“Not in Assisted Living (Yet): Dispatches from the Edge of Independence!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean
Showing posts with label Celtic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Celtic. Show all posts

Saturday, August 5, 2017

A Meat, Potatoes and Carrots Kind of Week



Bright and early Wednesday morning I had three guys walking around on top of my roof. The dog didn’t like it. I, on the other hand, was thrilled. They were up there to kill the mold that made the roof look old and worn out with black streaks in the valleys and other places the sun doesn’t like. It was a cheap process---$325. While they were up there they tarred down a shingle that was dislodged in a wind storm last spring and was flopping back and forth. I gave the company owner a $50 tip and told him in earshot of his young workers that I wanted him to take the guys out to lunch for fixing the shingle. Fifty dollars was a bargain compared to what it would have cost to have a roofer come out to fix it, if you could get one to come out for a single shingle. I was a happy camper.

That was the ‘potatoes’ in my week, now on to the ‘meat’---my first time mixing paint on a palette in over seventeen years. The instructor has a stand-alone, two story art studio that looks like a grown-up version of a miniature house for fairies in a forest. She’s a ten year widow and her second husband built it for her. How cool is that! Her lake side yard was private with massive trees and the weather was perfect so three of us sat out on her deck sketching for the first hour, then we changed to painting. The third person was one of my friends from the Gathering Girls. B.L. had not painted in a number of years either but she was bolder getting started and was the first to get her paints out while I was being a Nervous Nelly dragging my feet.

Did I enjoyed the class? The answer is yes and no. The ‘yes’ part was the setting was perfect for what we were doing, the company and conversation was good and I actually started thinking like an artist again. But B.L. and I both agreed afterward that the instructor is not going be a good teacher even though she has a degree from one of the most prestigious art school in the country. For example, she took the brushes out of our hands and painted on our works herself to demonstrate what she thought we should do---painted way too long, to be exact. "Show, NOT do for" was the motto I remember from the hallowed halls of good teaching. B.L. was more generous than me when she said, “Some people can do but not teach” while I thought the large display of her work hanging in the studio was all over the map---many excellent pieces but others not so much. From her online presence, I didn't expect that. And B.L. and I were both shocked when it was time to pay and we found out the price she quoted in an email was per hour, not per class. We decided we’d go back one more time---armed with questions and issues we think she can help us with---then we’ll find a nice way to back out gracefully from continuing the classes, and maybe try to get-together on our own to paint to keep us inspired. 

After the class was over I followed B.L. to a near-by small town in a farming community where we had a leisurely dinner and a serious conversation followed by ice cream sundaes. Everything is better with ice cream sundaes. A Celtic band had just started a free concert across the park from the ice cream shop, so off we went. B.L. jokes that she’s on the go so much she practically lives in her car and she produced two folding chairs from her ‘magical red box’ and we enjoyed most of the concert before I was yawning and we left. It had been a long day and Levi was glad to see me back home again. I hit the bed at 9:30 like a five year old and the next day I unpacked my car of its art supplies, discarded the painting I began in class and started another. And that fact, after all these years of not painting, made the class worthwhile. 

Friday was the carrots in my week. It was time for my monthly cleaning girl to show up. I haven’t written about her since the time I devoted an entire blog to her titled Babies and Broken Promises. She had given up a newborn baby girl to an open adoption and the adoptive parents---back then---were not holding up their end of the bargain of allowing a three hour visit every three months and she was distraught beyond comforting. According to my cleaner, it’s all been ironed out and visits are back on track, but get this: The adoptive parents are paying her to clean their house during the resumed visits. I honestly don’t know what to think about that. What I do know for sure is that I’m glad my problems are not the sort that keep my emotions spinning like pinwheels in the winds. “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” Yup, there are always people out there dealing with weighty issues worse than our own. ©

After Treatment

Before Mold Removed

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Widow Cams and Spirits in the House

 

Two or three times a day I check in on the panda twins at the Atlanta zoo. Yes, I’m hooked on the panda cam. If I’m lucky I’ll catch the seven month old babies at a time when they aren’t napping up at the top of a climbing structure in their day room. When they are wrestling and pawing at each other they are so adorable and sweet that it’s like eating a bowl full of my favorite flavor of ice cream. If I had an iPad and could take the panda cam wherever I go, I’d probably lose a few pounds. No more comfort food, I’d just watch the pandas instead. Of course along with the cute stuff we cam fans see the pandas do mundane things like pee, poop, eat and drink water and that got me to thinking about what it would be like if they had widow cams trained on we humans. And maybe “they” do….

In the widow’s memoir I’m reading now she tells about getting a complimentary tarot-card reading at a Mardi Gras party in her first year of her widowhood that made a believer out of her---that “they” are watching us. The tarot reader told her that her husband’s spirit was still around her every day and that her youngest child could see him. The widow hadn’t told a living soul that her toddler was still talking to her dad, as if he was in the room. She’d say things like, “Hi Daddy!” and “Daddy is on the ceiling!” and the widow was thinking there was something wrong with the child so she was afraid to talk to anyone about it. Most widows, including myself, will admit to feeling like there is a spirit around us in the early months following their spouse’s death but I’ve read nothing as dramatic as this widow’s experience. She went on to say she’d seen other mediums after that, but thought there were too many bad ones out there. So don’t go wasting your money trying to find the good, needle-in-the-haystack medium that might actually be in tune with the spirits, if there is such a thing.

As much as we might have loved our spouses---and of course not all widows can say that but for those of us who can, I wonder if I’m the only one who finds it a little unsettling that my life could be in full view of spirits I may or may not know…not unlike voyeurs who watch the panda and other animal cams around the earth. Do they see me poop and pee? Do they see me when I don’t get dressed until noon or skip taking a shower because I have no place to go that day? Or worse yet do they see me in the shower with all my flaws in full view? Are we widows like The Truman Show to the spirits? “Hey, come see what my wife is up today! Can you believe she’s doing that?”

A few days before I read the above mentioned tarot-card incident I had one of those mysterious things happen that made me wonder if there was a ghost in the house. I had been working on the computer, which is in a large wardrobe in my breakfast nook and I had been walking around the kitchen getting breakfast and pills, feeding the dog, making coffee etc., before settling down at the computer. The flooring is light colored and if there had been something on the floor I couldn’t have missed it. So imagine my surprise when I glanced across the room and right in the middle of the area where I’d been walking back and forth, was a dried oak leaf! If the dog had been outside I might have thought it came in on his long, schnauzer beard but he hadn’t been outside since the night before plus there is two foot of snow covering the landscape. My monthly cleaning lady vacuums and mops all the floors so it couldn’t have been hiding in a corner since fall. Nope, I could not solve the mystery of where it came from nor could I decide---if it was another ghost game---what the heck was my husband trying to tell me this time? Then I read the tarot-card incident and I wondered if it somehow tied into the oak leaf mystery, like my ghost of a husband was trying to tell me to pay attention to the signs and so-call coincidences all around me.

Because I google everything under the sun, I googled “oak tree+symbolism” and the first thing I came across was at Wikipedia: “To the Druids, the oak represented doorways to other realms — it was believed to provide protection and shelter when passing through to other realms. It was considered the giver of great powers and was most exalted of all trees by the Druids. Their most spiritual places were in oak groves.” My husband was of Irish descent, from an area known to have been inhabited by ancient Druids and Celtic people. Knowing my husband was proud of his Irish heritage and reading “doorways to other realms” gave me chills. Could the leaf's appearance be another sign?  And if that were true then we very well might be starring in live color on ‘widow cams for the dead' which is __________ <pick your own word to fill in this blank, I can't come up with one right now!> Creepy? Comforting? Unsettling? Pleasing? Scary? Not a surprise? Making me want to shower with my clothes on! ©