Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Brain Games and Christmas Wishes

This post will publish on Christmas day, but will anyone read it then? I would guess not. Still, I have to write one because writing posts is one of those brain exercises I do that I'm afraid to stop doing because my geriatric brain might seize up like an old motor left out in the snow all winter. I also do the New York Time's Wordle, Quiddler and a game or two of Solitaire every morning. In the evenings it's online Mahjong---the real game where I play against three computer bots, not the matching tiles game where people think they are playing this ancient game, but they aren't. 

A surprising number of the residents here in my continuum care facility do Wordle, too. Once in awhile if the Wordle word-of-the-day is especially hard it will become a topic of conversation at the lunch table and every time it comes up it generally leads to everyone comparing their starting words. Everyone but me because I'm ashamed that I have three of them that I use and that almost always gives me enough correct letters that I can guess the word on the forth line---an unorthodox way to solve it but it works for me and my dyslexia. For example, recently the word of the day was 'flash' and after entering my starter words of 'pearl' then 'stick' followed by 'found' it was easy. Another example when the word was 'blade' I got 'pearl', 'stick' and 'found' using my three-word starter method.

Quiddler is more challenging but I'm able to solve it as often as I can't. And Solitaire? When I was growing up there would be times when my mom played Solitaire over and over again. She’d pull up a red leather footstool, top it with a TV tray, deal the cards and play the tricks, until I would go daffy watching her. I didn’t play the game myself until after my husband had his stroke. That’s when I bought a tiny deck of cards at a hospital gift shop and I carried it everywhere we went for the next 12 years. Spouses of disabled people spend a lot of time in waiting rooms. I became my mother only with a twist that, I thought, set me apart from the woman I didn’t understand growing up. I bought a book titled 101 Ways to Play Solitaire. Yes, I played the game that drove me daffy as a kid but I was learning 101 new ways to numb my brain, to turn it off so I didn’t have to have think about the serious issues going on in my life. True Confusion: I suspect 2025 will bring on a few sessions of binging on Solitaire and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out they will be 45/47 related.

It's been a busy and rather pleasant holiday season for me despite what's going on in the national and world news. Like so many others, I've given myself permission to take a holiday break from worrying about what "President" Musk and "Vice-President" Trump are doing. There will be time enough to hop back on the Worry Bus in 2025. 

On Christmas day here at the CCC many of my neighbors will gather in their robes and PJs by the fireplace for coffee and a potluck breakfast at 8:00 AM. I don't get out of bed that early except for surgeries, but I'll be going to the White Elephant gift exchange later in the day. We don't get food service on Christmas day and no employees are on duty except for a security guard. Our concierge's desk will be manned by volunteer residents doing two hour shifts. I refuse to do one on principle---not that I've ever been asked. I should say I refuse to answer the call when they ask for volunteers. We pay a lot of money in fees to live here and they are spreading some of their employees too thin. On the other hand, with so many of us taking on self-appointed roles around here it has a homey feel, like we really are in charge of our own lives. At least the volunteer concierges will have a lot to do because a fair amount of people are having families coming over for gifts exchanges and home cooked dinners. 

There's about a dozen of us (out of 75) who will not be with families this year and our resident social committee has invited those of us who will be alone to bring our own lunch down to the (closed) cafe` where we can eat together. I won't be doing that. We spend plenty of time together already and I will not de-solve into a pity party if I spend dinner on Christmas eating alone.

Whether you read this post on Christmas day or a few days after, I hope you're having as nice of a holiday season as I am. The next time I'll see you it will be New Year's Day! Until then I'm sharing a message that was in the Hallmark Christmas cards I sent out this year. I LOVE the wording and the sentiment. ©

"Christmas keeps us believing in goodness,
 in kindness, in the wonderful dream of Peace.
May Christmas always have the power
 to remind us of the connection between us all
 and to renew our wish for a more peaceful world.
And this year, especially, may Christmas bring you joy."

 
A Christmas tree from my youth, 1951.
I named that doll 'Jimmy' because a grandfather figure/neighbor
used to call me that. I recently purchased a briefcase for my mahjong stuff and it's the made of the same pink cabbage roses and tan fabric as the drapes in this photo. I loved it the minute I saw it but didn't make the connection until a few days later.

48 comments:

  1. I play different word games on my tablet such as word search, word connect, zen word, bible word puzzle as well as a jigsaw app and solitaire, to keep my brain active. My Christmas Day was good, not great but not bad either

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    1. Wow, and I thought I played a lot of games for brain exercises.! Merry Christmas.

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  2. Merry Christmas Jean and know you are the highlight of my Wednesday mornings as I sometimes wake up early to see if your blog is posted. Christmas is different for a lot of folks this year due to health issues, separation, and distance. Wherever you are remember the reason for the season🌲

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  3. Merry Christmas Jean! I am happy to see your post on this holiday morning. We had our celebration early, so I am relaxing in front of the TV with that fake fireplace all ablaze. It sounds like you have some good options at your CCC, and that's a blessing. Sometimes it's lovely to be able to do nothing, too.

    Your old photo brought back memories of the 1950s. It looked much like our living room. I got a globe for Christmas, when I was young, and I see one in your picture. Simpler days.....or were they? I guess I'm beginning to think that there will always be challenges in this life, but I want to echo the lines of your Christmas card. May we search for goodness, kindness, peace and joy!

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    1. That old photo reminded me that it didn't look much different under our trees as those of today's kids who I often thought got too much under theirs. Parents want to make their kids happy. I think you're right about their always being challenges no matter what century we were born in. Merry Christmas, Pam.

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  4. I read your blog every week, you just add to the holiday. Thank you for your thoughts and words of wisdom throughout the year. I so enjoy your sharing. I have forgotten my favorite Wordle starter word, but Grandmas name was Pearl, so I have a new one! Deana

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    1. That would be a nice way to honor your grandmother. I love the name and I wear pearl earring nearly every day. They go so well with my white hair. Thank you for reading my blog!

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    1. Thank you! I love your blog and how devoted you are to challenging yourself. I need a little more of that in my life.

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  6. I'm imagining your mah jongg case; it must be beautiful. I love those old, classic fabrics. They take me back to the bedrooms in my grandmother's home, a place I loved to visit and spend the night.

    Wordle is a favourite game of mine, and I play it even before I get out of bed in the morning. I was devastated when I lost a game and broke my streak of over 400 days. Oddly enough, I don't even remember the word that I stumbled on.

    Merry Christmas, Jean. Enjoy this day and many, many more.

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    1. I've always loved cabbage roses and had similar wallpaper in my teens and twenties, and now in a bed spread. But my mahjong case is the exact same print! Makes me happy just to look at it and I got it on a dirt-cheap sale. What is it they say, everything that is old is new again!

      I can image how you felt to not get a Wordle after a streak like that! When I can win at the three games I play in the morning on the first try it makes me feel good all day, like it sets the tone for how things will go.

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  7. Merry Christmas Jean! I also play Wordle and NYT's Spelling Bee, Connections, and Strands. Add to that Septle (like Wordle but with seven letters and its bonus game of six letters) and Outspell (like Scrabble). I've recently added Wordiply on the Guardian's website. They give you four letters and you have to come up with a word using that combination that's as long or longer than their pick in five tries. All the while keeping in mind that the English use "s" when we often use "z." It's a wonder I ever get anything done. haha

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    1. I'm not surprised that you do so many word 'games'. I really love your blog. Have a great holiday week!

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  8. We Christmased on Sunday. I have a difficult relationship with celebrations and I do better with a different date. This morning I slept in until 9:30 am and am still in my pajamas at noon. We have enough leftovers I will not have to cook today. I started my morning as usual with Wordle, Connections and Strands. I used to do similar Wordles with more and more words, but have switched it up. Now I am watching old tv shows on my streaming service. Have a great week!!!

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    1. Still being in PJs at noon sounds like a perfect way to do Christmas, even better when you don't have to cook. Oh wait, I'm doing the same thing. Merry Christmas!

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  9. Wow, I don't play any word games anymore since Words with Friends did a big upgrade and now doesn't work on my computer. I could get it on my phone but with one hand I can't really play games on my phone. But maybe I'll try one of your suggestions on my computer and see how that works. I do miss it. This year Christmas has been more fun than the last few years, I think because we are in-between health crises and everyone is relatively healthy and happy. Merry Christmas, Jean, and good luck to all of us in the new year. We'll need it, but let's try to keep our sense of humor and find things to laugh about along the way.

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    1. Keeping our sense of humors is a great goal for 2025.

      I can't play any games on my phone, in fact I don't like doing anything but make and receive calls on my mine. It's too small for my hands and hard on my eyes. Thanks for reading and commenting my blog.

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  10. Merry Christmas, Jean! I'm a little jealous you got to send out cards. Our postal workers were on strike since mid-November and were ordered back to work last week - too late for sending any cards or anything else, for that matter. Good thing Christmas cards and their messages are timeless! The ones I bought this year will definitely keep. Enjoy these special days,

    Deb

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    1. I think sending cards is dying out fast here in the States. Last year and this year I sent out 30 but only got 3 this year which is down by 20 from last year. Yesterday I thought I'd get a pile of cards at once and was disappointed when I opened my box. I can remember long ago sending out 200!

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    2. I got far less Cards received again this Year, so more folks will fall off my sending out List for next Year. I agree, exchanging Cards is dying out fast here in the U.S.. A Postal Strike during all the Holidays would be terrible tho', so many people Shop Online and receive everything by Delivery, usually Mail Delivery!

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    3. My list will be significantly cut back next year as well, which is a shame. I always loved the process and memories that came with card exchanges.

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  11. Merry Christmas to you Jean! See you on New Year's Day!

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  12. There are a lot of us reading you on Christmas Day! I do Wordle and Spelling Bee everyday. And Just Jumbles when they have new ones, and a Zen word puzzle. I used to do Sudoku but then decided to learn Spanish on Duolingo. I've reached the level where I can review anything I like but just do enough vocabulary every day to keep my streak going and watch Netflix with Spanish subtitles. I still keep up with world news, not just the Washington craziness. I've always been interested in history, so I'm not going to cut myself off from this fascinating time. Anyway, I hope you're having a great time! Merry Christmas!

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    1. I admire you for learning a second language late in life. I know it's good for our brains to do so. I struggle enough with the language I've used my entire life to try what you're doing. I used to do Sudoku but it got too easy. I need to try Spelling bee or Zen someday.

      I love your point about not cutting yourself off from "this fascinating time" in history by ignoring the news. I am going to borrow that when someone says they can't watch the news anymore. I've loved history too and followed politics closely my entire life since my teens. I can't quit now.

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  13. I look forward to your blog every Wednesday I read and enjoy but don't make any comments. I hope you had a good day and a Merry Christmas

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    1. Thank you, Jane, for making an exception this time to comment!

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  14. Merry Christmas, Jean. It sounds as though you had a nice day, as did I. We had rain overnight and this morning, but things cleared off, and I had a lovely trip to Galveston to spend time with a friend on the Island. I especially enjoyed that photo you posted. I was given a globe when I was a kid, too. I almost wish I still had it; it would be fun to compare it with a map of the world now. So many countries have changed boundaries or names, there's no question there would be significant differences.

    I received one of the most interesting gifts this year: a beaded bracelet from a group call Fahlo, that works in conjunction with groups like the Sea Turtle Conservancy. Once I scanned the QR code on the little brochure, and downloaded the app, I got my very own sea turtle to track. Her name is Juanita, and she's presently off the coast of Nicaragua, heading for the Cayman Islands. When I click on her, I get her location, speed, distance traveled since my last check, and other interesting details. The friend who gave me the bracelet is tracking a whale of some sort, and another friend chose to track a red wolf. A portion of the money earned from the bracelets keeps the programs going, and a portion goes to conservancy organizations. I don't do word puzzles and such in the morning, but now I'll be tracking my turtle!

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    1. I, too, kind of wished I still had that globe when I found this photo and for the same reasons as yours.

      I have one of those bracelets only to track an elephant. I'd love to have one to track a sea turtle. I have a special fondness for sea turtles. I've seen the ones advertised to track a whale and think they might be the most interesting of all because they must travel faster and farther. I love the mission of these bracelets. It's a fun way to educate the public and support a good cause at the same time.

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    2. I'm really tempted to pay for a chance to track another animal. With Fahlo, you can track a sloth. The friend who gave me the bracelet said another friend chose one of those, and in the months she's been tracking it, the thing has traveled something like 1.7 miles. For some reason, that makes me laugh -- a lot. Given my occasional slothful behavior, it seems just perfect.

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    3. I love sloths and their crazy little smiles. They don't seem to be afraid of humans. That 1.7 miles cracks me up too.

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  15. Well, it looks like I'm the first one to read your blog (or for that matter, any blogs for a bit) on Boxing Day! And I loved it! Of course. I suspect your day was a good one -- it sounds it would be as you wanted it, with choice, and I love that. I've been off blog since Friday, child-minding, then Christmas 1 and yesterday, Christmas 2, which was quite laid back and lovely. It's nice to check back in with my bloggies again! That Christmas photo is close to a dead ringer for one of my own from back in the day. It might be one of my favorites -- it feels so magical!

    My morning word games are Wordle, spelling bee, strands and blossom and I do Connections, too. Usually, my first task. Happy Boxing Day and onward to a new year.

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    1. Of course you would note Boxer Day with your affection of all things British. LOL I had a great Christmas day with a couple of surprise phone calls from people who have meant a lot to me over the years. So I was drained emotionally...still am. Got to get back into a routine again soon.

      The White Elephant Exchange was fun until someone traded the jar of jelly beans I had for a one foot Cross painted on a piece of two-by-four. Of all the gifts there, this non-Christian got a cross and an ugly one at that. I stuck it into one of the many holiday decorations in the cafe` but have regretted doing it because what am I going to say when/if someone calls me on leaving it behind? I just couldn't throw it in the trash and I couldn't bring it into my apartment. Oh well, if that's the worst thing I have to worry about, I'm doing great...one of my mom's sayings.

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  16. Thanks for your Wordle starter words. Now I'll try that game again. I do play a lot of word games and the family got Bananagram for Christmas. We had such fun Christmas night playing a few games together. My sister introduced me to the game and her daughter and bride are coming here Friday night and they love to play board games.

    Happy Holidays and as always, I appreciate you blogging every week!

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    1. My starter words didn't work out so well this morning. 12/26.

      Never heard of Bananagram but if it's popular it is sure to show up here for game night. Thanks for the tip. I used to love board games, especially played on holidays.

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  17. I hope you enjoyed Christmas Day! We had a low key day and I loved it. FaceTime and phone calls, but nothing to go out of the house for except for the dog walks. And today I stayed in my PJs until noon and then took a bath and read a book. I did manage to do my daily puzzles -- Wordle, Connections and now I've added Strands. :-)

    My mom finally got Covid so her Christmas was being quarantined in her apartment at her assisted living facility. Luckily, they brought her meals and mail to the door. She made it this long without ever having Covid, so I suppose it was inevitable, and she seems to have a mild case -- probably because we got her the latest vaccine when I was up there in late October. Knock on wood, she will be back to activity by the end of the week.

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    1. A lot of low level cases of covid and unknown coughs and colds going around here too. I do think vaccines are doing their thing to make getting covid not so scary. Assisted living places like your mom's and my independent living place are quite to quarantine and I'm glad of it. Knock on wood I have not had to do it.

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  18. Loved your Vintage Pix which is older than me. I like seeing Celebration Pixs of Years prior to my own Birth. It seemed the Trees looked better to me back then. I never thought of them calling on Volunteers at a CCC to run it when they don't have adequate Paid Coverage!!! But, I don't blame you for not Volunteering, I doubt I would either on Principle alone. I do Volunteer a lot, I consider our Work at the Antique Mall Volunteer Work coz what we get comped in Space Rent is a Joke really and so far below the minimum wage that your expenses to get there and what you spend on something to eat and drink by NOT being Home for your Shift, pretty much makes it so you're a Volunteer on your own Time and Dime. *LOL* But, there I do like the Work and I miss all the Ministry Work I used to do, which mostly was Food Ministry from the most Marginalized of Society, ensuring they had Nutritional Aide and regular Meals in the absence of most of Society not really Caring if they did or not. In my lower points in Life I've been Hungry, and it's no Fun, I've been Homeless too, also no Fun. I've been quite Poor and just didn't know it when I was growing up. But, I've also during my Corporate Lives, lived better than probably 90% of other people, judging by what I lived in and what I owned that had value. I can say I lived in a Million Dollar Listing that I bought at a bargain price when the Luxury Home Market crashed and burned... and, it was just a lot of House, in a bougee Community I disliked, but, it was an experience and a Manse is pretty nice to live in so long as you'd have Staff to maintain it FOR you. *Bwahahahaha* Glad your Christmas was very nice too Jean, I play Brain Games as well and Blog becoz I do believe it stimulates that Creative parts of our Brains that otherwise might go to mush. Being active is important, Seniors who aren't seem to deteriorate quicker IMO. Mentally active and Physically active are so important if you want to Age with Grace and Dignity.

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    1. I don't mind volunteering here for jobs we residents create ourselves like me teaching Mahjong and someone else leading line dancing...lots of those kinds around here. It's the concierge's job which is usually covered by three paid employees except I think they are too cheap to pay for holiday pay and are asking for volunteers more and more for Sundays as well as holidays.

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  19. I just like how you’ve taken full charge of your life and do what you want to do when you want to do it! No being bullied into communal celebrations you’ve no interest in joining “just to be nice.” That would be me, too, although this year I continued a traditional Christmas Eve get together here because the grandkids expect it. It meant a lot of hauling up from the basement of dishes and decorations on sore knees with breathless lungs. I keep thinking this will be my last year….but will it? Probably not.
    I do wordle and sudoku, too, but currently my biggest puzzle is figuring out how MAGA world comprises its accusation that “Happy Holidays” takes Christ out of Christmas with that hateful message Elon’s puppet wrote on the occasion of the birth of Jesus?

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    1. It's amazing isn't it that MAGA people get bent out of shape if you say, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" but they give 45/47 a hard pass on his hate messages on the very day that should be devoted to messages of love, peace and compassion. I really don't understand those people and I live with a few and have studied them up close and personal.

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