On the widowhood front, the biggest news I have to share is
I stopped wearing my wedding band. It wasn’t a planned change. It just happened.
I had taken my ring to the jewelry store for cleaning and polishing and by the
time I retrieved it a couple of days had passed. That first day back in my
possession, I put the band on and took it back off a dozen times and finally I
put it away for safe keeping. It was a sad choice and it's one I’m not sure I’ll
stick to. I don’t know. Maybe the idea to get it cleaned was all part of a plot
that the subconscious part of my brain cooked up to get the conscious part of
my brain to give the issue some deep thought.
In the widowhood circles I touch bases in there is no consensus on the right time to remove your wedding rings. Some women plan
to wear them forever---I was in that camp---but a few have taken them off
shortly after their spouses’ funerals. Still other women have taken to wearing
their rings on a chain around their necks and others have
had their rings redesigned into dinner rings. Some women switch their rings to
their other hand and younger widows take them off when they start dating again.
It’s understandable why the wedding rings dilemma is such a huge widowhood
hurdle to cross. We take vows with those rings. And even though those vows include
“until death do we part” the wedding band symbolizes undying love and that love
doesn’t go away upon the death of a spouse. The feeling of being married
doesn’t go away right away either.
It feels weird not having that wedding band connection to
Don on still on my finger. I feel naked and maybe it will find its way back on
my finger. I have mixed feelings that include the idea that taking it off frees
my husband’s spirit, lets him know he doesn’t have to watch over me so closely
anymore…or at least that is what I’m currently telling myself. I’m a survivor and
it’s paired with the fact that Don had all his legal T’s crossed and I’s dotted
before his disability and evidential death. He did his best to “reach beyond
the grave” as my lawyer says you can’t do. And because Don tried to do just
that, I have far fewer worries and complications than widows whose spouses ignored
the reality that we all do die someday.
The moral of my little story here is get a will and medical directives if you don’t already have
them! Okay, I'll get off the everyone-needs-a-will
bandwagon before it gets rolling at top speed. But first I’d like to say this
blog entry was brought to you by a senior citizen who thinks she'll start practicing for the day
when the "be nice" filter in my brain isn't working any longer. I'll start when the teenager next door chases after a ball that's rolling across my yard. I'm going to open the door and yell, "Get off my lawn!" He deserves it. He's the same boy who 10 years ago told me he didn't care how much I paid him to shovel my snow because he just wanted to help old people. ©
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