Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Pandemic Routines, Depression and Disappointment

This post is brought to you by people watching myself. It's all I've got, no laughs included.
I’m disappointed in myself and I don’t know how to turn things around. I am wallowing in pandemic inspired depression and I’m reminded of that the minute I wake up in the morning and my feet hit the floor. Another day of sameness to look forward to is the first thought that pops into my head, another day of being ashamed of how much time I’m wasting when I could be using it more productively. Instead, I spend too much of my awake time burying my nose in the refrigerator or trash books or wishing I could have my pre-pandemic schedule back. I’m such a creature of habit that I miss routines like going to recycling or seeing my gal pals twice a month or reading labels in the grocery store. Recycling opened up again last week so there’s that to look forward to, but my gal pals getting together again and leisurely trips to the grocery store are collateral damage of Covid-19. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Around 8:00 AM I shuffle into the kitchen, put my Starbucks Sweet Morning Blend coffee grounds in my maker and while I wait for it to perk I jump on the computer. (Not literally jumping up and down on my keyboard, but you knew that didn't you.) Once my coffee is ready I’m again reminded that we’re in pandemic mode because I haven’t been able to buy my specialty spray foam to top off my coffee since the shortages started in the grocery stores. The dog doesn’t care, Levi sleeps in until around 10 AM and speaking of grocery store shortages, I live in fear that I won’t be able to buy his Milk-Bones Trail Mix or Milk-Bone Brushing Chews. I might be able to understand disruptions in our food distribution chain but Levi will make my life utterly miserable at 10:15, 3:00 and at bedtime if he doesn’t get what he demands. He doesn’t suffer in silence. He’ll bark his demands until I get my head out of the clouds and make my way to the antique canister set where I keep his loot. Yesterday I reminded him that he’d better watch out. If meat prices keep going up, he’ll be in danger of ending up on someone’s crock pot. 

By 10:30 I’ve had my breakfast and I’m reminded again that we’re in a pandemic by the orange juice I’ve add to my mornings. It’s silly to think it can help build my immune system up to fight getting the virus but don’t tell me that. I want to believe I’m in control of something besides picking the lint out of my belly button. Also by 10:30 I’ve checked on my e-Bay sales, checked my blog for new comments or new posts from my blogger friends plus I've read my email and Facebook page. Facebook is one giant billboard flashing reminders that we’re in a pandemic. And just so you’ll know, I’ve quit watching the morning news shows or TV in the mornings for that matter, which in itself is a huge reminder that the pandemic has changed my routine. 

Between 11:00 and 12:00 I force myself to get dressed and I do mean 'force' as I'd happily stay in my bathrobe all day. But if you're taking my mental health temperature I should add that I've actually only done it 3-4 times since the pandemic lock down started in mid-March. My afternoons are spent researching the collectibles I’m selling, photographing them and writing up listings plus getting them ready to ship so they can be weighed before uploading the listings to e-Bay. I could do this all faster if I wasn't sneak-reading chapters in trash books in between my downsizing work. If I had any sense at all I’d get myself outside after getting dressed to walk the dog around the neighborhood. I have my excuses and even I don’t want to hear them---hear about all the new dogs in the neighborhood that makes it harder to walk Levi and I don’t want to hear about how strange it is to pass by so many other walkers as we try to avoid getting close to one another. With the exception of the inspirational sidewalk chalk art it’s not friendly “out there” anymore and I half expect to see drawings of a hands giving walkers the middle finger showing up because foot traffic has gotten fierce and frequent.

In the pre-pandemic days I used to eat lunch out around 2:00 and several times I week I’d do that out of the house and run a couple of errands while I’m out and about. I miss listening to my Sirius XM radio in the car far more than I would have guessed. Now, the pandemic has me considering if I should cancel it because I’ve only driven my car a whole 12 miles in the past 10 weeks and I don't see that changing any time soon. I also miss people watching at the Guy-Land Cafeteria where I used to sit writing blog posts out long-hand. I miss the monthly get-togethers they had at the continuum care campus where I’ve been planning to move. I miss that dream---the dream of me and Levi wandering the trail around the lake on their campus with a camera in hand, then going back to my unit where my time would be spent in guilt-free painting, writing and reading. Now, 'guilt' seems to be my middle name.

Since the pandemic hit the U.S.A. I’ve been eating a combined lunch/dinner around 6:00/7:00, while mindlessly sitting in front of the computer again or playing my two daily required ‘brain-games’ on my Kindle. Early evening is also when I go to Amazon Unlimited to return a book and find another book to read between 11 PM and 2:30 AM. Even reading straight-forward genre books that don’t require any thinking doesn’t cause me to fall asleep without the use of a sleeping pill and even then they sometimes don’t work. The minute my light goes out, I’m back in pandemic worry mode. And I’ll end this post where I started by saying, I’m so disappointed in myself and I don’t know how to turn things around. ©

61 comments:

  1. I have Sirius XM in my car too, and I've been hearing ads from them that you can access it now from any of your devices, phone, computer, tablet, etc. Check them out online to see if your subscription is one that qualifies.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing that! I found the site to register for online access to my account and I'm now listening to Prime Country as I'm typing. I rarely ever turn on my speakers but I think they're going to get a work out today. Still not sure if it's going to cost me more or not, but it will be worth it if it does. I'm listening on trial of some kind.

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    2. FWIW, I called Sirius to cancel, and when they asked why, I said it was too expensive in this pandemic. They immediately reduced our rate to $5/month for two cars (yes, you read that correctly) and refunded the payment I had just made - over $270. Worth a try...just sayin'.

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    3. Wow, Hope! I'll bet they are getting a lot of people wanting to cancel now for them to offer that kind of savings. Makes me think I could try bargaining the computer add-on for free.

      BETH: You really made my morning much brighter...listening to my Prime Country is like having a slice of my life back again.

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    4. Hurray for Beth! I'm so glad it helped.

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  2. I too feel that this virus has been with us too long. It's so hard not to be able to visit with other people and to not run errands that unknowingly kept us from the sameness of every day. I was just thinking this morning that we didn't know how good we had it when things were normal and that we'll welcome back our normal lives with open arms when this virus leaves.

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    1. I'm usually a patient person and a goal originated person. I'm just having a hard time lately not being able to carry out simple things like take a broken screen in to get replaced. You are so right that we don't know how good we had it when times were normal.

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  3. Oh goodness, I encourage you to get outside and walk! It is the single most important thing I do each day to stay sane during this time. And I think you will be surprised at how many small social exchanges occur in the process, and how good they feel. People wave and call out greetings from opposite sides of the street, because there seems to be a strong sense of us all being in this together.I

    And COVID depression is real, so please don't be to hard on yourself. I've had my share of pajama days, as have many others I am sure. Thankfully, I've turned a corner mentally, as will you in time. It's a process, and we are all going through it our own way.

    Take care!



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    1. I know you're right about walking. I force myself to get out a day or two in a row but I can't seem to stay motivated to do it as a routine. Most days I don't do it. I am forcing myself to sit in the sun on my deck 20-25 minutes a day where I've been exchanging bird calls with a feathery friend who seem to like me.

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    2. One more thing to mention- I read recently that a warm bath may be even more beneficial, mentally speaking than exercise. So perhaps try that on days when you can't get yourself to take a walk?

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  4. Thank you for saying what many are feeling. I am sorry though that you are feeling disappointed in yourself - most of us haven't experienced anything like this before and a we all need big dose of kindness for ourselves and everyone else for coping as well as we are! The only thought I have is one I'm also thinking about - are there any new habits you would like to create temporarily in place of the ones that are cut off? Btw, you are being so much more productive and focused than I am.

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    1. I have to be productive selling stuff if I want to keep making the money I'll need after I move. But for new, temporary goals I would really REALLY like get my calorie intake reduced---mindless stress eating is getting me in trouble.

      Ohmygod...I'm listening to Clint Black singing, "No time to kill between the cradle and the grave. If you don't look ahead nobody will, there's no time to kill." That's what I love about country western music. There's always a song that parrots how I feel.

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  5. Jean, I hear you and understand how you feel. The longer this drags on and disrupts our Normal Lives, the more wistful and sad we feel.

    I agree with Tamara that getting out in Nature is so helpful. Right now in NEO, we are getting a string of high heat and humidity, so walking a lot is unpleasant. But I know that once I take the first few steps, I'm glad I got started.

    Have you heard of Operation Gratitude? You can easily knit simple hats and scarves for soldiers, amassing a good bunch of them to then send on. There are other things OG needs as well. Their website will give you all the details you need.

    Hang in there. Bake Levi some homemade dog treats! I'm going to try that for Zydrunas, my granddog.

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    1. You know, you're right. If I experimented with making Levi treats that would take some of the fear out of my mind. It truly does worry me that someday I won't be able to get what he likes.

      I knit a lot in the winter months. I will bookmark the OG website. I really love making hats and scarves and I'[m surprised soldiers use homemade hats and scarves

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  6. We really took our old lives for granted didn't we? Oh to jump in the car for a spur of the moment desire or need. Probably the only good thing is that I am actually saving money. Just balanced my bank statement and was amazed at the few withdrawals. No gas to speak of, fewer online purchases after Amazon started taking a month to deliver.
    I too do miss my friends and our regular luncheons. Those 2 to 3 hour giggles were therapeutic. Deep breath and move forward.

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    1. You got that saving money thing right! Even with my Amazon orders piling up so are my balances in my checking accounts growing like crazy. (Have a separate A/C for e-Bay.)

      I did take a lot of little things for granted. I try to remind myself that what we're going through is not even close to being as bad as it would be if I were living in a war torn country or even in a ghetto here in the states. I am grateful for that by I still want my old life back, however unrealistic that is.

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  7. This is such a difficult time, and I appreciate your honesty. We are only nine days from closing (lord willing and the creeks don't rise) and I started packing boxes over the weekend. Got 10 boxes done and stopped. It's overwhelming. But today I MUST get back to it. I plan to find some upbeat music and stop reading the internet. Any minute now...LOL. DH has been able to golf again and I'm loving being home alone. But I just have to move forward with the moving.

    It's SO easy to just grind to a halt in this pandemic. My DD and I were just discussing how grocery shopping went from a pleasure to drudgery. And no social gatherings. And I have a new granddaughter in England that I have no idea when I'll see. I just keep hoping if I put one foot in front of the other, things will right themselves at some not-so-distant time in the future. But honestly, I'm with you. Some days are just the pits. Hang in there!

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    1. I am happy that your plans are working out (finger crossed for after the closing).

      I go back and forth about reading on the internet. On one hand, it helps to know that others feel the same way I do and if they don't to try to understand why the differences. ON the other hand, it's easier to bury my head in the sand and pretend nothing is out of place out there in the world.

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  8. Thank you so much for your honesty. You have voiced what so many of us are feeling. Don't be hard on yourself. You are doing your best ! ! !

    Working on Ebay every afternoon is a magnificent achievement.

    I understand and sympathize with your Milk Bone anxiety. I was doing the same worrying about coffee. I solved it by ordering several bags monthly from Amazon. Check the expiration date on a box you have now and just keep ordering.

    Burying one's head in the sand is an excellent coping strategy !!


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    1. I've been doing e-Bay off and on for years. I want so badly to be able to put that part of my life behind me, but I have to see it through to the end in order to move on to my new chapter.

      I've got Milk Bones saved on my Amazon Wish List just in case. Every once in a while I think about how lucky I am to still be able to get coffee even though I miss going through the Starbucks line a couple of times a month. We get so set in our ways, don't we.

      Thanks for the pep talk!

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  9. Thanks so much for saying how I'm feeling. Had I invested these 2+ months into my physical self I would be 15 lbs lighter and have muscles! I HAVE stayed in my jammies and robe many days a week. So comfy and then I don't notice how stretched out my pants are. there are so many things I could be doing but I have a big case of the Pandemic Procrastination. It is what it is.

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    1. Ohmygod, I am SO jealous of you! I have gained six pounds in our 3 months of pandemic lock down. I'm not moving enough to get to my tracker watch goal that I used to hit daily. I have always been a stress eater and with the food chain distribution problems and shortages I've become food hoarder as well. I never kept a stock of my favorite foods in the house before but now I am and that's not good for me.

      Keep up the good work! I wouldn't care how many other things I procrastinated about if I I could take a page out of your pandemic playbook.

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    2. UM ... I have not LOST any weight or gotten into bikini shape. I'd be happy if I only gained 6 pounds ....

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  10. So I am having surgery a week from today and THAT has taken my mind of the COVID blues. I will be in the hospital from 3 to 5 days and I will be dropped off at the door and picked up when I am ready to return home. No visitors of course. But, I am bringing a nice stack of magazines and I will just rest and recover! I am so lazy now, tho, as I wait to go... when now I should really be busy getting the house clean and getting my stuff packed for my hospital stay. You are keeping busy, maybe not as busy as you were before but still busy enough so don't put yourself down! We have an excuse right now and things will pick up when they pick up ... Staying safe is important.

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    1. Gotta be hard facing surgery under the strict Covid-19 rules---hard even without the virus---but thank goodness the hospital is doing all they can to protect patients. You will be fine. Just make sure you leave those magazines behind when you leave.

      I find it hard to keep my house picked up when I know no one can visit. LOL

      Staying safe IS important and I'm doing my part, but I can't deny it's getting too me. I will stay the course.

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  11. THank you for sharing with us..so many of us are in the same boat.I share all the sadness over all the same things: Loss of my small pleasures— lunches with girlfriends,coffee dates at the Roastery, thrift shop browsing, library dates, and of course, travel!!!!!!! I have ups and downs,Some days I ‘m mopey but the days I feel better are when I GET OUTSIDE IN NATURE.. walking,bicycling, and just visiting the plants in our yard all I’ve my spirits a lot. A glass of Chardonnay on the patio at sunset does too, LOL!! Making some art, dabbling with my watercolors is a relaxed hobby,though I am far from good at iit. Some days I just watch a lot of TV series on Netflix and amazon and call it a day.Some days I spend too much time on facebook and the web.You know what, we gotta do what we gotta do to get through this..the days will come we can get together again.. till then,Try to just get out doors more if you can! And keep sharing with us..you don’t need to feel alone!! I miss my old life so much,also!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Thank YOU for sharing how you are handling things. I haven't been an outdoors kind of person for the past 20 years but for a week or so I've been sitting on my deck for 20-25 minutes in the evenings. I'm teaching myself bird calls and 'talking' to them. I swear I've got one or two of them that are answering me back and forth. I'd add a glass a wine but I'd rather use the calories for ice cream. LOL

      I just found out I can drop my window screen in for repair---the one the dog has ruined and that I need because its for a window right next to my computer. And, oh boy, that means a road trip 4 miles away and I might just take the long way home.

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  12. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so glad to know I am not alone as I have these same feelings. When I first wake up and look outside, everything looks and feels so normal, then I remember.
    I am depressed and I am grouchy.

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    1. I hear you! No matter how often I tell myself how much I have to be grateful for, how nice it is in my glided cage, I can't seem to talk myself off the ledge.

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  13. I listen to Sirius XM on Alexa. Sometimes music and sometimes talk shows. I like Michelle Collins and Jenny Hutt. They are on 109.

    You have a lot of company in this with you. People everywhere are having coronavirus anxiety and depression. I'm not depressed so much as I am anxious from time to time. I'm feeling lazy at times and restless at times. I cannot wait for this to come to some sort of livable conclusion. I don't know that things will go back to our old normal (which is one of the things that makes me anxious), but something we can "live" with would be a very good thing. Hang in there and thank you for being frank. We all need to hang together.

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    1. Today we topped 100,000 deaths in just four months. I fear we're not going to get back to near-normal for at least a year. We do need find a way to adjust and to reopen responsibility.

      I don't have an Alexa but I'm thinking of getting one after I move. I have too many tech things now to manage now.

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  14. I’m going to hope that this comment will be published. I have tried many times over the past 4-5 months and my comments disappear as soon as I press publish. I had a sudden thought that I should try through a different browser.
    I’m still reading your posts but have been unable to respond!
    Regards,
    Leze

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    1. Don't know what you did different this time but it worked, Leze.

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  15. I've been using Walmart's grocery pickup service now a few times and really like it. I go online, select a time, and then "shop" for whatever I need. And it doesn't have to be strictly groceries. Pet supplies and wild bird seed are on my list for tomorrow. They text me when it's ready and I park in the designated spot and they bring it all out and put it in my car. Wonderful! Today I slapped my mask on my face and went to their garden center and bought a slew of colorful bedding plants. I was gratified to see other shoppers wearing masks. All of them women, by the way. Saw one old codger without one and one younger woman but all the women "of a certain age" like me had one on. If you can't get the Milk Bone Trail Mix from Amazon, Walmart has it online for home delivery. If you order at least $35 worth of stuff, delivery is free. They were my life saver early on in this pandemic.

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    1. I've tried ordering online at a couple different stores with no luck using their software. If I get desperate, I'll try again or come winter if the death rate is still high in my county. I'm not sure we have a Walmart here anymore, maybe on the other end of town. The last time I went to the grocery store almost everyone wore a mask, although 3 people didn't have their noses covered, just their mouths. Looks so silly.

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  16. Keep up with the downsizing, Jean! I thought I was well in hand with my move (packing and downsizing), and the last couple of days were still jam-packed and exhausting. Now I am homeless...my stuff left on a big truck yesterday and I dropped my car off at the rail yard today. I board the plane tomorrow morning. I remember thinking this day would never come, and now...well, here I am! I hope the time passes faster for you, and someday you will be excited (now that I have recovered somewhat from my exhaustion, and can feel emotions again šŸ˜œ) as me to be going to your new home.

    Hugs,

    Deb

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    1. This new chapter in your life is going to be so exciting. You've done a wonderful job getting ready to move half way across the country. (I don't know Canada well...maybe its a lot more than half way across the country.) After all this time, I can't bevel your day is finally here! People don't make your blog followers wait too long to hear from you once you settle in. So happy for you.

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  17. I haven’t been able to comment for so long on your blog, but just went and changed a setting in my browser and hopefully I can now!

    Going for a walk, a little gardening, TV and my iPad, some painting is working just fine for me. But I do have my SIL sharing my home (I’m a widow) and I have a few good friends who lunch together in my yard or someone’s carport, 8’ apart, bring our own food, drink etc. I’m in Fla., so the weather is cooperative for that until it’s too hot.
    I need human connection but some don’t..maybe try to do something similar with your gathering girls..

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    1. Aren't computers/blogs/websites frustrating when you can't make them work the way you want. What ever you changed it worked.

      Some of us my gathering gal pals have talked about trying to get together in someone's yard or a park and bring our own food, but it's not getting done. I can't invite anyone over to my yard because I sold my deck furniture and no one else is extending an invitation either. Three of the seven of us have serious health issues which probably plays into that. Weather hasn't been cooperative until recently either. I just don't see it happening for a month or two at the earliest.

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  18. Life here for me is pretty much unchanged before lockdown I would go out on day a week, now I don't everything else is the same

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    1. You are lucky that the pandemic isn't playing with your mind and sense of security. I can handle not going anywhere far better than worrying about the coming financial disaster coming because of the pandemic and the country breaking apart at the seams.

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  19. All I can say is that I feel for you, and wish things were different up there. Of course the news always shows the worst of things, like our Galveston beaches on Memorial Day weekend, but in truth, most people around here are grateful for the paced opening, and are being responsible. No one wants to go backward. It's just great to be able to go to well-stocked grocery stores again, and pick up a fish taco for lunch. Heaven!

    I can do this for you -- if it looks like there's a shortage of Levi's treats on the horizon, let me know, and I'll send some to you. We wouldn't want Levi to do without!

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    1. You are sweet! I just ordered Levi some trail mix treats and brushing chews from Amazon and they'll be here Friday. They didn't have his senior bonz but he'll eat the normal kind when if I run out and I can get those. The senior bonz have medication in it for joints.

      Most people here are good with opening back up in stages, too. Our governor's ratings are very high even though the ass-breathes with guns and confederate and Nazi flags are doing their best to make her/our state look bad. Can't be easy for her. They stalk her with high powered rifles and hang her in effigy in the trees. But our curve is coming down, and I'm betting my June 15th when the latest stay-at-home order ends that it won't get extended.

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  20. What I miss most is a SIMPLE walk - I'm walking at 6:30 am because it's less of an obstacle course than later in the day. We are supposed to wear masks. If you're exercising alone, it's ok not to have a mask on but you should have one with you to put on if social distancing becomes an issue. So a common scenario - I'm walking along and someone without a mask comes running huffing and puffing toward me. I go onto the street and - lo and behold - here comes another maskless covidiot running towards me. It's a jungle out there.

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    1. nothing wrong with hiw you are feeling. This is new territory for all of us. I should have been at knitting group yesterday and today would be happy hour..im doing surprisingly well in those areas now that its warm. But I miss dining out in general and just the little thing like not being able to run to the library and drop off a book or go alone to our local art gallery and walk for an hour.i will agree with others that the outdoor helps a great deal.as does my business in making. Im in the process of what can I do when im.bored listings.

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    2. The other Jean: It's really is not simple or stress reducing to walk in the now busy neighborhoods, is it. The trails are scary too because it's tick season and they are bad this year. My dog was bitten and treated for Lyme disease all last year. I don't to go through that again.

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    3. Barb: Funny how all the little things we do daily are taken for granted until we can't do them anymore. I keep thinking about all the people who live in displacement camps or war torn countries and I get ashamed of how I'm handling our minor stay-at-home orders. But for all those essential workers out there, I'll keep doing my part by staying home and wearing a mask when I can't.

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  21. That pandemic depression or out of sorts hit me at week 11. I understand. And I don't have a pandemic routine and that bothers me. I like routine. But each of these days require something different. oh well. As for Sirius. If you subscribe to Sirius then just go to www.siriusxm.com. Set up your online account and by golly you've got Sirius on your phone or computer. You can call them for help but "they" are difficult to grasp what you are telling them but once they do they are helpful. English is not their first language. I listen to it in my kitchen while my phone is on the charger and hooked up to my Bose radio. It helps!! I can listen to talk, baseball or music. Give it a go, it may help Jean.

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    1. I am listen to Sirius XM right now on my computer. Beth up above told me how to do it but I still don't know if I'm listening on a trial or if I'll eventually have to pay more to get it on my devices. Time will tell. But it does help. I live the memories that come with Prime Country and Y2K Country. I want to get a Bose radio after I move. Thought about getting Alexia instead but I don't know if the volume will be loud enough for me. My Kindle sure isn't.

      I really miss my old routine as we all do, I'm sure. But I'm glad I published this blog post because it helps to know I'm not the old one who has let the depression get to me.

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  22. You can listen to Sirius XM on your smart phone. That's how I do it. You can also hear it on Alexa if you have one of those. I once read that any day you don't eat your lunch while wearing your jammies is a good one. šŸ˜‰

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    1. The volume on my smart phone isn't loud enough even with ear buds. I might get an Alexa someday but I need to find someone who has one so I can see if I can hear it before I buy one.

      I like the jammies/lunch theory.

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  23. Levi -- try chewy.com, petco.com or Amazon. Not cheap but hey, what else are we spending money on these days?

    I get it -- and don't be ashamed, embarrassed, depressed about these very real feelings. It's a bit of grief for what was and it has all the stages. And they aren't linear -- they backtrack. I'm not telling you anything you don't know from hard experience. Some of us need more routine than others. My routine now is basically the same it was before so now that my initial panic of "I'm going to die" eased up, it's sort of business as usual without the restaurants.

    I've had a lot of good things come out of this for me -- I'm walking more, I'm eating better, I've even lost weight. I haven't had to deal with a book club that no longer does it for me like it did a few years ago or board meetings and I've saved more than $2,000. I've had time and the motivation to finish (almost) my book (because I don't want it stuck in the computer if I get sick). I miss a couple of friends but we stay in touch.

    We're all doing the best we can. We just have to remember to breathe. And to take care.

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    1. Levi is getting an Amazon delivery tomorrow. He will be happy.

      I'm so impressed that you've managed to do good things for your body during the pandemic. I can't seem to get the healthy eating thing nailed down but I'm better this week than I have been...less comfort foods, just less food period. Need to start a food journal because that usually works to turn me around.

      Same with me on saving money. I can't believe how much I've accumulated.

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  24. Keep up with the vitamin C. It is good for the immune system. For YEARS I've taken 2000 mg of vitamin C daily. Hardly ever had a cold. When I feel a cold coming on I take TONS of vitamin C. If I catch it in time I can ward off the cold. If one takes took much vitamin C the only side effect I have heard is that it might make one's bowels a little loose and I have experienced that. But I believe it totally helps the immune system!

    It is hard to stay positive in these days. I've seen people creative with their social distancing to get together with friends. Six feet apart in a park sitting on chairs they brought from home or even the other day a group of 4 women sitting under a tree on chairs they brought from home sipping Starbuck drinks. Just a suggestion if you are going too stir crazy.

    betty

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    1. I've never had so much trouble staying positive before, but I'm sure having it now. Drives me crazy when others have so much more on their plates.

      I talked to one of my friends just yesterday about finding a park we could meet at and bring our own food. We're in a rain cycle right now so its going to have to wait but 4-5 are going ttir crazy so I'm hoping we can make it happen.

      Orange juice tastes so good and it's probably adding to my weight gain but it does make me feel like I'm doing something positive.

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  25. It has been so difficult to fully embrace so much negative Change and to attempt to live fully in the Moment, yet with all these restrictions. Having to be out almost all day in my Mask, taking the Child to her appointment and the rigmarole of filling her Rx, made me realize how difficult long term Mask wearing is, I felt like I was suffocating and the condensation build up, since it was 113 degrees outside, was ridiculous. I wanted to Cry about Simple things that should not make me so Emotionally Raw, but the Big issues are just beyond my Range of Emotion right now that I feel numb about all of that. The Virus sickness, the Death, the Racist sickness, the Riots, the insanity of this Administration, the shortages, it's all just a LOT. It's not surprising you're struggling... anyone whose not I'd be wondering how they could not be? They exist tho'... those in the deep State of Denial or Delusion. One of my Brothers-In-Law called The Man Today, the brief interlude I spoke with him I had to ask The Man to take the Phone away... I wasn't engaging with anyone Parroting insane Politics and even crazier Conspiracy Theories... and that this was like the Flu... just FUCK... you know!? There was Sad news about his Older Sister who just had a Stroke, it's not good... so that should have been the catalyst of the Call and deteriorated into Political Rant... when they've drunk the Kool-Aide, there are no Words. I felt badly for The Man, one Brother talking like he has a Screw Loose by the Brainwashing... and a Sister whose Stroke has caused considerable Dementia and will never get out of a Nursing Home now... it was just all very sad and my Words of Comfort felt so empty.

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    1. I know all too well how much a stroke in a family can take everyone down, and to happen right when the world is is such turmoil makes it a double whammy. It's a lot to deal with, isn't it. But your husband has a tough caregiver/life partner and that's nothing to sneeze at. The comfort you tried to give might have felt empty to you but he knows your heart and the unspoken comfort and caring in your heart is coming through to his. I have no doubt in that.

      I just don't understand why some people find it so easy to believe in conspiracy theories. I actually watched a whole hour of FOX News last night in an attempt to figure it out regarding the totally debunked murder theory of Joe Scarborough. So much like the sex trafficking by Hillary out of a basement of a pizza place that didn't even have a basement. Trump followers blast the so-call mainstream media but totally overlook the fact that the media and websites they get their information from are every bit as powerful. And now Trump is going after fact-checks in the media to make them stop! Stop lying at every turn and they'd stop fact-checking him. Easy-peasy.

      I have not had to wear my mask for more than two hours grocery shopping and that was hard on my breathing. I can't imagine having to wear one all day at work, day after day the way our health care workers have to do. For them, I will continue wearing my in public.

      Hang in there Dawn!

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    2. Oops make that "the murder theory by Joe..." not "OF Joe."

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    3. The Man has been really edgy after the news about his Sister and of his Brother pissing me off. The former I told him how Sorry I am since his Sister is such a Dear Soul. The latter I told him, Sorry, NOT Sorry, your Brother is losing it in a different kind of way that I had to address/confront and then just say ENOUGH ALREADY. The Man likes to Believe his Big Brother, who he has always Idolized, is Righteous and not one of the Lunatic Fringe now... but sadly, he is and it's apparent and so hard when it's a Family Member. He's closest to that Sibling so he had to ask his Brother to keep his Politics out of it when talking to me lest I Snap on him... I've made this particular Brother cry before when he's done stupid shit that involved my Beloved... sometimes he goes too far and he is wealthy so he's had too many suck up due to that... he never had enough Money to Buy me and he knows it... so we've had that tenuous Truce for the sake of his Brother, who I Love enough to tolerate the Brother who gets carried away and is a strong Personality for lack of a better description. What can I say, busting the Balls of Men who think they can steamroll a Woman's Opinion is just too much Sport to not Play. *Winks*

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  26. Sometimes Things turn themselves around when I'm not looking. I know what you mean about the sleeping meds though. I do love the snapdragon meme. When all else fails, laugh. Easy said than done but-

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    1. The meme found me and made me smile, I love when that happens.

      I think this is your first comment here, so welcome! I'll check your blog out later.

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