From Sleeplessness to Unselfish Love

Many seniors have trouble sleeping. That point was driven home to me this week when I went to a lecture at the senior hall that was billed as a “sleep workshop” and nearly a hundred people showed up. If I had read the fine print when I signed up for this event I would have skipped it. It was presented by a guy who calls himself a ‘corrective chiropractor’ as opposed to one that gives pain relief treatments. Many people swear by chiropractors and I’ve been to one a few times but with my bad bones history I simply don’t trust them not to do more harm than good. 

He talked about common sense things: 1) having a clean, well made bed; 2) having a cool, dark bedroom; 3) having the right pillow and sleeping position; and 4) having no carbs, sugar, caffeine or alcohol in the evening because they all give you insulin spikes that interfere with sleep. But the majority of his spiel was devoted to telling us that everything that is wrong with humans can be traced back to how our spines lines up---or not. At the end of the lecture he offered a hefty ‘discount’ on a $425 diagnostic workup that would result in them building you a custom “roll/pillow” and setting up a course of spinal adjustments. It wasn’t a total waste of time---the snacks were great---but I was glad it was a free lecture because I don’t accept his premise that what ails me at bedtime can be corrected with back adjustments. 

The next day I went out for lunch with six Red Hat Society sisters before our bi-monthly meeting with the entire group. Parking in the tourist town where we met is limited and I had to park two blocks away. It was a sunny, dry day so that wasn’t a problem because the nature trail along a river connects the parking lot to the town square where all the restaurants are. Along the way I passed a bike rack and another rack I didn’t understand so I stopped, walked around it and finally figured out it was a place to park fishing gear so the fly fisherman (so common in the river) can grab some lunch or use the town’s public bathroom. I love that town. It’s quaint and progressive at the same time. I was early so I ducked into one of my favorite stores where I laughed while reading decorative plaques. My favorite said: “Okay, I danced like no one was watching and now my court case is pending.”

It was a good week for socializing. Friday was my Movie and Lunch Club and we saw a movie that I’ve been looking forward to since we saw the previews months ago. I went right home that day, ordered the book and wrote my blog review of You Before Me shortly after. “The storyline is about a quadriplegic in his early thirties," I wrote, "who decides he wants to leave England and go to a Swiss clinic for an assisted suicide. But he promises his parents he’ll give them six months if they'll respect and accept his decision when the time is up. He’d already attempted to take his own life before the promise, so his parents hire a quirky girl to essentially be on suicide watch and to maybe help him find a reason to change his mind.”

I already knew a lot about living life as a quadriplegic because my boss at a support website where I worked for several years was a quad. Before his brain-stem stroke he’d been an aerospace engineer. After it, he built the elaborated website and with the help of other volunteers like me it serviced countless stroke survivors and their families. I had enormous respect for what he’d accomplished but he was a demanding boss, always wanting more and more and MORE of my time. After I left there, I hung around another support site for a while, this one just for quadriplegics and their caregivers where I had zero responsibilities but from time to time felt that I did have something useful to add to the community. Why am I doing this walk down History Lane in the middle of a movie review? I guess it’s my way of saying that I don’t make the claim lightly when I say I can see all sides of the assisted suicide issue that was the underlying theme to the love story in You Before Me. I’d known a man who made valuable contributions to society while typing with a forehead pointer and others who would have given anything to check out of living. I’d witnessed the pain and hopes of their families. I’d experienced my own emotional ebbs and tides while helping my husband deal with the loss of his mobility and speech. Love takes many forms---wanting to hold on to or wanting let go of life is complicated.

Which was better---the book or the film? Hard to say. I loved them both. The film adaptation cuts out several sub-plots which was fine with me. The casting was spot-on perfect, the acting wonderful, the Wales settings enchanting and the storyline was believable, sweet yet funny, emotionally deep and it makes you think. Several reviewers called it a sob-fest, one panned it as a “disability snuff movie.” Book reviewer Liesl Schillinger wrote: “When I finished this novel, I didn’t want to review it; I wanted to reread it.” I felt that same way about the movie. Most of the seventeen in my Movie and Lunch Club were wiping their eyes when the credits rolled. I didn’t think I’d be one of them since I knew the story ended with Will choosing suicide over the love he and Lou shared, but I was. ©

Favorite Movie Quotes: "You've only got one life to live. It's your duty to live it as fully as possible" and "Live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle."

P.S. I didn't completely spoil the ending for anyone who wants to see the movie or read the book. I didn't tell you how Will's parents and Lou handled Will's assisted suicide.

Even this movie trail makes me smile.

Books on Cold Winter Days - One Plus One

When I checked the school closings website on Tuesday I yelled “Yay!” One look out the window when I got up and I knew I didn’t want to chance the roads to go to the senior hall lecture about great books and I was glad it was canceled and rescheduled for Monday. It’s a yearly program presented by the head librarian in the township and I’ve always thought the timing was all wrong. It should be given at the beginning of winter, not the end, when we have months ahead of us to spend inside the house. I’ve never actually read one of the books she recommends but a few of the titles are on my ‘Wish List’ at Amazon. She’s such an animated and interesting speaker that she makes you want to dive into any book you can get your hands on.

Up until the last ten days, I’d been in a reading dry spell, having gone almost two months without reading anything other than blogs, The Sunday Press, Facebook, political message boards and news related stuff online. Then the spell lifted and I’ve polished off two books and I’m two chapters into a third. It all started when I saw a movie trailer for Me Before You based on a book by Jojo Moyes. I knew right away that I want to see that film even if it’s not what my Movie and Lunch Club picks for our June outing. The lady who sat next to me when the trailer was playing had high praises for Moyes so I went right home and ordered Me Before You online. I probably could have found it at the library but I’m a bit of a germaphobic about library books during flu season. If I was totally honest here, I'd admit it’s not just during flu season. Every time someone donates a dead person’s books to the senior hall I have thoughts of getting leprosy or Ebola from their pages. I don't care that they sell for only twenty-five cents, nope, at Amazon full-priced books come plague and deadly bacteria free. When I donate books to the senior hall I have the urge to write on the cover, “Germ Free!” And it’s up to you to decide if I’m kidding about that urge, but I’ll give you a clue: I occasionally let the dog eat off the china. Not much of a clue, though, considering I have a dishwasher with very hot water.

Me Before You is about a quadriplegic in his early thirties who decides he wants to leave England and go to a Swiss clinic for an assisted suicide. But he promises his parents he’ll give them six months if they'll respect and accept his decision when the time is up. He’d already attempted to take his own life before the promise, so his parents hire an off-beat girl to essentially be on suicide watch and to maybe help him find a reason to change his mind. I already knew a lot about living as a quadriplegic because my boss at a support message board where I worked for several years was a quad. One of my jobs on the site was to evaluate if any of the posters on the website were serious when they talked about suicide or if it was just talk. If I thought they were serious and had the means at hand to carry out a plan I was authorized to contact their local police department to intervene. That’s how I found out that no matter how anonymous someone thinks they are online, we really aren’t. One intervention happened on the other side of the globe and, boy, was that person mad.

Anyway, back to the book. The girl fell in love with the guy, and he fell for her, too, although he never voiced it and at the end of the six months---spoiler alert---he still went through with his plans. The last chapter or two was a well-written, in-depth examination of all sides of the assisted suicide debate. Ohmygod, there are so many layers to this book I’ve lost count---living with severe disabilities, a poignant love story, family bonds, rape, guilt, assisted suicide, sibling friction, support message boards for quads, life in England, etc., etc. Let's just cut to the chase and say it was well-worth the cover price and then some. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie and if you like tragic love stories with red meat on the bones, you'll want to see it, too.

The other book I read recently was The Martian by first time author, Andy Weir. I had it on my Amazon ‘Wish List’ forever and despite the fact that all the space science stuff that was way over my head, I really enjoyed that book. I kept thinking if an astronaut can spend over a year all by himself on Mars, with all the problems that came up, I could stand one more day of not having any human contact in a string of solitary days when I was snowed in and marathon reading. Aside from that the book had many funny moments and it blew my mind on how really, really smart astronauts and the people at NASA are.

Now, I am reading another JoJo Moyes book, One Plus One. I will finish it by the time the rescheduled book lecture takes place on Monday. I suspect I’ll be working my way through all of Moyes’ books. Hallelujah, my reading mojo is back! ©

Favorite line in the book: 

"Some mistakes...just have greater consequences than others. 

But you don't have to let that night be the thing that defines you."