“The Gays” and Six Feet Under

Sometimes it’s easy to forget to filler myself when it comes to recommending a Netflix series to binge watch. At the lunch table recently, here at the continuum care facility, we shared what we were binging and without thinking of the content of my current obsession and the people present I recommended Six Feet Under to a couple of deeply religious women who have lived sheltered lives and don’t approve "the gays.” Six Fee Under is full of sex and nudity and not just ordinary sex, but gay sex. But the underlining theme in the series is so much more than that. A Rotten Tomatoes review sums it up like this: “Laced with irony and dark situational humor, the show approaches the subject of death through the eyes of the Fisher family, who owns and operates a funeral home in Los Angeles. Peter Krause stars as Nate, who reluctantly becomes a partner in the funeral home after his father's death.” Other reviews have called the Fisher family ‘dysfunctional’ and I’d agree with that but five episodes in I became fully invested in the family---flaws and all.

A Guardian Review depicts the series much better than I could ever do: “Many of the show’s themes are incredibly difficult: hard drug use, sex addiction, abortion, dementia, to mention only a few. But just like its treatment of death, Six Feet Under doesn’t insert these issues for melodramatic effect, or use metaphors or workarounds to avoid facing the hard stuff. It invests in its characters and their struggles, unpacking the issues they face and finding shades of grey and, crucially, some kind of understanding and empathy.

“Outstanding scripting is also supported by some of the finest acting seen on the small screen – there’s a reason the cast received dozens of Emmy, Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild nominations over the life of the show, and won a swag of them too.”

Everyone's family has a one or two gay people in their midst whether you know it or not. And while acceptance is better now than in past decades it’s still got to be a scary thing to openingly pin that label on yourself. One of the Fisher brothers is gay and the writer of the series is gay. In one interview Alen Ball (the writer) shared the fact that every situation that David Fisher was in was drawn from his own life experiences living at first in the closet and after coming out. One intense episode in particular had me sitting on the edge of my bed in the wee hours of the morning fearing that David was going to end up like Matthew Shepard, who you might remember was found on a fence in Wyoming after being beaten and tortured to death for being gay. That happened not long after I found out that someone I know and love is gay and it made an impact on me. Just this year, 25 years after they found Matthew, his mother said society’s acceptance of the gay community has recently been moving backward. One step forward, two steps back. Societal changes never take a straight line, do they.

I hate that organized religion has scapegoated our fellow human beings into becoming objects to hate. Biologists can explain until they are blue in the face that same-sex activities have been “observed in 1,500 animal species, from primates to sea stars, bats to damselflies, snakes to nematode worms” but it doesn’t get through to the haters. Logic suggests that these documentations in nature are an argument that same-sex behavior is not an 'unnatural choice' at all but rather part of the Master Plan. 

Research scientists are on the edge of being able to fully understand "the interplay of genetic, hormonal and environment influences that start before birth" to cause homosexual behavior. I used to call it a birth defect but in the light of those 1,500 other species I’m coming around to not using that label. And also there is a debate going on over calling it a birth defect because on one hand that is the same as calling those born gay “a mistake” and, some say, it's not a defect that needs fixing---what needs fixing is society's mind-set on the topic. On the other hand science is close to being able to do treatments in-utero to prevent any ambiguousness in sexual orientation and why not give those babies an easier life? Wouldn’t it be interesting to be able to come back to earth in a hundred years and see how all this pans out. 

Before I end this post I want to explain what it is about Six Feet Under that I love the most besides the gifted writing and acting i.e. it’s the death and dying conversations that often gives me food for thought long after I turn off the TV. The series ran for five seasons and each episode is a half hour long and each one opens with someone dying. Things that the grieving family say or ask while planning the funeral or things said at the funeral or the way the deceased lived dovetails into the life of one of the Fisher's---what they might be going through at the time. Some of the ‘conversations’ the embalmers have with the deceased in the embalming room also make it seem like a perfectly natural thing to talk to the dead as I do to my husband from time to time. 

So, after all this if you are curious enough to try this series give it until after the forth or fifth episode before giving up on it, if you do. It’s starts off a little weirder than we’re all used to seeing on TV and it took the director a few episodes to figure out what he was doing.  It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea but I'm glad I gave it a shot. 

(Side note here: Fans of Kathy Bates will see her directing talents in five episodes and her acting skills in two seasons.) ©

Quotes from Six Feet Under---

 

Tracy: “Why do people have to die?”
Nate: “To Make life important. None of us know how long we’ve got, which is why we have to make each day matter.”

 

Brenda: “You know what I find interesting? If you lose a spouse, you’re called a widow or widower. If you’re a child and you lose your parents, then you’re an orphan. But what’s the word to describe a parent who loses a child? I guess that’s just too fucking awful to even have a name.”

 

Ruth: “Life doesn’t stop, alright. WE didn’t die. We have this precious gift of life and it’s so terribly fleeting, and that is precisely why it’s important to keep on living and not give up hope.”

 

Rabbi Ari: “Maybe your soulmate is the one who forces your soul to grow the most?”

 

Father Jack: “People might wonder what point there is in leading a life where you don’t touch any other lives. But it would be arrogant of us to assume that. Every life is a contribution, we just may not see how... Everyone comes into our life for a reason, and it is our responsibility to learn what they have to teach us.”

 

Nate: “I’m just saying you only get one life. There’s no God, no rules, no judgments, except for those you accept or create for yourself. And once it’s over, it’s over. Dreamless sleep forever and ever. So why not be happy while you’re here. Really? Why not?”

 

Nathaniel Sr.: “You hang onto your pain like it means something, like it’s worth something. Well let me tell ya, it’s not worth shit. Let it go. Infinite possibilities and all he can do is whine.”

 

Keith: “When someone sees you as you really are and wants to be with you, that’s powerful.”

 

George: “The loss of a young person is always a terrible blow, but in this case, it’s even more cruel, because Nate was an idealist and he struggled all through his life to be a good man. He wasn’t perfect, then whom among us is? And he never gave up on himself or the people he loved, or even love itself, in all its vexing, beautiful forms.”

Brenda: “All we have is this moment, right here, right now. The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid being alive today. So be here now.”

Father Jack: “The hardest part about my work is the fact that most people don’t want a real relationship with God. Yeah sure, they’ll pray to a man nailed to a cross, but they’ll ignore the gay kid who gets strung up, or the black man who gets dragged behind a car, or someone’s mother living in a box.”

 

Nate quoting Bhagavad Gita while high and thinking the sage words were his own.

 

Until Next Wednesday...