Forget Flowers, Send Soft Toilet Paper!

NOTE I went home a few days before this post went live. It was in my scheduler so I'm letting it publish to buy me time to settle back in.

I must be getting better judging by the fact that I'm coming up with all kinds of things to be annoyed by. Number one on my list is harsh paper products---Kleenex and toilet paper.  I don't mean to gross you out but they tell me that all that oxycontin and Morphine I was on for pain control after my fall gives you diarrhea and I'm living proof of that. So if you WERE planning to send me flowers, make it a bunch of those toilet paper flowers ladies make for bridal showers games. Or don't they do those anymore? I remember being divided up into teams and given a roll of toilet paper and told to design a wedding gown for one of the bridesmaids to wear and the bride to judge.  It's been so long since I've been to a wedding shower those memories have to be coming from the last century. God, I'm old! Back then kitchen towels and sink drainers or mixing bowls would have been a nice gift but now people register for showers and I presume they're not cheap gifts you're expected to bring.

Some clever party planner entrepreneur should start offering a party package for elderly people, popularize having 75th or 80th birthday parties your grandparents or for moving into an assisted living home. Gifts to register for would include all the stuff I've accumulated since going to the hospital: long-handled reachers, toilet seat risers, leg lift aid, sock aid tool, pull-ups (formerly known as adult diapers), slippers one size larger than normally worn, bedside grab bars, bed wedges, walkers, canes, reusable ice packs and lap blankets plus an assortment of the small stuff that you find on tables next to an elderly person's recliner chair. You know, a magnifying glass, scissors, toenail clippers, creams and lotions and who knows what else is under their little nests. Correction our little nests.  Can you imagine the range of emotions you'd go through if somebody actually did have a elderly shower for you like that---what it would be like to have all that stuff coming into your life all at once? It could be Sad, depressing, or funny, fun, practical, and a good time if you could get your grandkids on board. "We want you to be safe, grandma." "We don't want you calling us when you can't get your socks on by yourself, grandpa."

I should stop being silly and leave you with a little antidote that happened here in the Respite Care which is really just a glorified room set inside the assisted living building with OT, PT and nursing services brought in from the outside.  (And I've come to understand other CCC's do Respite Care the same way. It's not covered By Medicare and is billed at $300 a day. If you needed more extensive rehab then you would go to a regular rehab facility that is covered.). 

Anyway, humor is not lacking here. The help was late putting food on the table and one woman made a remark about no food being served and another woman said, "We've already eaten, Helen, we're just sitting here waiting for dessert now." Then a couple of other ladies started talking about  how good the imagimary food has been. Made me laugh and made my ribs hurt so course that made it not quite so funny anymore. They finally did admit they were joking and no one laughed harder than the woman who the prank was pulled on.  Then there is the guy who gets teased about having a real life wife who visits and a dining room wife who lives there.  

Closing note. I really did accumulate a lot of stuff, Much of it l don't need anymore. I can't wait to see my Amazon bill.