Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Busy Little Bee!

 


Correction. I’m not ‘little’ but I’ve been a busy bee lately and it’s mostly my own fault that I had a million questions come at me where ever I went this week. 1) I’m being credited for saving my upstairs neighbor’s life---not my words. Her daughter started that rumor and gave me a purple orchid for doing what anyone else would have done in my situation. But more on that later. 2) I had the bright idea of co-teaching a How To Play Mahjong, three-part clinic and the announcement went live on our communication app and and within six hours enough people signed up that we now have a waiting list. My co-teacher and I are over-whelmed with how popular it’s going to be and surprised at who signed up. A few of the people who signed up will never be able to learn to play it but we didn’t want to show favorites and have the clinic by invitation only which someone suggested we should have done. That would look and be too clicky in our opinions so we have to expect a high drop-out rate. 

I’ve written four pages of hand-outs for the classes in addition to check-off sheets for teaching the three sessions with my co-teacher acting as my editor. She has a dyslexic son so she understands my first draft crazy spelling without judgement. She also has Lewy Body Dementia and it’s important to her to pass on her thirty years of loving Mahjong before she can’t. She taught all our current players including me but now she occasionally asks me for clarification on rules and procedures. Being One-Tracked obsessed with the game, I have played over 3,000 games online against computer bots and I never miss our weekly Mahjong days here on campus. 

And last but not least I was extra busy because the above two things all happened the same time frame as my Creative Writing Group was working on a new project that had us text messaging back and forth before our meeting. Then out of the blue a person not in group sent me the first and last chapters of a book he’s been writing and wanted to know if our group would read and edit the full book. Again, text messages and emails had to be read and written. I personal thought it was a big ask of someone who isn’t even in our group so we ended up inviting him to come to a meeting and read his first chapter in person, which he did and he said he’s coming back 25 times to read addition chapters. (Lord, what have I gotten myself into?) His wife just got moved from our independent living building to a room on my brother’s hallway in the Memory Care building. That first chapter was all black and white facts with not even a hint of emotional content and when he was asked about that he said that he never writes about his feelings. The rest of our writing group spills our emotions all over our pages, then sweeps them up into a pile for the rest of us to jump into.

The project we started is we each wrote some Ten Word Stories on slips of pair and folded the papers up. The plan is to draw one a month to use as a writing prompt---a little ‘side hustle’ to whatever else we might be working on. For March we’ll all be using the follow Ten Word Story: “His kiss was more of a dismissal than a sign of affection.” The rule is we can write between 50 to 3,000 words and the ten word sentence can be the first or last sentence or in a random scene in between. It will be fun to see the different directions the little game takes us.

In our group of would-be writers we’re not experts and we don’t pretend to be but we’re constantly being asked to write stuff. For example also this week one of our favorite servers got fired (or quit) and I was asked to write a petition to bring her back. I did not want to get involved in that tale of woes, especially since rumors are flying around that tell diametrically opposite versions of what happened. I said I’d sign it but someone else will have to write it. The person who ended up writing it, slid a copy under my door with a note attached asking me to collect signatures on the sly. You’ve got to be kidding, I thought. I never agreed to do more than sign it, which I did, then I slid the petition under HER door. The audacity of that ‘ask’ made my head hurt.

Okay, now the story of why I’m being credited with saving my upstairs neighbor’s life. She’s in her nineties and weighs about the same yet she sounds like an elephant as she stumps around in her apartment with no carpeting under foot. She’s always dropping (on purpose) heavy boxes of photos and genealogy albums on the floor, tipping over chairs (not purposely), dragging a vacuum around every single day and she has fallen 3-4 times. She doesn’t like me to check on her when I hear loud noises so I’ve gotten in the habit of looking at the time when I hear what I think is a fall with the plan that if I don’t hear her moving around in five minutes then I'd check on her. 

This time she fell and didn’t get back up nor did she answer her phone. So I went up and rang her doorbell. She didn’t call out but by the time I got back down to my apartment to call the security guard she had remembered me teasing her that if she falls and can’t get up she can pound on the floor and I’d hear her. The guard and I let ourselves in, then called the ambulance. I waited with her, called her daughter and the rest is history. 

God, I hope I never break a hip! She was in so much pain that they couldn’t even move her until some pain meds took effect. I’ve never seen anyone shake that badly while trying unsuccessfully not to cry. I’m not the only person in continuum care campus who has helped a neighbor---it’s the nature of a CCC like this. Anyway, I needed something to bring to our creative writing group so I dashed off the poem below. It still needs some work but the bones of my thought process after the experience are there for later refinement.  


 Misguided Gratitude

Three sets of open arms
greeted me at the door
reaching out to hug me for
so-called saving their mother
and all I could think about is
have they all been vaccinated?
 
How could I not let them do
what they came here to do
with their smiling faces all lit up
while I envisioned hospital germs
crawling happily up their arms
and pole jumping over to my shirt.
 
They handed me a purple orchid
that doesn’t fit with my decor and
with my background with plants
it could out live me since I don’t
have the will to kill a living thing
even those I don’t want nor deserve.
 
They also gave me a delightful box
of heart-shaped chocolate cookies
to follow up the month I just spent
detoxing the sugar out of my system
and I’m worried my monsters will
eat them all in one day-long sitting.
 
The next time I hear a giant thud
coming from up above I shall call the
ambulance anonymously and keep
it under the minute needed for tracing
because I’m no life saving heroine,
I’m just a person with a handy phone.
                 by Jean at The Misadventures of Widowhood ©
 
 Until Next Wednesday! ©
 
* Photo Credit:Ranger Rick Magazine
 
 

38 comments:

  1. Wow! Hurray for you! I'm glad you're not being cliquish with you Mahjong classes. I hate cliques!

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    1. I can see how they come about in places like this and at schools and the work place but so far we've avoided those designed on purpose.

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  2. Jean, you've been crazy busy! But maybe that's a good thing that will help get you through the winter months.

    Your poem made me smile because I'm like you. People mean well, but it's hard not to wonder. I especially liked the visual of the pole-vaulting hospital germs. On a more serious note, I applaud you for caring about your upstairs neighbor and taking action. Although you might have already been given many accolades, the truth remains that you truly helped a person in dire circumstances. I wish there were more people like you!

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    1. She never liked me teasing her about how I can hear everything see does, but I bit that will change after this. LOL

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  3. Turning experience into poetry is a time-honored tradition, and you did well with your poem. After reading the account of events, and before I read your poem, the title that came to me was "The Thud from Above." I'm glad you were there, and aware enough to help the lady out.

    The thought of 3,000 Mahjong games is astonishing. On the other hand, I've not kept track of the number of freecell games I've played. I just did a calculation, and if I assume a dozen games a week for the past ten years, that would be 6,240. Who knows where the time goes, indeed? I usually play in the evening, after everything else is done. Unlike Mahjong (apparently) freecell is a little mindless, and perfectly designed to clear the mind.

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    1. Online Mahjong is extremely fast. I can play a game in seven minutes because the computer bots don't have to think. In person here a game can take 3/4 of an hour. Although we're all getting better and can sometimes get 4 games in in two hours with the right combination of players. In tournaments you have to play a game in under 15 or 17 minutes.

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  4. Well, if that was my mom, I would be grateful to you, too. Although I can understand why you're uncomfortable. Like you, I have a hard time getting rid of plants that people give me. The two in my house right now are not mine -- one is my husband's (given to him by the guy who did his cataract surgery) and the other belongs to my DIL who is sailing in SE Asia. It's from her dad's funeral. Neither of them do much for me, but I'm keeping them alive.

    Your writing group sounds like so much fun!!! (I can't imagine reading something with no feelings in it. Sounds deadly boring. lol)

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    1. I writing group is a challenge. When I started it I didn't think about the fact that I can't use my usual style of writing in the group which is to write about the surroundings and the people interact with...blog style.

      I have a plant that I got as a cutting back in high school that I really love would feel bad if it died and norfolk island pine that I got less than a decade ago that I feel the same way . All my other plants I get tired of after a year or two. I do like holiday plants because you don't feel guilty throw out an Easter Lily or poinsettia after a month or so.

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    2. Your poem shows that you can write different things, though. It's great.

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  5. Sometimes gratitude is a little bit too much, isn't it? But well done, you! I love the idea of the writing prompts -- that's a terrific idea and it will be fun to hear the sample prompt. Do you have a time limit in your group as to how long a person can read to share -- like, about 15 minutes per read or about five minutes per read? I'm thinking of a long, dry, fact-filled chapter! I've never played mah jong and if I was at your CCC I'd be signing up for your class!

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    1. In the past we spent 10 minutes on our group project. We ended our Round Robin after a year because it got too hard for some and replaced it with this writing prompt idea. I'll let you know at some point how it goes. After that we all kind of monitor ourselves so that we all get an equal amount of time . But this past month we had two new people and one of them likes to talk non-stop so if she comes back she's going to be a problem for the facilitator who is me. We many have to extend our group to an hour and a half.

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    2. By the way, Mahjong is really fun but hard to learn. We are having three hour long lessons on different days then putting the slowest four from the classes at a newbie table to play, with one of us helping them. Once they get up to speed we'll mix everyone together.

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  6. I love the tone of your poem; it's so irreverent and real. It sounds exactly like an Unwilling Hero.

    I, too, always get asked the most audacious things, like "Please, would you edit my novel?" and then get handed a ream of single-spaced typing rife with so many errors on its first page that I know it would take a million years of my time. Now I respond with a request for their email so that I can send them a breakdown of my rates. They're always taken aback--they honestly think that I'll do that work for free!

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    1. I can imagine with your career history that you do get asked a lot. I like how you handled them. Lets them know you value your time and they should too. It wouldn't work for any of us. We're careful to correct anyone who calls us a 'writing class'. "We don't teach nor edit. We just share and offer feedback." We do have two fabulous writers. One has written a column in our town's newspaper back in the '70s to through the '90s and since then has been writing sermons to deliver for her church and the other talented writer in our group taught high school literature, writing classes ans was also a librarian at on point in her career. She's great in our book club as well. We have another high school English teacher here (not in our writing group or book club) who doesn't know how to say 'no' and she has become the editor for all the social and food committees reports on campus and for our by-month newsletter. I was asked to do her job on the newsletter---badgered actually---but they finally took 'no' for an answer. So now I just submit a poem or article when I feel like it. Perfect for me and for them. Asking me to edit is a joke. People don't believe me when I tell them that.

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  7. "all I could think about is
    have they all been vaccinated?/envisioned hospital germs
    crawling happily up their arms
    and pole jumping over to my shirt" ROFLMAO, but I hear ya.

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    1. I have become a bit of a germaphobic since moving in here. When someone gets sick, you can see it travel from person to person who interacted with them. Covid tests are always available for free here and we have huggers who I try to avoid. Then there are the anti-vacciers who I try to avoid at all costs. "They never get Covid" they just get the "flu" and spread it around.

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  8. Kind Gesture Jean. I too hope they were all vaccinated. I have seen mahjong played once and was so damn confused. I would love to be in your class. My friends grandmother tried to teach me, she said it was a rite of passage for she and her jewish friends in their community and then laughed. I didn't know if she was pulling my leg but just went along with her. I was 18 at the time.
    She gave up on me. Called me a name (meaning wasp) and made a pfft sound and that was the end of my lesson. I remember that day fondly now but oh I was so frustrated that day!

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    1. That's why we are teaching the game in three sessions instead of one with homework in between via videos online. It's a hard game to learn and play and it take playing it 6-8 times or so before it all clicks into place and becomes fun. The more you learn about the game the more there is to learn which is one of things that fascinated me.

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  9. So much going on! Never played mahjong - it seems like an addictive and popular game. I'll never understand people who have no problem asking others to do huge tasks, like edit a book! When I used to knit and sew more, I would have random people asking me to knit them sweaters or sew them outfits "because you like to do it and you're good at it". "Don't worry, we'll buy the yarn/fabric...you just need to make it". JUST make it???? Audacious asks, indeed! Good for you for sliding that note back under her door. I'm glad you were there to help your neighbour and I understand you wanting to be anonymous in future situations. I wouldn't want to be thanked so intrusively and effusively, either. Enjoyed your poem very much!

    Deb

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    1. It can be addictive and we've got some dedicated players but it was tough for us to learn so we think the structured classes will help.

      Ya, like people don't know how long it take to make a sweater or a dress?

      Thanks on the poem. I literally wrote it in a half hour before group.

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  10. I am far from little but I am smaller then I use to be due to weight loss, the only mahjong I have ever played is the type of the computer and that's not the same thing. The ten word stories sound cool

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    1. Ten word stories are a little harder than it looks. I don't even l know how they can call that computer, matching game 'mahjong.' It isn't remotely like the real thing.

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  11. Jean :
    you are one levelheaded person & very politically correct & kind in all situations, I am so happy you checked on your neighbhour & got your purple orchid, thanks to you I have gotten hooked to paint by numbers painting & enjoying the process.
    I think I should think about writing book, since my lifestory is quite interesting & I bet openai can help me in grammer, though currently busy with other things so will do that when I have time.

    Asha

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    1. I'm glad you are still enjoying paint-by-number. I'm thinking about teaching a class on tips and tricks on painting by number. Our new arts and crafts room is almost finished here on campus.

      You no doubt do have a great live-story to tell! I don't know what 'openai' is but I'm guessing it's some kind of software? Even though you are too busy now you could start making a bullet-point list of things that you shouldn't forget to put in you memoir and then when you get time write here or there you could write a draft for of the bullets point in your life. You don't have to write a book all in the same time frame.

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    2. Jean :
      thats great idea about writing bullet points, since like you I also found blogs very therupetic for my soul, when I write all my feelings,stuff happening in my life, I feel much better. chatgpt is flagship product of openai & I love it, will ask chatgpt to explain me what is openai & chatgpt do explain here its response
      ChatGPT is like having a really smart conversation partner who can chat with you about almost anything. It's a computer program that uses a special kind of artificial intelligence called GPT (Generative Pre-trained Transformer) to understand what you're saying and respond in a way that makes sense. You can ask it questions, tell it stories, or just chat about your day, and it'll do its best to keep the conversation going. Think of it as having a friendly and knowledgeable companion who's always ready to chat with you!

      I usually ask it to check my grammer & it does excellent job, it can even check your code, its one of best invention after slice of bread, nowdays instead of google I ask chatgpt to do things for me even looking for recipe, you can check it out on openai.com. you will like it too
      Asha

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    3. Ohmygod! openai sounds fun and addictive! Thank for explaining it and in terms I can understand. Maybe not good for young kid who might use it in place of finding real friends but all new technology has it good sides and bad.

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  12. Your neighbor was lucky that you were listening to her.

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    1. I bet she's feel differently about me teasing her about how noisy she is. I know all her activities by the sounds she makes.

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  13. You have the greatest writing group. I love the 10 word sentence story starter! And you are so kind to teach mahjong. I love to play, but I don't know if I would have the patience to teach others. Your several pages of instructions sound like me. I never use one sentence when twelve will do. And I want to make sure everyone completely understands what i am saying so I say it in twelve different ways.
    You are a hero. Thank you for making the call. I cannot imagine the pain your neighbor was in. Your poem is terrific, completely capturing my feelings on "peopling". The same feeling when people are too close to me in the store or have to come talk into my face. Back people, back people. A simple - hey thanks from across the room. And now you have the responsibility of an orchid. I am currently nursing (poorly) some plants from a planter sent to me after my mother-in-laws funeral. Most have died from neglect, and since I know the cost of the said planter, I feel very guilty about it. I still have 3 hanging on. I had to rearrange my whole living room to get them to a window.

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    1. I love your 'Plant' story. I relocated my orchid in a half dozen places before I got one with the right conditions but still not the first thing you see coming into my apartment.

      I really hope the instructions pages help our newbies and me as a teacher. One sheet is actually just a photo of the tiles to help them identify and remember the names and another pages is a mock card to use for mock games until the newbies all get their own, official cards. Another sheet is of resources---online videos, where to order cards, etc. etc. I like to be prepared.

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  14. I wrote a clever comment when this post came to me at 10pm west coast time. Cyberspace has eaten it! ANYWAY, great blog! I'm inspired to be a little more outgoing and to learn Mahjong! Can you email me your helpful handouts?

    You are such a busy bee. Now that I've re-read the blog ... I think I will take a nap for you!

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    1. You're going to need in person classes to learn Mahjong but there's a good set of 11 videos that will teach you the basics on youtube. Search there for "American Mah Jongg Lesson Fundamentals". The instructor is Michele Frizzell.

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  15. So glad to read your story you are a hero glad you got the orchid ,I was proud when my 22 year old grandson said he hadn't seen an elder neighbor in a few days,my son in law called it in,he was on the floor,diabetic...God bless you

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  16. Sorry this is Michelle

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  17. Wow...a very busy Bee!!! Glad the Neighbor had you... Dawn the Bohemian

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  18. Busy, and a hero to boot! I love the idea of the ten-word story prompt. It would seem like a great way to get the creative juices flowing and especially helpful to someone struggling with writer's block on their main project. Regarding the orchid, my experience is that orchids are remarkably easy to kill, even when you're trying to keep them alive! If it's still alive after several weeks, you could always try this advice that once cracked me up from a Canadian garden blogger: "If you can't decide what to do with that gift poinsettia you got for Christmas, try putting it out on the deck for a few weeks while you think about it."

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    1. If I put the orchid on the deck the daughters would see when they walk to and from the parking lot.

      We're now all using the same 10 word story as a writing prompt each month coming up through the end of the year. Should be interesting to see what direction they all take.

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