortable doing so. You may never have the need to be there with all the mental stimulation of various activities in which you are engaged. Your creative writing group sounds especially interesting.
ReplyDeleteOne of the biggest advantages of being on a continuum care campus and all of us moving into our independent apartments at the same time is if and when we start needing to go to assisted living or memory care we will know others, having formed friendships here.
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