I like my life orderly. I like knowing that the senior hall
lectures, day trips and luncheons always fall on Tuesdays or Thursdays, that
my Movie and Lunch Club is the third Friday of the month and that the my house cleaner is
scheduled on the second Fridays. I like that Levi (The Mighty Schnauzer) and I both
get our haircuts on Mondays. Likewise with doctors, dentists and The Gatherings
I’ve recently added to my day planner. I like that my second Wednesdays of the
month is when I go to travelogues and the first and third Wednesdays are Red
Hat Society teas. I used to like the fact that the Red Hat summer walk-abouts---until
now---fell on the third Saturdays but this week they voted to move them to the
second Fridays. Bummer! Now, I either have to miss the walk-abouts or go through
the hassle of finding another day on the calendar that works for my house cleaning service and me. This month’s walk-about is to an up-cycling mall and next month’s
walk-about is to a farm at lambing time. Then there is the Celtic Fair this
summer that no fun-loving person in their right mind would miss. I may be old
but presumably I’m still in my right mind. Question of the day: If I wasn’t
would I even know it?
In the prime of my work life I could juggle schedules with
the precision of a drill sergeant. Now, I daydream about winning the lotto so I could hire a personal assistance to handle those pesky details. Just tell me where
to go and what to wear. Ohmygod! At my age it’s kind of creepy to wish for a personal
assistant because, basically, that’s what they do in nursing homes---tell
you where to go and what to wear. Breakfast at 8:00, lunch at noon, dinner at 4:30
and fish sticks every Friday. “Sweetie, no you can’t have a shower today. You’re
on tomorrow's schedule, but this is the first Monday of the month and that
means the choir from the senior hall is coming in this afternoon to entertain.”
Oh, goodie! I'll think. They can't sing their way out of a paper bag. Don't make me wear those hearing aids! Oh course, I wouldn’t say that to a
nurse’s aide helping me get dressed, but I can’t promise I wouldn’t bite her just because it would be one of
the last free-will choices I’d have left in my life.
I had lunch with a man this week. He’s an old friend that came
as a package deal with my husband. Don, Gary and another close friend went to
high school together and they stayed close their entire lives. Anyone who has
been a family caregiver knows that friendships often fade away
when a disability enters the picture, but Gary never changed how he interacted
with Don. Even though Don could no longer talk, Gary kept up their tradition of calling once a week and they'd have one-sided 'conversations.'
Another friend and neighbor who used to talk to Don daily for years disappeared
completely from our lives after the stroke and it hurt my husband deeply. I tried to keep them
connected with invitations, etc., but it was like Don had died to them. Their
loss. Language or not, he could still make us laugh.
After Don died, Gary started calling me once or twice a month. He’s a dear friend but don’t read anything romantic in the friendship. In truth we’d kill each other if we ever lived in the same house. We’re both set in our ways. He stayed with us for two weeks after I had knee replacement so I didn’t have to put Don in a nursing home while I recuperated. After that, he came by twice a week until I could drive again to help Don with his showers and take us where we needed to go. That’s the kind of friends those two guys were. There was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.
Our other friend---the third point in their triangle of life-long
friendships---has recently been given an expiration date on his life and that cast
a dark cloud over Gary’s and my lunch. He lives out of state so there's no way
we can be there with hands-on help for him and his wife. We may never even see him again. Life is so fragile…or maybe it really isn’t. Maybe we just
take too damn many years to fully appreciate what a gift it is to have good
friends, to have good health and to have the time to enjoy them both. ©
