Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

War and Play and my Black Jeans

It’s been a head spinning week starting with a lecture here at the continuum care complex that was---well, very complex and totally over my head. It was presented by a woman whose field of expertise is the Holy Lands and she’s spent a lot of time in that area of the world. It was titled: Understanding the War. I went away from it being nearly---if not more---confused than I was before. As one of my fellow residents said, “She assumed too much about our basic knowledgeable of the region and used a lot of words that aren’t in most people’s vocabulary.” I went into the lecture hoping to learn exactly what it means when people say they believe in a two state solution. I was under the (apparently false) impression that the two proposed states would be like our states under an umbrella of united states that formed one country. But, no. The two groups would be living intermingled but with separate religions and governing bodies---this assumes I understood the lecturer correctly.

In the speaker's opinion a two state solution won’t word because they have too long of a history of fighting with each other, with each side having valid claims over the territory. And as much as I really want to understand that conflict I could have easily fallen asleep in the first three-quarters of her lecture because she started around 3,500 years B.C. and went through ALL the conquers and surrenders from that time frame to the present time. 

Beware of a Rant Starting Here: 

Cynical and naive me, at one point I was thinking, Why can’t they just let the past go and start where they’re at? Clean slate; no religions nor scores to settle from ancient history of any kind to muddy things up. I just don’t get holding century-long grudges against people you never met. The blacks in this country have---for the most part (70%?)---let go of their collective grudges born in the slave era in the name of co-existing. How many more centuries is the Holy Land region going to fight over whose religion is "best" and who is the most entitled to live there? Wouldn’t it bring harmony faster if we quit worshiping the person/s credited with bringing us our value systems and just concentrate on living up to those values? I contend, for example, that The Ten Commandments, that are held up as the word of God SHOULD be held up and valued because they are the moral foundation for Judaism, Christianity and Islam---a logical way to live in peace---and NOT because they supposedly came straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, via way of different messengers. I could care less where they came from. It’s the message, stupid, not the messengers who went around spreading and planting the seeds that would become our major religions that are the important part. Forget the spin that has been added to the Word since biblical times; Get back to the basics, find those long-ago common values and take it from there. Compromise. It's not a bad word.

Rant off.

The next day was my play day on steroids. I designed and taught the first of a three part clinic on how to play mahjong. (And after that hour and a half classs was over I played the game for two more hours.) I had on my Mahjong University sweatshirt and my packet of hand-outs and I so prepared it wasn’t funny. As I said in an earlier post my co-teacher and I were shocked by how many people want to learn…a total of eleven people! We cut the sign-up off at six with five on a waiting list for the next time we teach. Halfway through our first session my co-teacher came over to my table of students to whispered, “Never again!” She didn’t really mean it. We both know that if we don’t grow the present group of players, the club will peter out, not just from people in a senior complex dying but someone is always going to a second home up north in the summers or down south for the winter. Some days we can only fill one table and other times we can fill three tables.

For anyone who isn’t familiar with this ancient game from the orient it was introduced to America in 1920 and it’s a gin rummy-like game played with 152 tiles that combines luck, skill and strategy. Every year the National Mah Jongg League puts out a new card listing over 60 winning combinations of tiles and who ever builds their hand first as the tiles are passed around, drawn and discarded wins the game. I love it because the more you learn about playing and its history the more there is to learn. And nearly all the action goes counter-clock-wise which makes your old head work in a brain-cell building way you don’t get from games designed in our part of the world. I love studying the old game sets as art and antiques and I love following the mahjong Facebook groups. I love everything about mahjong and guess what, I just bought my very own set and a tee shirt that says, “I don’t always talk about Mahjong…oh wait! Yes, I do.” Can’t wait to wear that shirt but I’ll have to wait until it gets a little warmer.

For me, I’d like to stay in my winter wardrobe another month or more. I’ve been trying to lose weight and it’s going slow…only down six pounds in a month. But it’s enough to make my clothes feel more comfortable. Hopefully when I can get out to walk more I can lose at a faster pace. I am, however, proud that I’ve been consistently making better food choices. I hate being fat but its been more than a few decades since I’ve been ‘normal’ that I wouldn’t know how to act. Hopefully not like an old friend from my other life who daily posts photos of her body, her face, her meals, her hair or toenails on Facebook a couple of times a day.

Actually, my goal isn’t to get that far down on the scales that I'd be normal sized again, but I’d like to drop a size and a half. I’m right in between two sizes and nothing looks good on me. My friend mentioned above who has lost 50 pounds would go every few weeks to Goodwill to drop off a batch of clothing that got too big and to buy some new things from them. I couldn’t do that. What if I gained the weight back and couldn’t afford to buy new stuff? It’s not like Goodwill and other thrift shops have a glut of queen size clothing on their racks. Anyway, I have a brand new pair of black jeans that I'd lusted after for years that I couldn’t zip up a month ago. Now I can get it the zipper half way up. I plan to be able to zip them fully in another month. Wish me luck.

Until next Wednesday. ©

 P.S. The map above is the same one the lecturer used during her lecture.

28 comments:

  1. I really do not understand the whole Gaza/Israel situation ... or the hundreds of years of their history. It brings such strife to so many people. My sister is Jewish and takes it so hard. Some days she is so down, we don't do our phone call .. she simply texts she is a bad faith day.

    Good for you and Mahjong! Can't wait to hear when that zipper slides easily to the TOP! Congrats on your progress.

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    1. I don't get the Gaza Strip either and I'm beginning to wonder if anyone truly does.

      I'm kind of stuck on a certain place on the scales right now, but I consider that a win from spending all last fall gaining.

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    1. That'. It's always scary to do a rant in a blog for fear of turning some reader off so they won't come back again.

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  3. I’m sorry the lecture was so boring, and good luck on getting into those jeans!

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    1. It was more over my head than boring. I just couldn't keep up and I my reaction to it seemed to be the norm.

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  4. The good thing about not getting rid of your clothes is that when you LOSE the weight, it's like having a new wardrobe. I have pants I haven't worn in years that fit (although since I've shrunk in height too, now they drag on the floor! I can work with that!) Well done, six in a month. I say three cheers! (And it's a pain being between sizes, isn't it? Even if you want to buy something new, it's darned hard to find it!).

    I couldn't agree with you more on your Middle East rant. Not the messenger, the message. And if Israel thinks it's going to wipe out Hamas by what they are doing to Gaza, they're nuts. Don't they understand that retribution works two ways and a whole new generation of whatever they call Hamas now is being bred emotionally, if not yet tactically. It makes me sick.

    If you taught Mah Jong here, I'd sign up! It sounds fun and addictive!

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    1. I really hate being between sizes!

      Mahjong really is addictive. I'd love to go to one of the tournaments that are going on all over the states. People pay a lot of money for classes like we're teaching and a whole cruise ship is sold out for December of Mahjong players going to the Caribbean. It's enjoying a resurgent of popularity again.

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  5. Like you, I find the whole situation in the Middle East confusing. And I understand the horrors perpetrated by Hamas (as much as I can from this distance). What I don't understand is how the world thought the Palestinians should just be exiled to make a country for Israel after WWII without offering them a place of their own. And I really don't see how we condone the killing of 25,000+ people as the response -- particularly given most of these deaths are women and children. I have no solution but it needs to stop. (Electing Trump is not the answer, however.) OK. My rant over.

    I applaud your effort to drop a few pounds. It's a good feeling to have your clothes get looser. My winter weight needs to drop some as well. It just seems easier to gain in cold weather when my clothes are bigger and more forgiving. :-)

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    1. It sounds like both sides are too stubborn for their own good. Part of what she said was that the Palestine area given for Israel after WWII had once been their territory that the Palestinians took from them centuries earlier. I also don't get why and how any American president has to be involved. It's not like we're acting as a three party peace negotiator. I'm confused and angry over the whole thing.

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  6. I couldn't agree with you more--everyone needs to return to the basics and do the right thing. Who can understand war? I try to pay attention to what's going on around the world, but so often greed and the lust for power are the root cause of the problems. There's no easy fix.

    What a great response to your Mahjong workshop. Good for you!! And big congratulations on losing 6 pounds. That's a lot. Being able to fit into your new black jeans will feel wonderful. When my daughter had her babies, she ended up giving me several pairs of jeans. They were tight at first, but now I can wear them, and it sure makes me happy.

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    1. I've wanted black jeans for a decade and ordered a pair last fall from Lands End. A bigger size would have been too big so instead of sending them back, I'm using them for incentive.

      Three of our mahjong students are already bitten by the bug. Hoping to turn two more on today. One I think is a lost cause...ya, a month from now she'll probably be the one who beats the pants off me. LOL

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  7. It's a little bit ironic that you know and love the history and its relevance to Mah Jongg, but you want to discard all the history of Israel and Palestine as irrelevant now. One is a game, and another is people's culture and identity. Just making a point.

    I think the depth of the problems there are so profound and tribal that we can't possibly understand. And when religion gets involved, it gets even more complex and--in my opinion--illogical and uncompromising. The mentality is beyond our way of thinking.

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    1. You make a great point and I was naive to think an hour lecture was going to make me understand a conflict that apparently has been going on since before biblical times. Mahjong is just a game and its history is pretty straight forward and easy to understand unlike that region's history...still I get your point. I don't think their history is irrelevant; I only wish it WAS history, past tense---that they could find a compromise that both sides would honor so they could move forward without killing each other. And I just wish we didn't have to get involved in other people's wars.

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  8. I like many others do not understand the war in Israel, I wonder if those living there even really understand it. Like you I don't get why they can't let it go and move on and stop living in the past, do they not really want peace and happiness at times I wonder why you think about how long this shit has been going on for.

    Since the start of this year I have lost 5 kilos about 11 pounds and I hope to keep it off but we will see.

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    1. Congratulation on the weight loss. I gets harder to do the older we get, doesn't it.

      The part of the world is hard to understand on many levels.

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  9. Tribal wars have been around for millenia: I saw it entirely too close-up and personal in Liberia. Some of my ancestors experienced it in Ireland, in the terrible conflict there between Catholics and Protestants. The War of the Roses in England was tribal, and Native American tribes -- including a couple of particularly nasty groups here in Texas -- took great delight in slaughtering one another. All that said, if you want to watch an inspiring documentary about how a certain kind of peace came to Liberia, find "Pray the Devil Back to Hell." It's about how Christian and Islamic women took on the warmongers, and won. You can find it on several sites like Amazon, Hulu, and YouTube; here's a trailer.

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    1. Wow, that's an encouraging video/trailer. Thanks for sharing it.

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  10. The war in Israel is very easy to understand. October 7th, 2023. Roberta

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  11. It seems to me that Feuds that are Hundreds or Thousands of Years Old probably will never have resolution since every Generation seems to perpetuate what became the rift between them and someone not like them? Kinda like the Hatfields and McCoys... but a lot of International Feuds about Territory, Religion, Culture just go on and on ad nauseum and take on a life of their own. As an Old Hippie I just never understand how hard it is for some people to just respect the humanity and dignity of another Human Being, how easy it is compared to harboring hatred and inflicting pain upon one another. Seems to me it takes more effort to Hate than to express Loving Kindness... the whole Gaza/Israel Mess is way over my Head. Right now Israel is being led by a Hard Right Extremist and the Terrorist Organization on the Palestinian side seems to not really Care about their People so much as they are fanatical about their Extreme Cause/Agenda also... as my folks used to tell us, Two Wrongs will never make a Right.

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    1. You are a wise old soul.

      My mom used to say two wrongs don't make a right too.

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  12. I feel confused by what is happening in Gaza/Israel and cannot see how there will ever be any winners, in the sense of one side declared victorious. It's all about compromise which seems to be a dirty word, so who's to say what's going to happen.

    I'm like you about keeping clothes just in case I gain the weight back. It seems prudent to me.

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  13. I've read plenty of diet 'help' sites that say we shouldn't keep clothes around that are too big because it's easier to just start wearing them again if we gain a few pounds back. The logic is that if your clothes get tight that's the time to go back into diet mode.

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  14. Good luck on that zipper! I totally understand as I'm a yoyo queen. As for the war in the Middle East, it's been going on all my life, but the thing that surprises me (and probably shouldn't) on this go-round is the (polarized?) split support in this country. When previous conflicts ramped up, it seemed that we in the U.S. were all-in on Israel, but this time, I'm seeing support for both sides.

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  15. Jean, I agree with your "rant". After 74 years of believing that half of the wars I lived through were going to end it all, I'm just tired and wish that we could call a time out.

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    1. Thanks for the comment on the Rant. I always visualize that I lose a few readers when I do one. But sometimes I just can't talk myself out of them.

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