The flip book of queue cards was another story. I couldn’t
get rid of that. I found in a box of speech class homework and that box
represented six years of hard work---so many hours of exercises and practice
that involved us both. I managed to throw out everything in the box but the
flip book. It sits in the garage waiting for the day when I might bite the bullet
and make it disappear in the trash container. But I was proud of myself for
throwing out what I did even though I cried like crazy over sorting through that box. The worse
part, though, was a few days later I was in the basement and I noticed another
box labeled: speech class homework I hope we never need again. Damn it! We
don’t need it anymore. I don't like what it reminds me of and I don't want it anymore...but it still sits on the shelf. I had shed enough tears
for one week.
In a few days it will be eight months since Don died. I have
accomplished a lot in those months but every so often it seems like it was only
yesterday that he was here laughing at one of my silly antics. Other
spouses to stroke survivors with severe language disorders will understand what
I mean when I say that after the stroke I became the Entertainer-in-Chief. You
end up talking more because your spouse can’t talk. You end up projecting and
guessing what your partner wants to say. One of my favorite memories from
recent years is of a time when I had an argument with myself---me taking both
Don’s side and my side of an issue. (When you know someone as well as I knew
Don you know exactly how they think.) I was seriously getting wound up debating
with myself when Don burst out laughing. And that was the end of “our”
argument. I had won whatever "we" were disagreeing about. God, I miss him! ©
Jean :
ReplyDeleteI have never met you both before, but through your writing I miss Don too, I am so sorry for your loss, but I am sure you will meet him again some day.
hugs,
Asha
Thanks Asha. Most of the time I'm doing fine. Don was a character and left an lasting impression on everyone.
ReplyDeleteI had a good laugh/cry at you arguing both sides.
ReplyDeleteI was caretaker for my dad for about a year after his massive stroke, so some of what you speak of during your stroke posts also different because it was dad and not husband. Dad also kept his sense of humor , didn't talk much or walk again either. Electric wheelchair was a blessing for both of us and mom.