Social dynamics in senior living communities can be surprisingly complex, especially when everyday activities spark unexpected debates. This post explores how a simple game of Wii bowling led to a four‑day discussion about class, background, and perception among residents in an independent living setting. Through a mix of humor and real‑life observation, it highlights how small misunderstandings can grow into larger conversations—and how easily a friendly activity can turn into a full‑blown kerfuffle. ….AI
Sometimes I feel like I’m living inside a sociology experiment. At least that’s how it felt last week when I got myself tangled in a four‑day…well, let’s call it a social snarl.
It started when our Life Enrichment Director put Nintendo’s Wii bowling on the schedule. Ten of us showed up, and we were having so much fun—cheering, laughing, carrying on—that people wandered in just to see what all the racket was about. Near the end of the game, our resident retired lawyer drifted in. When he learned it was bowling, he said, “I’ll bet Jean is the best bowler.”
By sheer fluke, I’d gotten five strikes in one game—three of them in the final frame when the points really add up. So he guessed right. I was the top scorer.
If you’re not familiar with Wii bowling, it’s a “popular motion‑controlled simulation game for the Nintendo Wii where players use the Wii Remote to mimic a real bowling motion, swinging their arm to roll the ball.” I haven’t bowled since the late 1960s, back in my man‑hunting days, when I was on a league that bowled at an alley with a bar, live music and a dance floor. It was a prime pick‑up spot, and it’s where I met my husband. But that’s a story I’ve already told in Tall Tales and Little Fish.
When The Lawyer left, someone asked, “Out of all of us, how did he guess Jean was the best bowler?”
“Easy,” I answered. “I’m the only person here with a blue‑collar background, and bowling is a middle‑class sport.”
Oh‑my‑god. You’d have thought I’d stripped my clothes off and was about to parade naked up and down the halls. Two ladies were especially shocked and would not let it go.
“Bowling is NOT a middle‑class sport!”
“Why would
you say that?”
“I’ll bet he said that because you’re
good at Mahjong.”
Mahjong? Bowling? How are those even in the same universe?
Then came the declaration: “We are all the same here. We don’t have classes.”
No, we are not all the same—but I didn’t say that. I also didn’t point out that people living here have been known to donate $1,000 to $5,000 a year to the Benevolent Fund that pays for the care and keeping of residents who run out of money. Or that some residents here take extended vacations, own second homes, buy new cars, or have wardrobes that could fund my grocery budget for a year. Meanwhile, I’m over here worrying that if I don’t watch my nickels and dimes I could be on the receiving end of that Benevolent Fund. And getting my surly face printed in their promotional material like a newly adopted shelter dog is not on my Bucket List.
I couldn’t tell whether they thought I’d insulted them, insulted the lawyer, or insulted myself. But for the next two days at lunch, the interrogation continued. Why did I think bowling is a middle‑class sport? Why, why, why? Others chimed in, but no one backed me up. Most people said, “I'm staying out of this one.”
Finally, I decided to do a deep dive using AI. I came up with two pages of credible information supporting my claim. I printed it out and slid it under my neighbor’s door, planning to catch the other woman later.
The next day, my neighbor greeted me with, “You win. I just never looked at things that way.”
I got to thinking: her husband was career Navy, and they lived all over the world. Maybe she really didn’t see that historically, bowling’s cost structure is geared toward the middle class. Rented shoes, rented balls, pay‑per‑game is far cheaper than golf, tennis, or skiing, which require expensive gear, lessons and often club memberships. And maybe she didn’t see a lot of American TV, where bowling was a middle‑class staple in programs like The Flintstones, Kingpin, The Big Lebowski and sitcoms like All in the Family while golf and tennis were portrayed as the domain of professionals and the well‑heeled.
Shortly after I delivered my research pages, the other woman slid her “research project” under my door: an old Ann Landers column defining class.
“Class never runs scared. Class has a sense of humor. Class knows that good manners are nothing more than a series of small, inconsequential sacrifices… Class can walk with kings and keep its virtue and talk with crowds and keep the common touch.”
And suddenly I understood. Lady Two was equating 'middle class' with 'having no class' and thinking I was putting myself down. Meanwhile, I was simply calling a spade a spade when I labeled myself middle class. She’s probably one of the wealthiest people here but is easily rattled by any hint of controversy. She’s the reason we can’t bring up world affairs or politics. Yes, this tiny woman with the soft voice and her Let’s-Pretend-we-Live-in-Disneyland Retirement Plan sets the tone for the rest of us. Bless her heart, as the southerns say.
And there you have it: another “exciting” episode in the ongoing social experiment I’m labeling, The Four-day Kerfuffle in Independent Living. ©
Until Next Wednesday.
Photo at the top: This was taking in 1969 and I'm the one in the caramel-colored sweater. Until I dug out this photo I'd forgotten that our entire league was made up of left-handed bowlers.
That's fascinating! Hurray for AI as backup.
ReplyDeleteYes, AI really built an refutable case to back me up starting with the history of bowling in America after the Industrialist revolution.
DeleteI'm glad you and the others had fun playing Wii bowling.
ReplyDeleteWe have played a second time since I wrote this and had just as much fun. It's going to be a weekly feature from here on in. I don't get up early enough for the other exercises classes here so I'm happy about this addition.
DeleteOh my goddess. What a wild reaction. I wonder if the wealthy woman doesn’t want to discuss our class system because it would force her to reexamine some of her beliefs. Like maybe the rampant income inequality in this country. Still, it’s wild that your comments caused such a kerfuffle. I grew up in a town where bowling was/is common and I completely understand your point.
ReplyDeleteSince I wrote this and started thinking more about how her is mixing up 'middle- class'/blue collar' with 'low, middle and high class' I've decided it's a clue to how she stereotypes society and herself. As a kid she used to go bowling and because she turned out marrying money several times and living well, I think it bothered her that something she liked doing as a kid was considered beneath her station in life. She's a really sweet person but also naive in many ways.
DeleteThis is fascinating. Both the debate and that it took place. I am reminded of a rhyme current in Canada in the 1950's. We have a brand of tractor here called "Massey Ferguson", produced, among other necessities, by factories run by the Massey family. One of them became Governor General in the late 1940's. The rhyme is this. "Canada has no social classes. Only the Masseys and the masses." Eh?
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know what to say about that! Must have been a huge family to claim that.
DeleteHow very interesting. I too use the terms Upper, Middle, and Lower class. I also use Upper Middle and Lower Middle as distinctions in my Middle Class world. We do live in a class distinction society, not unlike India. I look at it this way - where does your money put you, and then how do you act within that class? In other words, a Marble Ballroom does not hide a Lower Class mentality even if you have Upper Class money. I am referring to you know who with the gold toilets.
ReplyDeleteSo true. There are classes based on money and are classes based on your actions and values.
DeleteBlue collar family here. I was surprised that people were offended when you sad that. But now that you have researched their thinking process, I get it.
ReplyDeleteSurprised me. I'm often surprised that things I think are common knowledge are not so common.
DeleteThis reminds me of a comment I have occasionally made to a few friends. These friends include doctors, a biologist, and a chemist. They all went straight to college right out of high school and have led very successful careers. I obtained an associate degree in my early 30s and a bachelor's degree in my 40s. My husband obtained a bachelor's degree at 48. We farmed in our early years as a young married couple. So, I say "we are blue collar with white trim people". I have experienced the same reaction you describe and some just never let it go!
ReplyDeleteI love that---blue collar with white trim people. I'm going to borrow that phrase. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteOh my gosh. This cracked me up. Because of course, the same folks out on the links or at the tennis clubs are also at the alleys swilling watered down rum and comes and warm beer wearing shoes worn by 10 others that week alone. I woukd think this is pretty much a given assertion about bowling.
ReplyDeleteI know! You'd think common logic would tell people that bowling is not something lawyers and banks and business men are apt to do.
DeleteI hope your thoughts and words have adjusted their thinking. It's interesting in that there isn't anything wrong in being any one of those classes, so the offence is interesting. I'm not sure how well I'd do in a group living situation.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who likes to write, living in a group living situation gives me lots of material to work with. And I've always loved to people watch and figure out where they are coming from.
DeleteI am certainly not ashamed of having a blue collar background.
Nor am I ashamed of having a blue collar background. I went to a high school that was composed of upper-middle-class and wealthy kids and
Deletethe poor kids who lived in downtown Portland. Social clubs were disbanded the year I began there but they simply went underground, and I knew who was in which club and made assumptions about their class standing accordingly. Looking back I have no idea if I was correct. But college dissipated any cares I had about class because we were all blank slates there, and friendships were formed on interests and shared experiences.
We have that here too---people forming groups bases on shared interests and life experiences. We have the Catholics, the line dancers, the blind ladies, the political liberal group, the walkers. The couples tend to drift toward spending meals with other couples. It's natural, I believe, in work places, churches and neighborhoods.
DeleteThis incident is at the very heart of my fear of moving into a CCC. My dad was a welder in a small town; I moved 50 miles to a city and worked progressively better secretarial jobs until I landed at a small, privately owned investment bank where I rose in the ranks. I was acutely conscious of my blue collar background and felt out of my depth at certain events. Those insecurities come to mind as I'm evaluating various CCCs. I'm sorry that you had to deal with the aftermath of a simple, very true statement, and I admire the way you handled it.
ReplyDeleteNina
It didn't bother me at all. (It was even fun because I knew I was right and had history and social customs on my side). But after they wouldn't drop it, I decided I had to back up my opinions with facts and they reacted well to me showing it to them. I have insecurities too---more to do with my wardrobe than my blue collar background---but I know where you're coming from. Here, the any insecurities regarding class/clothing pales in comparisons to the sense of living in a warm community, compassion and backup residents give each other here. Lady Two up above has her quirks but she's outshines us all when it comes to doing favors for who ever needs them. The Lawyer buys a lovely bouquet of flowers for all the holidays and addresses the card to all the ladies living here. Someone else drives the Blind-as-Bats ladies where they need to go and so on.
DeleteWow. Jean that is a lot of stuff for just bowling. As for the middle class, blue collar comments. We were flipping channels this past weekend and saw bowling. We left it there for a few minutes and we began to discuss how in my home town (big blue collar town on Lake Erie) that bowling was huge. How we never saw the bowling leagues etc in the big cities we moved to. I grew up with bowling leagues and family outings to bowl. I am not ashamed to be from a blue collar family.
ReplyDeleteMe neither. I'm proud of my folks and how my dad was able to provide for us. They both grew up motherless and as a child dad was living dirt poor in a house that looked like a chicken coop. But he was still the best person I every knew. My mom was farmed out to earn her keep by working in a boarding house. She was nine.
DeleteIt is very interesting to me that the Poor and the Middle Class acknowledge that there are definitely Social Classes and we all aren't the same, don't enjoy equal Privilege, and life is very different depending upon demographics of all kinds. Yet, quite often the Upper Class almost refuse to acknowledge it and pretend that they are not enjoying Privilege and are among the more fortunate of Society. That's not to say some aren't very benevolent, like those Dear Souls who ensure the Benevolence Fund is kept Funded so that those who do live there and run out of Money don't have to be evicted. I acknowledge freely that most problems we have in America are 1st World Problems, I've lived Globally and been in 3rd World Countries. Even the Poorest Neighborhoods I lived in were better than most of the Countries with the most hardship. The only exception to that was the Reservations, which still to this day look 3rd World and all my Paternal side of the Family grew up on and many still live on. I understand how fortunate I am that my Dear Dad didn't want that for us and worked sometimes Three Jobs, with a 27 Year Military Career and several Moonlighting Jobs after that Job, and then Retired from Two other Careers after the Military, to ensure we could integrate into Society and have the Privilege and Education he never had growing up due merely to demographics. I wish all higher Education were provided Free of charge to give every Child in America the chance to be all they could be without it coming down to whether their Family can afford it. Or that Trade Schools were also provided Free of charge to Students who want to go into Trades and just be mentored and Trained well to succeed in whatever Career Path they so choose and happen to have a Talent for or Interest in. I think our Society would benefit from that, especially since AI is likely to eliminate a lot of Jobs. I Bowled for many Years and was quite a Hustler, I carried only an 8 lb. ball, at the time weighed 98 lbs. but carried a 212 Average. I'd often Bowl against Men and we'd place Bets on whether I could beat them... I enjoyed Leagues, but, fully Agree it's a Middle Class Sport. In all the Bowling Alleys and Leagues I was on, I never met a Wealthy person who Bowled, ever. And most Bowling Alleys that still exist here in the City, are in the Lower Income Neighborhoods, not the Affluent ones. Everything is Rented and even the Serious Bowlers who at least owned our own Balls and Shoes, were fewer than those who just Rented them and Bowled strictly for Fun and the Social aspect of it. I Loved Bowling and still did it after Marrying The Man... but once I had Surgery on my Bowling Arm, and had some Knee Issues, it was time to find a new Hobby. *LOL*
ReplyDeleteAs always, you had a lot of interesting things to say. I especially found it interesting that you lived all over the world---as my neighbor did as the Navy wife but still see my point about bowling being a middle class sport. And you're right about the lower and middle classes being more apt to own it than the upper class don't always see their privilege. They want to blame it all on laziness that someone didn't go to college or work their way up the ranks and the completely miss the point that generational wealth plays an important part for many of them getting ahead.
DeleteIt is always interesting to see how someone is saying the same word and yet thinking of it entirely differently. My cousin was so upset with me when I said that we are old. Well.....we are both in our 70s. That isn't young. That isn't middle aged. That is definitely old, in my book. But as we talked more, I realized that I was coming at it from a numbers perspective -- I'm a retired math prof, so that makes sense, eh? But her perspective was that I was saying we were decrepit and useless when I said we were old. Which wasn't what I meant at all. People are interesting.
ReplyDeleteI know. That's the fun of living in a place like this. People watching is a wonderful sport for writers and sociology buffs. Your discussion about what is middle age is interesting. If things get boring around here I might have to bring that topic up.
DeleteWell, there's class and there's having class - the first being socio-economic and the 2nd being a way of presenting in the world. And if I've learned anything from being out in the world, it's that having more money does not mean having more class or taste. But you knew that already, Jean.
ReplyDeleteYup, I do and I thought it was common knowledge but I learned from this experience that it's not.
DeleteI think in England blue collar would be working class. Your use of middle class threw me for a minute.
ReplyDeleteMaybe because I'm from Ohio ... I totally agree about bowling being big in middle class (working class). What a lot of back and forth on that! HOORAY for Wii games. ENJOY!
ReplyDelete