Band-Aids and IT Services

Do you know how many Band-Aids I’ve been through this year? Me neither but it’s a lot. Between keeping the surgical stitches covered on my hands and the Mole From Hell on my ankle I’m running through twenty-one a week and that’s not even counting the ones I destroy before I even get one of those sticky suckers in place. I can’t see the spot on my ankle without putting a hand mirror on the floor and I ruined a lot of bandages until I got my Covid vaccination recently. I watched the pharmacist put a Band-Aid on my arm and that’s when it dawned on me why she didn’t pull the paper away from both ends of the bandages before applying one end in place. Eighty years old and I’m just now learning how to do this correctly? But then I was also eighty when I learned that putting the creamer in a coffee cup before putting in the coffee makes it taste better so I suppose I'm just a slower learner. Either way I’m as happy as a male echidnas. (Did you know they have a four-headed penis and during sex they can alternate between using them?) Back on topic: No more wasted Band-Aids in this house, thank you very much. What will I learn next? Computer coding? Why Taylor Swift can't find true love? As of next week I’ll be down to using just one Band-Aid a day---the stitches come out of my hand November 8th and then I’ll just have to deal with the Mole From Hell on the 14th.

Life is sure exciting here in Old People Land, isn’t it. This morning I got woke up at 5 AM because the fire truck and ambulance was here again. Hint: Unless you’re the noisy type who wants to know who gets a ride to the hospital don’t pick a room in an independent or assisted living facility that overlooks the main entrance. We have two residents here in Covid quarantine right now so my bingo chip is on one of their names but it could very well have been someone else who needed emergency assistance. I don’t know because I went back to bed after checking out what woke me up. It was heaven sleeping without the inference of the UTI that had me wearing a path from the bed to the bathroom for the past four weeks. I thought for sure someone would find me in a pool of urine, dead from an undetected bladder cancer, but the doctor finally found the right antibiotic and according to my sleep app I had two nights in row where I only got up twice during the night to pee. One night I actually had over three hours of deep sleep. I've never even came close to three hours in the 2+ years of me keeping track.

I finally got down to visit my brother since he moved into the Memory Care building next door. I wanted to wait until he had time to settle in before he got overwhelmed with too much going on. He looks great, Niece Number Two was there at the same time and the three of us had a good conversation. A worker there told me he’s not venturing out of his room much yet, but I’m guessing they're giving him time before they push too much on him too soon. 

If you have someone in a care facility that used the Sagely app to track their a patients activities and schedule, I’m getting signed up to use it. His building and mine share the same Activities Director---she’s in charge of the app---and I know her well enough to fish her information on how I can help. He’s still eating most of meals his room and I’m thinking maybe if I go over once or twice a week before lunch and I could encourage him to go to the dining room if I kept him company. While I’m there maybe I’d figure out who is using a corner set up with a rack of baby clothing to put on a box of naked dolls. If I ever get moved over to that building I hope my nieces remember to tell them I’ve never had an children so if I don’t know how to diaper a life-sized doll it’s because I “never birthed no babies” to quote a line from Gone With the Wind and not because I’ve forgotten how. This spying on my future, could be useful if I keep a ‘do and don’t’ notebook for my nieces. I'd write down a note to never let me say "no" to the chocolate cake. It comes from Costco and it's to die for. Also I'd write down to not set my TV to the Old People's channel.

The IT guy has already been to my brother’s room a couple of times to fix the TV because, well, because the CCC employs two full time IT guys to straighten them out when residents mess up their remote buttons. I joke that I've already solved that problem. I only watch Netflix’s on the television in the bedroom and the news on the TV in the living room. Even so those remotes in buildings like this are evil. They can change the channels on your neighbor’s TV so you never know if you’re mind is slipping or the building is out to get you. But seriously, one of my nieces is getting a simplified, old people remote for her dad that the IT guy will program. 

My upstairs neighbor and I have an agreement that we don’t mess with the light in our bedroom ceiling fans after 11:00 at night because whatever one of us does with our fan remotes, it happens to both our fans. They tell us the IT guys can put one of the remotes on a different channel to solve the issue but we’re both afraid we’d just end up on someone’s channel and it won’t be as easy to figure out who it is to make that same 11:00 agreement with. The IT guys are super good with old people, they look at us like job security. They even teach a monthly class on device related issues. I don’t know if the residents in my brother’s building get charged for IT services but after the basic set ups, we do so it still pays to learn to try to solve your own issues before calling them. ©  

If I'm still wear a bandage on my mole next spring when I'm wearing shorter pants, I'm getting some of these.