Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

The Fun and Games we Old People Play


One thing you need when you move into a continuum care complex is a box of sympathy cards. I’ve written four since moving in a year ago, for residents I know well who lost their spouses. Others living here stock more than just sympathy cards. A few people hand out birthday cards to all those celebrating them. We can’t avoid our birthdays here if we tried. They blast our birthday announcement in the daily e-mail of activities and on all the hallway TV screens. They have a monthly birthday party with great entertainment and people noticed if you don’t show up if it’s your month to celebrate. I got five cards on my birthday which surprised me. I got out of the habit of sending birthday cards out decades ago. And when I moved I donated most of the greeting cards in the house to Goodwill except for some special ones I kept for the pictures on the front. The first time I needed a sympathy card here on campus good old Amazon delivered me a box the next day. People can say what they want about the guy who started Amazon and got filthy rich doing it, but the company provides great service. Their delivery vans stops here two/three times a day. Fed-ex comes almost daily too but I think they usually are delivering legal papers, not home goods. At least that’s all I ever get from Fed-ex.

Another thing you need to bring with you when you move to an independent apartment building is patience. I’m sitting here waiting for the an annual sprinkler system inspection. We got sprinkler heads in every room, sometimes two and of course in the closets. We don’t have to be here but I’m not fond of letting three strangers walk all over my apartment when I’m not present. In addition to the two firemen, a woman will be with them---our Safety & Ssecurity Coordinator---and I’m betting she’ll be looking for broken rules like signs someone was burning candles, smoking or has an unregistered pet or lives like a hoarder. 

As long as I’m on a roll of what is helpful to have when you move into a place like this I’d be amiss if I didn’t say having a sense of humor is helpful if not essential. An hour ago the tension rod I added in my closet to hang a couple of dozen tops fell down and with my hand in a splint I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to try to put it back up. Can’t wait to see what the inspectors have to say about that. If I was young and flirty and at least one of them was male and flirt receptive I would go for that plan to get the rod put back up. I hate my closet. I need a closet make over. I need to replace that tension rod with a fixed kind. The tension rod seems to fall every time we have a drastic change in the temperature---it's like the walls are taking a deep breath and the rod and hangers drops to the floor.

Something else others have mentioned they didn’t bring when they moved in but had to buy over again is some Tupperware. We are always taking part of our meals back to our apartments and those paper (doggy) boxes don’t do well in the refrigerator. When they don’t use the wimpy paper boxes they have some god-awful, too-large-for-most-of-our-leftovers plastic boxes that no one can close or open without tools and determination. 

Being a life long dog owner I’ve always got zip-lock bags in my purse for an occasional tidbit of food but one time our resident foodie said that using a plastic bag made me look like a street urchin. “Wait for a box, please.” She’s also the lady who eats with her fork upside down and when she was served an Irish coffee in a tall martini glass she pitched a fit. “Irish coffee should be served in a mug!” It was a beautiful presentation with the coffee, whiskey and whipped cream holding their own in thin layers. I felt sorry for the bartender. I wish I was quick thinking in situations like that and more importantly had the guts to say something like, “With people dying of starvation, lack of water and war you are one lucky woman if the worst thing you have to endure today is getting a drink served in an unexpected container.”

I could not work in the food service here. (Well, maybe anywhere having come from a family where we were expected to eat what's on your plate.) We all have our quirks relating to food. You already know about my meltdown over uneven pie slices sizes. Another woman has ordered brussel spouts every darn day since she moved in and she wants them nearly burned and she sends them back if they aren't black little, crispy balls. Someone else asks for sour dough bread every day, knowing full well they never stock it. 

Another woman brings a miniature picnic basket with her to dinner and doctors up her meals with salsas and spices and takes everyone's left over condiments. (I don't blame her when it comes to mayonnaise, they make the best mayonnaise on the planet.) And then there’s the game we have to play to get salt and pepper. They have these crazy little shakers that no one on staff seems to know which one should be filled with pepper and which one should be filled with salt. One has one hole in the top and the other one has five. One time we collected and tested seven sets at lunch and found out that of the fourteen shakers, ten of them had pepper in them. Who said old people can’t have fun. The management probably thinks we really love our pepper because we are constantly testing a shaker in our hand and throw out the rejected batches that aren’t what we’d hoped to find. ©

44 comments:

  1. I hate my closet rods too and want to replace them with something stronger, the one broke months ago and designing something custom and putting it up ourselves is proving beyond The Man's present capacity. But, he thinks he still can and therein is the issue, he built me a lovely rack but it didn't fit, he measured very wrong and it was way too big, so here it sits, full of shirts, at the end of the Bed instead of in the Closet. *LOL and Le Sigh* As for Miss Pretentious, I do Wish you had made that comment to her Jean, people who are that privileged need to be put in check sometimes becoz they make life miserable for well intending people like the Bartender who didn't deserve her pointless meltdown over a freakin' container she didn't approve of her drink being in. If that's her biggest issue in the world right now, she's oblivious as to how fortunate and privileged she actually is and what a spoiled and overly pampered piece of work she's acting like.

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    1. I've always believed if we want to live in a civilized society then we have to be/act civilized. And that translates to not saying inflammatory things to people who irritate us. It kind of bothers me that I'm to that 'old people' point in life where that filter is slipping and not only thinking of rebuttals but might actually let them out at some point like I did with the pie slices. But she really is a spoiled and privileged person or at least she wants to be treated that way.

      That's too bad about the closet mishap of your husband's. Sometimes we just have to cut our losses and start over.

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  2. Totally first world problems. Weight Watchers always encouraged us to bring our own doggie box with tight fitting lid and maybe even a cloth bag to carry out to your car. In Oregon you can bring home your leftover wine so that's big deal in my mind. In Maui you were not able to drive with opened wine, our fave restaurant would tightly seal the cork, slap our name on a post it then put it on a shelf and we enjoyed the second half of the bottle the following week.

    Always a compromise in everything!

    I have a friend who shops at the New Seasons deli a lot and she brings her own containers and/or baking dishes to be refilled. We could all do that and we wouldn't have to worry about what number plastic you have and where to donate it.

    I'd say pepper in the one hole container and salt in the five hole container.

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    1. That is the consensus around here on the the salt and pepper shakers but the problem is the young servers who refill them don't seem to know that.

      Very few of us bring containers to dinner and lunch but most of us take them home. I really hate the waste of plastic recyclables around here but there are certain people not just Ms Foodie who make you feel weird/bad for bringing your own containers for left overs and we don't carry large purses here because we don't need money or much of anything beside a Kleenex and key so it's obvious when we walk in with one.

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    2. Hmmm...I would have expected salt in the one-holed cap; but, I don't understand why one-holed caps are made for anything. The only thing a one-holed cap is good for is round toothpicks!
      I like it when a place has cardboard or paper containers instead of plastic, being a semi-environmentalist. Some grocery stores around here allow me to provide my own containers for things that are dished out, but some will not. They see it as a liability should someone claim to have become ill from consuming the food. If a sandwich is involved, I request a piece of aluminum foil instead of a container. I do appreciate hauling around my own little plastic zippered bags and clean them for re-use.

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    3. I know! Why would anyone think a one hole shaker is a good idea?

      I would re-use a recycle box after it being in the dishwasher but I haven't reused zip lock bags and just now looked up if it's safe to do so. According to the Ziplock company you can if they are turned inside out and washed in the dishwasher and IF they haven't been used to store store raw meat, fish or eggs, or potentially allergy-triggering foods. Learn something new every day.

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  3. First of all, I think zip bags are a brilliant idea, far better than a box (for most things) and don't let Madam Foodie change that if you don't want. They keep things tight, take less space in a fridge and can be (if you choose, though probably less likely) easily frozen for future use.

    Funny you should mention that about the sympathy cards. This year for the first time on all my blank note cards at next month's art sale I pulled together a little back-panel like you see in the card shop that categorizes the cards and it says "Perfect for a sympathy note." Because we're all getting older, in or out of the CCC.

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    1. I love your cards. They'd be the kind I couldn't give away.

      I will keep on carrying zip-locks. For one thing I really hate waiting for the waitresses to bring you one. I like that food out of sight! Thankfully I don't eat at the same table as two of the snobs on this topic very often. We had our second Liberal Ladies table last night and next week two others want to join us...that will make seven.

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    2. Reusable silicone zippered food storage bags are now available. Since I'm vegan, I can easily wash out the regular ones, but I like the idea of the more durable ones. I eyed them a couple of years ago, but they were so expensive then. I see their prices have come down.

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    3. I did not know they have reuseable silicon zippered food storage bags. I'll have to get some. They'd be a step up for Ziplocks and easier to carry to dinner than the boxes. Thanks for the tip.

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  4. So glad you have patience and humor to get you through. They are handy tools anywhere.
    You don't have to be young and flirty to get them to put the rod back up. Use that gold old lady card you now own. Works for me every time.
    The best thing about your unusual conditions, you (and we) certainly aren't bored.

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    1. The old lady card. Yes, I need to use that more often. One of the fire guys who came here was so out of shape and fat he couldn't have done the job if he'd wanted to and the woman was too tiny.

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  5. Maybe you could put in a maintenance request to have a pole installed in your closet.
    I imagine they put out less salt shakers as salt isn't good for high blood pressure.
    Glad you try to get along with others and only moan about them to us! :)

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    1. On of the main complaints we have with our food serve is they don't serve healthy food. Too many fried foods, too many heavy sauces, too many carbs, too much bacon and they don't seem to care about salt. There is a joke going around that they want us to die faster so they can resell our apartments.

      I am debating between just buying a rod and having maintenance put it up or doing like a lot of others have done and call a closet company to redo the rods and shelves. Money is tight right now due to have to pay real estate taxes, into the Christmas gift fund for employees and for my new trust and other documents so I might just put the tension rod back up and wait until spring and have it done right with the closet company

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    2. We have the same problem with the food here. Besides the bad taste, there is too much salt, too many carbs and fried food. They serve chicken every other day and all we get is the tiniest thighs and drumsticks. Barely any meat on those bones.

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    3. Our food is REALLY good, thank goodness, We've only had fried chicken once since I moved here but they do a LOT beer battered fish with fries. onion rings and tatter tots. Pizza is good but greasy. Lamb, pork, salmon and beef are always on the menu but the specials are usually carbs. We had to beg before they started serving veggies in quantities bigger than a garnishment.

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  6. Ah, the self-appointed behavior police. I think the phrase "Why would you say that?" is made for those occasions.

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  7. Speaking of the monthly group birthday parties, we are having one today and it just happens to be my birthday month and they surprised me on my actual day with a birthday cake at lunch. They didn't do that for anyone else or the others who share my month. Makes me wonder although I was happy about it.

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  8. When I read about your resident foodie getting upset over her drink being served in the wrong container I remembered a story about Queen Elizabeth. Royal dinners are of course stuffy affairs and rigid etiquette is to be observed. When someone sitting beside the queen mistook a finger bowl with a lemon slice in it for a drink and drank from it, she did the same so as not to embarrass him for the gaffe. The rest of the table took their cues from the monarch and kept their mouths shut. Now that was pure class on her part. If the Queen could overlook that mistake, surely your foodie could have accepted her Irish coffee with grace and kept her mouth shut.

    Deb

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    1. That's a great story of pure class and I'm filing it away to repeat when the moment is right. Thanks for sharing it.

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  9. Jean, I think I'd just live with the tension rod, then when all those extra expenses are out of the way, maybe you could have someone from a closet company come out to see your space, sketch a plan, and give you a bid. They really can maximize a space, simplify usage, and make it attractive, to boot.

    I keep shaking my head back and forth, thinking of all of you residents at the CCC, paying plenty to live there, and not being able to know whether or not there's salt or pepper in the shakers. Heaven help us. What is this world coming to? Don't get me started...lol.

    Jean, I hope you're healing well.

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    1. To the splint off today and will get the stitched out next week. My wrist got kind of sort today but that was to be expected. All is on track.

      The salt and pepper saga has a new chapter. We got an email today from the dining room manager about a Halloween buffet and at the bottom it ask people to return all the wine glasses, butter dishes, napkins and 'salt and pepper shakers' people have taken up to their rooms. At lunch we looked around and sure enough, half the shakers are missing!

      Right now I can't put the tension rod up if I wanted to because of my hand so it's a mess but I do think I'm going to do it in a week or two and then wait until the closet people can come out. They've done amazing jobs in some of the closets I've seen here.

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  10. Plastic is my main heartache these days. I just about lose my mind whenever I see pics of the massive floating garbage rafts of plastic in the ocean and read that only 15% of the plastic we carefully sort and haul (no recyclables pick up here in my town) gets recycled because most everything besides milk jugs and water bottles are more expensive to recycle than manufacture new. Periodically I read about an insect, mushroom, or bacteria that eats plastic and I feel hopeful, but I never hear more than that first brief mention. Simple common sense tells us our current rate of use is unsustainable. Add that to climate change and thinking about the future gets incredibly depressing.
    It's no wonder the ultra-right wing found a following. All they needed was Trump and a pandemic to reinforce that things aren't looking good generally.

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    1. We recycle here but like you said, not everything because there are no recyclers taking everything. I've seen those islands of trash in the oceans and it's disgusting that so many people don't care and be part of the solution. The sea life that gets killed by plastic is a crime. I'm obsessive about cutting up any rings of plastic like what comes on the top of a six pack and inside milk cartons and creamer bottles. Some asked me why when, the said, "Michigan trash isn't going to end up the ocean" and that's not necessarily true. They bundle it up and ship it across states and ship it to 3rd world countries. Even the trash that stays here can trap an bird's beck in a local landfill.

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  11. Obviously, Ms. Resident Foodie has never been to the Buena Vista in San Francisco. Originally opened in 1916, the cafe is credited with introducing Irish Coffee to the U.S. in 1952. I have enjoyed many a tipple there and they are, most decidedly, NOT served in a mug... more like a tall martini glass. Mr. Google can help if she is doubts herself (not that it sounds like she ever doubts herself).

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    1. Thank you for that information! I will find a way to work that into a conversation at dinner when she's around. Might have to order one just so I'll have an excuse.

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  12. I'll tell you this: I'd be cautious about that person who demands charred Brussels sprouts. I think that veggie is the spawn of the devil to start with, so anyone who seems inordinately fond of it makes me ponder.

    I heard that story about the Queen and the finger bowl some time in the past, and loved it. People who try to prove other people wrong -- even about the most piddly things -- usually are trying to make themselves seem more right. The Queen didn't have a thing to prove, so her natural graciousness was the perfect response.

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    1. If I ate that many Brussels spouts I'd be so gassy I couldn't be around people. She claims it doesn't do that to her. And she often orders a couple serving.

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  13. the Irish coffee incident bothers me. The bartender obviously went to some trouble to make it look attractive. He should be praised, not criticized.

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    1. They just added four desert drinks to our menu and they are all very pretty. You can tell they went to a lot of trouble to design them.

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  14. That woman is just trying to present herself as the Authority Of Everything Genteel/Upperclass. Unfortunately, she's merely showing herself to be the New Money variety since anyone born to the upper echelons knows that grace and unassailable good manners are the hallmarks of the aristocracy.

    Perhaps your closet rod is overburdened. Is it nudging you toward that wardrobe weeding-out that you keep saying you must do?

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    1. I absolutely do need to purge my closet but that rod is four foot long and only has two dozen hangers on it. The wall it's on is right next to the furnace and I think it does 'breathe' with the seasons. I need a more permanent solution. In the meantime my niece volunteered to help me get the rod back up this weekend. Yeah!

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  15. I think the most necessary quality one needs in your CCfacilty is a well developed sense of humour. A seriously well developed sense of humour. Some of those little tricks both the management and the inmates play would drive me not only insane but very cross indeed. I am a cranky old woman who likes to be left to her own devices. Life is difficult enough without having some fussy old bird complain about the vessel her drink comes in and I want my pepper and salt easily identifiable. Here salt comes in the one hole thing and pepper in a many holed thing.

    Just as well you are a patient old girl yourself. Have fun and keep telling us about it.

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    1. We have to learn to laugh at ourselves. Others are doing it. LoL

      Speaking about laughing, I just got another anonymous comment I won't print because it contains a link back to some religious site. But it starts out, "Our death isnt TheEnd, dear. I know. I'm a NDEr. Dream your dreams about what YOU want to do in Heaven; dare to ask for the impossible..."

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  16. About the annoying woman who believes Irish coffee must be served in a mug, *pish posh* I say. When I was in college I studied in England and Irish coffee was served in a brandy snifter, making for a beautiful presentation. Ha, so there's that.

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  17. Can you not have a kitchen in your apartment if you wanted it? And when I've had irish coffee it's always been in a glass with a stem and whipped cream etc. I've never had it in a mug. silly woman. And for your closet. I just put a tall thin-ish book case in my closet. It stores all the tops I prefer to fold than hang. It was a Eureka moment for me as silly as that is. We need to find you something as sturdy to hang. I'll get right on it! LOL

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    1. We all have kitchens in our independent living apartments with full sized appliances and granite counter tops. A lot of us don't use them for our main meals of the day, though or just cook when families come over. We get a food allowance of $330 to spend between the fine dining room and the cafe`. Some never use it all, some go way over that amount and I try my best to break even. We can't roll over any left $$$ overs. I think you're confusing ILA with assisted living which usually don't have kitchens though some have very small kitcenettes.

      I have a tall bookshelf in my closet all ready and I'm thinking of moving it out to make more room for hanging more clothes. I don't like folding tops other than sweats and I already have built in shelves where they go and built in drawers for underwear. I'm thinking of swapping the tall book case out for a short one so I can have a rod above it.

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  18. I think closet organization is a need and not a want. I don't know why but it makes me happy when I walk in my closet and look at my clothes - mostly organized. If I was staying somewhere, which I hope to do in this place, I wouldn't mind investing in a special closet setup. I don't know why a person would find happiness in looking at their organized closet, but there you have it. I'm just weird like that.

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    1. No you're not. A lot of people here hired a closet designer. I just made the first step in getting mine organized but I'm writing a post about it so I won't explain it here.

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