“Not in Assisted Living (Yet): Dispatches from the Edge of Independence!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean
Showing posts with label ear ache. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ear ache. Show all posts

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Fun and Fastinating Days Mixed in with the Rest



The “Leaf Peeping” half-day trip sponsored by the senior hall finally took place and it started out at a brewery with lunch off their traditional Bavarian menu and it ended with us having homemade ice cream at a place with 300 Giant Bull Elk, reindeer, whitetail deer and Tibetan Yaks, raised to sell their breeding rights and babies. When the owner first started his “alternate animals” farm, he spent a month living with Eskimos and a month in Tibet to learn how to care for reindeer and Yaks. The color tour was all but forgotten as we rode through the 100 acre farm in a “stagecoach” while we got an interested and laugh-filled education about DNA proven blood lines, breeding, breaking up fights, birthing babies and keeping the animals fat and happy. We stopped at several places so we could hand feed adolescent Bull Elk and adult reindeer. The reindeer had soft, gentle lips as they ate. The guy said you could put your whole hand inside their mouths and they won’t bite. If you go in the spring, you can book tours timed so you can help bottle feed 40-50 babies. One of his Giant Bull Elks has won so many prizes that all his off springs are sold and pre-paid through 2020. 

This week I also had go back to the hearing center and the inside of my ear was pronounced completely cured of its infection. But getting there in the rain was not fun. It was the kind of rain where the cars in front of you seem to disappear in a foggy mist and the windshield wipers had to go at a rate of speed that makes you feel its hypnotic pull. You’ve gotta be careful about what’s playing on the radio when the wipers are going with the beat of the music: “That old Wacky Tobaccy, kick back and let it do what it do.” No, Toby Keith! I won’t “puff it in a pipe, twist it in a stem” or bake it in some brownies. I’m changing the radio station.  

Yesterday I was supposed to go to a cardio drumming class at the senior hall but it got delayed by three fire department guys who were running over their allotted time to teach a class on using an AED defibrillator. It actually looks pretty easy to use but I hope I never have to do it. There’s been a push in our area to get these machines in all public and private buildings and considering they cost well over a thousand each the project has been going well in the community. One tip I learned is if you are in a place where you have a choice in using a landline or a cell phone to call 911, using the landline because they can find you easier. If you don’t have your GPS turned on in your cell phone, their switchboard will show the address of the cell tower that picked up the call.

By the time the firemen were through our time for the cardio drumming class was cut back---so much so that a Gathering Girls friend and I played hookie and we went out for breakfast instead of working up a sweat. Even then we couldn’t linger long because I had to be back to the senior hall for the long awaited lecture about the Million Letters Campaign. It was a fascinating lecture that brought laughter and tears and more than a few “WOWs!” One of the ‘wow letters’ the speaker/curator showed us had a bullet hole through it and another was from the Revolutionary War. He also shared a little known fact that all the Native American “code talkers” used during WWII were so important to the war that each one was assigned a bodyguard to protect them and to also kill them if they were captured. 

During the Q&A period I raised my hand and I explained that I was pen pals with over fifty guys stationed in Vietnam and I still have a big box of letters plus carbon copies of the letters I sent to them. “Is there any value in donating the entire collection,” I asked, “or should I go through them and sort out some I think are interesting?” The curator, Andrew Carroll, of the Million Letters Campaign got rather excited and said they’d love to have a collection like that. “Would I include the copies of my letters too?” “Absolutely! That’s a unique collection,” he said. “Would you feel comfortable donating them?” I told him I want to read them one last time but, “Yes, I feel comfortable donating them.” And I will. So now I have a wintertime project lined up. 

He gave me his personal address afterward as well as the address to the Center for American War Letters at Chapman University in Orange, California. I’m both enthusiastic and finally at peace about my decision and about what the university is doing with this legacy project---to archive a quickly disappearing piece history that both honors our soldiers and makes the letters available for research material for writers, film makers and historians. It’s too late in my life to write the “penpals” book I envisioned coming from my box of letters---and to do it justice---but someone else might do it someday if they are archived at the center.

I brought the box up from the basement today and one of the first letters I pulled out to re-read from Vietnam, went like this: “If you were here, I would recite your last letter out loud. Your words are pressed in my memory like the purple violets my mother kept in her Bible. I read the letter so many times because the serenity of the woods you described was so real that I felt as if I was there with you. The quietness of home is one of the things I desperately miss. The sounds of being in a war zone are sounds I don’t think I’ll ever be able to erase from my mind. Incoming and outgoing mortars, men dying, and the bullets as they hit metal, dirt and human flesh are sounds unlike anything I have heard before. Last year I thought death was something only people with gray hair had to think about. Now I’m over here, and I can’t seem to think about anything else. If it weren’t for your letters, I don’t think I could make it. They are like a rope that keeps pulling me back to the world. The world where I was once a carefree boy who spent Sunday afternoons playing in my grandpa’s woods.” Reading this sent a chill up my spine knowing that, oh yes, there is a "penpals" book waiting to be written from that box. ©

Andrew Carroll’s twelve books based on War Letters

 Toby Keith and Willie Nelson, Wacky Tobaccy

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Nighttime Dreams, the Gathering Girls and my Poor Ear!



Every so often I’ll go through a streak when I’ll dream of my husband three-four nights in a row. It happened over the Labor Day weekend. I can’t put my finger on what triggers them. Loneliness? Disasters and tensions in the world? Hearing the lyrics of a song? Christina Perri’s, “You put your arms around me and I’m home” did haunt me for a couple of days. In most of the dreams I can see my husband but not talk to him. No surprise there. He’s dead in my daytime life, but not in my dreams. He’s walking around, doing things and I’m watching movie style. Last night was different. We were together in a pickup truck, riding around out in the boondocks when we came upon a place where an army of bulldozers were pushing dirt around, preparing a huge building site. For some reason we thought something secret and sinister was going on and we had to report it. We turned around to do that and suddenly we were being chased.

According to DreamMoods.com to dream of being chased “signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is a metaphor for some form of insecurity…Alternatively, you may be running away from a primal urge or fear.” Okay, the ‘avoidance’ makes sense. I just finished updating my Emergency Care Plan book for myself and Levi and I still need to go through my Estate Planning book to update that. I can’t believe it’s been since 2013 when I last did it! The setting of my dream, which most dream books say isn’t the important part, also makes sense when I remembered what I’d been doing before I went to bed. I’d been reading a thread on a political debate site about building codes and land use in Texas, a discussion on whether or not people should be allowed to rebuild on flood plains---as if getting 52 inches of rain over a few short days wouldn’t turn any place into a flood plain. Jeez! But still, people do have a point when they say when federal money is helping to rebuild the same houses time and time again maybe it’s time for a better master plan. God, the world is a complicated place!

I also dreamed about my mother this past week and I hardly ever do that. We were riding around in a car trying to find a Mexican restaurant on a side of town I rarely ever go to. Since the action is the important part of the dream I looked up ‘searching’ and DreamMoods said, “To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. The dream may be analogous to your search for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem.” But why was I searching with my mother? DreamMoods has an answer for that, too. (They have an answer for everything including why people dream about M&Ms. In case you’re wondering, M&Ms represent “life's small, but sweet rewards.” But I digress.) About seeing my mom in my dream, they said: “[it] represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection.” I’m not particularly gaga over Mexican food but the nearest I can figure out is that part of the dream is a reference to holding on to tradition and culture. Dream analysis might all be entertaining bull poop but its logical, entertaining bull poop.

Change of topic: My First Mondays Brunch with the Gathering Girls met on Tuesday this month because of the holiday. We went to Culver’s for a change of scenery and then to an Antique & Artisan Market near-by followed by another stop for dessert. 11:30 to 3:00 on a pleasant weather day. It doesn't get much better than that but we laughed so hard and often at lunch it’s a wonder we did leave seven little puddles of pee in our chairs when we left. We sure know how to play off each other’s senses of humor.

Second change of topic: I finally called the hearing doctor to make an appointment and was shocked that I have to wait 21 days to get in to see him. I should have called a couple of weeks ago but I honestly thought the paper-rattling sound and clicking in my ear would go away on its own but when my ear started kicking my hearing aid out to the point that I can’t wear it anymore I got concerned. I tried some allergy medication and that didn’t help thus the appointment was made. The clicking is happening less often as of a few days ago but only after I got an odd swishing sound in my ear and a sense of air rushing in. Did my ear drum break or do I have an over-active imagination? By the time I get into the doctor I’ll either be completely cured or I will have an inner ear infection and die on the living room floor because I can’t tell which way is up and which way is down and Levi doesn’t know how to dial the phone to call for help. Stupid dog! ©