There’s a town on the other side of Michigan that is known
for having the largest, year-around Christmas store in the world. The footprint
of the building covers over seven acres and the landscaped grounds adds another
27 acres of holiday charm. They can park over 1,000 cars and fifty buses. In
other words Bronner’s is a big deal. I’ve been there once, in the ‘70s, and
driven through Frankenmuth, MI, a couple of times on the way to other places.
Going there isn’t something that fires up my shopping genes but many people from
this side of the state make a yearly pilgrimage to Bronner’s with a side trip
to another area favorite, an all-you-can-eat, family style chicken place. The
first year after Don died I signed up for a bus trip to Frankenmuth but I didn’t
set foot inside the famous store, opting instead to window shop the streets
nearby. What was I thinking? No newly minted widow shouldn’t punish herself in
a glorified ornament store before she’s got her first holiday season under her
belt.
Why am I thinking about Christmas before Halloween has even past?
It’s that stupid Hallmark cable channel’s fault. Their count down to the
holidays starts October 31th and their countdown to October 31th is underway. I
get it, I really do…why they start with the Christmas movies and specials so early.
It’s all about the sponsors who want you buying stuff. The earlier we shop, the
more we buy. It’s a rule of life like wearing clean underwear every day. No one
forces me to watch the Christmas movies, or wear clean underwear for that
matter, but I do both anyway. What I don’t understand is why isn’t there a 365/24/7
all Christmas all the time cable channel. The retails would jump on that idea
like Oxpecker birds riding Rhinos.
I’m making my last trip to the auction house next Monday and
I’m trying to decide if I want to downsize my Christmas stuff there or take it
all to the Goodwill. I’ve got some nice things, bought in the 1960s when I
could get ornaments wholesale. It will sting to see my Christmas things go as
cheaply as holiday stuff does at the auction house. At least with Goodwill I
could always go buy them back if I have day-after regrets. Whatever I do, I’ve
given myself one week to downsize my three boxes of Christmas to one and in the
process I might just join Hallmark’s countdown to Christmas by decorating my
house before Halloween. If I do and people start talking about the poor, mixed
up widow I’m keeping a copy of this blog to prove I actually do have a plausible
reason for rushing the season. And that reason is---drum roll, please---why
haul three boxes upstairs to my sorting table in the garage just to turn around
and haul the keepers back down the evil steps when it won’t be long before they’d
have to come back up again? Every time I make a trip up or down I have visions
of someone finding my petrified bones at the bottom of the steps. Even the dog
is afraid to go to the basement so at least I don’t worry about him getting
hungry enough to eat my flesh, should I fall and not get up. Ohmygod, I need to
sign up for the service my cell phone company offers for three bucks a month.
It’s a daily call and if you don’t answer they send the Canadian Mounties or
someone equally as virile to check on you. Did I mention that a good share of
Hallmark Christmas movies involve widows who “get saved” by knights in shining
armor types?
New topic: The fall luncheon at the senior hall. You know
the one where they have orange napkins, black tablecloths and miniature coffins
on the tables. I haven’t taken a survey but I can’t help but wonder if I’m the
only one who thinks coffins at a senior hall was a bad choice in décor. But what do I know. I spent a good many years
designing table decorations for weddings so maybe I have a warped sense of “happy-happy”
when it comes to what should go on banquet tables. So far, I’ve kept the fact
that I had a lot of experience in the bridal/floral industry a secret down at
the hall. Why? Out of fear that they’ll want to put me in charge of the “decorations
closet” where they keep out of seasonal coffins, candy canes, and tulips.
The luncheon was fun, though. For entertainment they had a
couple who did an unusual act. He drew a large landscape with pastels while she
told jokes and read inspirational stories. She was a good storyteller and
laughter reigned supreme in the room. He wasn’t what I’d call a real artist and
if you’ve seen the Bob Ross technique you’ll know what I mean. Very formula
orientated. But I gave him an A+ for working in public like he did. I could
never do that with artwork (or cooking). At the end he turned on a black light
which revealed images in the sky that he’d done with special chalk that looked
like clouds under normal lighting. It
was a great showmanship ending. The audience was amazed and I enjoyed talking
with him afterward to learn the ‘secret’ of how to do the secret images. ©
