Trouble Here in River City

Since October I’ve been having dinner once a week with a group of women at what we’ve been calling the Liberal Ladies Table. We started with four of us and last week we were up to nine. It’s very low key and what we talk about at the Liberal Ladies Table stays at the table. And the table they seat us at is back in a corner of the restaurant where voices don’t carry. In other words, we don’t flaunt it or make a big deal out of. However, this week a women who lives in our independent living apartment complex ambushed us as we were waiting by the fireplace for our reservation time to tell us that what we’re doing is wrong. She thinks if we want to talk about politics we should meet in our apartments. She just learned about the group and now she says she feels uncomfortable around us! “And I’m not the only one,” she claimed. She wanted to know how we get people into our group and acted like it was a clandestine thing where we badger people in dark hallways until they tell us which political party they support. “No one living here should know each other’s political leanings!” she told scolded our group.

We all sat there, getting reprimanded and lectured without us saying much back. We were in shock at how angry she was. One woman did said, “We spend very little time talking about politics, we talk about other things as well.” Another added, “We eat together because we’re friends and it’s only once a week!” I wanted to spat out, “So much for free speech!” but I didn’t because that would have escalated her anger. But when she asked if we really feel the need to talk about politics at all?“ I did reply, “Yes because current events is important and every time someone brings something up in the news around here it quickly gets shut down.” 

I don’t get it, I really don’t. This woman is a good Catholic who wanted to be a nun. Goes to church several times a week. She’s a person who is always organizing extra social activities around here. She’s in line dancing class with 5-6 of the Liberal Ladies and until now they seemed to have fun together. They even put on shows at the other buildings on this and our sister campus. In other words she’s social and fun. While she’s doesn’t talk in depth about anything it’s been pretty easy to guess that she’s a bit naive as is her older sister who I really like. I can tease the sister and she can give it right back. The sister one time heard another women here say that she is an atheist and the sister told a group at lunch, “After she said that I had nightmares about burning up in hell.” I’m still scratching my head over how an acquaintance's view on God could upset you as much as it did her.

 Our resident atheist (aka Ms Social Worker) has made a lot of people distance themselves from her because she’ll freely tell anyone that she is one. She once said that she’s had to listen to church talk her entire life and she’s tired of hiding. The atheist is part of our Liberal Ladies group and maybe Ms. Zip-Your-Lips is painting us all with the same broad brush? Maybe that’s why she was so angry? One time when the atheist was being discussed Ms. Zip-Your-Lips remarked, “Why would anyone say they don’t believe in God?” Duh, isn’t it a clear enough statement? I thought but I didn’t say, If a person doesn’t believe, they don’t believe. I consider myself an agnostic but I’d never voice that around here and the number one reason for that is that I knowingly bought into a faith based, non profit campus and while there was no litmus test to get in I don’t think it’s right to purposely (or accidentally) agitate others on the topic of religion when I’m benefiting from the campus’ non-profit status.

I've talked to a couple of the others in Liberal Ladies group since 'the lecture' and we feel the same way----conflicted. On one hand we think she owns us an apology and on the other hand we want her to help us understand why she’s so offended. Has the word "liberal" become a dirty word? To tell us she feels uncomfortable around us after learning our politician leanings blows my mind. She’s judging us to be toxic or like we’ve suddenly changed our personalities since she learned we’re liberal leaning and we’re no long fit to associate with. I just don't get it! Every day we co-mingle with ultra-conservatives here---even like most of them---who don't always keep their views to themselves, they even eat together once or twice a week and have been a lot longer than we liberals. I'd love to ask Ms Zip-Your-Lips if she gave them the same lecture. But I won't because our group decided to lower the temperature, not make anymore waves.

Since this happened a tenth woman asked to join our group. However, our group will never be the same. For one thing, we agreed to stop calling it the Liberal Ladies Table. While I understand the decision, the damage is already done so what it the point? It feels like we're walking around with a big red 'L' painted on our foreheads, wondering who are the others who agree with her. And two, because our size has outgrown the table spaces available the ones in charge of making our reservations decided to break us up into three tables and rotate each week who sits with who. In other words she'd driven us to hiding in plain sight. My reaction to hearing that decision was, "Sadly, this will be the beginning of the end," and I was assured, "We won't let that happen." Time will tell... ©

A Man of Strong Opinions

Anyone who knew my husband knows he could be a stubborn and opinionated man. Nothing demonstrates that point more than his relationship with the NRA. He hated that organization with a passion even though he’d been a life member since as far back as I can remember. He remained a member until after his death when I finally wrote and told them to cancel the magazines that have been coming to the house for decades as part of his lifetime, non-refundable membership package. At the time Don became a life member, the NRA was more about riffles, marksmanship and hunting and a whole lot less about political activism as it has evolved into today. And even though each magazine delivered would go immediately in the trash with a few choice swear words, Don wouldn’t let me cancel them because it cost the NRA money to keep him on their mailing list and that was money, Don decided, they couldn’t spend on lobbyists. I’ve often wondered how many other life members of their four million members strong organization felt the same way.

Don’s falling out with the NRA started in earnest back in ‘80s when the organization put up a strong opposition against the Brady Bill regarding background checks for purchasing firearms, and that falling out grew over the years as the NRA got more and more political. The fact that the NRA won’t compromise on keeping high powered assault weapons off the streets of America was something Don despised the most and “screw their second amendment argument!” Reasonable men know that our Founding Fathers never envisioned weapons like we have today. Reasonable men could compromise. Don was a reasonable man…. at least to those of us who knew and loved him.

Being a man of strong opinions was one of the most memorable, frustrating, admired, and endearing qualities of Don’s all rolled into one. You always knew where you stood with him and he enjoyed a good debate. He was well read and rarely forgot anything he’d ever seen, heard or read which made him an interesting person and I used him as my personal, walking encyclopedia. The fact that one of his oldest and dearest friends in this world holds political opinions in direct opposition to what Don held attests to the fact that Don could disagree without being disagreeable. But he also knew when to soften the harshest of his opinions by using humor and he knew when to say nothing if he was talking to someone too militant for a respectful exchange. In the latter case, Don would often take out his checkbook and make a donation to an organization fighting to preserve whatever it was the militant person was ranting against. He worked with a few militant Right-to-Lifer's, for example, so Planned Parenthood got a lot of checks after one of them would lecture Don. If he couldn’t win someone over with words, he’d let his money do the talking.

Some of the organizations who will miss his support include: The Sierra Club, The Southern Poverty Law Center, Doctors Without Borders, The Clinton Foundation, The Humane Society, The Civil Liberties Union, The Alliance for the Separation of Church and State, The Salvation Army, The National Democratic Committee, Planned Parenthood, Habitats for Humanity, the local soup kitchen and mission serving the homeless, The National Organization for Women, and The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. ©

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Carl Jung

“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional”.
Max Lucade