Don’t cry over the
past, it’s gone.
Don’t stress over the
future, it hasn’t arrived.
Yada yada, yada we’ve all heard that two-line platitude before.
It goes around Facebook like a round-robin. Whoever coined those words knows
jack-squat about widows. We cry over the past. It goes with the title. We stress
over the future and if a White Knight did
come riding in I’d probably tell him to go kiss the frigging wind as he rides
off to live in the fairytale where he was bred. The only one who can fix what
is wrong with my life is me, the solutions to all widows’ problems has to come
from within.
“Toto,
I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.”
Yup, we’ve been through a cyclone. But wait. There is
something to be said for living in the moment, for straddling a line in between
yesterday and tomorrow. Mindfulness has always served me well when the past was
too painful and the future was too scary. Live in the moment. Concentrate on
those vegetables I’m chopping up for soup. Drinking coffee? Pay attention to
the taste, the smell, the color and way the steam curls above the cup. Live in
the moment, fully engaged in whatever you’re doing. Jeez, I’ve sold that platitude
short. Living in the moment is a
rational way to cope and isn’t that what those two lines are really saying? Don’t
think about the past, don’t think about the future. If you don’t have the
courage to move forward, coast in the middle.
“You have plenty of
courage, I am sure," Oz said.
“All you need is
confidence in yourself.”
Are you tired of crying? Are you tired of feeling sorry for
yourself? Are you ready to begin the process of rebuilding your life again? How
do I start? Where do I begin to identify the route I’d take from the starting
gate to the goal on the far side of tomorrow? We are all defined by the
decisions we make. Time to decide: am I tired of dying inside? Moving forward
means change. Moving forward means packing my past up in a clothe covered box---a
box that can live in the back of the closet next to my ruby red shoes, magic
and memories side by side, waiting in case I need them again. Don’t cry over
the past, it’s gone. Is that where I start?
“It’s always best
that you start at the beginning,”
Glinda the Good Witch
from the North advised Dorothy and Toto.
Don’t stress over the future. I think we can all agree
that’s much harder to do than tucking the past on a shelf. Some widows have too
many choices, some too few. Do I move and if so where do I go? Or should I stay
and if I do will the ghost in the house still help me feel rooted in something
important? Some widows have children to consider; I only have a dog the size of
Toto. And money, who doesn’t wonder and worry about that? Live in the moment
when it gets to be too much to think about. Chop those soup vegetables up in
nice, even slices. Chop, chop, chop until I get stronger and stronger.
“Look at the circles
under my eyes,” said the Cowardly Lion.
“I haven't slept in
weeks!”
Try to remember, dear cowardly widow and lion alike, that choices
can’t hurt you, plans don’t bite. No one ever died from choosing between one thing
or another---well, unless I decided to take a leisurely stroll in a war zone
and I’m way far from being suicidal or stupid. A widow’s choices may not be as
easy as plastic or paper but by finding our courage, as Glinda would say, it makes
choosing doable. Choices are just a catalog of ideas that can be edited and
revised over and over until the path forward is as plain to see as a yellow brick
road in a forest. Don’t stress over the future; it hasn’t arrived and as sure
as sure can be, plans don’t bite. ©
“All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy,” the
cowardly lion said.
“Wicked Witch or no
Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart.
I may not come out
alive, but I'm going in there.
There's only one
thing I want you fellows to do.”
”What's that?” the Tin Man and Scarecrow asked in unison.
”Talk me out of it!”
”What's that?” the Tin Man and Scarecrow asked in unison.
”Talk me out of it!”
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