I've been trying my darn-est to cut calories and increase my physical activities these past few weeks so I am now making my nightly hot chocolate in a six ounce cup with one marshmallow instead of in a ten ounce cup with two or three marshmallows. I've even tried drinking brewed tea in the evenings but I don’t like the stains on my teeth from drinking too much tea so it's not a go-to favorite of mine. My mom was avid tea drinker (and my oldest niece, too) and I keep a ceramic pot in my kitchen in her honor. I wish she'd lived long enough to experience Starbuck's summer teas. It always makes me feel luxurious when I can order one of their Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonades.
Growing up my parents weren’t rich be any stretch of the imagination but they were hard working and provided my brother and me with a stability neither one of them had in their childhoods. We had three meals a day, clothes aplenty, a nice middle-class neighborhood to live in, a summer cottage where we grew treasured memories. And we had love. Not the said-out-loud kind of love but my brother and I knew we had it even if as kids we didn't recognize what a blessing that was. The closest I ever came to poverty and poor people growing up was hearing the stories my folks told of their childhoods and seeing my mom slip tens and twenties to some of our less fortunate relatives.
Then I entered the work force I made enough money to support myself and to squirrel away a little for a rainy day but I didn’t have health insurance. Things were going good until I broke my foot and had to be on crutches for twelve weeks, I couldn’t do my job and I had a hard time paying my bills. The classic statement---before Obamacare came along---that we are all only a heartbeat away from a major financial crisis in our lives due to a medical emergency became real to me. My bank account and my sense of security recovered quickly after that summer but it was a lesson learned and that lesson gave me greater empathy later on in life after my husband’s stroke.
Don had good insurance so that part of the stress a major medical crisis brings to the Table of Life was not one of our problems. Downsizing was, though, and we had more than most people to dispose of…two houses, various trucks, three front end loaders, a street sweeper and a huge poll building full of commercial and personal stuff. It was the hardest period in my life. Downsizing was/is hard emotional work.
Yesterday my youngest niece asked me if I'd ever heard of the Swedish Death Cleaning and panic set in. We were communicating by text so I couldn’t decide at first if: A) she thought I should get rid of everything except the bare essentials of living out my days, B) she thought her husband should do one because they've been stressed all year over a re-occurring medical issue, or C) it was just an off-handed question because she'd just heard about the Swedish Death Cleanings at a Christmas party. She's had a house cleaning service most of her adult life so I'm pretty sure---now---she asked out of professional curiosity.
Still, I told her after Don's stroke I tried to get him to sell some stuff he wasn't ready to let go of, like his classic Corvette and hunting gear, and even though I knew he'd never recovery enough to get his old life back, I had to back off on selling certain Memory Makers because it was like I was taking his hope for a full recovery away. Sitting around in a house stripped of everything but the bare necessities (the goal of Swedish Death Cleanings) might sound altruistic when you're middle-aged and looking at seniors near the end of their lives but it sounds ghoulish when you're the senior. Remember when we had blogger friends who did the Swedish Death Cleaning? I felt ghoulish back then and it still does. If the idea comes from within, that's one thing but someone nagging another into the process is quite a different can of worms.
Still... I do have a small project in my den that will involve some downsizing/purging and project Make-my-Den-Function-Better is at the top of my New Year's Resolutions List.
Until Next Wednesday. ©
I have been sorting or downsizing the last few years and there is plenty more that needs to go. My husband has always kept things I would have tossed out long ago as I am not a collector of “things.” He would always say “you never know when you might need that scrap of wood or that broken light.” There were times he proved to be right but I never told him that. I have two areas that really need de cluttering, the basement and upstairs. The attic is completely empty but I have a long way to go. I admire all you have done, over the years getting rid of stuff. I don’t want to leave all of this for our kids but, then again, maybe I should. JJ
ReplyDeleteDe-cluttering is one thing. The Swedish Death Cleaning started as something terminal people do so their kids don't have to. Some of us do keep more stuff than we need to but like your husband, my generation comes from a place where our parent taught many of us that rainy days are right around the corner and we many need our 'stuff' again.
DeleteCleaning is the never ending chore of my life. I was lucky enough have had housecleaners come in every two weeks I felt obligated to put things away and strip the beds and have fresh and clean new ones sitting and waiting. I'd hire again buy there is so much STUFF.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I will get a price on kitchen, my room and the bath I share with the boys.
The kidults have the owners suite. They have 20 linear feet of hanging space and a set of 4 ft shelves stacked by 6 in one part of their closed ... it's dedicated to hold Costco buys and surplus shopping ... soap, TP, dishwasher soap, dish soap, soap for washing machine and soap bars near each sink. Toilet paper and paper towels.
Once Christmas is put away, I think I will hire a former cleaning group to see if they have room to fit me into a schedule. Then we can focus on downsizing and organizing. And Marie Kondo style. And teach Jesse how to run the finances. Then I can rest easy! As always, a thought provoking blog yet again!
I'm more the marie condo
I don't like her either, as I've blogged before but that's more because her movement helped kill the collectibles market when I was still selling in an antique mall. But principle of deculttering does make sense is a society like ours that over comsumerizes buying things out of want instead of need.
DeleteI love hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows but only in winter.
ReplyDeleteNever heard of the Swedish Death Cleaning
Those little marshmallows are easier to control. the last time I bought marshmallows I bought the big ones and now I have to stand near the microwave to make sure they don't balloon up and run down the side of the cup.
DeleteYour memories of hot chocolate took me back to my girlhood. I don't think my mom had a recipe, but she would heat a pan of whole milk on the stove to slowly heat. Next, she'd get the mugs and put a teaspoon of cocoa and 2-3 teaspoons of sugar in each mug. She'd add just a little bit of hot water to the mugs and stir the sugar and cocoa. Then she'd top it off with the hot milk and a smidgen of vanilla. All these years, I've tried nearly every hot chocolate mix known to mankind, but nothing compares with my mom's simple blend.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your den project. Earlier this week, I filled the back end of my car and took it to the donation center. Once in awhile, I get on a roll when it comes to downsizing. Have to admit, over these past 3 years of purging, I haven't missed anything we gave away.
That's the way my mom made cocoa too and the way I do when I make it from scratch. I've never priced it out but I bet its a lot cheaper than the envelopes.
DeleteI didn't mind downsizing so much when I could have garage sales and vendor booths in antique malls, but donating stuff to Goodwill is hard for me. I've done it since moving here and need to do more of it. But what I really need to do is stop buying stuff.
I think the name alone puts many people off. If it were called Scandinavian Minimalist Cleaning or Swedish Simple Life Cleaning, that might be less evocative of The End.
ReplyDeleteI live with a man who is loath to get rid of anything that a loved one has given him, whether it's clothing or an entire basement full of tools and equipment. It's incredibly frustrating. Progress is slow, but being made. Now that he's retired, he has promised to make it a priority.
I Googled the phrase "Swedish Death Cleaning" and didn't realize it is a thing on TV now. I have a lot of stuff stored in my basement that I could probably get rid of but some of it is not mine. My children have always left some of their treasures here as they moved into places that didn't have enough storage. If I die, they can clean it out. I don't feel the need to have everything ready for them. We did it for my parents and they can do it for me.
ReplyDelete