“Not in Assisted Living (Yet): Dispatches from the Edge of Independence!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean
Showing posts with label transgenders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transgenders. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 7, 2024

The Mad Honey Book Club Discussion and DNA Testing


In May of 2023 I wrote the following paragraph in this blog. "I also read Mad Honey by Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Finney Boylan. Wow, is all can say other than it deserves its own post and I’ll bet it’s on the top of the Banned Books list in Florida. I learned a lot about bees from the book as well as about a topic I dare not name because none of the reviewers I've read have named it. Doing so would be like telling the who-done-it in a murder mystery. The surprise element is part of what makes the book such a great read and knowing it might keep some from reading the book thus missing a compelling learning opportunity." 

If you've guessed that this is going to be that 'other post' where the book gets more space and attention, you'd be right. After reading the book last year I recommended it for a book club selection and this month it finally cycled up to the top of our 'read and discuss' time. If you've got the book on your "To Read" list you might want to stop reading this post because I'm about to reveal the surprise element that made it a controversial choice for a place where every now and then at a lunch table here at the Continuum Care Complex you might hear someone mention the 'evil woke teachers' who want to indoctrinate school children to change their sexual origination. 

IMDb sums up the plot this way: "The novel focuses on the themes of young love, teenage angst and parental grief interwoven with murder and high intensity courtroom drama. The story follows a mother who relocates to her sleepy hometown in New Hampshire to take over the family beekeeping business and whose son is suspected of murder." The Washington Post called the book, "Heart pounding and Heartbreaking." And that is so true. 

I got a preview of how the book club discussion would go at a dinner table a few days before our meeting when someone asked if anyone knew who recommended the book for the club and I owned up to it. And I did so without hesitation. Then she said and I quote, "You! I never would have guessed it was you and I've been trying to figure it out all week." 

"Why wouldn't you think it was me?" I asked. "I'm open minded." Then a couple of people who aren't in the club asked what the book is about. None of the three of us who'd read it told them about the young transgender character who went through the sex change surgery and whose death led to a murder trial. One woman said there are three shocking elements in the book. It wasn't until a few days later at club before I found out what three things she meant because, to me, there was only the one shocker. (I feel so 'worldly' around some/most of my neighbors.) And I knew it was coming because I'd listened to the authors being interviewed before I read the book so I knew that Jennifer Finney Boylan, was a transgender activist. Picoult needs no introduction having authored 28 books, many of which have made the New York Time's list. She's known for writing about complex human relationships and controversial issues. 

DNA and our Chromosomes: For those who don't know what 23 and Me is, it's a place that does genetic DNA testing. You send in a chunk of money and some spit and they can tell you things like if you're predisposed to various types of diseases, what part of the world your ancestors are from and if you have an inny or outy belly button or if your second toe is longer than your big toe and what color eyes you have. There were enough of the sillier markers that my DNA test revealed that I could verify just by checking out my body that I have no doubt about the accuracy of 23 and Me testing. There are lots of research articles on the site that are way too complex for me to understand. But one day after listening to how "left wing teachers are trying to turn boys into girls and girls into boys"---I need an eye rolling emoji here---I did a deep dive at 23 and Me on the topic of sexual origination.

The thumbnail version is it all has to do with something that happens or doesn’t happen in the first 12 weeks fetal development. All fetal brains begins in the 'female' state and by the 12th week if the Y-chromosome puts out enough testosterone it overrides the circulating estrogen a typical heterosexual male is formed. But if not enough testosterone is received it causes same-sex attraction in males---brain chemistry that doesn't match the plumbing. In other words, while my generation was brought up to believe that there are only males and females science is proving that sexual origination can be one of seven distinctions on a sliding scale of sorts. I printed out one of the research papers and took it to book club to refute anyone who still buys into the theory that same sex attraction is a choice.

Surprisingly---or maybe not considering the club is mostly made up of the liberals at my CCC---eleven of the twelve in the group liked or at least found the book interesting or enlightening. One woman---a member of the Trump Cult---quit reading at the chapter where a doctor was on the witness stand describing what is involved in a reassignment surgery and how even on close inspection a penis turned into a vagina would not look any different than a normal one. It also can have the same sensations and fluids during sex that a naturally formed vagina has.

Another thing I learned on my deep dive is that there is a debate going on about where the research should or could lead us to. Some look at the ongoing research as leading to a way to detect and correct babies in the womb whose brain chemistry doe not match their genitalia, while there are others who advocate for the research helping to change society from thinking of gender as two polar opposites---to accepting that a spectrum of sexuality is part of nature's (or God's) plan. Not something that needs correcting. The fact that the same percentage of humans on the spectrum is the same percentage as what can be found in the animal kingdom puts a thumb of the scale, in my opinion. But does it really matter if gayness or being transgender is a kind of birth defect or a normal part of nature's/God's plan? Either way, isn't it time that we all learn how to unconditionally accept the LGBTQ community?

 Until Next Wednesday!

Saturday, April 23, 2016

The Public Bathroom Controversy


Where do you stand (or sit) on the bathroom controversy that started when North Carolina passed a law making it a crime for transgenders to use men’s or women’s bathrooms that don’t match the sex named on their birth certificates? The state where I live could see a similar bill soon. One is being introduced in our state legislation next month, but I was shocked to learn that people can already be arrested in Michigan for “disturbing the peace” if you have 'outside plumbing' and go into a woman’s bathroom or vice versa. In the twelve years that my husband was wheelchair bound I had to take him into a lot of women’s bathrooms, especially before family bathrooms started popping up here and there. I’d usually check them out first to make sure the handicapped stall was open and I forbid Don to talk while we were in them. I didn’t want someone who’d come into the bathroom after us to get scared hearing a deep male voice in the next stall. I had no idea we were law breakers and here I thought I was a goody two-shoes all of my life.

North Carolina’s House Bill 2 got stuck in my mind a few days ago when I stopped at a gas station to use their restroom and I was surprised to see they’d renamed the men’s and women’s single stall bathrooms since last month. They are now both “unisex.” That solves a problem on single stall bathrooms and that common-sense solution has the side benefit of helping to keep lines from forming by the formerly women’s side. After leaving the gas station I spent the next ten minutes wondering why the owners took it upon themselves to make the change. Is someone in the owner’s family transgender? Did they have an incident that triggered a demand that the ‘disturbing the peace’ law be enforced? Are they just compassionate business owners who believe in being politically proactive? Why, why, why didn’t I have the guts to ask about the unisex signs?

Two years ago I never would have ever guessed this topic would come up in our presidential election cycle. When I was young it was ‘whites only’ bathrooms that they fought about all the way up to the Supreme Court. Ted Cruz is on a rampage about men in “girls” bathrooms---he never calls them “women’s” restrooms---and last night Trump said, “Just leave things the way they are” because it would cost businesses too much to make changes. Then this morning he flip-flopped to match the Republican Party Line and he said it should be left up to each state if they want to change the law, it shouldn’t be a federal issue. Ya, Donald, if they’d done that with ‘whites only’ bathrooms, drinking foundations and lunch counters guess what the South would still be doing today. And now the United Kingdom and a handful of other countries have issued travel advisers warning their LGBT communities against going to North Carolina and Mississippi. I’m not sure, but I think this is a first for the USA to have other countries declare parts of our country as unsafe for tourist travel.

There probably isn’t much middle ground between where each of us stands on House Bill 2 issues. We either think it’s needed or it’s over-kill but I’d like to know what they’re going to do down in North Carolina to implement the new law. Do they expect people to have their birth certificates with them at all times in case someone questions if the sex you look is in opposition to what they suspect you might be hiding? I ask myself how I would feel if Caityn/Bruce Jenner came into a restroom I was using. I've seen other caregivers like I was bring their husbands into the ladies room and it never bothers me nor did it ever appear to have bothered other women when I did it. Many even went out of their way to be nice. How would a transgender be any different than a handicapped guy in a woman’s restroom? I ask myself how I’d feel if I had a transgender son who got beat up a few times for being in a men’s bathroom while dressed like a woman. 

Life was simpler back in the days when people in the LGBT community were still in the closet---simpler for many of us but vastly more complicated for those who suffered in those closets. I truly believe that someday (within 10 years) science will figure out how to test for and correct what goes wrong in the gestation period that causes a baby to be born wired in their brains differently than their sex organs. And do it while a baby is still in the womb. But until the research brings us to that point is it fair to expect transgenders to live life suffering in silence or with daily ridicule just so the rest of us don’t have to face our prejudices and fears? Knowledge is power but that doesn’t mean newly acquired knowledge doesn’t challenge our core beliefs from time to time and require us to grow...or be left behind on the wrong side of history. ©