A New Year: It’s Just Us Now

The end of 2023 has come and gone and except for a party on New Year’s Eve that started at 6:00 and ended at 8:30 there’s nothing earth-shaking to report on from my little corner of the world. It did crack me up that the social committee here at the continuum care complex planned a party that ended (on purpose) long before midnight. I don’t remember ever going to bed on New Year’s Eve before midnight. This year, I went to bed shortly after midnight and after watching Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen get silly over John Mayer celebrating in a Cat Bar in Tokyo. They couldn't stop laughing. If you don't know what a cat bar is it's one where patrons can interact with cats---lots of them. There are cat coffee houses cat cafes and deli's, too. I know! All those crazy cats ladies missed the boat, not monetizing their obsession before now.

Our party here was resident driven which means management provided the space and we did everything else. If I didn’t personally know and like the three residents who provided the entertainment I would say it was pretty bad, but friendships count so I would never, ever say that around here. We each brought a dish of finger foods to pass. My go-to party passing finger foods always involves Phyllo Shells. They might be stuffed with a good quality cheese or something like this year when I used American Spoon Lemon Curd topped with a touch of shaved walnuts and a few crystals of Sparking Sugar. We had so much food at this party that it's a wonder no one went into a blissful food coma requiring we call an ambulance.

My parents had life-long friends and I can’t think of New Year’s without remembering the many times the families celebrated New Year’s Eve together. One family’s house would become party central for grownups and another family’s home would become party central for the kids. We kids had a sleep-over with a babysitter in charge and the next morning the adults would all gather where the kids stayed the night and they’d cook a huge brunch before taking us kids to the roller rink for the afternoon. I'm still impressed with how they made sunny-side eggs on cookie sheets in the oven.

That tradition marked well over a dozen New Year's Eves in my life. And it’s just occurred to me to ask where did the parent’s sleep? Did they have a slumber party as well? I do remember them all calling at midnight to wish us kids a Happy New Year and that went on long after we kids had out-growth the slumber parties. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander so fast forward to when my parents stayed in and Don and I would call them from our New Year’ Eve parties.

When I remember how close my folk’s circle of friends were I have to admit to being jealous. But it was a different era where people were less apt to move out of town, making it easier to nurture life-time friendships. They played cards every month for decades and even took vacations together.

I still have a close friend who I’ve known since kindergarten. She has Alzheimer’s now so her husband has to help her dial the phone. We can talk about things we did in school but... You know how it is, I have to talk to her husband to know how her current days are going. Life changes and we just go along for the ride.

When I visited my brother in the Memory Care building before the party started in my building he asked me if our mother was still alive. "She died in 1983," I told him. Then he said, “It’s just us now.” And it kind of broke my heart---his tone of voice, like he knew we’d both be toast sooner rather than later. His question started a whole conversation about how it feels weird being the two oldest people left in the family. It’s sounds morbid to review how and when everyone died, but it wasn’t because we also told some fun, remember-when stories as well. It just dawned on me that this conversation, a few hours before we sang, “Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?” is probably what made me burst out crying at the party! I never saw it coming. One minute I as smiling and happy and the next minute I was trying not to show my quivering lips and teary eyes.

Tears have been close to the surface this entire holiday season and given the fact that they use music on campus as part of a program to help the dementia residents hold on to their memories I shouldn’t be concerned that maybe I'm depressed and just don't know it. Still, it’s embarrassing to be the cry baby in the group. Old music to induce memories and emotions works too good for me. Classical is the worst. It can make me melancholy in ten minutes.

I’m writing this on New Year’s Day which traditionally I’ve spent putting Christmas stuff away and putting the final touches on my New year's Resolutions. A clinical psychiatrist on the TV playing in the back ground is saying that 37% of people make resolutions. He’s saying we need to be realistic in our goals and only make two or three. 

I was15 the first time I made New Year's Resolutions and I haven't stopped. In recent years, though, I’ve done the mantra version of Resolutions and they’ve worked out great. Last year, for example, my manta/goal/resolution was 'Seek the sweet moments in every day.' Like all my resolutions I did a good job of living that mantra until summer was coming into focus and then my resolve began to stray. Still, it was a good mantra and served me well. 

This year my mantra is harder to explain: ‘Start Where I'm At’ is the short version. The long version is I tend to judge myself by my past level of skills and I come up short every time, then I feel bad about my self-worth. The mantra is to help me to stop judging myself. I'm not 60 anymore so why do I expect myself to be able to carry on a conversation like I could back before a few TIAs messed with my cerebral wiring? Or do crafts as well as when I had opposing thumbs that worked? We can't stop the aging process so each day I need to remember to 'Start Where I'm At' and do the best I can.

Until Next Wednesday!

“If you aim to be something you are not, you will always fail.

Aim to be you.

Aim to look and act and think like you.

Aim to be the truest version of you.

Embrace that you-ness. Endorse it. Love it. Work hard at it.

And don't give a second thought when people mock it or ridicule it.

Most gossip is envy in disguise.” 

 

Matt Haig author of The Midnight Library

 

These were my lemon curd tarts and the photo at the top is of our New Year's eve buffet.