I’ve officially overdosed of Hallmark holiday movies
featuring people walking around in fake
Hollywood snow. I sit inside my house wearing silk long underwear, a sweatshirt,
quilted vest, sweatpants, leg warmers, wrist warmers, fingerless gloves and
heavy socks while watching actors stand on sets with fake snow all around them
and what are they wearing? No coats or other outdoor gear! I can hear my mom
yelling, "Get back inside and dress for the weather unless you're trying to freeze to death!" Come on, people! They have cooling vests those actors
could wear underneath winter jackets to keep their body temperatures in check on a warm sound stage but you don’t have them acting in pretend snow without proper coats
unless their teeth are chattering and they’re looking for a cave where they can
build a fire to thaw out their frozen limbs. This has been my first pet peeve
of the year for the past five years now. At least I’m predictable and there’s
value in that. Let’s say I was suspected of building bombs in my
basement---which I’m not---being predictable helps the swat team to know when
to storm their way in. Note to law enforcement: I can barely make it downstairs
to do a weekly mouse check. If I was doing something illicit in the house---which
I’m not---it would be in the garage.
It’s been so cold the furnace can’t keep up and I’ve been
hearing cracking and popping sounds in the house but so far I haven’t figured
out what’s making the sounds. No broken windows from the cold. No broken pipes but people all
over the city are dealing with the latter. I’ve had a door freeze shut and my
garage door opener didn’t want to work on New Year’s Day but I dealt with
those issues without whining. No one can control the weather. But I am whining
about a stupid choice I made tonight when I decided I’d had my fill of reading books
back-to back and I kicked the dog out of my Laz-a-Boy so I could sit down to
watch the first episode of this year’s The
Bachelor. Can you believe that program is in its 22nd season! I’ve
watched an episode here and there in the past because so many people talk about
the show but I’ve never followed an entire season. Crap! This may be the year I
get hooked. And I shouldn’t admit that lest it tarnishes my image. I’ve
picked my favorites to root for---Sweet Crystal and pixie haired Bekah---and I’ve
read the rules for The Bachelor
drinking game. Who knew they had one of those? I didn’t and in case you’re
interested, if you played the game during the first episode you’ve have gotten way beyond
legally drunk. The rules are simple; every time anyone mentions Arie (the
bachelor) is race car driver, you gulp one down.
Arie also is a recycled loser from The Bachelorette show five seasons ago and he had a slob story about
how he really wants to find love. Blab, blab, blab. Ya, like everyone knows if you line up 29
beautiful women for him to meet and greet in a “game show” his future wife is
going to be one of them. (Insert eye rolling icon here.) He spent less than
three minutes one-on-one with each girl and at the end of the night he’d kissed
five or six women and sent nearly half of them packing, tears rolling down their some of their faces. The season’s villain has already been identified on fan sites as being Chelsea because she managed to get all the
other girls to dislike her even before Arie gave her The First Impression
rose.
The show is so shallow it’s not funny but still it gets
great ratings. I’m thinking it’s one of those things you love to mock. Well, at least I'm having fun doing it. And it’s
got to be better than Married at First
Sight. I’ve only seen previews of that show and please kill me if I ever get bored enough to watch a full episode. They’re in their sixth season and the premise
of that show is two strangers must live together as husband and wife for eight
weeks, then they decide if they'll stay together or get divorced. What kind of nut jobs would do that? What ever happened to the Bob Barker’s kind of game
shows? Side note: Did you know he was raised on the Rosebud Indian Reservation in South
Dakota, an official member of the Sioux tribe? Google is amazing.
Hallmark Movie Channel starts their Winterfest movies this
weekend so I’ll probably still be whining about actors and fake snow before
they move on to their Valentine’s Day fare. Those will be sweet, predictable
movies that all end up being giant commercials for Kay Jewelers engagement rings.
(Gotta love those corporate partnerships.) With our country so divided and the world a scary place right now with no end in sight, I don’t
mind spending a little time using Hallmark movies as the
backdrop for other things I do. You can only take so much crazy and with Hallmark you always have a happy ending. ©
Crystal is in the red dress, first row far left. Bekah (in lime green) is in the third row second in from the left and Chelsea is in the same row, forth in from the left. But I'm not getting hooked on this season, she says with a straight face.
