Dreaming and Obssessions

 

I woke up to the dog yipping in his dream. I hung my head over the side of the bed and in dawn’s early light I saw him lying on his side, his little legs pumping in the air. He didn’t wake up for another two hours, but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Sometimes he sleeps so late in the morning that I feel compelled to make sure he’s still breathing. I dread the day when he’s not, knowing Levi will most likely be the last dog I’ll have in my long life. I’ve never lived without a dog, sometimes two at a time. I have photos of me before I was old enough to walk and a black dog who was big enough to jump into my playpen, which I’ve been told she did whenever I cried or someone came up on our porch who Blackie didn’t know. She was my babysitter while my mom was busy inside the house.

I have vivid dreams, too, and have often wondered what I look like when I dream. My most frequent dreams involve running down a long hallway or alley. Doors are everywhere and I’m trying to find the right one. I don’t think my legs are pumping when I have those 'searching dreams.' I’m more prone to experience sleep paralysis which is common when people are awaken before the REM stage of sleep in completed. You’re conscious of your surrounds but you can’t move or speak until the REM cycle is finished filing your recent memories over from one part of your brain to another, long term storage area. Think of the brain during sleep like a computer, doing maintenance. I don’t like my ‘searching dreams’ but my others usually range from okay to feel-good-all-day fun. I'm careful what I read or see on TV before falling asleep and, yes, sometimes those romance books I’ve been addicted to since the pandemic started have on occasion giving me a few X-rated dreams. Just sayin' I'd rather be romping around with a gorgeous guy who didn't get the memo that I'm older than dirt than to be spending my dream life plotting out how I’m going murder my next door neighbor which is why I don’t read psycho killer books.

There was a long period in my life when I could task myself to solve a problem while I was sleeping. Like ask myself where I put something I’d been looking for or to recall a bit of information that was eluding me and when I’d wake up the next morning, the information would be on my conscious mind like a hypnotist's trick. I kept a dream diary for years and spent time every day analyzing my dreams. I quit doing it when my dad was in his last five years of life. He had some episodes where he couldn’t tell the difference between his dreams and his real life and I would get calls in the middle of the night where I’d have to help him sort out what was really going on. His dream were not nice, feel good dreams and it scared me that one day that could happen to me as I aged.

I still remember many/most of my dreams when I wake up but I don’t purposely try to document them before I even get out of bed which is the trick to building up your ability to recall dreams…you have to transfer them from one part your brain to another before they float away. (And, yes, everyone dreams.) At first it will only be fragments you remember but the more often you record those fragments, the more recall you’ll get over time. I don’t recommend but doing dream diaries but if you do it, remember that the often weird or disjointed content of our dreams comes from our brains sorting through our memory banks, looking for space to dump new data off. It’s the brain's job during sleep to transfer of short term memories from our last waking hours to long term memory storage. As we age and we don’t sleep as well as we used to, we can start losing our recent memories of, say, what we ate for dinner the day before but we can still recall details of events that happened 25 years ago. Getting quality sleep and dreaming are important. If we don't sleep we don't store current events.

To this day, though, one dream I had back in the ‘70s caused my husband a lot of grief and has the power to make me laugh. Now. But back then I wasn’t laughing. I dreamed he was having an affair and it seemed so real I accused him of doing so, which of course he thought was funny at first that I got so mad over a dream but two days later I was still mad and he was frustrated. How did I expect him to defend himself against a dream? “We’re practically jointed at the hip!” he said, “when would I even had time to have an affair?”

In recent years with the invention of smart watches that can track our sleep cycles, I got mini obsessed with tracking my REM sleep (which is the stage of sleep when we dream). Going to my Fitbit dashboard each morning was the first thing I did after starting the coffee pot. After having the watch for several years it quit syncing and I debated about getting another. I opted instead to get another brand that takes my blood pressure and my pulse. It still tracks my sleep cycles but doesn't do it in percentages like my Fitbit did and that broke my REM sleep obsession. I was too lazy to the math on my own. When this cheap watch I have now dies I'm going to get one with so many functions that I won't be able to raise my hand, it will be so big and bulky. Yup, a SEAL team watch goes right up there on my Want List next to 'magic pants' aka cargo pants with a zillion pockets and a photographer's vest with a zillion more pockets. And in my dreams I'll actually be strong enough to walk around with all those pocket full of stuff. Instead of running up hallways and alleys searching in my dreams I'll be searching pockets looking for my lip gloss or a folding fishing rod in case I get stranded out in the wilderness. ©

Fitness Trackers, Telling Time and Moving Forward

It doesn’t take much to make me happy. $32.00 to be precise. That’s what my new Fitfort Tracker watch cost which is considerably less that the Fitbit tracker it replaced that is selling for $149.00 unless you can find one on sale. The Fitfort finally came from Amazon---their two day, prime shipping went out the window during the pandemic---and I didn’t expect much for the price, but I was happily surprised at how easy it was to pair with my cell phone and to calibrate the blood pressure mode against my cuff style monitor. Once that was done, it’s shocking how easy and accurate it is to take your blood pressure through-out the day. Three touches to the screen and I know that my blood pressure, at this very moment, is 124/82. My internist will be pleased. Every time I’d go in for my by-annuals he’d grab my wrist and check the data on my old Fitbit until I finally got smart and printed him a readout of a week’s worth of information. Not sure if I can do that with this watch but it has functions I haven’t even begun to explore like a camera mode. Why would anyone want a camera mode on a watch unless you're a secret CIA agent like my ultra-ego likes to pretend?

What took me the longest to do with this tracker is to figure out how to tell time. One of the three time face choices showed a 15 over a 30 which confused the heck out of me. It wasn’t until a day later, looking at the faces again with one showing a 10 over 08 that it finally dawned on me that it was saying 10:08 and the 15 over 30 had to be military time. Duh! I’d rather have a digital style face or an old fashioned dial style but unlike Fitbit, the Fitfort doesn’t have those choices. At least the numbers are big enough to read without my glasses in the middle of the night. Fitbits sleep mode is much better which gives your rem, deep, light and awake time in percentages but I get too obsessed with sleep tracking so the lesser quality dashboard readings are probably good for me, will help break me of my obsession. The only other thing I like better with Fitbit is their very active user’s message board where you can get answers to just about anything. Fitfort doesn’t have a website or message board but for an extra $5.00 you can get a phone number that supposedly gives you 24/7 help. I paid it but don’t think I’ll ever need it. 

Back in the '90s my husband and I were kind of---what should I say---enamored with watches. Mine are mostly cheapies with plastic bands and faces featuring Monopoly, Gone with the Wind, Mona Lisa, Van Gogh, a paint palette and on and on with arty-farty themes. My husband had a lot of cartoon characters his favorites being Snoopy and Mickey Mouse. His tastes in watches ran from those you got out of cereal boxes back in the day to what I’d call expensive in the $300 range. I gave away his favorite watch after he died to the son-we-wish-we-had. But the others I’m getting close to listing on e-Bay, mostly grouped up and sold in lots minus a few to include individually in junk drawer lots. I really enjoy selling junk drawer lots. I do them by theme---World’s Fairs, Cowboys and Indians, radio premiums, auto related just a name a few I’ve put together. I’ve seen people list mystery boxes of stuff on e-Bay and I wish I knew who buys them and if they are happy with their surprise purchases. Not that I have an interesting selling or buying stuff that way, I'm just curious to know who spends $50 to $200 on something only described as "could be electronics, coins, toys or brand names things." No photos, no indication of how large the boxes are or if its new or used stuff.

I often wonder what I’ll collect once my display boxes and showcases are bare. I’d like to think I’ll just collect memories but I know I can’t hold on to them without visual clues to help pin the experience in my brain. Ya, I have day planners and blog posts to help me remember but I’m more visual than cerebral. If I didn’t know better I’d think I’ve got some Native American blood in my veins because I go through life metaphorically picking up peddles and feathers for the leather pouch I wear around my neck---souvenirs of the places I’ve been. My husband’s passion for collecting was more straight forward. He started out trying to buy back his childhood that two tornadoes, ten years apart, took away and dumped all over the county.

On the pandemic front: My lawn care service showed up and my yard looks great. I was able to score a 12 roll package of toilet paper, the first I’ve found since mid-March. And I’ve got an appointment to get my haircut June 1^st plus a house cleaning appointment the last week of May. That same week I’ve got a rescheduled eye doctor appointment lined up. The only other reschedules I’m waiting on are for a dental appointment, an infusion treatment for my bones, oil change appointment, a vet check and teeth cleaning for Levi and a guy to paint a ceiling. All of which will probably get backed up into July. I also got an email from the continuum care campus where construction has resumed. They’re going to have a new timeline figured out in a couple of weeks which will go a long way towards setting my world right again. And I’ve been shopping face masks online since it’s going to be the “fashion” accessory of the summer. Roll with the punches, isn't that what they say? Roll then get back up and start punching back. ©

January: The Month we Diet our Brains Out

I’m determined to write a blog that doesn’t mention the “D” word that seems to dominate my life. That would be ‘downsizing’ if you’re new here and haven’t been following my saga of months and months of downsizing posts which collectively I've come to think of as my Barfing up my Life Story One Collection at a Time series. Of course, its January so it’s safe to assume some people thought the “D” word I’m talking about is ‘dieting’ and I’ve got plenty of past January blogs to prove that would have been an excellent guess. And since I brought it up, January 1^st I did start my annual pilgrimage toward healthier eating and trying to lose the weight I gained between Halloween and New Years Eve.

It’s only ten days into the new year and I’ve already lost my end-of-the-year gain which shocked the heck out of me when I got on the scales this morning. And we’re talking six pounds---no small feat to (gain or) lose that much in such a short time! Praise my Fitbit Tracker, Atkins Dark Chocolate Royale Protein Shakes, dandelion tea and Yakult Probiotics for that. I wish I could keep that going but I know how I am. When February takes over my life I’ll quit letting Fitbit tell me how many calories I can still eat on any given day---that bossy bitch gets too demanding after a while. “No, you can’t have a Drumstick lil’Drum for 110 calories unless you want to go run around a couple of blocks first. Five carrots sticks is all you can have until morning.” She wants too much. Ten minutes to every hour when I’m on the computer she nags me into getting up and walking however many steps I need to take to get 250 steps in before the next hour begins. I hate that when I’m on a writing roll! Anyone with a Fitbit knows, of course, she’s not like Alexa. She doesn’t actually speak the words out loud but like any woman who has her bossy hat on, all you have to do is look at Fitbit’s dashboard and you can read what’s on her mind.

Before the end of February I’ll also quite choking down the disgusting dandelion tea and sometime around Valentine’s Day one of those small, heart shaped boxes of chocolates with a Snoopy on the top will appear in my grocery cart and off I’ll go again, chasing the sugar train like a dog with a huge ego who thinks he can actually over take it. Unfortunately, that sugar train makes a brief stop so I can hop on and I’ll crawl right inside a boxcar full of cane sugar and I'll mainline myself all the way through to the end of they year when the cycle begins again.  

My dad's family used to make tea with actual dandelion roots when he was growing up. Now, I’d be afraid of all the chemicals we have in the ground water and soil to do that. I wonder if it tasted any better than the organic teas available now that are supposedly sourced in European mountain valleys from free-ranch dandelions…or am I getting my organic herbal tea mixed up with chickens that are allowed to roam the ranch? The brand I bought has licorice root, fennel and peppermint in it too but all I can taste is the ‘yuck’ while I dutifully drink it down, all the while wondering why my dad, in his old age, wanted to try making it again. Is loving that tea an acquired taste or was his memory playing tricks on him? He also wanted to brew up a batch of anchovies cracker dip so you know his taste buds had to be warped. I’ve only smelled a batch of that god-awful dip cooking once in my life and that was enough to send my nose down inside a bottle of Downy April Fresh Fabric Softener. 

I don’t smoke. Never did. I don’t drink except for two or three times a year when I’ll have a hard cider or glass of wine with dinner. But somehow society seems to be more forgiving/accepting of people who over indulge in those habits where the fat girls are thought to be less ‘valuable’ in the grand scheme of things because our lack of will power goes directly to our hips. Heck, at one time smokers and drinkers were celebrated. You were thought to be cool if you could blow smoke rings like James Dean or drink a martini with your pinky finger pointed out like a vintage movie star wearing a silly hat with a veil that brushed her high cheek bones. Watch a couple of Mad Man episodes and you’ll see how much smoking and drinking played a part in my early, work years life…not me personally but all around me people had their acceptable vices. A fist full of cake was not one of them. 

I’ve got to quit writing about food before I talk myself into catching an early train to Chocolate Town. I need a shower; it’s grocery shopping day and I plan to buy myself some meat. Good. Red. Meat. Meat that I can grill to medium rare because Dr. Atkins and I are in full agreement that it’s an acceptable alternative to buying ½ gallon of Traverse City Cherry Fudge Ice Cream. ©

NOTE: We have high winds and an ice storm predicted with power outages possible. If you leave a comment and I don't publish it in a timely manner, you'll know why. Cross your fingers for me and Levi!!!!!!!!!!!

If it’s Not One Thing, It’s Three Things

#1: Poor Levi almost got a ride to Animal ER and any dog person knows that’s a stressful decision, not to mention it costs mega bucks just to walk in the door. No Checks, thank you very much. They take and hold your credit card before you even get into an exam room in case you’re tempted to run out on the bill. I hate animal emergency. There are more crying people and kids in their waiting room than I’ve ever seen in a regular ER. 

Anyway, Friday night Levi was acting squirrely, racing around the house like he was on fire. Every few minutes he’d want to go outside where he’d roll in the snow. The wind chill was 7 below zero, and it so cold I was having trouble just waiting at the door for him to come inside! He alternated racing around and going out to roll for well over an hour. Finally, I started gathering up everything I’d need for a trip to the doggie hospital when I remembered that I’d given Levi a flea and tick treatment Friday afternoon---a different brand than I usually use. So I got out the Dawn liquid dishwashing soap---if it’s safe for ducks it should be safe for dogs---and I washed the area where the medication was applied. And I gave Levi a baby Benadryl which I know is safe because the vet prescribes them to Levi before and after he gets vaccinations. That did the trick and within a half hour he settled down. Saturday morning I had to pick up an order for Levi’s heart worm pills so I took the box of flea and tick medication with me. The technician said that’s Levi's behavior was a common reaction to the over-the-counter meds and that I did all the right things. “Keep him on the Benadryl the rest of the weekend,” I was told, “and bring him in on Monday if he doesn’t seem himself.” Frontline Plus is the only OTC my vet recommends. So the brand I bought for $10 less than Frontline Plus turned out to be more expensive because I’ve got two dosages left over I can’t use. 

#2: Between the holidays we had a day when the temperatures were above freezing and I took some Christmas stuff down to the basement only to find some water on the floor. Long story short I found a crack under my daylight window were the water was trickling in. I called a basement water proofing company, got the estimate and the crew was out on Monday. $480 to drill holes along two cracks (one not leaking but could down the road) then fill the holes with epoxy and cover the cracks with a membrane. It could have been far worse if it had been determined the fix had to be done on the outside of the wall. I was also advised to get longer downspout for one of my rain gutters. There’s always something that comes with home ownership. Still, I am not ready for group living in a condo or apartment. They don’t come with red roses and dark chocolate every day, either. 

#3: I was able to get a new Fitbit at the grocery store. I love that place! For decades they called themselves ‘Thrifty Acres’ because of its size and the good deals they offered, then they changed their name but not their business ethics and policies. It’s such a busy place you never have to worry about expiration dates and when you live alone, that’s important. Online the Fitbit cost $149.00, at my grocery store I paid the same $149.00 but I got a coupon for $15.00 off on my next shopping trip. It’s a typical ploy they use to keep you coming back. Well, heck, I don’t know which direction to take this paragraph now. Do I go on singing the praises of a store I’ve been loyal to for my entire adult life or do I go on to express how happy I am to be able to track my sleep pattern and my calories burned again? Five hours and ten minutes last night and 801 calories so far this morning, in case you’re remotely interested. It took me about an hour to get my new Fitbit up and working and most of that time involved reading posts in the Fitbit community boards. It’s always a comfort when you find others having the same issues setting up or syncing a device. That old-but-simple-and-often-overlooked trick about restarting your computer was all it took. Bingo, I’m a happy camper! 

The Charge 2 Fitbit has features I didn’t have on the Charge HR, like guided breathing. The first time I did it, I thought I’d pass out from all the oxygen going to my brain. Ten minutes to the hour, it also vibrates and flashes messages like, “Get up and move!” "35 steps to goal" “Want to stroll?” but only if you haven’t done at least 250 steps in the past fifty minutes. Levi was greatly entertained by seeing me jump up from my knitting and speed-walk around the house. He took a break from his rabbit patrolling to follow at my heels. As gadgets go, I never lost interest my Fitbit and I had the old one for a year and a half before I broke it. With the new features---including aftermarket interchangeable, fashion bands---I’m glad I was forced to buy a newer model. And I’m guessing Levi feels the same way. ©