Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

Welcome to my World---Woman, widow, senior citizen seeking to live out my days with a sense of whimsy as I search for inner peace and friendships. Jeez, that sounds like a profile on a dating app and I have zero interest in them, having lost my soul mate of 42 years. Life was good until it wasn't when my husband had a massive stroke and I spent the next 12 1/2 years as his caregiver. This blog has documented the pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties and finally, moving past it all. And now I’m ready for a new start, in a new location---a continuum care campus in West Michigan, U.S.A. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. Stick around, read a while. I'm sure we'll have things in common. Your comments are welcome and encouraged. Jean

Saturday, February 25, 2023

Lent and Mardi Gras

I don’t know much about Lent and Ash Wednesday and the other stuff leading up to Easter. I do know it’s a big deal around here. Two priests serviced the campus ---if ‘service’ is the right word for going around painting crosses on peoples' foreheads with ashes. They’ll be here each Friday through out Lent to do the fourteen Stations of the Cross. The only custom of Lent I’ve ever taken part in is eating Packzi’s on Fat Tuesday and listening to others share what they are giving up for Lent. Apparently the fad this year is giving up something different each day which, to me, seems like a cop out. How can giving up something for one day be a hardship? If it’s supposed to be a test of self-discipline and sacrifice they are testing nothing compared to Jesus going off to the desert to fast and pray for 40 days and 40 nights before dying on the cross. 

I've also read that giving up something for Lent is a sort of house cleaning of the mind according to Rev. Joseph Yoo, by prioritizing God to the center of our thoughts which, I guess, if you give up something every day you're doing that with forty little decisions instead of just the one big one at the beginning of Lent. What keeps me from claiming to be a Christian is I don't believe in the whole Easter thing. I mean if Jesus died on the Cross and was resurrected, then he either died a second time years from then or he's been ghosting humanity all these centuries later. I know the answers Biblical scholars give to that dilemma but I'm not buying it.

Of course, the management here uses any old excuse to have theme dinners in our main dining room where they serve food buffet style and charge you twice as much as they usually do. Mardi Gras night to kick off the season of Lent was such an event but I couldn’t go because everything but the booze and the dessert had shellfish in it. Those who attended said it was a major disaster because no one could eat the overly spiced shrimp and craw-fish. It was so bad the kitchen manager cut the price from $25 down to $12 and they ended up cooking a second meal for those who attended. It seems the shellfish came from the seafood market with a packet of spices and the kitchen staff just put them all in the pot without tasting what they were cooking. They were thoroughly embarrassed. 

Never the less those who attended grabbed up and wore all the cheap plastic beads that were hanging all over the place and the next day at lunch they were asking each other why Mardi Gras is decorated in green, purple and gold. No one knew. Neither did I but I do know that there was a time and place in history when only royalty and the clergy were allowed to wear purple. It was the most expensive clothe back in the day because the antiquity purple dyes were hard to get. The Catholic church now, according to a short google search, claims purple is worn for Advent and Lent because it “reflects sorrow and suffering” but excuse me for being a Doubting Thomas about why the Popes loved their purple velvets back in the day when peasants couldn’t legally wear them.

This has been a boring week around here not only because of Lent but we’re in the middle of a major ice storm and just about anything that required people to travel anywhere within the city got canceled including church services on Ash Wednesday and here on campus a movie I was actually going to see staring Morgan Freeman, The Story of God. I’m hoping next week it will be rescheduled. A priest was leading a discussion about the film afterward and I actually met the guy when I was staying in Respite Care. He came to my room to introduce himself since I was new there. I told him I wasn’t Catholic but I was glad there was a priest in the building and where that sentiment came from I don’t know. I was no longer on the hard drugs for pain so I can’t blame it on that. He was like a friendly puppy who would have been fun to talk with if I hadn’t just been uprooted from my normal life. 

My niece gets a report on all the things my brother takes part in over in the Memory Care building and she happened to mention that she was surprised that he took part in a Catholic Church service. I laughed because I figured that friendly puppy-priest could talk a lot of non-Catholics and non-religious people into following him down to a church service. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When you want to make old people smile send in a puppy. Jeez, is he a sign they could make a Christian out of me yet? 

Season one of this National Geographic’s God series is billed as, “Morgan Freeman presents his quest in order to find how most religions perceive life after death, what different civilizations thought about the act of creation and other big questions that mankind has continuously asked.” And if I don’t see the movie this coming month, I hope I live another year so I’ll have another opportunity next year to see it---they showed it last year which is why I think it will be a holiday tradition. 

I did learn one new thing about Lent this year, though, that the ashes they paint the crosses on believers' foreheads with are supposed to come from burning palm leaves from the previous year which is more symbolism I’m too lazy now to research and share. At the lunch table of twelve on Ash Wednesday only four of us didn’t have the cross of charcoal on our foreheads which is proof positive of what I’ve said all along. My favorite lunch table is truly a Catholic table. ©

45 comments:

  1. That‘s interesting that your favorite table is mostly Catholic. Good luck on getting to see the movie.

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    1. It's always the biggest table of people but I do avoid it on Mondays when they talk 'church'.

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    2. At least they limit it to one day. You would love listening to my mom. LOL.

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  2. Giving up something different every day sounds like intermittent fasting.

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    1. Never heard that term before except in relationship to dieting. Do you suppose there are Catholics killing two birds with one stone with their fasting? If I get a chance to ask them, I will.

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    2. I can't believe a non-Catholic would hold another religion in such contempt "killing two birds with one stone," I am a convert of many years
      and I share your questions about some of the strange traditions. Then again, I was baptized in a Southern Baptist Church, and for all the years I attended Sunday School, church service, Sunday Night Training Union and Wednesday Night Prayer Mtg., I have yet to understand why members took Communion only every quarter.
      Also, I assure you not everyone is impressed with this pope,

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    3. I apologize if my comment about "killing two birds with one stone" sounded like contempt to you. I only met that some Catholics might be using Lent as an opportunity to diet at the same time following church doctrine.

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  3. I watched that whole series when it was first aired on National Geographic.
    Wonderfully done, very interesting, educational and lots of food for thought.

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  4. Well, you've got me thinking, Jean. I wonder if Jesus would participate in Ash Wednesday? I don't know. I'm no bible scholar, but I do know he encouraged his followers to be humble and to keep the focus on God, not themselves (Matthew 6:16). Sometimes it seems churches worship their traditions more than they worship God. Initially, intentions were probably good, but then human beings mess things up along the way.

    I'm going to check out The Story of God. It sounds interesting

    Now let's talk Packzis. We used to live in a community that had a bakery that made them. Years ago, when I saw them for the first time, I bought one of each flavor, took them home, so my husband and I could try them. Oh my...sheer bliss.

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    1. We have a couple of good Polish bakeries in town that still make them the way they did when I was a kid. They are wonderful but close to 1,000 calories I hear so I'm glad I don't see them for sale year around.

      I don't know. If Ash Wednesday's ash-cross-on-the-forehead is supposed to be an invitation to accept God's forgiveness then why wouldn't Jesus take part in the symbolism. But in general I agree with you that some church (members) get catch up in the traditions more than they worship God. I know I had one ot two Catholic relatives who did that.

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  5. Wikipedia says there are more than 10,000 religions in the world. I've always wondered why any one person/religion would think that THEIR religion is the true one. I mean, it should it least give you pause, right?

    Anyway, I'm of the belief that folks should follow the spiritual path that helps one to live a life of compassion and goodness (to yourself and to others), without casting judgement on those who believe differently. Myself, I find the tenants of buddhism to be a source of inner peace.

    Carole

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    1. I'm guessing things have changed in the Buddhism since I studied it but for awhile I thought I most closely identified with their teachings until I discovered they treated women's role in religious life the same as many of the Christian religions did/do. I do like the fact that their spiritual leaders have always been open to accepting other religion's paths to God. I hate the spiritual leaders who teach that if you don't accept Jesus as your lord and savior you are deemed to go to hell.

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  6. I generally despise everything about organized religion but every once in a while I come across a clergy person who seems so decent and nonjudgemental and full of love and good humour for people that I think "Huh, in another lifetime we might even be friends." Your friendly puppy priest visitor sounds like one of those.

    Deb

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    1. He was definitely a guy I could talk with. Servicing wedding for 20 years I run into two others I did have long conversations with and enjoyed talking with them a lot. One as a Jewish Rabbi and the other one was a Methodist. I will no doubt see the puppy priest again and will talk with him before I die. Rabbis and I always got a long will.

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  7. In the US, Canon Law makes many allowances for the elderly with regard to Lent abstinences. Perhaps their observances are reflective of that. I'm certainly no expert; I left the RC Church a long, long time ago for atheism (and sanity).

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    1. Those here in Independent living certainly would not see themselves as needing "allowances for the elderly". At least half of them go to off campus churches more than once a week and two go daily. I I learned something new here about Canon Law. I just looked it up and there are a lot of exemptions for fasting including just being over 59, pregnant or ill.

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  8. After a long life of Catholic observance, I have slacked off and become "lapsed," but the ashes are supposed to remind each person that "you are dust and to dust you shall return." I always felt compelled to wipe mine off before going out into any public facing/business situation. Sometimes the puppy priests are great...a lot of the younger ones now are really conservative. But over my lifetime, I've met several priests that were empathetic and humane. Sounds like he is one.

    As for Packzis, I once attended a business meeting downtown on Fat Tuesday, and they had brought in a giant plate of them. I ate one, and if I remember correctly, I wasn't hungry the rest of the day. LOL.

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    1. Those Packzis ARE a meal, that's for sure.

      It was kind of shocking to see a bunch of people with crosses on their heads this week. The priest who did them didn't have a light touch and of course, they wore them all day long.

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    2. Those Packzis ARE a meal, that's for sure.

      It was kind of shocking to see a bunch of people with crosses on their heads this week. The priest who did them didn't have a light touch and of course, they wore them all day long.

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  9. One of the big jokes in my family when I was growing up involved my heavy-drinking aunt and uncle who gave up beer every year for Lent and only drank hard liquor for forty days and forty nights.

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  10. Even if I was a believer, I'm not sure I'd want to trot around campus with a smeary cross on my forehead....but that's just me. Must have been sort of fun to see who had a cross and who didn't.
    The deprivation of Lent has gotten verrry watered down I'm guessing.

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    1. Watered down is just another way of saying "it's a living church" aka the church grows and changes as civilization evolves. At least that's what I USED to believe. Imagine my surprise when I found out how wrong I was in my definition.

      The Catholics around here were well known before they got marked with crosses this week. They take their religion and do-good projects seriously.

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  11. I've never heard of Packzis! When I taught French, we did Mardi Gras with Cajun food like Jambalaya, dirty rice and Kings Cakes. I miss those days! The colors are symbolic: Purple=justice, Green=faith and Gold=Power

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    1. Cajun food is what they (tried) to serve at our Mardi Gras buffet. I heard the Kings Cakes were so hard they couldn't cut it with a knife. Makes me wonder what it was supposed to be like.

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    2. A good Kings Cake is a lot like a cinnamon roll. I had my Easy KC recipe for the kids; buy those PopnFresh cinnamon rolls in the can, arrange them on a cookie sheet in a wreath shape, cook, frost and then put yellow, green and purple sprinkles on them. Some students would put some beads in the middle to make it look extra festive. Cajun food can be spicy so I understand why people revolted!

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    3. I had never heard of Kings Cake until this year so thanks for the description of what it's supposed to be like.

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    4. I’m surprised that no one has mentioned the baby inside the cake. A few years ago I bought a King’s Cake at the greenhouse store. It tasted like a cinnamon roll. The plastic baby was packaged separately.
      From wikipedia: Traditionally, a small porcelain baby,[32] symbolizing Jesus, is hidden in the king cake and is a way for residents of New Orleans to celebrate their Christian faith.[33] The baby symbolizes luck and prosperity to whoever finds it. That person is also responsible for purchasing next year's cake[34] or hosting the next Mardi Gras party.[31][35] Often, bakers place the baby outside of the cake, leaving the purchaser to hide it themselves. This is usually to avoid liability for any choking hazard.[36]

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    5. You know, I think I've seen those porcelain babies in mass in an antique store and wondered why there were so many of them since they clearly weren't a toy. Learn something new every day. Thanks for sharing that.

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  12. All that is alien to me. I see lots of people on blogs celebrating Mardi Gras and they have great tablescapes. I didn't even know people (other than the Bourbon Street revelers in NOLA) celebrated Mardi Gras. I do remember my pal Mike always bringing a huge box of Paczki to our break room on that day, though. I miss Mike. I don't miss Paczki. Google Morgan Freeman Story of God and you'll see a boatload of places where you can watch free online.

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    1. Thanks for the tip on seeing the film.

      People all over the world celebrate Mardi Gras. We have a lot of Polish Catholics in my town so I've always known about it and Paczki.

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  13. All I know about Lent is how to spell it, I am not interested in the Mardi Gras at all

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  14. Interesting, in England we have Shrove Tuesday which is pancake day (more like crepes served with lemon and sugar - lush!) Most people participate regardless of their religion 😏

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    1. We do huge pancake breakfasts at the end of Lent. And non-Catholics take part in those as well. They make money for the churches who put them on.

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  15. I find various Traditions and Rituals interesting and have adopted some along the Journey of Life, along with those my own Family always did. We have a very eclectic Spiritual bunch in the extended Family, so experienced a lot of different ways or Worship and Belief Systems. I'm deeply Spiritual but find Organized Religion just isn't for me, but those who seem devout and walk out their Faith admirably is very attractive. The Churchy type tho', forget about it, not attractive or bearing a good Witness for what they Believe at all.

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    1. I know you walk the talk you saying about being eclectic in your religious choices. It's one of the things I find fascinating about you.

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  16. My aunt was Episcopalian and big, big, big into all things Lent. She saved her palm fronds, as did all the other good Episcopalians, and then gave them to somebody to burn for the *right* ashes to use on Ash Wednesday. I don't suppose you care about this, but I'd forgotten all about her process. Funny what prompts memories.

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    1. I love learning about new-to-me trivia and customs like this.

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  17. The Catholic church was always a mystery to me, as I grew up Methodist. And a bit "exotic". I recall the Ash Wednesday ashes on the forehead thing and was both mesmerized and repelled by such a tradition. I mostly felt, as a kid, lucky not to have to give up anything for Lent, not to have to eat fish on Fridays, and not to have to go to the Catholic school with the "mean" nuns. LOL

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    1. All my cousins on my dad's side went to Catholic schools and of course Catholic churches and I, too, did not envy that in any way.

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  18. I'll bet you've never had King Cake, either. It's another Mardi Gras tradition down here, especially in Cajun culture. I love Mardi Gras, but I've never been to the celebrations in New Orleans -- or Galveston, for that matter. I much prefer the 'country' Mardi Gras traditions of rural Louisiana. Did you ever read this? Scroll down a couple of photos and you'll find yours truly at the beer fridge with a reveler!

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    1. Nope, never even heard of it until this year. My husband had been to Mardi Gras but I always had to work as it's at a busy time in the floral industry. Now, I'm too old for the crowds and I'd probably starve not being able to trust that stuff was not cross-contaminated with shell fish that could kill me.

      I do remember reading your Mardi Gras post/s. I remember being fascinated by how colorful those costumes are. Looks like lost of fun.

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