“Not in Assisted Living (Yet): Dispatches from the Edge of Independence!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean
Showing posts with label JoJo Moyes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JoJo Moyes. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

The Dog Days of Summer



According to dictionary.com the phrase ‘the dog days of summer’ is defined as, “The sultry part of the summer, supposed to occur during the period that Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as the sun: now often reckoned from July 3 to August 11. A period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence.” I didn’t know there is a ‘dog star’ or that the phrase originated in the area around the Mediterranean Sea but I sure have gotten a taste of the dog days of summer. The weather here in Michigan has been hot and humid and the senior hall has been closed for their two week annual maintenance so my social life has been non-existence except for a Red Hat Society tea where I got some sad news, marking the end of a mini era in my life. 

The chapter has decided to change its meeting location. I’ll no longer have an excuse to go twice a month to a quaint little tourist town near-by. No more popping into the cemetery once in a while to check on my husband's stone or drive past the land where his family farm stood before a tornado wiped them out. No more impromptu walks along the river where I used to take Don after his stroke. No more taking a frozen yogurt down to the park where his memorial brick is part of the walkway to where I sit to watch the swans above the dam and the fly fishermen below. No more grabbing a Starbucks drink on the way upstairs to the community room of a grocery store where the Red Hatters met or picking up a rotisserie chicken on my way back down. The new meeting place is closer to me (only four-five miles) which will be nice in the winter but we are meeting in the community room of a brand new assisted living facility. The powers that be think the new location is “cleaner and quieter” and they will service us free cookies and beverages. In return, our chapter will open our membership up to any of the ladies living in the facility who want to join.

Call me selfish but I’d rather not spend time around an assisted living facility before I actually need to live in one. I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend life is just a bowl of proverbial cherries---beautiful, sweet and lasting longer than the sultry days of summer. Oh, well, I learned a long time ago that what I want and what I get are not conjoined twins. But I see complications coming. For example this weekend our chapter is going to an out-of-town Celtic Festival and if we take new members off site who among us will to be responsible for their safety? Been there, done that. Don’t want to do it again. And if they don’t go on our monthly walk-abouts what’s the point of them being in our group? Our bi-monthly teas are just planning and gossip sessions. Our first meeting at the new location doesn’t start until September so I’ll have one more bittersweet day at the tourist town to soak up the warmth and closeness I feel to my husband when I go to the place where he grew up.

The dog days of summer are a good time to catch up on that pile of unread books. I have a large pile but instead of picking up one of those books, Jojo Moyes’ After You jumped into my grocery cart. It’s the sequel to one of my favorite books, Me Before You. If you read that book you’ll remember Louisa who was the caregiver to a quadriplegic named Will. They fell in love but at the end he went to a clinic to get an assisted suicide. I’m only on page eighty of After You but already Louisa has fallen off a roof and lived to tell about, joined a grief support group and met a paramedic that the back cover claims “might be the one man who will be able to understand her.” It also says the book is, “funny, poignant, romantic---a deeply emotional, surprising novel that asks, How do you move on after losing the person you loved? How do you build a life worth living?” Oh, boy! I hope the book delivers answers to those questions that so many of us widows ask.

Did you know there’s a song titled, The Dog Days are Over? There’s only one line in the whole song that I like and I REALLY like it: “Happiness hit her like a train on a track.” I remember feeling that way more than a few times in my life. But usually happiness is more a quiet sort, an acknowledgment when you get up in the morning that life is good. The train track sort of happiness, for me, came with special occasions like the time my husband threw me a surprise birthday party. He rented my cousin’s entire restaurant, invited our families and friends and he hired a skinny, bald headed senior citizen stripper/entertainer who had on so many layers of clothing that by the time he got down to his long-johns we were all laughing hysterically. At one point I remember calling out, “Does your cardiologist approve of what you’re doing?” His grandson got him into the business but we didn’t get to see him strip. Grandpa was too old to drive so the grandson was just his driver that day. 

John Barrymore of Hollywood fame once wrote, “Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.” And that, dear friends, is probably why summer time is a promising time to find happiness. We go places, do things, see people and we wake up some mornings to find that we forgot to close the doors before going to bed---literally and metaphorically. We have to be open to new beginnings even when we have to be dragged over the thresholds of change. ©


NOTE: The photo below is of the planter on my deck railing just outside my window near my computer. I’ve discovered the miracle of Miracle Gro. That planter has never looks so good. Usually by the dog days of summer it peters out and I have to take it down. 



Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Books on Cold Winter Days - One Plus One



When I checked the school closings website on Tuesday I yelled “Yay!” One look out the window when I got up and I knew I didn’t want to chance the roads to go to the senior hall lecture about great books and I was glad it was canceled and rescheduled for Monday. It’s a yearly program presented by the head librarian in the township and I’ve always thought the timing was all wrong. It should be given at the beginning of winter, not the end, when we have months ahead of us to spend inside the house. I’ve never actually read one of the books she recommends but a few of the titles are on my ‘Wish List’ at Amazon. She’s such an animated and interesting speaker that she makes you want to dive into any book you can get your hands on.

Up until the last ten days, I’d been in a reading dry spell, having gone almost two months without reading anything other than blogs, The Sunday Press, Facebook, political message boards and news related stuff online. Then the spell lifted and I’ve polished off two books and I’m two chapters into a third. It all started when I saw a movie trailer for Me Before You based on a book by Jojo Moyes. I knew right away that I want to see that film even if it’s not what my Movie and Lunch Club picks for our June outing. The lady who sat next to me when the trailer was playing had high praises for Moyes so I went right home and ordered Me Before You online. I probably could have found it at the library but I’m a bit of a germaphobic about library books during flu season. If I was totally honest here, I'd admit it’s not just during flu season. Every time someone donates a dead person’s books to the senior hall I have thoughts of getting leprosy or Ebola from their pages. I don't care that they sell for only twenty-five cents, nope, at Amazon full-priced books come plague and deadly bacteria free. When I donate books to the senior hall I have the urge to write on the cover, “Germ Free!” And it’s up to you to decide if I’m kidding about that urge, but I’ll give you a clue: I occasionally let the dog eat off the china. Not much of a clue, though, considering I have a dishwasher with very hot water.

Me Before You is about a quadriplegic in his early thirties who decides he wants to leave England and go to a Swiss clinic for an assisted suicide. But he promises his parents he’ll give them six months if they'll respect and accept his decision when the time is up. He’d already attempted to take his own life before the promise, so his parents hire an off-beat girl to essentially be on suicide watch and to maybe help him find a reason to change his mind. I already knew a lot about living as a quadriplegic because my boss at a support message board where I worked for several years was a quad. One of my jobs on the site was to evaluate if any of the posters on the website were serious when they talked about suicide or if it was just talk. If I thought they were serious and had the means at hand to carry out a plan I was authorized to contact their local police department to intervene. That’s how I found out that no matter how anonymous someone thinks they are online, we really aren’t. One intervention happened on the other side of the globe and, boy, was that person mad.

Anyway, back to the book. The girl fell in love with the guy, and he fell for her, too, although he never voiced it and at the end of the six months---spoiler alert---he still went through with his plans. The last chapter or two was a well-written, in-depth examination of all sides of the assisted suicide debate. Ohmygod, there are so many layers to this book I’ve lost count---living with severe disabilities, a poignant love story, family bonds, rape, guilt, assisted suicide, sibling friction, support message boards for quads, life in England, etc., etc. Let's just cut to the chase and say it was well-worth the cover price and then some. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie and if you like tragic love stories with red meat on the bones, you'll want to see it, too.

The other book I read recently was The Martian by first time author, Andy Weir. I had it on my Amazon ‘Wish List’ forever and despite the fact that all the space science stuff that was way over my head, I really enjoyed that book. I kept thinking if an astronaut can spend over a year all by himself on Mars, with all the problems that came up, I could stand one more day of not having any human contact in a string of solitary days when I was snowed in and marathon reading. Aside from that the book had many funny moments and it blew my mind on how really, really smart astronauts and the people at NASA are.

Now, I am reading another JoJo Moyes book, One Plus One. I will finish it by the time the rescheduled book lecture takes place on Monday. I suspect I’ll be working my way through all of Moyes’ books. Hallelujah, my reading mojo is back! ©

Favorite line in the book: 
"Some mistakes...just have greater consequences than others. 
But you don't have to let that night be the thing that defines you."