Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Dreams, Cottage Pie and Art Shows



Recently I had another dream about my husband cheating on me and it woke me up. That makes four in recent weeks. This time I couldn’t fall back to sleep and by the time the sun came up I was more than irritated with the man. What a gloating snot he was being---the way he told me of his affair! In the dream we weren’t married yet and he had just picked me up for a date when he said, “I have a new roommate.” “I know,” I replied, “I’ve met him.” “I have two roommates, I mean.” The way he was grinning made me ask, “Two? Is one of them a woman?” “Yes.” “Are you sleeping with her?” I asked the question but I knew by the proud cat-with-a-bird-in-his-mouth look in his eyes that he’d answer, “Yes.” If he wasn’t already died, I’d kill him for waking me up before I could slug him with my purse. I am not getting enough sleep! I’m beginning to wonder if these “cheating dreams” have something to do with me looking forward to hang around with my posse of Gathering Girls this summer. Who knows how and why our subconscious brains twist stuff around when our heads hit the pillow.

Three of us Gathering Girls went to an outdoor art show over the weekend. There were two rows of vendor tents flanking a tree covered walking trail that ran between a covered bridge on one end of the show and a performance stage on the other end. It was a beautiful setting for a comfortably cool day where Mother Nature had the good sense not to rain on our parade. We didn’t buy much at the show but we all did purchase English toffee from a good looking, flirtatious guy who kind of reminded me of my husband. He was crushing on one of us and it wasn’t me he gave his business card to. He looked Italian to me and he had a great line of Irish blarney although he claimed he was Dutch. We knew his entertaining spiel was to boost his sales receipts but we didn’t care. It was all good-natured cajoling and we gave it back as good as we got. Oh, and did I mention the toffee samples were wonderful? I’m glad the roofing company that sent an estimator out to my house a few weeks back didn’t send him or I’d be $14,400 poorer by now. I wouldn’t have guessed in a hundred years that a good looking man could make my lady parts tingle at this point in my life. Too much information? 

After roaming by the art tents, we walked to a near-by restaurant and ate cottage pie, salad and ciabatta bread---lots of ciabatta bread. It was bread heaven. I wanted to order the lasagna but I also knew I wanted to blog about the cottage pie because I’d never heard of it before. And saying we sat on the deck of a vintage farmhouse-turned restaurant eating cottage pie sounds so much more summer-quaint and relaxing than saying I had lasagna. (The sacrifices I make for this blog!) A google search says cottage pie shares an English/Irish history with Shepherd’s pie only the former is made with beef and the latter with lamb. Who knew? Probably everyone but me. I also think there should be a law requiring a food with ‘pie’ in the title to have a pie crust. In this case, I made up for the missing pie crust when we got back to our carpool place where we went inside for dessert. I had lemon meringue pie while my partners in crime had hot fudge sundaes. Hanging around these ladies this summer is going to seriously feed my sweet tooth. One of the ladies coined a slogan that often comes up when we’re together: “We have to order dessert, if we don’t they’ll take it off the menu!” That led to me to create my very first meme (below) and now that I’ve found a meme generator I’ll probably paper memes all over my blog.

Anyone who follows this blog knows I love to google. I just googled “dreaming of dead husband cheating.” Ohmygod, it came up with 168,000,000 links to references of dead husbands cheating! That number makes me feel less like an odd-ball widow. A few sites I read claim the dearly departed is coming back to deliver a message that’s it’s okay to move on. Gee thanks, but I've never needed his permission for anything I wanted to do. Another site says it’s “a gentle push to get you to let go of the past.” If I let go of any more of my past I’ll have dementia! No thank you. And another link states: “Dreams about infidelity are rarely about cheating, but rather more about your own feelings of insecurity.” Am I insecure? Yes/no? Oh, who cares! “I am what I am and that’s all that I am,” to quote Popeye the Sailor Man. I quit clicking on links because I realized the quicker I finished writing this blog the quicker I could publish it which means the web would then have 168,000,001 links to dead husbands cheating and because it really doesn’t matter why I dream what I dream. I’m just glad to interact with Don again from time to time although I wish the theme of the dreams would change to something that will have me waking up with a smile on my face---like sharing a piece of pie. That’s not how you thought that last sentence was going to end, is it.  LOL ©


26 comments:

  1. I was anxious to read what you had to say about our great adventure on Saturday. Very entertaining as usual. Sure was a fun time. My toffee is all gone though, can't understand what happened. ha ha

    BL

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    1. Glad to have your comment, BL! Now you know why I had trouble deciding between the cottage pie and the lasagna. My toffee cookie didn't make it to Sunday, either.

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  2. I have a passion for ciabatta bread. I haven't had it in ages.
    Popeye was on par with all the great philosophers when he said, "I am who I am." We should all listen to that.
    Nothing like a day with a flirtatious guy in it. You guys are going to have so much fun this summer.
    You and I are on opposite tracks in our dream lives these days. I dreamed that I was flirting with the idea of having an affair with someone, but I was only up to the hand-holding stage when I woke. If you think you were mad that you woke before you could hit Don with your purse, you know how mad I was. :)

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    1. Bella, I had just taken a mouth full of coffee when I got to the part about you flirting with the idea of having an affair in your dream. I almost spit in on my keyboard. At least with my dreams I don't try to get out of bed and hurt myself the way you do but I do wonder why Levi gets up and moves to the living room during the middle of the night.

      I hadn't thought of Popeye in years but now I remember singing that song with my dad when I was very young.

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  3. No, it's not how I thought it was going to end. :-)
    LOVE the meme!! My sentiments exactly.

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    1. Lots of dessert lovers will get on this bandwagon, I suspect. LOL

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  4. I've had similar dreams..more that we are younger again and he is with someone else as if we were not married and he chose someone else. For me it is insecurities. Our marriage was good, but we hit some trouble spots after he retired and his health began to fade. He became a frustrated man with no sense of purpose and not being able to do the things he could before. He had heart issues, but died of cancer totally unrelated.
    I'm in a search for friends and groups and I am succeeding fairly well, but it can be hard work. I'm not looking to ever marry again, but it's never the same not to have someone to do nothing with. That I miss most.

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    1. Looking for friends really does bring out the insecurities, doesn't it, so maybe that really is what our dreams are about. Maybe to remind us that even the good friends we had in the past had their ups and downs? Finding friends is hard work! You have to be proactive and that doesn't come natural for most of us. Glad you're making progress too.

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  5. Good morning Jean, I'm no expert here but in my opinion dreaming of Don cheating is more about you getting out there and enjoying yourself than about him ever cheating, he probably knew better as I do here I have only cheated in Cindys dreams once that I recall, and I had hell to pay the next week it seemed, with that reaction I sure wouldn't want to cheat in real life.

    Sounds like you are having a wonderful time on your outings, you can't go wrong with a good dessert.

    You should drop by my blog today, I think you will say "see I told you"

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    1. Jimmy, you reminded me of a time I had a dream about Don cheating while he was still alive. I was SO mad all day long. As you said, he had "hell to pay" for something he didn't even do. LOL

      I'll be over soon.

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  6. You made me laugh when I read your blog this morning ;-)
    Love the way you write.
    Met groetjes van Lian

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    1. Good! We need to find things to laugh about these days. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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  7. I LOVE this post! I have gone through periods of 'cheating dreams' too and my hub is still alive and with me. So...insecurity, maybe? I dunno. Could be cuz in most I am at first devastated, and then I rise up and tell the bastard to hit the road and feel liberated and strong!!! So...hmmm...maybe should get back to the therapist's couch on that one.

    One thing I miss a lot about growing older is that I rarely have the opportunity to flirt any more. I used to love to flirt when I was young. It was fun and good-natured. But at a certain point I started to hang around with men who didn't want to appear sexist so they stopped being flirtatious and so did I. Then I got older and it just seemed unseemly -- smarmy or something -- I feel a blog post coming on about this.... But I miss it so much! I'm glad you and your gals found a cutie-pie to have fun with. That tingle is the best!

    Pie should be filled with fruit. Or chocolate. Just my opinion. ha

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    1. Most dream interpretation sites and books I respect say that it's the actions that count more than the settings and people in our dreams, so your dream could very well be a sight that you were feeling empowered at the time.

      We need a new word for 'flirting' because the kind of flirting you and are talking about isn't the sexual kind. Maybe teasing would work better? I miss it too. The "flirting/teasing" that is the best is when both parties know it for what it is...just a good-natured interaction that touches the kid in our heart.

      I'm really more of a cake person than a pie person but I've been on a lemon kick lately. I crave them. Our car pool point is the back of a restaurant I blog about often---the GuyLand Cafeteria. They have the best looking strawberry pie on earth, but their chocolate pie is tempting too.

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  8. And as your geeky friend, I'm more excited about making your own meme!!!!

    These dreams are getting more interesting ... and flirtatious men! OH MY!

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    1. Aren't they fun to make! The hardest part was figuring out what those photos with words over top are called so I could find the meme generator.

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  9. I kind of like the idea that the dream could be him giving you the OK to move on. I totally lost it at "If I let go of any more of my past I’ll have dementia!" Just brilliant.
    I grew up on Shepard's pie and Cottage pie. I miss them both.

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    1. There are enough theories about the meaning of that kind of dream out there that we can pick the one the rings true for us.

      Cottage pie and Shepherd's pie are not something common on menus around here which is why it intrigued me plus the name itself just begged me. Two of us liked it, the other did not.

      I always hate it when people tell widows not to hold on to the past. There's a difference between living in the past and remembering it. If I talk about my husband from time to time it's because for 42 years we shared the same history. How to you ignore that much of your own personal history just because it happens to include a husband who is gone? Should I quite talking about my parents, too, because they are gone? Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine?

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  10. Cute meme! i never have dreams about Fred, which I find kind of strange. I have dreams about the ex trying to slap me, which I also find strange. Why would I dream about the bad guy and not the good guy?

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    1. I am totally fascinated by what we dream and and what they mean. I had a dream this week about a candle burning in a crystal candle holder I haven't owned in decades. Nothing else in the dream. How strange is that!

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  11. Happy to read you've found good company to laugh with. And also good to read of tingling parts! Not TMI at all! ~ Libby

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    1. It's such a slow process to find and build friendships! We're not 100% there yet but given enough time I think we'll get there.

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  12. I'd better not let MaryLou red your blog. She may have dreams just like you. Ha,ha,ha.I golfed today aaaand I'm very sore all over and I mean all over. I wonder what I'll be dreaming this evening? Have a wonderful evening Jean. See ya.

    Cruisin Paul

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    1. By the Forth of July you'll be all limbered up by all your golfing. Wishing all your dreams are of the perfect, below par game.

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  13. I don't usually remember my dreams, but every so often I'll have one that's so intense, I spend days wandering around trying to figure out what my subconscious was trying to tell me. (Since I tend to be a bit dense about these things, my subconscious is usually about as subtle as a sledge hammer.) Once when I was in my mid-thirties, I dreamed that I was pregnant and that I was going to have to go back to live with my ex-husband. I woke up in a cold sweat and quickly realized that this was my subconscious telling me to stop griping about my single life! -Jean

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    1. Back that long ago they didn't have dream dictionaries online to help you figure out dreams like that. Amazing that you've remembered it this long. With the exception of a repeating dream, I don't remember my dreams longer than a couple of weeks.

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