One of the bad things about being a widow is we have no one
to stage an intervention when our crazy or self-indulgent obsessions get
carried away. When something grabs us we’re free as the wind to pursue it. One
of the good things about being a widow is we have no one to stage an
intervention when our crazy or self-indulgent obsessions get carried away. When
something grabs us we’re free as the wind to purse it. Is that a dichotomy or
what? I really don’t know. Am I using the word right? Is there a better one to describe
how something can be both bad and good at the same time?
My most recent self-indulgent obsession has been binge-reading
about African forest elephants and if a herd of them comes wandering through my
yard here in Michigan this summer I’ll be ready for them. If they raise their curled
trunks high in the air and spread their ears out perpendicular to their heads I’ll
be hiding under the bed, knowing they were about to charge me. But the most fascinating thing I’ve learned is that elephants communicate with low-frequency
rumblings that are below the hearing range of people. They can communicate
this way over a hundred square miles and their favorite time to send messages is during
the night when the atmosphere helps their rumblings travel farther. A
researcher with Cornell University’s Listening Project, who is compiling an
elephant dictionary, says they have identified and defined seventy distinct
messages they send each other. Some of their messages can be felt by humans as vibrations
in our diaphragms if we’re in the area and paying attention to our bodies. We
can, of course, hear some of their vocalizations and trumpeting but the vast majority
of their communication is infra-sound that can only be heard using special
equipment that can triangulate the exact location of the elephant sending a
message and the location of the elephant that replies back. Simply amazing.
I realize it might seem odd that a blog categorized as a
widow’s blog is going on and on about elephants and I’ll only share one more
story about them before I move on: They mourn their dead. As many as 300
elephants will line up and walk by the body of a dead pachyderm, vocalizing and
touching it with their trunks and this can go on for days in the rain forest of
central Africa, the funeral procession only ending when the head matriarch
breaks away. Even after nature has reduced the carcass to a pile of bones the immediate
family unit of that dead elephant comes to visit whenever they are in the area
and they’ll fondle the bones---one was even observed for over an hour rocking a skull back and forth in her trunk and tears were running down her face. And some of the stories I’ve read on how a family
unit works together in a circle to try to save a dying newborn can’t help but
break your heart and make you realize the largest land mammals on earth are
very much just like us.
I blame my mom for my wanting to share my binging on
subjects that catch my attention. When I was in grade school I’d get home from school, settle
on her lap and she’d say, “What did you learn today?” It was such a
well ingrained habit that by the time I got too big to sit in her lap she’d
still be the first person I’d want to tell if something new and exciting crossed
my path at school. To this day when I see one of her two rocking chairs still
in the family, I get a warm fuzzy feeling. She loved her rocking chairs and when
she wasn’t rocking me, one of her cats or dogs or grand-kids she was reading.
After I met Don, I learned that he was just as interested in
whatever I might have read as my mom was and he got my “book reports” like the
one I shared up above. On vacations, he loved talking to the people he met
along the way and I was content to stay in the motor home reading. When he’d get
back in to drive the next leg of our trips we’d give each other “reports” on
what we’d both just learned. One time out west he went into a gas station and
didn’t come back out for several hours. After the first hour I went inside to check on him and there he
was sitting with a group of locals around a pot-belly stove swapping stories
and drinking coffee---his two favorite things to do. We traveled well together
and I didn’t mind Don being Don, storyteller extraordinaire, as long as I didn’t
run out of reading material. He lived life, I read about living a life. (I'm experiencing deja vu. If I wrote about Mom's rocking chair and/or the rolling library before, I apologize for repeating myself.)
With age comes wisdom, or so they say. To me it’s more like watching a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle coming together. We can see how all our life experiences come together to form the unique human beings we each become. With age and widowhood we have the time to reflect and apply our memories to explain away our idiosyncrasies. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ©
With age comes wisdom, or so they say. To me it’s more like watching a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle coming together. We can see how all our life experiences come together to form the unique human beings we each become. With age and widowhood we have the time to reflect and apply our memories to explain away our idiosyncrasies. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ©
The Elephant Whisperer: My Life with the Herd in the African
Wild by Lawrence Anthony with Graham Spence
