Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, November 13, 2024

The Mourning Period and my Door Decor


I'm sitting here wondering whether or not to write about the elephant in the room---the election. More precisely whether or not by the time this post goes live will everyone have beaten that poor elephant to death and are ready to move on. As I write this three days before it will get published I'm not ready to move on and the few people I've talked to about it are also still in the early stages of grief over the way the election turned out. But what can we do except to (sooner or later) move on to acceptance? It's not as if we're going to storm the capital and demand that our way is the only way it could have gone. Democrats believe that our elections are safe from wide-spread fraud. And now that it went DJT's way so does he. What is so hard to make peace with is the fact that so many people could ignore the sick and twisted lack of ethics and morals in a man they just put in charge of our nuclear codes. That fact alone clearly proves the democrats have the moral high ground here. 

The TV commentators are picking away at all the things they think Harris did wrong or didn't do or that Biden did or didn't do and I agree that the biggest mistake of all was that Biden didn't keep his promise to be a one term president. If the party had had a normal primary season it could have made a difference. But beyond that I'm not willing to concede much more wrong doing on Harris's part because what makes me crazy is that with all the finger pointing going on the pundits don't seem to put any blame on the low information voters. And they don't put any blame (or enough blame) on the fact the our soon-to-be president lied at every turn, talked out of both sides of his mouth and took credit for things he didn't do and he made promises that if he keeps are going to bankrupt our country. 

I saw one report published by ABC that said: "…estimates that to deport even one million undocumented immigrants a year would cost over $88 billion dollars annually, for a total of $967.9 billion over more than ten years." And when DJT was asked about the cost he said, "The price tag doesn't matter. We have to do it."  I hope those who voted for him remember that when the price of our food goes sky high because there is no one left to milk the cows or pick the crops on factory farms, and butcher and process beef, pork and chicken in the slaughter houses. We're not going to see the Proud Boys rushing to fill those jobs. And we're not going to see Elon Musk use his own money to foot the deportation bill. He's reportedly the richest man in the world and could afford to do it out of his petty cash account. He's a TJD whisperer now and he's telling 45/47 that all immigrants coming into our country need to have a documented, high IQ. I'll bet the hospitality industry will have a thing or two to say about that. Hotel and restaurant workers don't need to know physics and calculus and between them and the food production industry they employ the lion's share of new immigrants.

Tim Walz made a speech on Friday about taking time to mourn and when we're ready to fight again to jump back in "because there are still plenty of ways to make a difference in our communities." My niece says she's going to start attending school board meetings because five out of the seven recently elected members are MAGA republicans and book banning is a big issue in her district. That's the kind of 'make a difference' kind of fight Walz was talking about. I'm searching for my next cause and I think it will be the ACLU or something to do with the environment. It was a great speech and I would have loved to hear more from him over the next four years. He has that down home, folksy way of comforting people that makes it easy to recognize that what he says is coming from the heart. He cares about people. Harris, too. Her rhetoric is more polished but it's clear her years of public service comes from a place of wanting to help people. DJT never does anything if it doesn't help him.

Door Decor: I have this framed piece of chicken wire that I can hang things on when I'm in the mood to express something. I pin things to it….kind of like posting meme's on a computer only this frame can hang on my apartment door. There are only eight people living on my hall (including me) to see what I post except in the winter time when there are hallway walkers. Two are rabid 45/47 supporters and we've never got in each others faces over politics or had conversations over the issues. I have my Tuesday night 'liberal ladies' dinner for that and people on campus know who we are but we're all very civil to one another. Still, things slip out once in a while like when a republican made comment about shooting Harris and that "bitch" Hillary. And like this noon over lunch when a MAGA person overheard myself and another woman quietly talking about how sad we were over the election and the MAGA fan said, "Be careful what you say. In a few weeks everything will be great again and you'll have to eat your words." How can anyone be so naive?

On election night when it looked like it was going to he-who-shall-never-be-named-in-this-blog-again's way I posted three vintage postcards which were about Dan Quale but seemed to fit how I was feeling at the time about DJT. (See below.) The day after the election I posted a card of Tammy Fay Baker, also below. Currently on my door is a postcard of a Renoir painting (up above) with the words, "If you can't find me, I'll be in France drinking wine for the next four years." I'm tired of hiding my disdain and feelings from the people I live with! But I do promise to move on in this blog. Next week I plan to walk the hallways and photograph the door decor and write a post about how everyone has embraced fall around here. ©

Until next Wednesday!

56 comments:

  1. I think Harris did a great job under the circumstances.

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  2. And, if in a few weeks everything isn't great again no doubt it will be Biden's fault somehow, right? These MAGA politicians have an excuse for everything and they are made of Teflon...all the blame slides right off of them. Jean, I'm glad you are not letting the MAGA residents intimidate you into silence. Your choice of door decor speaks volumes and likely the only ones that will take offense will be the "Freedom!" crowd, the same crowd that likes to mock people with empathy and values as "snowflakes". Which would be rich and hilarious if it wasn't so sad and stupid.

    Deb

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    1. There's only one MAGA here I don't want to offend. He's the husband of my mahjong guru. He delivers all the packages to everyone on the hallway. But he's got a good sense of humor and so far nothing on my door has made him mad. I am through being quiet! I had dinner last night with my liberal ladies group and one of them said her sister told her that her only problem was that she watched too much news. If she didn't she's love 45/47. How do you fight logic like that?

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    2. You don't fight it because it is illogical. A counselor once told me to stop trying to make illogical people think logically - he said I was just wearing myself out because they'd never get it (I was dealing with an unhinged mother-in-law at the time).

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    3. I've been on a mission to buy 1 bam orphan mahjong tiles on eBay and Esty and almost bought one from a vendor with a user name of JesusIsUltraMAGA. His eBay profile page had a photo of 45/47 with a bloody ear and no matter how badly I wanted that tile I backed out of that purchase! How crazy do you have to be to have your eBay user name and profile so tied up in that Guy? Your Counselor gave you sound advice. I need to learn to take it.

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    4. That MAGA seller needs to be reminded that the biblical description of the Antichrist includes a head wound that miraculously heals….not to mention the “sign of the beast” worn on the foreheads of his followers…and the fact that Jared owns a property in NYC with the address 666

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  3. Completely agree with you on the election. Completely.

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    1. We are a large club and I for one am wearing all black on January 20th when he gets sworn in.

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  4. I LOVE your door decor ideas, especially the first one. Such a crafty idea. You could go into business.

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    1. I have a postcard collection that I intend to rotate to my door frame. Right now I have one of the tin man from the Wizard of Oz with the saying, "Now I know I have a heart. It's breaking."

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  5. Only time will tell what type of president he will be, all everyone can do now is hope for the best.

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    1. And give money to the ACLU and environmental groups that will no doubt fight him in court over things I care about.

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  6. I think we are all in a state of disbelief and shock. How could so many people think it’s ok to elect a President who truly does not care about everyday people but caters to the rich and famous? It is absolutely scary to have him in charge of our money, safety, education, and moral understanding. The people he is appointing have no background for what the position he is putting them in charge of. It is going to be a long four years and I hope we and our country survive it. God bless the USA 🇺🇸🙏

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    1. His appointments so far are mostly scary for their lack of experience, aren't they! If he really does all he says he's going to do there are going to be a very high unemployment rate at both ends of the spectrum....uneducated and college grads.

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  7. That is what has concerned me about moving into a retirement community and I am 78! But definitely not a MAGA. I’d be afraid there’d be so many of them and I’d be miserable just knowing.
    Another thing is at 78, I feel even though I’ll likely see the horror that will probably come, I’ll be dead before the full destruction is upon us and I have no children to worry about. Mary

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    1. I also have no children to worry about but I do care about the continuation of humanity and I care that the progress my generation has made in so-called woke issues---women's rights, minority rights, earth science, etc., etc.---will backslide. But you're right that at our ages we won't see the full destruction his administration will bring on us.

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  8. I absolutely do not believe we have to fully accept. Yes, we can acknowledge the election was fair and he won, but what we don't have to accept is how things will change. It doesn't mean violence. It means working as hard as we can, however we can, to change things in the 2026 midterms (when our governor role will be open as well as US Senator and Reps). That means writing postcards, donating time or money, focusing on home first; then gear up for 2028. We are not going back. I hate the Monday morning quarterbacking. I realize evaluation has to be done, but I think she was a magnificent candidate. Timing and the situation is what nailed her, along with a disturbing number of people who are ignorant enough to believe the lies and conspiracy theories DT pulled out. That's the scary part. And I'm not sure how you fight stupidity.

    I suspect when prices go up (and they will) people will be disappointed. So will the ones who lose their jobs or have them downgraded via civil service. As for me, I'm stockpiling or early buying imported items I've been thinking about (new camera, new printer, French/Italian wine, paint and papers that come from Europe, kid games/toys/puzzles made in China, etc. Rick's looking at a new car now instead of 2025. And probably making more trips to Canada and bringing things back if needed. I'm sure you read about the Anne Frank production in Fowlerville picketed by Nazi supporters. I don't know our country anymore. I am so with you -- I don't have to dwell on it online, but I won't be quiet anymore. And the time for passivity is over.

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    1. Wow, excellent attitude and comment! I'm not there yet but I fully believe I will jump back in the game to fight against some of what is coming. But I so wanted my final years to be less stressed than it will be now with him in our faces at every turn. I do thing the mid-terms are going to help turn things around.

      I too am on a buying spree. And I did not hear about the picketing in Fowlerville! I'll look it up. I did hear about a Civil War Museum's site that is systemically being wiped and rewritten.

      Love your last line. "The time for passivity is over." I will get there but give me a couple more weeks to grieve.

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  9. I like your mini billboard, and I'm glad no one has stolen anything from it or defaced it.

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    1. Every time I open my door I expect that to happen. So far so good.

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  10. I comfort myself by speculating when the first of these cabinet picks will be booted out with a “dumber than sh*t” explanation. This round is far less morally sound than the previous one, but I suspect their day might eventually come.
    I love your door posts!

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    1. Yes, there will be lots of changes coming up in the first six months. I love that Steven King is calling Elon Musk 45/47's "First Lady." Did you know is real wife got paid $200,000 to appear at the convention?

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    2. I don’t know how to live in a country where Marco Rubio is considered to be qualified for the office of Secretary of State. By anyone.

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    3. Unbelievable the people he is tapping for various jobs and worse yet his plans to side-step senate confirmation for people like Elon Musk.

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  11. Really terrific post Jean!
    I remember feeling crestfallen when Biden announced he was going to run again. By that time the dementia comments had already started and if Trump knows one thing that works, it's to repeat, repeat, repeat. The Democrats tried the same method by continually calling Trump a fascist, but it didn't work, probably because it's clearly a slur but few know what fascism actually means. People who don't pay that much attention to politics remember it was economically better under Trump until the pandemic, and no reasonable person can blame him for that no matter how they feel about how he handled it.
    Hopefully there will be some changes in the Democratic party, to speak to the voters who were so alienated they decided Trump's party was the better option. It's easier than ever to write to our Congress people and let them know what we care about most and I'll continue doing that. They live in a bubble and need to hear from constituents.

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    1. And a spot on comment.

      Both parties need to change along with a society that prioritizes the wrong things.

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  12. Announcing his "cabinet" and support team just jabs me a bit every single time. Warmongers with no experience is very scary. Mad man stupidity. I'm going to buy a bottle (or case) of tums to help me through

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    1. I'm waiting for him to wave a magic wand over the Middle East and they all kiss and make up.

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    2. Putting Mike Huckabee in as Ambassador to Israel is just asking for more ongoing violence and discord. He doesn't even believe in a two state solution. I heard a new report today that Trump thinks the Palestinians can be convinced to sell their territory like a real estate deal. No good will come of this mess in the Middle East.

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  13. Oh, I like how you are using your door to make a statement. We don't have to listen to the lies and propaganda and we can keep spreading the truth.

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    1. I'm sick of keeping my thoughts to myself around where I live. I think that's part of the problem. We don't engage so they think everyone agrees with them.

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  14. Jean, I share your sadness and frustration about the outcome of the election, but I don't think we should write off everyone who voted for Trump as not caring about decency and morals. I spent the weeks leading up to the election teaching a six-week Senior College course about values and priorities in American society and how these play out in debates about a variety of social and political issues. (Out last class was the day after the election.) The 16 students in the class spanned a range from right-wing libertarians to left-wing progressives. My emphasis was on civil discourse and people being able to really listen to one another's point of view. The week before the election we looked at data from a Pew Research Center survey comparing the political values and beliefs about government of Harris and Trump voters. (See data here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1NsyweDkDUqALDQIjrGzlEFkVAe2qBpt9kD_ER6786p4/edit?gid=651896172#gid=651896172) Many of the questions were forced-choice questions, in which people were given two statements and asked to choose the one that came closest to their position, "even if it's not exactly right." On these questions, it looked as though the Trump and Harris voters were living on different planets. Other questions, though, were more nuanced, allowing people to choose from a range of answers (e.g., from "strongly agree" to "strongly disagree" with options in between); on these, there was a great deal of overlap between the Harris and Trump voters, with most taking positions somewhere in the middle, or with most agreeing with the statement but differing on how strongly they agreed. I pointed out to the class that an election is like a forced-choice question. We're not allowed to combine these policies and personality traits from candidate A with these policies and personality traits from candidate B; we just have to choose one candidate. A few days before the election, when I was unable to sleep and listening to BBC news in the middle of the night, I heard their reporter on the ground in Wisconsin interviewing a Trump voter. The voter clearly didn't like Trump, but he said that during Trump's first term, he felt as though he and his family were getting on their feet, maybe getting ahead a little bit, and feeling hopeful about the prospects for their children's futures. Now, he said, we're barely hanging on and falling further behind every month. Faced with the prospect of his family becoming homeless with the next rent increase, I don't think he felt he had the luxury to prioritize morals and decency.

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    1. You are brave to take on teaching a class like that right before the election. And your students are to be credited for wanting to engage with others on the opposite spectrum from themselves.

      I hear that around here, too, that 45/47 voters felt they did better under him but the couple that said that here are far from "just holding on" not to mention 45/47 was taking credit for a good economy that Obama set in place. I simply can't understand how so-called good Christians in the middle class can use that excuse for voting for a man with such low morals and values. Sometimes you have to put the greater good above your pocketbook.

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    2. Biden has been blamed for inflation, and many things have gotten better. We've certainly done better than the rest of the world in recovering our economy. Now Trump will take over a healthy economy and brag that he did it. And, as we all know, the president doesn't control inflation, although with the tariffs Trump is planning, he can sure spike it again.

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    3. I'll bet he'll get talked out of them at least for his buddies businesses. But still people will pro-actively raise prices expecting them to come.

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  15. Another great post, Jean. I'm with you on the mourning front. I still can't believe this mess, and the people he plans to appoint are mostly unqualified except for their unquestioning fealty to Trump. Matt Gaetz is a sycophant and an idiot. But like Trump, he is happy to avoid prosecution. The fact that he wanted a pardon before Trump left office in 2020 tells me all I need to know about him -- that and having underage sex with a 17 yo. OK, I'll stop ranting. :-)

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    1. One senator last night was on a program telling about how Matt showed a bunch of senators a video of him bragging about mixing Vigra and speed so he could go all night. He's a very crude person and totally unsuited for the job. The ethics review against him got dropped when he quit yesterday but the opinion are mixed if they can pick them up again is he takes his senate seat back in the next term that he got voted into again.

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  16. I love your door and your statements. You are being such the adult in the room. I cannot be trusted to behave around others. Personally I am over this talk about how things were better under him. Say what? We were freaking locked in our houses and grocery store shelves were empty. Really? Sorry, I am sticking close to home because I can't be trusted to behave myself. I am making lists and stockpiling - we are purchasing all our building supplies for a bathroom remodel before the tariffs, trying to decide on a new stove or not (we need to just do it now) and I am reviving my pandemic pantry. I remember people telling me in 2016 - how bad can he be? Well, I learned from that mistake.

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    1. I want to ask the next person exactly how things were better under 45/47 because I remember them a having an idiot in charge of our pandemic who made it so much worst than it should have been. I remember thousands of people dying and hospital workers suffering from exhaustion and having three of my doctors retire early out of fear they'd get it. I remember going to several funeral by Zoom and not being able to get haircuts and being afraid of people who made fun of others who wore masks. If Russia or China want to cripple us they wouldn't need an army they could do it with germ warfare and 45/47 would deny it was happening.

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  17. I was so disappointed by the election results, but true to my name, I am holding on to hope. I hope that his re-election gives him the chance to do good for the country and to be remembered in history as a good president, rather than as the one who attempted a coup. I pray he does not prove me wrong. For him, winning this time was a matter of life or death for his fortune. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson from the COVID-19 era and will make the right choices for the country. Keeping my fingers crossed and praying.

    Asha

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    1. I hope you are right, Asha, I truly do. But he's been the same way in business and his personal relationships his entire life and I don't believe a zebra can change his strips.

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  18. I still are not watching the news. Putin bought this election. Hold on tight, it's gonna get really bad very quickly.

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    1. You are in for a shock when you finally do catch up on the news. He's making some shocking appointments of under qualified people for very important roles.

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  19. I like your Door Decor, yup, I remember ole' Tammy Faye, with her Clown Make-Up and Televangelist Perv Hubby... seems a lot of the Fundie Wives always looked like Old Hookers and the Husbands/Pastors were embroiled in Sex Scandals all the time. I am in Agreement with you on all of the Post sentiments. I think even more than the Misogyny Harris' biggest obstacle was merely her Race... since, even Hillary got the Popular Vote. So, the Country is still more Racist than it even is Misogynistic, but both prevails and now it's painfully evident. If every maligned/oppressed group had Voted for her tho', she couldn't have Lost, and that's the evidence so many Vote against their own best interests and ignorance isn't Bliss, it's just ignorance.

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    1. I love your last line about ignorance isn't bliss, it's just ignorance. I see so much of that around here...people refusing to watch the news but voted against their own best interest and so-called values.

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  20. I haven't read all the awesome comments here (yet), but wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your post. To be honest, I'm still in shock & grief. I'm sure I'm not the only man who was excited and looking forward to our first woman president. The idea we have to deal with this piece of garbage and all his cronies AGAIN for 4 years... it's too much to bear. Sorry I'm not ready to pull my head out of the sand just yet. Anyway--good blog, MOW.

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    1. Welcome and thank you for the comment. Me neither! I'm still shell shocked. With each new appointment 45/47 makes it's like a knife to the chest.

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  21. Like the first commenter said, Harris did her best under difficult circumstances that bogged her down. I admire her. I like your door decoration, it's delightfully adaptable and unique. Very clever.

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    1. I felt she ran a good race and I could never understand the people who said they didn't know who she was. If they'd bothered to listen to any of of campaign rally speeches and watched how she interacted with people hey would have known who she was. I honestly think too many people can't look past the fact the she (and Hillary) didn't have a penis.

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  22. In addition to the standard grief that we're all experiencing, I now have to deal with my sister-in-law who has bought into the conspiracy theory that Musk rigged the election but that it will be revealed by the spring and Harris will be installed as president. She really believes this (learned it from her teenage granddaughter who heard it from a psychic). In a long phone conversation with SIL I listened without judgment to her rationalizations and explanations. After 45 minutes she asked if I was feeling better now that I knew *the truth.* I said no, of course, but not much else. I love my SIL and decided that if she needs this to calm her down then so be it. I can't predict how such a person will react when, say, we approach the end of 47's first year in office and Kamala is still not in the White House.

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    1. Wow, how people and latch on to such outlandish conspiracy theories. Musk is a scary guy with all his money and lack of character. Your S-I-L will probably just say the big reveal got put off to a later date. Like the believers who think the end of the world is coming and wait on their roof tops to be taken up to heaven.

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