All is well here on Widowhood Street. I still have Little Debbie
Swiss Rolls, Mandarin Orange Slice candy and Windmill cookies plus milk to dunk
the latter in. I’m getting low on toilet paper but outside my window I have a
view of several dozen cattails proudly swaying in the breeze and I’m wondering if I
should harvest them before the birds pick them bare for nesting material. (Time to start thinking like a frontiersman.) I
still have internet connection; I’d die a slow and painful death without it. And
I still have a mouthy dog and a new project to cure him of that. Yes, my Palace
of Dreams aka Amazon just delivered my new and yet untested Ultrasonic
Anti-Bark Device and if that doesn’t work, thanks to all those Navy SEALS,
Mercenary and Delta Force books I’ve been reading I now know a multitude of
ways to assassinate a person and I’m assuming they would work on Levi my Might
Schnauzer as well. I'm tired of him barking at all the new canines in the neighborhood! Next time the dogs across the street have their fence line play date Levi has a surprise coming. I’m just
hoping he’s not smart enough to figure out that I’m the one giving it to him. I
love the little sucker and I want him to go on thinking I’m his personal AMT
machine for dispensing treats. Mean Jean with her torture machine is going to keep that device out of Levi's sight.
I’m pretty sure I should be doing this House Arrest
differently. It seems to be enhancing all my worst habits. Point of Fact: Most days I
haven’t gotten dressed for the day until well past noon since the coronvirus inspired house arrest
started---whose going to catch me in my bathrobe now that everyone is staying at
home?---and I’ve been thinking about a meme I saw about changing from nighttime
jammies to daytime jammies. What a wonderful idea, the best one I’ve seen for
coping with House Arrest! If my body wasn’t bumpy, soft and squishy in places
that should be lean and mean I could easily turn into a nudist. Clothing has
always had the power to make me break out in hives if I have them on too long.
And, yes, I’ve tried all different fabrics and laundry products. But alas these
hives are pressure hives but I get the other kind too Aren't I a lucky little lady.
In the past ten days I have been out of the house. Twice to
the post office to ship eBay packages, but you can get in and out without literally
touching anything and at the time I go I rarely see anyone other than the
clerk. She has more to fear from me than the other way around since she has no
way of knowing if I’m been coughing corona germs all over my boxes before setting them on her scale. I also got a haircut just hours before our governor announced
she was closing all hair, nail and tanning places. They had a large bottle of
hand sanitizer just inside the door with a sign on it to use the sanitizer
before going any farther. I usually get my eyebrows trimmed with my haircuts
but they weren’t doing any services that required them to touch faces, nails or
feet and they weren’t serving any beverages. Everyone is taking precautions, it’s
our new coronavirus hill to climb and I predict when we get to the top I won’t be
the only germaphobic to plant a flag of victory.
I also went to my first designated senior grocery shopping time at the godawful hour of 7 AM. Did you know it's still dark at that hour of the day? I haven't driven in the dark for several years now and don't think I hit any nocturnal foragers along the way but I saw a few. Before going inside the store I had visions of it looking like a scene in Stepford Wives only with women who'd aged themselves out of the movie franchise. But instead of 'little pretties' with ramrod straight backs and shoulders thrown back gliding down the aisles, I thought I’d see a bunch of gray-haired women with camel backs and uneven gaits and I wasn’t far from wrong. None of the grim-faced shoppers had floppy garden hats on like in the movie but that could change in the future if they keep the hair salons closed for very long. We corona shoppers weren't wearing Stepford Wives white cotton gloves either but many had on disposable plastic gloves and face masks.
And the place was a zoo, busier than at Christmas and there was no way to keep to the six foot social distancing rule at the front of the store. When I finally broke through the log jam to get to the shopping aisles I found myself in the men's underwear aisle and I took a few minute to calm my nerves. (Did you know Jockey's makes men's bikini briefs now? How long has that been going on?) When I got to the grocery section they still didn't have toilet paper, hand sanitizer, paper towel, eggs and noodles and the laundry soaps aisle was nearly empty. Also couldn't get a fresh battery for my digital thermometer, should I need to use it. But on the good side of senior shopping they'd mass disinfected the shopping carts with a fogger and all 18 cashier lines plus the self-checkouts were open with little waiting in line. Still, I did not like the experience and I was glad to get home, have some breakfast and wake up the dog. It was 9:00, about the time we both usually roll out of bed.
I also went to my first designated senior grocery shopping time at the godawful hour of 7 AM. Did you know it's still dark at that hour of the day? I haven't driven in the dark for several years now and don't think I hit any nocturnal foragers along the way but I saw a few. Before going inside the store I had visions of it looking like a scene in Stepford Wives only with women who'd aged themselves out of the movie franchise. But instead of 'little pretties' with ramrod straight backs and shoulders thrown back gliding down the aisles, I thought I’d see a bunch of gray-haired women with camel backs and uneven gaits and I wasn’t far from wrong. None of the grim-faced shoppers had floppy garden hats on like in the movie but that could change in the future if they keep the hair salons closed for very long. We corona shoppers weren't wearing Stepford Wives white cotton gloves either but many had on disposable plastic gloves and face masks.
And the place was a zoo, busier than at Christmas and there was no way to keep to the six foot social distancing rule at the front of the store. When I finally broke through the log jam to get to the shopping aisles I found myself in the men's underwear aisle and I took a few minute to calm my nerves. (Did you know Jockey's makes men's bikini briefs now? How long has that been going on?) When I got to the grocery section they still didn't have toilet paper, hand sanitizer, paper towel, eggs and noodles and the laundry soaps aisle was nearly empty. Also couldn't get a fresh battery for my digital thermometer, should I need to use it. But on the good side of senior shopping they'd mass disinfected the shopping carts with a fogger and all 18 cashier lines plus the self-checkouts were open with little waiting in line. Still, I did not like the experience and I was glad to get home, have some breakfast and wake up the dog. It was 9:00, about the time we both usually roll out of bed.
The coronavirus pandemic is touching every phase of our
lives, isn’t it. Even the libraries’ donation
drop slot is closed. Like why when it requires no humans at the other end of the book chute? I had just loaded some books in my trunk to donate
before finding that out. I took the books out of my car and filled up the trunk with stuff to drop off at Goodwill and I was looking forward to the four point seven mile "sightseeing tour" but I had to unload the trunk yet again. Our governor just announced a stricter stay-at-home order for the next three weeks! ALL businesses (including Goodwill) are closed except those deemed "essential" like gas stations, healthcare facilities, grocery stores and liquor stores. Yes, they included liquor stores on the list of essential businesses but they left off Lady Godiva and Dairy Queen? What the heck is wrong with the people running the world? No wonder I haven't had a good night's sleep since the pandemic came a calling. ©
