“Once was enough,” is what I told my prying friend followed by,
“Ya, once REALLY was enough.” I doubt
my answer adequately expressed how I felt---Lucas got to rehearse his delivery
and my smile was forced---but I couldn’t help thinking about it on the way
home. Do people really think you can replace a 42 year long relationship so
easily and be thinking about doing it when you’re only six months out from your
spouse’s passing? Coming from an old friend the question hurt and it accented
the fact that Don was the only person on the face of the earth who truly knew
me---how I think, what my weaknesses and strengths are and how I hate being put
on the spot in front of strangers.
Get married again? Not without a waterboarding, a case of
amnesia or a proposal from Matthew McConaughey and Brad Pitt on
the same day. Matthew or Brad? Yup, that choice might entice me to give up my plans
for a new life filled with over-indulging in artsy-fartsy activities and Scottie
Dogs Licorice, but no man in my age bracket could. If my friend picked up on my
annoyance of his marriage questions, he probably would say I was being
hyper-sensitive. Widows get accused of that all the time but, to me, asking a
question like that was akin to asking an amputee if he’s going to get a new
arm. I always think of good answers like that hours after it’s too late to
deliver them. Now I’m prepared for the next getting-married-again question that
comes my way. I will use a reply borrowed from another widow: “I don’t need to
get married again; I got it right the first time.”
Having vented what I wanted to in the above paragraphs I
realized this blog entry was too short. So I consulted my friend Google to find
a quote to go with it. What I found along the way was directions for “how to
marry a widow.” I kid you not. There really is a page at eHow with that title.
Step one, it says: proceed with caution. You think? I find that amusing and wonder
why that step doesn’t apply to all people getting married. Do people really
throw caution to the winds when they get married the first time? No one could
ever say that about Don and me. We dated forever first. Though I guess I
understand the point of step one. It means proceed with caution because you’d
be marrying the widow’s family as well as the widow…and let’s not forget that
ghost hanging over her shoulder. ©
"Lost love is
still love,” Eddie from the book The Five
People You Meet in Heaven said.
“It just takes a different form, that's
all.
You can't hold their
hand, you can't tousle their hair.
But when those senses
weaken, another one comes to life.
Memory.
Memory becomes your
partner, you hold it, you dance with it.
Life has to end, Eddie, Love doesn't."
I think timing is everything, you are still mourning Don's death so why would you be looking for a new person in your life? I know some people do find another partner but it is their decision when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteI have people asking me will I seek "some company" now Ray is in a nursing home. I gusess they are people who do not know me that well.
Sue.
I agree, Sue. I also think some people are so dependent on having another person in their lives that they can't imagine be alone. They forget that when someone has been a caregiver as long as you and I both have been that we become very strong. If a 'second chance' comes along, it will come along but I sure don't need to go out looking for one.
ReplyDelete