Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, October 15, 2022

Philosophy 001

“Sometimes life is a gentle ride in a canoe and other times it’s like riding on an overloaded ferry boat while holding our breath until we safely reach the other side of the river.” Have you ever written or said something then decided to google the phrase to make sure it originated in your own brain and isn’t something someone else wrote that your subconscious coughed up like a cat with a hairball? That’s what I did with the first sentence up above. I wrote it as reply to a comment on my blog then deleted it because I seemed too rich philosophically for me to have 'invented' it. Then that same evening one of my fellow residents called me ‘The Philosopher’ so I must have at least one person fooled. She’s the Art Professor, the one I fan-girl stalked until I finally got to meet her. I’m still a fan. Whenever she’s at a table the quality of the conversations are more playful yet deeper and better quality than, say, a conversation with my upstairs neighbor who never fails to report on a conversation she just had with a cousin down in Florida. Two bored old ladies, the last in their family to be alive and each morning they feel compelled to make sure the other made it through the night. 

Google came up with a quote they claimed was as close to mine as they could find and since it isn’t remotely similar to my ‘hairball’ I’m pretty sure I can claim that first sentence in this post as my own. This is what Google found: 

“Even though you and I are in different boats, you in your boat and we our canoe, we share the same river of life. What befalls me befalls you. And downstream our children will pay for our selfishness, for our greed, and for our lack of vision.” Oren Lyons

My quote and this one do have a few similarities, though. Both feature a boat, a canoe and the river of life but Mr. Lyons' words are a regurgitation of William Shakespeare’s “The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children” from The Merchant of Venice. Shakespeare, according to a lot of websites, is the most quoted writer in the English language. While Irish Times (whoever they are) claims the honor of being the most quoted belongs to Oscar Wilde with George Bernard Shaw coming in second. I just read through a bunch of Wilde and Shaw quotes but they seem obscure to me except for: “We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing” which I'm pretty has been reproduced on coffee cups and book marks. Mr. Shaw makes it sound like we stop playing on purpose---as if we had a real choice. Life happens to us all and it’s really hard to play when we’re dealing with serious issues. In other words we can be playfully floating down a river in a canoe when we don’t have a care in the world but when we're on an overloaded ferry boat aka carrying a basket full of problems we’d darn well better pay attention because our very lives might depend on it.

Have you figure it out yet, that this is a post about nothing? I have a three foot shelf in my bookcase totally filled with philosophy books, some I’ve even read from cover to over, many others I just pick up and read a page or two at random. One book is titled Seinfeld and Philosophy by a professor of philosophy named William Irwin and I’ll bet his classes are popular. One of the blurbs on the back cover says the book “…nicely illustrates how the comic can illuminate the profound.” Yup, think about it; Jerry’s constant questioning of everything is very much like what Socrates did to teach. To quote a line from inside the book, “Both Socrates and Jerry Seinfeld manage to make something considerable out of seemingly obvious questions and trivial subject matter.” 
 
Kramer from the Seinfeld TV sitcom is portrayed in the book as being stuck in Soren Kierkegaard’s aesthetic stage of life. In case you’re rusty on your Danish philosophers, Soren (1813 to 1855) was the father of The Three Spheres of Existence: the aesthetic, the ethical and the religious stages. The first stage is marked by pleasure seeking. Kramer is in constant pursuit of whatever he finds interesting and what he finds interesting is always changing. He has no ability to commit to anything. If I believe in the three spheres of existence---and I certainly can name periods in my life when I was stuck in the aesthetic stage---then I can also pinpoint when my ethical stage started, when I began taking on more responsibility, living a more purposeful life, the way most of us do as we age. 
 
But Kierkegaard believed that it takes a leap of faith to enter the third stage of existence and that most people remain in the ethical stage, never taking that leap to actually commit to God. Think nuns and priests kind of commitment. You can be a steady church goer but still not be in the third stage of existence if you're not willing to give up your creature comforts for God.
 
Right about now, if anyone is still reading this, you’re asking yourself, what does it matter what some old Danish dude thought? To answer that I’ll share a quote from The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Philosophy: "Kierkegaard’s work gave rise to the major trend in twentieth century philosophy known as 'existentialism’ a philosophy that forces on the meaning of existence for the individual.” And I dare say that nearly everyone reading this has at least flirted with that branch of philosophy in the late '60, early '70s---marked by the counterculture---that had us all searching for meaning and purpose in our lives. And some of us are still searching...  © 

41 comments:

  1. "And I dare say that nearly everyone reading this has at least flirted with that branch of philosophy in the late '60, early '70s---marked by the counterculture---that had us all searching for meaning and purpose in our lives. And some of us are still searching..." Not me so much. I started searching for meaning and purpose my early teens, the 50's. I read the Myth of Sisyphus in the early 60's and the idea of the absurd resonated, and Camus vehemently denied being an existentialist. I'm a tragic optimist and was more influenced by Marcus Aurelius and the Stoics and also Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.

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    1. With your user name, I'm not surprised you can throw a few names and movements around in the field.

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  2. The thought that comes to my mind is Jack Nicholson's when he is leaving his therapist's office--he stops in the waiting room and says to the room at large, "What if this is as good as it gets?" LOL Makes you wonder....

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    1. Oh, great, now that's going to be stuck in my head all day like an ear worm. LoL

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    2. LOL. My mom (who is 90) says that all the time. We love that movie.

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  3. Why do we believe a certain way? Jean, you've got me thinking even before I've finished my first cup of coffee. Although I studied philosophy when I was younger, I confess I've forgotten much. When I taught children, I was amazed at how much those little "sponges" soaked up whatever their parents believed. Although I'm not Catholic, I taught for several years in a Catholic school. They believed if they could educate children in their early years of learning, those kids would follow their faith all life long. I will admit that there was something very powerful and comforting in that parochial setting. It was obvious that the church and school satisfied many needs-educational, social, spiritual--of their parishioners.

    When I was young, I adopted the beliefs of those I loved and trusted most. In my teens there was much to consider (Civil Rights, Viet Nam, Women's movement, etc.). Life was incredibly hard for many people. Life was not fair. I had lots of questions and very few answers.

    Now that I'm older and looking back at what shaped my beliefs, I must admit that I'm still searching. I want to believe that there is a thread of goodness that runs through the majority of us, and we will, ultimately, allow that goodness to spill over to others. But I am a realist, too. Some days are dark. Greed and the pursuit of power bring suffering.

    When it's all said and done, most of us want to believe that everything will be all right. If we look for good we will find it. If we look for the bad, we will find it, too. Didn't Mr. Rogers tell us to look for the helpers? Oh my, I've circled all the way back to childhood heroes. I think I'll embrace Mr. Roger's philosophy.

    As always, I welcome your posts, Jean, and enjoy the chance to think (it doesn't happen too often anymore, lol).



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    1. Mr. Rogers was a great role model and he understood how we have to pour good values into little minds for them to grow up happy and healthy.

      I often wonder if we aren't meant to search all our lives but then I sit down with someone who is so sure of their faith and commented to Jesus and I can't help wonder how they can not see that they are worshiping the messenger and truly getting the concept He teaches. Do they have to be right for me to me wrong, or me right and them wrong? Or maybe we're both right if we live by good values that most humans accept as Just and True?

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    2. Yes, I believe we are meant to search all of our lives. Sometimes people can seem absolutely sure of their faith, but when something major comes along (pain, suffering, loss) they often question their beliefs. My father was always sure of everything, but when he neared the end of his life, he changed. He was very sick for a long time and that humbled him. He still believed in the teachings of Jesus, but he admitted to being afraid of the last part of his journey. I truly enjoyed talking to him during his last days because he was so lovable. A different person than I'd grown up knowing. Surely most of us are constantly seeking and changing--at least I hope so!

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  4. Wow -- that's a whole lot deeper and philosophical than I expected of a Saturday morning! I'm not sure I'm wake enough to process this one and may have to revisit!

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    1. LOL Sometimes a book like 'Green Eggs and Ham' would be too much for me to process in the morning.

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  5. You're right. In the sixties, we caught existentialism like the measles. Its symptoms were black berets, bitter coffee, and class-cutting to spend time in outdoor cafés. Luckily, most of us recovered and went on to live satisfying lives.

    On the other hand, traces of that time linger. I once wrote a post that was a takeoff on Kierkegaard's Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing. I rephrased it as "purity of prose is to write one thing," and had great fun with it. As I recall, the existentialists weren't a particularly fun crowd to hang with.

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    1. Yup, you were there and understand what I was saying in the end. LoL

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  6. Another great illustration! LOL. I think most of us think more deeply as we age, but maybe it's just the people who were thinking deeply all along.

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    1. No, I agree we all think more deeply the more life experiences we have and that isn't necessarily based on age alone.

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  7. My mother, snooping probably although I was a good little rule follower, discovered an essay I had written when eleven. It questioned why humans existed if our purpose was just to produce a next generation. Mom showed it to a friend who told Mom I needed counseling, and Mom, somewhat proudly, oddly enough, told me. As I grew older, I grew younger, and I'd say my philosophy is more akin to Walt Whitman's than to any of the philosophers my brother studied. "I exist as I am, that is enough," is a favorite. I try hard for "I celebrate myself, and sing myself," but with each adjustment due to health issues, I first must cycle through "I'm disappointed in my loathsome self," instead.

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    1. You were smart at eleven. I can't believe someone thought you needed counseling for questioning human existence's purpose.

      I never thought of Walt Whitman as a philosopher but you are right, his 'about pages' says is was "a Humanist, [and] was a part of the transition between transcendentalism and realism, incorporating both views in his works."

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    2. Once again, my previous comment was listed as Anonymous. I'm going to have to pay more attention when I sign in.

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    3. That's happened to me on my own blog and others. It's so frustrating! We're just skipping one important step when we do that.

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  8. I never studied anything by Soren so now that I know about the aesthetic, the ethical and the religious stages of my life, I'll attempt to discern which one I'm in. While he posited that it was a process what if it's really a percentage-type thing? Like I'm 60% about aesthetics, 30% about ethics, and 10% about religion. The percentages could shift around daily, as existential circumstances demand. 😉

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    1. The would be a fun way of having it all, would it be and with your percentage theory it would work with many of us who couldn't live the devoid life for long periods of time.

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  9. Lol. I love philosophical discussions. Dig deep into one's unconscious and one can tinker with one's own philosophy. So I am a tinkerer. Love the first sphere of existence, the aesthetic or pleasurable, which to me corresponds with a childhood without too many stressors. Totally agree that adulthood ideally thrusts us into the ethical stage. As for the final shere, the religious or spiritual stage, this is the stage I've been tinkering with the last 10 years in order to reclaim the first stage! So far God hasn't asked me to give up any creature comforts. That would be mighty miserly of God!

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  10. From what little I've read about Soren's three stages is you're never going to reach that third stage without giving up the creature comforts.

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  11. Here's an artist trading card I did a long time ago that's along these lines. Somehow, when I read it, the Trump family comes to mind.

    https://youcallthatart.wordpress.com/atc-gallery/#jp-carousel-1425

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  12. This is pretty deep for a Saturday morning! I loved my philosophy classes. I still enjoy learning how others think. Thanks for a blog about philosophy!!

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  13. Life is a journey of learning, we live and learn

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  14. I guess I have no comment to make about philosophy so I have just popped in to say hello! Have a good week...

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  15. I read a lot of philosophy in my last couple years of high school because I wanted to gain 'wisdom'. In hindsight the stoics had the most relevant thoughts because even though we have control over choices and decisions in our lives, unpleasant events will occur. Not having great coping skills if our parents weren't a good example, makes it much harder to accept unfairness, injustice, and crappy luck, all of which will come our way. How we cope is what gives us a decent or not so great life. Very enjoyable post Jean.

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    1. Thanks, I had fun writing it. I think of philosophy as the history or our morals and ethics.

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  16. While I don't read philosophy books my husband and I will on occasion have these weird philosophical conversations about everything but nothing at all.. because what proof really is there? Is there really some reward for being a nice person? Did I waste away my life following the rules when I could've been out there just doing as I pleased? Is this it? Is there more? Questions with no answers.

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    1. I am suspect of any one who doesn't ask those questions, doesn't it.

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  17. Dear Jean, looking back over this long life with which I've been gifted, I can think of many quotes from philosophers I studied in school as well as wise sentences my mother said to me and other sentences and whole paragraphs shared with me by friends and in books--mostly novels--that explored the human condition. I drift or go over the rapids on the River of Being that takes us to the Beyond and I find myself seeing bird or branch, compassion or comfort, trauma or triumph within my world and my thoughts go always to the Holy Oneness of All Creation of which you, Jean, and I and the cats with whom I live and have lived, and all who have gone before us and will come after us and all the flora and fauna of being and I find there the peace of knowing that all of us are united in that river and that we touch all with thought and being and action and the wholeness of our hearts. And so I find myself content to simply be. Peace from Dee Ready and thank you and all those who commented for sharing thoughts that are blessings.

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    1. Very well, stated, Dee. Sorry this is short. Just got out of surgery a couple of hours ago and all went well. but I need a nap.

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    2. Glad to hear the Surgery went well Jean, take that long Nap my Friend, Healing Energies being sent your way for a speedy recovery. The Man has had trouble getting his Primary to take out his Stint, the VA said they couldn't get him in to do it until... wait for it... the END OF NOVEMBER! It's a Serious matter, so Luckily a Civilian Urologist from the Hospital sent a Certified Letter telling him if he needed Follow-up for this Serious matter, call them and they'd be happy to do it... whew... that Stint shouldn't stay in more than a few more Days!

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    3. Wow!!! That's just crazy about the stint!

      I napped all pf Sunday with Pain and all of Monday because the pain was gone. Stin going to to take at easiy today.

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  18. I've never really thought much about what Purpose I should be Serving in this Lifetime, I just Live fully in each Moment and be my Best Self while trying to leave a Positive impact whenever I can, sometimes I even Succeed. *winks* The only Philosophy that was Deep enough for me to Connect to was the Eastern Philosophy to be Mindful and absolutely Present in the Moments of Life, whatever they happen to be. Then, even when doing mundane tasks, there is a Serenity in the doing of it... and perhaps that is why when I'm doing almost anything, I find it to be enjoyable, even if it's simplistic.

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  19. You might enjoy 'The complete Idiot's guide to Zin Living'. It covers the history of Buddhism and Zin and fitting into Western living.

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  20. Ruth - Ruthie - RudieOctober 19, 2022 at 1:57 PM

    I’m always a little behind, I wonder what that says about me? I had hand surgery last July and I hope you are feeling well with no pain. Give yourself permission to sleep a lot!

    The picture of the cat at the end of your post questioning if this was “actually her/his 9th life” made me smile. My Father lived to be 92 but with many healthcare scares. His physicians called his continued existence miraculous. I told him once, while he was hospitalized, that he was now officially on his “second cat.” He loved it and we both laughed at his good fortune.

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