The Lecture I Didn’t go to and Other Crazy Things

Jeez, it’s already Thursday and I haven’t thought about writing my Saturday post until now. It’s weird that I even have to rush to get the job done because for several months I’ve had two or three posts sitting in my scheduler at any given time. It takes me more than one sitting to write a post so I don’t like working this close to my self-imposed deadline because I can’t safely write and edit for errors in the same day and I always do my editing first thing in the mornings when my brain is still half asleep. When I have a draft ready to edit I also look for places that can be tweaked for better word choices, tenses that don’t match or places where I can insert a little humor, if appropriate for the topic. 

Now, on to what’s been going on in my life besides breathing easier now that our country got through inauguration day without any drama. I spent that day channel surfing between three channels from 8:00 AM to midnight starting with watching Trump’s departure and ending with the late night comic’s take on the day. They did not disappoint me. Nothing about the day disappointed me except maybe Garth Brooks singing of Amazing Grace. Jennifer Lopez and Lady Gaga both killed their songs and both looked so happy to be there that they couldn’t hide their living-the-dream Sparkle if they tried. But I hope security thought to look up Gaga’s massive red skirt. She could have hidden a couple rabid assassins under there.

On the personal news front, Monday was the day when those of us who belong to our local senior hall had to make RSVPs for February and March events, a process that I’ve often compared to the running of the bulls because their events---lectures, lunches and classes---have limited space and normally they record 1,500 to 1,700 RSVPs over a three day period. This month, however, I talked to someone who works on the committee that sends out the bi-monthly newsletters and she said since the pandemic closed the place down for a few months last spring people haven’t been renewing their memberships. We’re down from roughly 1,500 to 700 members. Shocked the heck out of me. The place will not survive the pandemic if they keep bleeding members who are trying to save a lousy $15 a year fee.

The newsletter had a lecture I was interested in going to and I had my RSVP ready for the 9:00 opening bell to ring in my head so I could send it. Only the first 114 emails received get a lecture confirmation, any requests after that go on a waiting list. At the last minute I asked myself, “Why do I want to put myself in contact with that many people during a pandemic just to hear a lecture about haunted lighthouses?” Even wearing a mask it wouldn’t be safe. So, another month will go by without me having any social life except for every two weeks I go to the grocery store. It's been months without me even talking to enough people each month to set up a foursome for a round of golf. Not that I play the game but I did take 18 lessons back during my Chameleon Days aka back in my dating days when I thought I needed to do every and any thing a guy I was dating liked to do. Tennis---I loved the cute little outfits but hated playing. Lesson taken, a waste of time. I never improved. Snow skiing I loved and I kept going long after the guy I took lesson for and I broke up only to give up skiing when my husband came into my life. Yup, I was a chameleon for nearly a decade. Thankfully I never dated a bank robber.

Back on topic: The senior hall’s speakers’ fees are paid for by sponsors our director ferrets out in the community. In exchange for the sponsorships, the sponsors get to set up a table in the back of the room to distribute information on services or goods that are targeted to our age bracket. They come with give-aways to lure you over to their tables like cloth shopping bags, coffee cups, flashlights, key chains, paper pads and pens, but my favorite give-away of all time is a telescoping back scratcher. Handiest damn thing I’ve ever owned. It even has a clip that makes it look like you’ve got an ink pen in your pocket. Before the pandemic I scored my third back scratcher. I keep one in the car, another by my computer and one by my bed. And in case you're wondering, yes, I bath regularly but my poor posture pinches some nerves that make me itch across the back of my shoulders and sometimes it drives me crazy. My best friend all through grade and high school was probably the tallest girl in class and her mom used to make her practice walking around with a book on her head to improve her posture, keep her from slouching. I did it with her a few times, both of us being too silly to keep the books on our heads. I should have kept trying. It worked for her…moms do know best.  ©

Twitter had fun with Gaga's ensemble, comparing it to a character's gown in The Hunger Games, the one who says, "May the odds be ever in your favor." The gold brooch, many said, looked like the mocking-jay pin in the movie although it was actually a giant, gold dove of peace with an olive branch in its beak. I can't remember the symbolism of the color contrast and military-like top, but she sure set the fashion world on fire. Others said her dress was creating its own six feet social distancing.

The Great Lakes Eco System and the Coronavirus

I went to a lecture this week at the senior hall and it was quite unusual to see about twenty chairs with no people in them. The lectures always have a waiting list so when someone cancels their RSVP they call someone else up to take their place. I’m guessing far more than twenty people canceled and the call committee ran through their entire wait list and still came up short. It’s a foreshadowing of what’s to come over the long boring summer. Let’s hope it’s boring rather than terrifying. I’d rather deal with canceled events than mass sickness all around us. If people camping out at home trying to avoid the unavoidable helps, I’m on board. Avoid the unavoidable---I shouldn’t be thinking like that!

The day after the lecture I got an email from the senior hall asking me if I still planned on going to a fish fry at a private club two days later. They had placed 125 reservations for senior hall members and mine was among them. It’s an annual event that I’ve been doing long before I became a member of the senior hall. My husband was a member of that club and the fish fries during Lent are a major fund raiser for the group. Knowing how they serve their food cafeteria style only without the sneeze shields found in restaurants, I was having major regrets about signing up and since they asked, I canceled my RSVP. A couple of hours later our state governor banned any gatherings over 350 people so the fish fry probably got canceled for everyone. I felt bad for the club. What will they do with all that thawed-out fish? We also have some huge events on the tap here in town---a house and garden show, a bridal show. Those poor vendors who plan and stock up for these shows will suffer. They get many of their contacts for their summer sales at those shows.

What gets me is there are still people who are denying the whole coronavirus crisis is real. I went to my Facebook page recently and one of my Trump supporter relatives posted yet another meme about it all being a media and Democratic hoax to bring down the president. Ya, we have that much power over the entire world’s press and medical communities. The day before that post, she posted a meme about abortion killing more people than the coronavirus and why aren't people panicking about that? Duh, the last I heard getting an abortion isn’t catching. Then today she posted about how veterans could use the money we're 'wasting' on the COVID-19. Call me whatever you want—‘vengeful’ might be a good word to apply to my uncharitable thoughts about her getting the virus. People in denial are putting us all at risk like the NBA basketball player, Rudy Gobert, who recently had to apologize for having touched all the microphones of the media doing interviews. It was a joke, he said after he got sick and tested positive for the coronavirus. Sorry about that.

The lecture: It was interesting and filled with facts and figures I hastily scribbled in my notebook in a near-dark room and now I mostly can’t read them. It was given by a university professor on the ecological history of the Great Lakes, starting his timeline 10,000 years ago. He explained how layers of rock formations encircle all of Michigan and the Great Lakes and how if we live long enough we’ll see Lake Huron and Lake Erie become one big lake. And Niagara Falls is on the move, the fastest moving waterfall in the entire world due to the eroding layer of softer rock ringing underneath the harder rock layer that we see on the surface. But mostly he talked about how Man has changed the ecological system of the lakes and not in a good way. In the 1600s, for example, the Great Lakes had 150 varieties of native fish ranging in size from 1-2 inches to 400 pounds and nine foot long. Now we only have 139 native fish and 34 invasive species, mostly brought in by man. A Native American Indian Tribe is trying to reestablish---with some success---the Lake Sturgeon, the largest of fish that were once so plentiful when the white man first came here. The professor traced the changes of our national resources using diaries left behind by early explorers and profiteers. The Europeans, he said, viewed Michigan's abundance of fish, wildlife and forests as opportunities to exploit. And the professor placed a lot of blame on President Jefferson who believed that any resource that wasn’t raped from the land and water was a wasted resource.

The lecture included facts things like how the logging industry ruined the Great Lakes fish species that used the rivers to spawn by filling them up with logs that killed their food sources, and it only took 40 years to clear-cut all of Michigan which caused mass erosion. He showed us a photo of tree stumps that looked like alien creatures walking on top of the land. The soil had eroded so much it left them that way and all that soil ended up in the river down the hill. In that river they discovered a log with a loggers stamp on it that was buried 15 feet down under the muck. He told us about how after the loggers left, the state was on fire, reportedly worse than the Great Chicago fire of 1871 in terms of loss of lives and destroyed property and again ten years later another massive fire took place fueled by all the dead foliage and stumps left behind by the loggers. The lecture made me sad and a little mad that it’s taken mankind so long to figure out that the earth has its limitations on how much we can abuse her resources and not pay a major price. Let's hope it's not too late to turn things around. ©

Day Trips, Pie Fights and Body Shaming - Oh My!

This week I went on a half day color tour sponsored by the senior hall. They’ve been offering these mini fall color tours for 4-5 years now and they were my suggestion so I feel like I have to keep supporting them. Not that I’d really have to…they’re wildly popular and they always book 125 people plus a long wait list. Each day for five days they take twenty-five people on our mini bus which is like traveling in a tin can if you're grading vehicles on their safety elements. Never let it be said that I can’t live dangerously. They have an annual longer color tour that last 14 hours and they take 100 seniors on two motor coaches up north to wine country. I went on one of those trips once but it was too much riding, too much looking out windows at a blur of color and too much stopping at places to eat or shop and too much time to leave the dog home alone. 

The mini trips go to a small town in the area---a different one every year---for lunch then they take in a few designated natural beauty roads before stopping someplace for dessert and to shop a place that sells consumables like a bakery or farmers market. This year, they threw in a hay ride. Maybe it’s my cataracts, but I have not been impressed by the fall colors this year. Where were the deep raspberry reds, the neon yellows and the god-awful pumpkin oranges? (Long time readers here know I have a pending court case against the color orange. Nothing short of removing it from the color wheel will please me.)

On this trip we ate at a place I’ve been to a few times, it’s in a small hamlet with a handful of businesses all owned by the same person. It has two restaurants---one with a bar, a gas station with some groceries, a wine store and butcher shop. A few of the buildings are vintage having been there since the days when they had a working grist mill. The place is only 20 miles out in the boondocks but on a busy crossroads so the little hamlet is thriving and popular. We preorder our meals so there’s no waiting around for Susie or Mary down the table to make up her mind between the Cannonburger, the smelt, the brisket or the strawberry spinach salad. I love that aspect of going on these trips.

Next we stopped at a covered bridge for a “photo shoot.” It cracks me up that cell phones have changed how we take pictures at historical places. No more do we try to get a long range view of the beauty around us. Nope, even the seniors were taking selfies by the bridge. Our next stop was at a farm that has a corn maze and hay rides. As hokey as that sounds the hayride was pretty neat. It went by a pond, alongside the corn maze, through a field of pumpkins and up and down huge, muddy hills in the woods that reminded me of being out west in the mountains with my husband. He loved getting stuck in the mud where he’d have to use the come-along winch on the front of the truck to get us out. Me, I liked the long showers and hot sex back at the motel afterward better than the days playing in the mud. After the hayride, we went inside their produce sales building where many of the ladies stocked up on zucchini, pumpkins and squaw that rolled around on the floor of the bus.

Then we stopped at another small town where people with the deep pockets live. Its business district has been recently revamped and doubled in size to attract the tourists, I’m guessing. The newer buildings aren’t even occupied yet but our destination restaurant where we had dessert is well established and well known for its bakery goods. As I sat there watching the waitresses bring out to out to-die-for slices of chocolate cake, carrot cake and plum crumble with ice cream they finally got around to serving the lemon meringue pie that I preordered. And let me tell you when I looked at that meager piece of pie in front of me compared to the slice of pie the woman across the table from me got, I felt like a ten year old ready to bellow out, "Ma, she got more pie than I did!" Her piece was a good inch wider and longer. The women is a little elf of a person and I’m not proud to say this but it crossed my mind that Ms Twiggy, the waitress, was making a body shaming statement by giving me the smaller piece because I’m over weight and don’t need the sweets and elf-lady does.

Then the adult-me pushed the child-me back in her place and adult-me decided not to let the Pie Disparage spoil an otherwise delightful day. But as you can see by reading this, here it is a day later and I’m still---pouting? Not letting it go? Sharing the incident for blogging fodder? You decide but I like it when life is fair even though we all know it doesn’t work that way. I’m just glad I haven’t gotten so old that I’ve lost my impulse control filter because it would have caused quite an embarrassing scene if I had snatched Elf-Lady’s pie and exchanged it for mine. Instead I did what a lot of people with food issues would do, I bought a chocolate chip cookie on my way out and ate it as soon as I was alone...as if that showed the waitress who was really in control.  ©

Cool Cottages and Fancy-Ass Fashion Shows

"cottage"

Decisions! Decisions! I sat outside the senior hall trying to decide if I wanted to go back home and get my hearing aids or not. I had the time before the lecture began if I wanted to give up my prime parking space, one that allows for a quick escape after lectures are over and a 115 cars are funneling out of a single exit. Defensive parking, I call it. The senior hall is a great place to get your car dinged, bumped, backed into and scratched. While I was sitting there I had a brilliant idea. Why on earth don’t I just keep my hearing aids in the car? I never wear when I’m alone in the house and I always remember them when I’m in a parking lot waiting for an event to start or an appointment time…I’m a habitual early bird.

I opted not to go home because the deck crew was there finishing up and I didn’t want the dog to think he was getting an early release from his bedroom prison. He stays there all night long by choice but add a baby gate to the doorway and he gets his nose out of joint. He’s used to having the run of the house when I go away but with people working on my wrap-around deck, the dog barking to protect his domain would drive them crazy and their noise would drive him crazy. The deck, by the way, turned out great although it took them forever. Partly because people over 60 don’t work fast and partly because they only worked two to three hours at a time and I was getting truly sick of seeing them around. They not only stained the wood but also replaced the lattice work and had to dig down almost a foot through a tangle of roots to get at the bottom runner. The depth of that runner keeps small animals from burling under but it doesn’t stop them from chewing their way in and out from underneath my deck. Nearly twenty years of chewing really did an evil number on the lattice. 

The lecture was titled, “The Historic Cottages of Mackinac Island.” People outside of the Great Lakes area may not know much about Mackinac Island---a popular summertime tourist place that draws a million visitors between May and November---but those who do know, know that the word ‘cottage’ is a misnomer. These places are more like mansions that line the eight miles of bluffs overlooking the waters of Lake Huron in between lower and upper Michigan. Gables, wrap-around porches, widow’s walks, bay windows, turrets and towers. The lecturer was speaking my favorite language. The few places that are currently up for sale are listed between three and five point five million. Yes, for a place you can only use in the summers. Only one house on the whole island is occupied year-around and if that isn’t quaint enough for you there are no motorized vehicles allowed on the island. Getting around is by foot, bicycle, horseback or horse drawn vehicles but on Sundays people often take their yachts to church. Which begs the question, what happens to the horses in the winter? The internet had the answer. The majority of the 400 draft horses are taken to the Upper Peninsula by boat for the winter, a process that takes two weeks to move them all. Those left behind are used for sleigh rides for Christmas parties for those who venture over to the island across the frozen water on snowmobiles.

The lecture wasn’t the only fun thing I did this past week. I also went to an event called Sip and Shop sponsored by the CCC where I will be moving. It was a fashion show in an upscale store that was all marble, glass and chrome. I don’t know if champagne and yummy appetizers are served at all fashion shows because fashion and shopping are not my thing but I wanted to go because the other invited guests are my future neighbors, and I’m jumping into these get-to-know-each-other games full throttle. My wardrobe is so outdated it’s practically back in the last century so I decided to buy a new top to wear. I found one I liked but after getting it home I was bummed out that what I thought was a small black and white pattern was really navy blue and white. The only thing I have in my closet that is navy blue is a pair of underpants and underwear don’t have to coordinate with blouses in my world unless maybe I’m going to a doctor’s office. I looked at the calendar, breathed a sigh of relief that I could still wear white. So I paired the stupid blouse made for younger people with better eye sight with white pants and black sandals and called it good enough. 

I had a great time, laughed a lot and was the source of a lot of laughter because I couldn’t keep my sense of humor under wraps. If you care about the fashion trends coming here’s what you need to know to be in with the in crowd: Fake fur paired with tweets and animal prints are going to be everywhere. Dark floral prints are also going to be hot as well as blazers. And ankle length dresses and more fitted waist lines are coming to get us again. Someone did ask about the white-after-Labor-Day rule and, yes you can wear it. But you have to pair the white with heavier weight stuff like sweaters, scarfs or boots and put your scandals and airy fabrics away.

I really like the management team for the CCC. I'm trying my best to just be me around these people and my future neighbors, not the filtered Jean I usually show the world. So far, so good. One of the ladies from higher up in management than the two I usually deal with came over afterward and introduced herself and said, "I won't forget you." Why, you ask? Because I was in a wise-cracking mood and called out stuff like, "Now she looks like she just had sex" when they were demonstrating how a hair product "puffs up" limp hair. The model was quick-witted and replied, "You've been talking to my husband haven't you!" which had everyone laughing. Like I said I had a good time and I needed that. ©