Since coming home from Respite Care I struggle with what to write about. Between falling asleep when I shouldn’t be and trying to sleep when I should be, I’m not doing a whole lot of anything else. That’s not entirely true. The physical therapist who's been coming to my apartment twice a week just ‘graduated’ me from her part of out-patient care for my broken and misaligned ribs and she’s been taking up two hours of my weeks since getting home. She always came at the same time as Tai Chi classes take place here so I haven’t been able to start them up again. She says I have her permission to use the walker as much or as little as I want as long as I remember to slow down, don’t make sudden turns or stops and starts. Eighty years of walking a certain way and I'm going to change that?
The nurse says she’s going to discharge me next week. “Are you sure you can dress that Mohl surgery site?” she asked and the jaded side of me almost answered that I’d been doing it for almost a year before she came along but the Nice Nancy in me assured her that changing the place I do it at, so that I can sit instead bending over like a pretzel, has made it doable without her. Other than that, taking my vitals and listening to my lungs for signs of pneumonia is all she’s been doing, so I’m glad I wouldn’t be tied down by her by-weekly visits either. And I won’t miss her ordering supplies for me that I really don’t need or want----I have enough wound care products that I could dress a whole military platoon. I can’t be sure before the bills roll in but I’ll bet my deductibles on that stuff will cost more than it would for me to just order it straight off Amazon where I’ll get credit card points as well.
The Occupational Therapist, especially, spent my money like it was sand in the desert. She ordered a toilet seat riser, for example, that still sits unused in a box and can’t be returned. Same with a box of 44 adult diapers that I only used seven of. Then there was the bed wedge and sock aid that I only needed for a minute and a half. But she was the person who had the power over deciding whether or not I was safe to go back to my apartment so if she said I needed a box turtle painted pink I would have said, "I'll take two." I got a bed rail that way and I do like it…only I didn’t get the one she suggested. I canceled the order soon after she left and got another one off Amazon you barely see while the one she suggested yelled HOSPITAL RAIL needed here.
Change of topic: For the first time in my adult life I’m having trouble getting my paperwork together for my income tax appointment with my CPA. And, no, it’s not age related. At least I don’t think it is. It has to do with my newly acquiring financial adviser last summer and not having a working printer now. I told him I wanted my fiances simplified but they are anything but that now. I went from two accounts to keep track of to five and as far as I can tell they all lost money last year. With my old, self-done financial set up I wouldn’t have lost a dime….but the chance of making money wouldn’t have been there either and I can live with that a whole lot easier than the ups and downs I see now.
I’m anxious for all the bills to roll in from the hospital, doctors and other costs related to my fall. I want them paid off and history but the Adviser has me on too tight of a budget to do that. I’m seeing him on Monday. I need at least one account that is more fluid because I like to pay my bills off in one shot and not having payments hanging over my head. Yes, it’s a First World problem and I try to remember how luck I am to have them rather than the other kind where just finding enough to eat and a place to stay warm is something REAL to worry about. At least World Central Kitchen loves my guilt trips because I just drained all but $10 of my PayPal account with another donation to their cause of feeding people in war and disaster zones around the world. Looking over the charity donations I made in 2022, I saw a pattern. I apparently wanted to feed people and animals during floods, fires, wars, earthquakes and the homeless in inner cities.
I hate worrying about money. I just HATE it! And the scary part is that I see myself in my brother who is giving himself and his kids heart burn worrying about money. So far I’m keeping my worries to myself (if I don’t count my blog readers). So far I don’t obsess to the point that it’s one the two themes I talk about with family like my brother does. When he’s not asking someone to give him a ride home from Memory Care he’s asking someone to give him ride to the bank. And I can’t keep from wondering if this worrying isn’t coming from our mom. She set the standard with her life-long worrying about money---justifiably so, given her childhood but not so much with my brother and me. We were taught by example to always have extra $20 bills stuffed in pockets or books. Always have something to give to someone who needed food for their kids. Even a secret bank account was not out of the realm of possibilities with her. Then we stick a guy in Memory Care like my brother is and expect him to forget the safety net of carrying money on him at all times? We all know how impractical that is in a place like that but still I need to keep reminding myself that his kind of worrying is nothing new. It just sprouted wings to carry the worrying to new heights. ©
Good luck! I'm sorry about the added stress.
ReplyDelete---Cheerful Monk
Thank you. I'll get over the added stress.
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ReplyDeleteJean, I appreciate that you've shared your healthcare experiences with us. I wonder if therapists have a general list of possible products patients might need, and just automatically suggest them. Kind of a crap shoot if you ask me. But I'm beginning to see depersonalization of medical care with my husband and myself, so maybe it's a trend. I appreciate my caregivers, but sometimes I think they're all playing the guessing game. Sort of like playing darts--once in a while they hit the bullseye, but other times it's pretty much trial and error. I can see a big donation pile in your future. And the sad part is so many of those items were probably horribly overpriced. We jump through the hoops, though, and do what we're told because we know we need care.
When it comes to money, I think many of us are products of our upbringing. My parents were always very concerned about having enough to pay the bills. I remember the tension when finances were tight. I still remember my father saying, "You just never know how much money you're gonna need to get through your life!" So true. Unfortunately, my parents didn't live long lives and their finances outlived them, but who knows? When you mentioned attempting to track all your accounts, it reminded me the same thing we struggled with, years ago. We had a financial advisor and I think he had us invest in about a dozen different funds. It was crazy. We did that for about 15 years and then we decided we'd had enough. We simplified and rolled all those accounts over into Vanguard accounts. What a difference that made. We no longer use a financial adviser, but we have found advice from our accountant has been priceless. I think most senior citizens have many financial questions and concerns. We sure don't want to run out of money!
Hoping you continue to heal and resume normal sleep patterns ASAP!
I think you could be right abut home health caregiver services having a list of things they automatically suggest. I know these two were quick with their computers to order the stuff. But on the other hand than knew I didn't have daughters or sons they could tell to get the stuff for me that they though I needed.
DeleteIf you are in the same age bracket as I am our parents went through the Great Depression, the Stock Market Crash of 1929 and WWII with all its shortages. They always had more reason to worry about money than I did. Although for two people who started out with nothing passed down from the generation above them my parents did well for themselves.
Pam has the right idea..simplify your money in a couple of places only and be your own financial advisor…you are paying a percentage to those advisors. Vanguard is a great company and World Central Kitchen is an excellent charity.
DeleteI know I screwed up with moving my money around.
DeleteI'm impressed with the work done by WCK.
I hate worrying about money too. I spent most of my life that way and it didn't do a damn thing for me, except cause me sleepless nights. I came by it honestly...my mom was in charge of the home finances and life WAS tough for my parents, who came to Canada from post-WWII Holland with only $25 in their pockets to start a new life with. Unfortunately, when things became easier financially for them the worry didn't go away. Same story for me. I've been working on it, and doing the math (over and over again 🤣) prior to deciding to retire early helped a lot. I still worry from time to time, but much less than before.
ReplyDeleteDeb
I suppose the oppose it true for those born into money...that they never think about it, just assume it will always be there.
DeleteI always say that I wish there was a way to know when I was going to die so I would know if my pile of money will last.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my Dad always said that it is not good to watch your investments. The amounts go up and down and he said it is the long term that makes the difference. And my Dad was usually right about stuff like that.
Hope you continue to recover from your poor ribs!
Life would be easier if we could see into the future, wouldn't.
DeleteSigh. I hate money. I grew up without any, started my marriage without any, and I can never stop worrying about it. It's like that passage from Faulkner: "The past is never dead. It's not even past." No matter how many times my husband and financial advisor tell me that we're okay, I can't stop perseverating. I completely empathize.
ReplyDeleteBut if you're not comfortable with the decisions your advisor made, you need to tell him they're not working. Tell him why, and tell him what you need to feel better and more in control, and insist. If need be, get a new advisor.
Glad to know I'm in such good company on the Worry train.
DeleteI did tell him yesterday that I was not comfortable about certain things and he assures me that once we've been through a full year (come June) I'll see the benefits. That's when income will start getting dumped into my fluid A/C account. In the meantime he set up a RMD to cover incoming medical bills.
Worry about money? You should have seen me last week, when a glitch in an online system suddenly had me nine hundred dollars overdrawn in my checking account. That got rectified, but not until I'd had the highest blood pressure in years. Apart from that, I think about money all the time, but mostly don't worry about it. As long as I can keep working, I'll keep a roof over my head and food on the table. Of course, the day will come when I'll no longer be able to work, but for seventy-seven I'm clicking along pretty well -- so on we go.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is how you ended up with so much stuff you don't need. What gives your various caregivers the right to order things -- can they do that without your approval? I can't imagine that, and I sure would have tried to put a stop to it.
That kind of an overdraw would have set my blood pressure on fire too! Glad you got it straighten out quickly.
DeleteWhen the nurse and OT started ordering stuff to put on my Medicare account they didn't ask. They just said you'll need, such and such and it would show up a few days later. I was in a great deal of pain back then and am not sure if I asked any questions or protested or questioned what they said. Fast forward a few weeks later and I did question stuff but they didn't take me serious.
Speaking of money...did you know that most bank accounts are not protected from fraud? I thought FDIC covered $250,000 per account, per person. My husband said no, so I called the bank, and doggone it, he was right. A person does have up to several thousand dollars worth of fraud protection on most credit cards, but not on debit cards and bank accounts. I just learned this last week.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a debit card for just that reason.
DeleteI'm learning much from your experiences and I appreciate you writing about them here. I don't enjoy being around medical people, not that they're bad people, but their interest in topics I'd rather ignore is irritating. I, too, was taught to always have an extra $20 with me at all times. Suppose kids these days are encouraged to do that!
ReplyDeleteNot one of my young relatives. She was traveling out of state and on a toll road that only took cash and she didn't have any with her at all, called her mom to ask what to do. I ran into a store recently that doesn't take cash. Can you believe that!
DeleteEntire countries like Sweden for example are going cashless.
DeleteDefinitely the wave of the future, but I won't live long enough to see it here.
DeleteYikes. Well, I see what you mean about the money. I never worried too much when I was working but after retiring -- what's left is what's left and who knows how long I'll be around. Will I outlive it? I'm lucky in that I do have property if worse comes to worst, but things aren't getting any cheaper, either! Pity about the supplies but I suspect you weren't in a fighting mood when they were ordering things. Now you have to store them. (Maybe you can find a home for your unopened toilet seat. Someone must want one!)
ReplyDeleteThe diapers went to good will, the toilet seat will go into storage because there may come a time I'll need it for some other medical issue. I doubt it though because I have the high, toilet to begin with.
DeleteI'd kill for a tall toilet.
DeleteYou'll never be sorry if you invest in one.
DeleteSo true! We got our first tall toilet decades ago when my mother-in-law came to stay with us for a couple of weeks after hip surgery. We had needed to replace that toilet for a while anyway, it just made sense to get one she could use, and it turned out we liked it a lot. That's the only kind we've gotten ever since.
DeleteMoney we never seem to have enough of it, lived at the top of struggle street my whole life, good view from up here............lol
ReplyDeletePeople who spend our money like it will never run pisses me off who the hell do they think they or we are.
I hate being treated like I don't have any say in anything when it comes to health care decision but to be fair I wasn't probably operating with both oars in the water in the first 10 days or more after my fall.
DeleteJust researched FDIC and yes they protect only against a bank failure, but not fraud…so if your account or your bank is hacked into…you lose?
ReplyDeleteThat's a scary thought and not what they lead you to believe, is it.
DeleteMary, thanks for researching FDIC protection and explaining it so well.
DeleteNot sure I'll ever NOT worry about money. A lot of it is upbringing and that voice is hard to ever really silence. Besides hearing my dad's voice, I spent years as a single parent robbing Peter to pay Paul. Teenagers learning to drive a stick shift that drive through the garage door, kids playing driveway hockey that break windows, not to mention school sports and trips, etc. I was SO happy the day I finally paid off my running credit card bill. And it was really not that much considering -- I just hated using it as a stopgap. There were days when I didn't think I'd ever be without CC debt.
ReplyDeleteThe medical supplies are maddening, and I sometimes think healthcare workers are covering themselves just in case of -- well, anything. When my stepdad died, I helped my mom clear her apartment of medical supplies and it was AMAZING what was in there. Sadly, most of it couldn't be donated, so I'm glad for anything you were able to pass along. (We did take some things to GoodWill and/or the Salvation Army near her, but SO many bottles of meds, ointments, pain relief, eye drops, etc, etc., had to be trashed.)
I was told at Goodwill yesterday that they don't take anything medical including walker and wheelchairs but Salvation Army does. Someone in town who treats street people does accept donations of meds and oilments but so far I haven't been able to prove that person isn't a myth.
DeleteI agree, that health care workers are covering themselves or just going by a standard formula and not tailoring recommendations to the patient. But then again maybe they learn by experience that borrowing stuff from other relatives doesn't usually work out because they don't get it there in a timely manner and/or it's broken or not the right sizes, etc.
Yes...I found it interesting which organizations near my mom would take things and which ones wouldn't. We had a hard time finding someone to take VHS tapes, but we finally got rid of them. LOL.
DeleteIt was hard for me giving up VHS tapes too. But a friend took them for his cottage.
DeleteSounds like you and most of your readers started out with little or no money. It is always a constant in the back of my mind. My Dad was a BIG hider of cash. My brother had to go through every book, bottoms of drawers as he taped money under there, also in the floor heater vents. In the freezer. Just when we thought we found everything ... he gave one of his grandsons his old camera ... and he had stashed $100 inside (and yes, we laughed and let him keep his "inheritance".
ReplyDeleteAs for financial advisers, go with your gut. I love the gal I work with. She always keeps an agreed upon amount in cash and lets me know if evaluating a position in foreign country mutual funds in case I have a strong aversion. I also mentioned several companies I do NOT want my money to help which helps me feel a bit righteous. Maybe wait til the end of your first year because the market has been wild this year. You should feel comfortable calling or meeting ANY TIME you want. I have everything all with Schwab now, one checking account and 3 credit cards. That's the most my mind can handle. And I'm finally comfortable having a pro do my taxes. $300 well spent in peace of mind.
Growing up I never felt poor or like we lacked for anything. My mom made sure of that. We had all the creature comforts others had. My parents, however were very poor growing up.
DeleteGood advice on working with a financial adviser. Thanks. Now as for working with a CPA I wouldn't feel comfortable not having one at tax time.
Getting Older does cost more, so that heightens anxiety when the income becomes fixed and everything seems to go up but pensions. I don't worry about money but I would like to have more of it so that options exist that presently don't. I'm glad you're back Home and ridding yourself of the extra help that isn't really that helpful. I understand you accepted their assistance in order to get back to your Normal quicker, but the fact they were too free with your money is concerning, they should be aware that money can be tight for a lot of Seniors and ask permission or discuss what is affordable for each client before just taking it upon themselves to order supplies, especially when they're ordering unnecessary items or too much of something.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wonder if they didn't think i WOULD get back home again. When the assisted living and respite care are in the same building it would be easy for them to assume I was there to stay.
DeleteI'm sure you're a rare Success Story coming back after being on the other side of CCC Care and how most Residents would advance to the higher maintenance level and never be able to return. It's good that you had a glimpse tho', since, until it's us, it's very difficult to relate to whatever challenges each level of Care presents.
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