Accomplished Women and Dementia Support

People ask me if I paint much---my easel sets in the window---and I tell them not at all since I moved here which is mostly true. I've dabbled a few times but not enough to earn the "artist at work" sign the easel suggests. At dinner one night a table mate took a deeper diving, asking me why not. And I replied, I don’t have the time which I realized wasn't entirely true. From 7:00 to 10:00 PM I don't do much except lately fall asleep in my La-Z-Boy. “I never liked painting after dark," I explained "and there is too much to do here during the day.” I could try to switch my morning routine of writing on the computer with painting and try writing at night, but what I’d end up doing is skipping the social things on my schedule. With the computer I can just walk away but with painting I’d be saying to myself, I’ve already got the mess out I might as well keep going. In my old life I'd been known to start doing arty-farty stuff in the morning and let the entire day get away from me.

Yesterday---Wednesday---was a pretty typical day. I got up at 8:00, drank coffee and worked on the computer until 10:30 ish. Then I got a shower and dressed while listening to the news. I was at the lunch table by noon and at 1:30 there was a tea here for International Women’s Day. We had been asked by the Life Enrichment Director to write a little bio of ourselves and she made a slide show of our photos and bios. I say, “our” but I didn’t submit my bio because I knew it would only showcase how out of my league I am with my fellow residents. And I wouldn’t have been wrong. We have a lot of very accomplished women here. 

By the way the L.E. Director paired the music from Meredith Grey's Superhero Power Pose scene from Grey's Anatomy with the video and that tickled the heck out of me. Whenever I'm on the elevator alone, which happens 2 to 4 times a day, I strike the superhero power pose against the elevator wall to stretch out my back and I hum that music. Haven't been caught doing this yet, but someday I will and I'll have some 'plaining' to do.

After the tea was our weekly Mahjong game which if I couldn’t walk over to the main building to play it, I’d crawl. We have a lot of laughs during our games and it’s a great mental challenge. I didn’t win either of the games we played but I was proud of myself for trying to build a hand I’ve never tried before that contains all winds and dragons. I was two tiles away from Mahjonging when I discarded a tile that gave someone else the win. I forgot to play defensively. Oops. 

We finished playing at 5:30 and by 6:00 I was taking part in a dementia support group and didn’t get dinner until 7:30 when I stuck a TV entree in the microwave. After a full day like there is no way I’m going to get my brushes out and play in the paints. By 10:00 I usually start getting ready for bed and selecting a movie to watch on Netflixs.

The dementia support meeting was interesting and had me tearing up during a documentary they showed. A tall, good-looking young guy sitting next to me was crying too so I know I wasn’t just being a melodramatic marshmallow. The documentary featured a woman with Lewy Body Dementia who lives at our sister campus. It was just completed after eight months of filming and it will be in distribution soon. The woman was there and it was after the film was over when she was trying to describe what the hallucinations felt like that got us two bawl babies dabbing our eyes. My brother has hallucinations, too, and I presume the young guy next to me has a relative effected as well. He was the only person in the room who didn't say anything during the discussion.

The women featured in the documentary said she thinks it’s important to tell family, friends and neighbors about your dementia as early as possible and early on she developed a habit of answering, “good day” or “bad day” when ever someone asks how she is doing, which in turn gives her family a gauge on how to handle her on any given day and it gives her permission not to have to try to explain what is going on inside her head because some days she just doesn’t have the words or the will to do that beyond saying good or bad day. Dementia is a tough row to hoe no matter what part you play in the scenario.

When my brother's wife was dealing with Early Onset Alzheimer's she didn't want anyone to know and looking back I can see how hard and harmful that was on him. He had no one to give him support or help, no one to talk to about what was going on. After a few years of them turning down our invitations to go out to dinner, or to stop by for a visit, etc., we thought we'd done something to make them mad but it turned out it was just getting harder and harder for them to cover up her Alzheimer's. It was such a shock after the truth came out to see she couldn't even do things like button up her own coat yet it was a relief at the same time because I got my brother back. Secrets as important as that kind of diagnosis causes strain between people.

Change of topic: I don’t know what is the matter with me lately. I'm having trouble coming up with blog fodder at the rate I need it. More precisely coming up with light topics to write about. My last post about hair turned out to be lighter than I thought it was, based on the comments. I thought it would spark a deeper conversation about race. I was worried for nothing and that worry almost caused me not to publish it.

Looking  back though my archives I realize I used to write more topic-based or funny essays and a less "this is what I did today" dear diary-like posts. I'd like to get back to my roots but I don't think that will happen until I get another, topic out of my head. It's like a bee buzzing around annoying me. If you're guessing it will be about an old woman trying to make peace with the fact that she isn't immortal, you'd be right. That post might not come next week but its in my mental queue. ©

The Superhero Power Pose scene