Tales from the Widow’s Basement

Back in my ancient past I tried my hand at writing fiction. I gave up after a few years, telling myself and anyone who’d listen that I can’t plot my way out of a paper bag. But I’m a saver so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I had a box of creative writing projects in the basement and as part of my purging mission that box was moved up to the garage this week where I spent an afternoon reading. Judging by the homework assignments I read, apparently I took a creative writing class in the ‘80s. I don’t remember the class but I do recognize my own handwriting so I can’t deny I took it. I also read a half-finished manuscript about a college girl who once had a promising future as an Olympic level ice skater and a Vietnam vet who lost a leg in the war. Yup, you guessed it. That book was intended as a romance novel and therefore it was doomed from the first page. Romance heroes---at least back in those days---had to be molten hot, hunks of physical perfection and mine was deeply flawed. It was a dark story, poorly written, and I could see why I couldn’t make it work.

I put that manuscript aside and started reading another half-finished historical romance that I vaguely remembered doing the background research for---the suffragettes in my hometown---but when I read the first chapter it was like I was reading something written by another person. Unlike the above mentioned book, this one had characters I liked right from the get-go. The heroine was a stereotypical, “spunky virgin” type who on a re-write would need to have some of her school-girl silliness surgically removed to be believable as a suffragette. (Stick a figure down my throat, that girl was naive!) The hero of the romance was the stereotypical successful, confident, gorgeous, take-charge guy who enjoyed flustering the virgin. (Be still my heart.) I’m thinking about finishing that book for NaNoWriMo coming up in November. Maybe as a comical spoof on romances, camp it up. Be ridiculous. Have fun. 

If you’ve never heard of NaNoWriMo here’s what their website says: “National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing. On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 p.m. on November 30. Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought fleetingly about writing a novel.” It’s not all online either. Lots of cities have meet-ups over the month so you can interact in person with others working on novels. At my Write and Share Meet-Up last month a guy in the group said he organized a NaNoWriMo gathering last year. They took over a coffee shop and all sat around with their laptops, or with pen-in-hand J.K. Rowlings style.  

In 2013 I took part in NaNoWriMo and while I truly enjoyed the writing experience---the energy of hanging around the NaNoWriMo website---it was too soon into my widowhood for me to be working on a book about my husband’s struggle with post-stroke language disorders. The resulting manuscript is still waiting for me edit and that’s one book I truly do want to finish someday. All the more reason why I want to live to be 100. I’ll need that much time just to finish all my past projects. (Have I mentioned the box of half-made teddy bears in the basement?) I was prolific and productive back in the day. Not much got purged out of my “writing” box, by the way, most of the contents went back downstairs. I did throw out the research material for the suffragette book but I’m seriously considering fishing it out of the trash before the bag goes out to the street. 

The universe works in strange ways. Last night I was reading Stephen King’s book, On Writing, when I got to the part about where he talks about plotting books. He wrote a light bulb moment that seemed tailor-made for little-old me. “I distrust plot for two reasons,” he wrote,” first, because our lives are largely plotless, even when you add in all our reasonable precautions and careful planning; and second because I believe plotting and the spontaneity of real creation aren’t compatible.” A plot, according to Mr. King, is the writer’s last resort! Jeez, I wish I’d read that before I gave up on myself decades ago. I could have saved myself a lot of hand-wringing thoughts regarding failure. He likes to put characters into a predicament and watch them try to find their way out. A simple but dare I say God-like concept all rolled into one. Our lives really aren’t plotted, are they. We struggle, we thrive. We find love, we lose love. We’re down, we’re up and at the end of our days we’re lucky if we can go out singing, “I did it my way.” ©

And now, the end is near;

And so I face the final curtain.

My friend, I'll say it clear,

I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.

I've traveled each and every highway;

And more, much more than this,

I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;

But then again, too few to mention.

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;

Each careful step along the byway,

And more, much more than this,

I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew.

But through it all, when there was doubt,

I ate it up and spit it out.

I faced it all and I stood tall;

And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.

I've had my fill; my share of losing.

And now, as tears subside,

I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;

And may I say - not in a shy way,

"Oh no, oh no not me,

I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught.

To say the things he truly feels;

And not the words of one who kneels.

The record shows I took the blows -

And did it my way!

Yes, it was my way.

(Lyrics written by Paul Anka, popularized by Frank Sinatra)

Getting Lost in the Presence, Going Back to the Past

My doctor on Monday ordered a vascular carotid artery duplex scan and before I even got home the scheduler had left a message on my answering machine that I had to go in for the test on Friday, today. I called back insisting that I didn’t do tests in their downtown location “so schedule me at the hospital,” which is located in the suburbs. “We could do that,” the woman said, “but your doctor wants this test done in a timely manner and you’d have to wait three weeks to get in there.” Crap, I thought, by then snow could be flying and I don’t do snow either. “Oh, don’t worry,” she said when I whined about hating downtown driving. “There’s nothing to it. We’re just off the expressway and our parking ramp has very gentle turns.”

What she didn’t say is that the expressway has an S curve in the middle of the downtown area and off the S curve I’d have to take the connection to another expressway before existing again to their location, plus there is construction going on in the area. Under the best conditions, these are the most dangerous pinch points in the whole metro area of over 1,000,000 people. And I got lost. Thankfully, I left early enough so I could get myself turned around and back up north to familiar territory where I could start all over again. This time I routed myself without using the expressways which took my past one pit bull fight in progress and two hookers selling their wares but I got to the medical building in time. The next time some anonymous scheduler tells me to go to that building I’m going to tell her or him that I’d rather die waiting for an appointment at the hospital than to die from the stress of going downtown. On the good side, the woman who did the test said if she had found anything significant they wouldn’t let me leave. That was comforting until I remembered that they told my husband that he had passed his yearly physical with flying colors then two days later he had a massive stroke.

Change of Topic: For four-five years I‘ve wanted to take part in national novel writer’s month which takes place in November. This year I decided to go for it. In case you’ve never heard of NaNoWriMo, this is what their website says: “National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing. On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 p.m. on November 30. Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought fleetingly about writing a novel.” It’s not all online either. Lots of cities, including mine, have meet-ups at local coffee shops and food courts over the month so you can interact in person with others working on a novel.

The website calls people like me ‘rebels’ because we intent to break the rule about only writing fiction and/or the rule about writing all your words in November. I won’t be getting a “merit badge” at the end but I don’t care. I just want the pressure of writing with a deadline. They don’t mind rebels and the website offers a whole section for us to interact with one another. I’ll be working on a memoir/humor book about living with a spouse with severe language disorders, and I’ve actually got seven years of daily note writings that needs to be rewritten and ruthlessly edited down into a cohesive book.

As a widow it might not be easy reviewing what I wrote while watching my husband cope with his post-stroke life but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have a story to tell about a man who inspired just about everyone he met and thus my widow’s journey will be taking this detour to the past. I might get overwhelmed. I might give up in the first week. Or I might be a glutton for punishment and follow through. My November social calendar is also filling up and I’m beginning to wonder where I’ll find the time to sleep. Still,1,667 words a day is doable to make the word count quota for the ‘”write-athon.” After reading though the posts on the rebel forums I discovered I’m not the only widow doing a memoir which shouldn’t surprise anyone who reads blogs written by women. Whether we are using the book idea to put a period on the past or to keep ourselves attached to the past is a question I’ll let others decide. All I know is I will not be going to the downtown Starbucks in November for one of the local meet-ups of NaNoWriMo. ©

My Bucket List

With my birthday approaching and Don’s death not far in my past, I’ve been thinking a lot about making another Bucket List of things I’d like to before I die. In preparation---or maybe it was just a stall tactic---I spent the morning researched what other people put on their lists and I found a Squidoo Lens with 1,000 Bucket List ideas. This is a serious, heavy weight article with tons of links to things like a guide to the world’s best festivals, the National Geographic’s 500 most peaceful and powerful places on earth list and 100 of the greatest adventure books of all time. You name a category of human experience and they’ll be a link to it on that lens. As I skim-read the site, the very first entry on my Bucket List was born: to follow and read every single link on that lens.

I learned one important thing about myself as I scanned through those bucket list suggestions: I’m not interested in doing extreme sports or traveling. Not surprising. I wasn’t interested in sports when I was young except for a few years of snowmobiling, skiing and sailing nor did I especially enjoy traveling by trains, planes and ships. Don and I were more the RV and tent-camping in state parks type of travelers and I wouldn’t do either one alone. About the only place I’m seriously interested in seeing now is Nantucket Island---don’t ask me why. I really don’t know. But if I had the money I’d rent a cottage there and stay until I figured out why the place calls my name.

UPDATES: Items with a red number have been checked off this list since it was written. 9/24/15. Items with green numbers, I no longer care about doing, 4/12/16. Things marked with ** at the end are things I need to revisit for one reason or another, 6/1/19.

1. Read all the links in the 1,000 Bucket List Ideas lens.
2. Take a Tai Chi class.

3. Read more travel adventure books like the autobiography the movie Seven Years in Tibet was based on.

4. Plan my funeral and put my financial affairs in order so I never have to think about them again. **

5. Update the emergency care plan for Levi, my schnauzer, to include a vocabulary list of the words and commands he knows. (Once a caregiver, always a caregiver.) **
6. Spoil myself with more and more spa-like treatments. Okay, so I’ve only gotten one pedicure so far but I’m scheduled for finger and toe nails both next week. And I want to do the sugar thing to get rid of old lady chin hair. Who knows what will come after that---maybe a spa retreat in Hawaii or a Tibetan Silent Retreat. If I wasn't laughing so hard while I write this, I'd realize I could actually do these outer and inner beauty make-overs someday.

7. Buy more beauty products. About the only thing I’ve bought regularly since Don’s stroke has been Burt’s Bees watermelon lip balm.(Oh, my God! Maybe this is why so many older women start looking like they've been to the Clown School of Makeup Tricks! They get addicted to beauty products.)

8. Gradually upgrade my wardrobe. Jeez, will anyone know me when I finally shed my caregiver look? I’d been standing behind a wheelchair for so long I still feel naked without it. **

9. Put low lights in my hair. Don’t ask me what that they are. My hair dresser thinks it’s a good idea.

10. Take the dog to the dog park twice a week. This involves a long walk on the nature trail to get there so I’ll be getting my exercise as well. Dog parks can be dangerous.

11. Print the family history book I have sitting in the ‘My Canvas’ book queue.

12. Finish the book I started on living with someone with severe aphasia.

13. Print Levi and Cooper’s diary sitting in the Blogger’s book queue.

14. Continue to blog the first year of my widowhood, then print it and pronounce myself ready to move on. (Although the people at Widowed Village say the one year mourning period thing is a myth. It can---and usually does---take much longer than that.)

15. Write a fan letter to Oprah.

16. Do the NaNoWriMo challenge in November again. (Write a book in a month.) I tried it a few years back and it was---well, a real challenge that I couldn’t accomplish. But it was fun interacting with all the others trying to do the same. **

17. Get a comfortable computer chair for all this writing I’ll be doing on my Bucket List projects.**

18. Sell my house next year.

19. Buy a small condo next year. **

20. Go to Nantucket and/or turn my new condo into a cottage themed retreat. Accomplished part of the cottage theme in the house. ** Haven't been to Nantucket but I've got more cottage theme in the house.

21. Visit our world famous sculpture park in town again.

22. Visit our world famous art festival and contest in the fall.

23. Cook and eat some fried green tomatoes.

24. Go to a wine tasting.

25. Start drawing again. 
26. Start painting again.

27. Start baking bread again. (I had to stop last year when I was fighting chronic hives.) ** I'm into making scones now.

28. Visit Don’s grave on Memorial Days. (For decades we made the rounds of graves in three counties---a promise he made to his mother. We were buying flowers for people we never met so I’m thinking Don would want me to visit him.)

29. Never, ever forget the special place where I keep his memory tucked in my heart.

30. Read a couple of Dr. Seuss books. Can you believe I’ve never done that! ** Didn't read Dr. Seuss by I have recently read some classic children's books.

31. Buy a bike. (Although I’m starting to chicken out on this one after a relative said she fell while riding and broke her wrist. I asked the salesperson at the bike shop if I could get training wheels and he just laughed. But I was serious!)

32. Buy an iPad and take the class on using it.

33. Get a smart phone and take the class on using it.

34. Admit defeat and call the damn geek squad to set up my new printer that’s been sitting here since December.

35. Take up knitting again.

36. Finish the quilt I have ready for the backing or hire a service to do it.

37. Restore the finish on my ice box that dates back to before electricity.

38. Live to be a 100.

39. Enjoy life until the last breath.

40. Add 60 more items to this list before the end of the year. ©